Some of you know me cuz i post here sometimes.
My man is a heroin addict so I know the score on the practical side of it but at the moment I'm working with some young H addicts and one of them is self harming badly. A rusty blade dragging it down her arms to the wrists and she's been doing it since she's been clean, no smack equals acute depression with this young lady. Anyone any ideas on what to do or where to refer her.
My work place deals with drug stuff but won't deal with the self harming, I tried to ring an ambulance she wouldn't go. I've sent her to the hospital before but they aren't to sympathetic with self inflicted injuries and told her so. Anyone ou there suffer this sort of depression I can't find no support group or anything.
k
I'm not sure if there are support groups for this, but the reason she is cutting is because of the rush of endorphins that self mutilation causes, people can become mentally addicted to it, it's common in people with a dual diagnosis of depression/manic depression and drug addiction, the cutting usually comes first, I suspect she was a cutter before using the heroin. She should see a psychiatrist, she may have a chemical imablance or a mental disorder. Most people who cut don't do it as a suicide attempt, she is going through a rough time I'm sure, and can't rationally cope, but she is probably not any danger to herself other than giving herself tetnus and some nasty scars. She needs to see a P-doc so she can be evalulated.
Dear Jazwan, I forget where you live. If you are in the UK (doesn't sound like it, by your description of the type of services available) then there are plenty of resources, starting first and foremost with her GP. Wouldn't her Dr be able to help her? Refer her to a psychiatrist or counsellor? God, it makes me mad when I hear how people are treated, blamed for their own private Hell. You woulda thought in this day and age, self-harm would be taken seriously. No wonder self-harmers feel ashamed when they get the brush off, because it's self-inflicted. I saw a documentary recently about a young lass who had tried to commit suicide by setting fire to herself. The attempt failed, and because she had done it in a council flat, she was done for arson, and jailed. She was supposed to be on suicide watch, checked every 20 mins or so, but nobody bothered and she died in her cell on her very first night in prison. She wasn't even 20 years old. It makes me sick, it really does. People say, oh it's for attention. So what if it is? If somebody had paid attention to my "cries for help" when I was a teenager, maybe I wouldn't have been too ashamed to open up about the serious mental illness that stole half my life away from me. Maybe if I'd been diagnosed sooner, I would never have felt the need to self-medicate (as do 75% of Borderlines) and ended up with a monster of a smack habit. Maybe, but we'll never know, coz everybody thought I was being attention seeking, and figured the best way to deal with my behaviour was to ignore it, for fear of "validating" that particular method of saying "I am in Hell". I'm on a roll now...
love
Diff xxx
love
Diff xxx
Diff, you are right. After a severe trauma in my life I developed anorexia, (my grandparents sent me to therapy... that worked, ha!) after the anorexia the cutting began. It was the only way to cope with my emotions. I hid it most of the time, but when my then a****** mother saw it she claimed I was looking for attention. I would have violent outbursts as a teenager, rages I couldn't control. I have this rational part of my head that instantaneously talks me out of throwing the TV, so I would cut up my arms to get relief. 10 years later I still have a ton of scars. Actually it continued till I found heroin, after that I was screwed. Now being diagnosed Manic depressive, I sometimes wonder if I have BPD as well. My anorexic tendencies have started again.
Hi Trooper, I know how you feel. Having a mass of scars is so hard to deal with. It's like a badge of shame to me. It's truely wearing your heart on your sleeve. Every time someone looks at them, I feel my face burning. And if someone makes a comment, I am so lost for words, I can't even reply. My little niece once asked me at the dinner table, in front of my whole family why I had so many scars on my arms. Talk about wanting the ground to open up and swallow me!
And with the anorexia thing too. I've never had full blown anorexia, but I do stop eating sometimes to deal with emotional anguish, and my weight has got very low in the past, and people start telling me I look awful. It's fine right now. Too fine, IMO, and when I start looking healthy, I get paranoid about eating again. I sometimes think it's because when life feels out of control, my weight is the only thing I can control. It's like having to keep an iron grip on everything, coz the moment you let it slip, it feels like life is spiralling out of control. Things at home are not too great with me at the moment, and I'm already starting to limit what I eat, in an attempt to feel better about myself.
