all day long for some reason ive felt like the lonliest guy on the planet,there r a few reasons for this,last night bout 9oclock or so i received a text askin me to look for someone,to put u in the picture a little there was a large fundraiser on for my older brother who has terminal cancer.yesterday was also rangers v celtic(ere we go again davey)well i had already sorted it with my bro that i wouldnt be there for a few reasons which was cool plus there is usually trouble after this game which because of where the event was i would have been expected to sort any s*** out,im wandering from my point here.i turned my phone off and went to bed bout 9.this morning when i switched it back on there was a couple of cheeky messages on it from my woman.2nite after a s***ty day got a call from my bro and went straight out to c him.he,s not been feeling good which they told him may happen after the radio-therapy,we sat and had a good blether for an hour or two and i left feeling so guilty at the fact that im feeling s***ty due to my own mess,what right have i to think im the only person wi problems when he is sitting in that situation and probably doesnt moan as much as me,i could go on and on but i think its time i put things in perspective.sorry for going on and on folks,,,,eck
Hi eckie, I totally relate to what your saying. For me i get good days and bad days