And as far as having BPD, I think the treatment for BPD and manic depression are quite similar. A lot of Drs have the opinion that BPD is essentially untreatable, but that's bollocks. I'm not sure how effective "therapy" is, but drug treatments have been quite successful with me. I take anti-psychotics (done the A-Z, and finally settled on Seroquel, which I have since found out is sometimes used to treat insomnia in detoxing/detoxed heroin addicts, but in lower doses than what is normally considered to be a theraputic dose when dealing with psychosis - I take 300mgs a day) and anti-depressants. I take mirtazapine (Zispin), which is also frequently prescribed to people trying to get clean, coz of it's somnolative (is that a real word? - I mean it helps you sleep) properties.
And like you, I found the self-injury stopped when I got a heroin habit. I mean, it kills two birds with one stone, doesn't it? It stops you from feeling too much, and it harms you, so I think it took away the need to harm myself in other ways. Now that I'm clean, when I'm feeling distressed, I sometimes sit there, feeling utterly clueless. I just want the feelings to go away, but I don't know how to. I just don't know what to do with myself sometimes. I resist the urge to cut, but I think about it. I don't want any more scars. The ones I have are bad enough. But if I can't cut, and I can't use, what can I do? How else do I make it go away? I guess I am building up coping strategies slowly, but it's a long process, and I still think I have a way to go.
love
Diff x
And with the anorexia thing too. I've never had full blown anorexia, but I do stop eating sometimes to deal with emotional anguish, and my weight has got very low in the past, and people start telling me I look awful. It's fine right now. Too fine, IMO, and when I start looking healthy, I get paranoid about eating again. I sometimes think it's because when life feels out of control, my weight is the only thing I can control. It's like having to keep an iron grip on everything, coz the moment you let it slip, it feels like life is spiralling out of control. Things at home are not too great with me at the moment, and I'm already starting to limit what I eat, in an attempt to feel better about myself.
And as far as having BPD, I think the treatment for BPD and manic depression are quite similar. A lot of Drs have the opinion that BPD is essentially untreatable, but that's bollocks. I'm not sure how effective "therapy" is, but drug treatments have been quite successful with me. I take anti-psychotics (done the A-Z, and finally settled on Seroquel, which I have since found out is sometimes used to treat insomnia in detoxing/detoxed heroin addicts, but in lower doses than what is normally considered to be a theraputic dose when dealing with psychosis - I take 300mgs a day) and anti-depressants. I take mirtazapine (Zispin), which is also frequently prescribed to people trying to get clean, coz of it's somnolative (is that a real word? - I mean it helps you sleep) properties.
And like you, I found the self-injury stopped when I got a heroin habit. I mean, it kills two birds with one stone, doesn't it? It stops you from feeling too much, and it harms you, so I think it took away the need to harm myself in other ways. Now that I'm clean, when I'm feeling distressed, I sometimes sit there, feeling utterly clueless. I just want the feelings to go away, but I don't know how to. I just don't know what to do with myself sometimes. I resist the urge to cut, but I think about it. I don't want any more scars. The ones I have are bad enough. But if I can't cut, and I can't use, what can I do? How else do I make it go away? I guess I am building up coping strategies slowly, but it's a long process, and I still think I have a way to go.
love
Diff x
This breaks my heart......girls at my daughters school do this...the cutting.
I don't understand it, but i do know it's a release. I also think and this is just me that when a few girls do it and others find out more about it than they do it.
My daughter has been through it. Not just because of me, but other horrendous things including her beloved Pop dying right before her eyes, and one night i heard her not crying, but almost yelping into the phone to her boyfriend. When she was done on the phone I asked her what was wrong, and she stared blankly. Fine i said don't tell me, and then she showed me her leg. She says "What is this?"
WHAT IS IT??????????????????????? It's a bite mark clear through your skin. You broke the skin. You bit yourself. She'd be going to therapy thanks to my crazy a*s, and grief about my dad, and her own dad issues. Well, she didn't tell the therapist about this self-harming. I marched right in, and told him. yes i did.
Thankfully she never did it again, and is happy as a clam now, but that freaked me out. She got so cocky about it. This cutting that "everyone" does that I told her "Well that's stupid. You wanna hurt yourself go drink or do drugs and at least you'll get high". Not right. Not right, but what the heck? Actually that threw her, and she looked at me like "Aren't you upset?" Yeah I am upset, but I was always self-destructive, and I didn't cut myself or bite myself. I chose heroin. heroin, heroin. It's a habit, and harmful. Same thing only ya need lots of money. I am a weirdo. Still she stopped. Equated it with what I did, and stopped it immediately.
Such a sin. A sin for these kids.
I don't understand it, but i do know it's a release. I also think and this is just me that when a few girls do it and others find out more about it than they do it.
My daughter has been through it. Not just because of me, but other horrendous things including her beloved Pop dying right before her eyes, and one night i heard her not crying, but almost yelping into the phone to her boyfriend. When she was done on the phone I asked her what was wrong, and she stared blankly. Fine i said don't tell me, and then she showed me her leg. She says "What is this?"
WHAT IS IT??????????????????????? It's a bite mark clear through your skin. You broke the skin. You bit yourself. She'd be going to therapy thanks to my crazy a*s, and grief about my dad, and her own dad issues. Well, she didn't tell the therapist about this self-harming. I marched right in, and told him. yes i did.
Thankfully she never did it again, and is happy as a clam now, but that freaked me out. She got so cocky about it. This cutting that "everyone" does that I told her "Well that's stupid. You wanna hurt yourself go drink or do drugs and at least you'll get high". Not right. Not right, but what the heck? Actually that threw her, and she looked at me like "Aren't you upset?" Yeah I am upset, but I was always self-destructive, and I didn't cut myself or bite myself. I chose heroin. heroin, heroin. It's a habit, and harmful. Same thing only ya need lots of money. I am a weirdo. Still she stopped. Equated it with what I did, and stopped it immediately.
Such a sin. A sin for these kids.
I would've done the same thing probably Bryn, I don't know what it's like to be a parent, but I know that would have sent me through the roof. In all honesty though by showing you what she did your daughter was probably trying to look for comfort from you. I'm sure she was ashamed after she did it, maybe didn't understand why her anger would drive her to harm herself. Good Idea putting her in therapy. For a lot of people I think it is a teenage phase and it does pass, for me and Diff it's exactly what she mentoined, we have no real coping stratedgey...
Diff, I know how you feel with the pent up emotions girl. Alot of the problem is we started numbing so long ago that now we don't know how to handle emotions as healthy adults. Problem I think we aquire as drug addicts is we are always looking for away to escape feeling anything at all, when we come to a point when we realize there is no escape we freak out and stuff like behavioral disorders from long ago spark up again. I wish I could tell you a way to cope, but I've found that actually dealing with the emotion instead of running away from it is actually theraputic (well, sometimes, mostly I still want to burst into tears and throuw my tv) We will heal hun!
Diff, I know how you feel with the pent up emotions girl. Alot of the problem is we started numbing so long ago that now we don't know how to handle emotions as healthy adults. Problem I think we aquire as drug addicts is we are always looking for away to escape feeling anything at all, when we come to a point when we realize there is no escape we freak out and stuff like behavioral disorders from long ago spark up again. I wish I could tell you a way to cope, but I've found that actually dealing with the emotion instead of running away from it is actually theraputic (well, sometimes, mostly I still want to burst into tears and throuw my tv) We will heal hun!
Hi Trooper, and Bryn, I am much better than I used to be at dealing with emotions. I've learned a huge amount when overcoming my heroin addiction. Man, when I first stopped using (I had subs, but it's a huge difference between subs and having the total pain killer of heroin. Heroin does for feelings, what Domestos does to germs - kills 99% of all known feelings DEAD!) I was living alone for the first time in my life. I had no family to support me, no man to distract me from the business of living - I know that may sound odd, but I have become aware that I tend to use relationships with men to avoid having to deal with myself. I throw myself into looking after him, his needs etc, and it gives me a sort of excuse not to have to ask myself too many questions about my own feelings and needs. When I was alone, my emotions felt so huge and overwhelming they were almost tangible. I would busy myself with crap all day long, just so I didn't have to be alone with my thoughts. Sleeping became a nightly terror for me, because of that terrible time, when I'd turned off the TV, put down the book, and it was just me, myself and I. I could hear my mind, really hear it, like an air raid siren going off full volume in my head. I would be sweating with fear. I was living right in the centre of town, and one night, when I felt I was literally going crazy, I went out to the street, and picked up the first half-decent looking man who happened to walk past, and took him home with me, just so I didn't have to be alone with myself.
But I got through that time. Somehow I managed to get through it without relapsing, and without self-harming, and it taught me that it is possible, that pain doesn't last forever, and it won't kill me to feel something. However, I did quickly end up in a relationship with someone who in retrospect, I should have known better, and I know that I am currently using this relationship, and all the drama's it throws up, as a distraction. It's not that I don't love him it's just I know that he's not very good for me. This is why I say I still have a long way to go. I'm still not healthy.
love
Diff xxx
But I got through that time. Somehow I managed to get through it without relapsing, and without self-harming, and it taught me that it is possible, that pain doesn't last forever, and it won't kill me to feel something. However, I did quickly end up in a relationship with someone who in retrospect, I should have known better, and I know that I am currently using this relationship, and all the drama's it throws up, as a distraction. It's not that I don't love him it's just I know that he's not very good for me. This is why I say I still have a long way to go. I'm still not healthy.
love
Diff xxx
Hello folks,
Diff I am in the UK in Liverpool but I'm working in Manchester - oh the horror stories I'm gobsmacked - self harmers having their arms sewn up with no anasthestic because the medical staff aren't sympathetic that stopped long ago where I am, but not so in sunny M.
I've been up to my neck trying to sort this girl out and today she was back in the centre we took her knife off her but she had speed on her so that was it, she was exited from the program and I can't do anything else. I've tried to refer her to everywhere but now she's using again there's no hope unless she's sectioned and I'm not sure that's a way forward + she has to be an acute danger to herself or someone else. A nice girl no family no friends easy prey for a dealer.
Thanks for all the info I hope I can do better next time.
K
x
Diff I am in the UK in Liverpool but I'm working in Manchester - oh the horror stories I'm gobsmacked - self harmers having their arms sewn up with no anasthestic because the medical staff aren't sympathetic that stopped long ago where I am, but not so in sunny M.
I've been up to my neck trying to sort this girl out and today she was back in the centre we took her knife off her but she had speed on her so that was it, she was exited from the program and I can't do anything else. I've tried to refer her to everywhere but now she's using again there's no hope unless she's sectioned and I'm not sure that's a way forward + she has to be an acute danger to herself or someone else. A nice girl no family no friends easy prey for a dealer.
Thanks for all the info I hope I can do better next time.
K
x
wow, easy prey for a dealer... that sounds so foreign to me, I always had heroin but if my dealer wasn't around it was so hard to find it (or at least it seemed that way cause I was sick)
Trooper114
We have dealers hanging outside school gates - unemployment centres - anywhere that you find vulnerable people.
k
We have dealers hanging outside school gates - unemployment centres - anywhere that you find vulnerable people.
k
You guys this is profound......this thread has blown me away....hard to do too as I know the same for you all....and how strange.....I'm a heroin addict, and we all put ourselves in enormously dangerous, and death wish postitions, but this cutting, and the self harming......I can't believe it, and I sure didn't get it or understand it........thank you a million over for the insight.
Wow, just a big Wow Diff.......how you described being alone with you.....your own head, and demons, and personality, and thoughts.....man, that is something.....terryfying for you I am sure......then how ya met up with the guy...total stranger just not to be alone.....the danger in that.....again I went off in ghetto's in the dark in alleys with guys, but NUMB like ya said....dumb, and numb.......when you put it in the perspective of doing that just to not be alone with YOU that blew me away.....sorry I keep saying that.
And Trooper......you describe perfectly.....exactly what I think was going on with my girl.......and as a parent.....see I never knew what to do with the emotions....no coping skills......so when she showed me that i was glad, but when she couldn't articulate it.....I didn't know how to handle it.....it was dead wrong of me to get mad......my heart was pierced....this is my child.....and YOU made me realize....it's like when my own mom asked me "Why, why would you do this to yourself?"........how the he** do I know...so that's what my daughter felt.......as a parent i just wanted it to stop......CONTROL/POWER, and the need to fix things......and I couldn't.....so what do I say.....well why cut you wanna harm yourself.....hey, go get high......and of course that's my worst nightmare, but my strategy being I know her loathing, disgust, and hate of addicts, and drugs I figured it would show her it was on that line.
Oh my dear friends here......thank you....this was meant to be.....she never did it again, and when that did happen the poor, poor kid......her shame of me, and they had a drug program in school, and she fainted and went into shock....ambulance and the whole bit, and girls made fun of her.....like oh ya can't take a lil' drug talk......she wanted to scream MY MOM IS A HEROIN ADDICT!!!!!!!!!!!! You find your mom not breathing on a bathroom floor or your mom hit her own mother, and steal YOUR money, and then tell me how it is....and I told her "Baby, you can tell. Tell the world".....it's your right.....no more secrets or shame as mom-mom forbids it because we'll be rendered low lifes......geez thanks Ma.....and she hugged me, and said i might just have to mom......it was a way to deal....a coping skill.
Like Diff said so eloquently......she had no where to put those hurts, and pain, and needed the tools to cope......that is where therapy helped, and thanks, Trooper......I'm not the best parent, but heck if she's seeing a therapist and not telling him......I had to tell...she was mad, but after several sessions....she did well......I'm thrilled to say she's in a good place now...going to proms, and has a nice and funny boyfriend.....her last boyfriend was very downbeat, and depressed alot and I saw hr picking that up.....keep my girl in your prayers because she'' go out in that world next year, and she needs coping skills, and to learn more to sit back and allow joy, and fun.....it looks like she's getting there.......thank God....I do that twice a day......it's working.
An enormous thanks to you guys......you can not know how grateful I am.
Giving me insight into this really helped me....and my child.....and thanks Trooper for reaffirming i did the right parent job....I know it was a call for help from her......you truly helped me understand.....you guys are appreciated.
And i am heart sick over Jazwan's client or however she knows this young lady.
Let's get her back, and have her work on herself.....I pray for that...they're just kids.....they need peace of mind and people to care for themselves.
OH TROOPER....take solace that you definately should not have been an addict......no way.....only having ONE DEALER......hella no.....if that was your way to self destruct.....you'd have had backup.....probably at least five.....LOL.
So see, Trooper......you're really not a heroin addict in the umpteenth...no
there's plans for you out in this world.....I am proud of you for seeking them out.
Thanks again....you all truly helped me.
Wow, just a big Wow Diff.......how you described being alone with you.....your own head, and demons, and personality, and thoughts.....man, that is something.....terryfying for you I am sure......then how ya met up with the guy...total stranger just not to be alone.....the danger in that.....again I went off in ghetto's in the dark in alleys with guys, but NUMB like ya said....dumb, and numb.......when you put it in the perspective of doing that just to not be alone with YOU that blew me away.....sorry I keep saying that.
And Trooper......you describe perfectly.....exactly what I think was going on with my girl.......and as a parent.....see I never knew what to do with the emotions....no coping skills......so when she showed me that i was glad, but when she couldn't articulate it.....I didn't know how to handle it.....it was dead wrong of me to get mad......my heart was pierced....this is my child.....and YOU made me realize....it's like when my own mom asked me "Why, why would you do this to yourself?"........how the he** do I know...so that's what my daughter felt.......as a parent i just wanted it to stop......CONTROL/POWER, and the need to fix things......and I couldn't.....so what do I say.....well why cut you wanna harm yourself.....hey, go get high......and of course that's my worst nightmare, but my strategy being I know her loathing, disgust, and hate of addicts, and drugs I figured it would show her it was on that line.
Oh my dear friends here......thank you....this was meant to be.....she never did it again, and when that did happen the poor, poor kid......her shame of me, and they had a drug program in school, and she fainted and went into shock....ambulance and the whole bit, and girls made fun of her.....like oh ya can't take a lil' drug talk......she wanted to scream MY MOM IS A HEROIN ADDICT!!!!!!!!!!!! You find your mom not breathing on a bathroom floor or your mom hit her own mother, and steal YOUR money, and then tell me how it is....and I told her "Baby, you can tell. Tell the world".....it's your right.....no more secrets or shame as mom-mom forbids it because we'll be rendered low lifes......geez thanks Ma.....and she hugged me, and said i might just have to mom......it was a way to deal....a coping skill.
Like Diff said so eloquently......she had no where to put those hurts, and pain, and needed the tools to cope......that is where therapy helped, and thanks, Trooper......I'm not the best parent, but heck if she's seeing a therapist and not telling him......I had to tell...she was mad, but after several sessions....she did well......I'm thrilled to say she's in a good place now...going to proms, and has a nice and funny boyfriend.....her last boyfriend was very downbeat, and depressed alot and I saw hr picking that up.....keep my girl in your prayers because she'' go out in that world next year, and she needs coping skills, and to learn more to sit back and allow joy, and fun.....it looks like she's getting there.......thank God....I do that twice a day......it's working.
An enormous thanks to you guys......you can not know how grateful I am.
Giving me insight into this really helped me....and my child.....and thanks Trooper for reaffirming i did the right parent job....I know it was a call for help from her......you truly helped me understand.....you guys are appreciated.
And i am heart sick over Jazwan's client or however she knows this young lady.
Let's get her back, and have her work on herself.....I pray for that...they're just kids.....they need peace of mind and people to care for themselves.
OH TROOPER....take solace that you definately should not have been an addict......no way.....only having ONE DEALER......hella no.....if that was your way to self destruct.....you'd have had backup.....probably at least five.....LOL.
So see, Trooper......you're really not a heroin addict in the umpteenth...no
there's plans for you out in this world.....I am proud of you for seeking them out.
Thanks again....you all truly helped me.
Glad to help you Bryn, thought you did a good thing with your daughter, I've just been in her shoes too many times as a kid, thought maybe she was feeling the same way. I'm glad she's doing well in therapy, she needs a place to vent without fear.
Ha, wish I could say that about the addict thing, I was too "recourcefull" to get off that easy though. f***ing dope, god I hate it, still gettin to me. This friggin disorder is going to be the death of me, I can say at least that I'm such a goddamn zombie now that I wouldn't even want to be wasted, not like I could get high anyway. That was the worst friggin part about my relapse... going out of my mind scheming for cash, and I couldn't even get high when I got the s***, went right back to the way I was in 2004 when I was strung out at my worst, in like it seemed like a weeks time! Who am I kidding I was already all f***ed up on pain meds, what got me using H again in the first place. Blah! I dunno, not worth remembering, glad it's over.
Ha, wish I could say that about the addict thing, I was too "recourcefull" to get off that easy though. f***ing dope, god I hate it, still gettin to me. This friggin disorder is going to be the death of me, I can say at least that I'm such a goddamn zombie now that I wouldn't even want to be wasted, not like I could get high anyway. That was the worst friggin part about my relapse... going out of my mind scheming for cash, and I couldn't even get high when I got the s***, went right back to the way I was in 2004 when I was strung out at my worst, in like it seemed like a weeks time! Who am I kidding I was already all f***ed up on pain meds, what got me using H again in the first place. Blah! I dunno, not worth remembering, glad it's over.
love my spelling, ha
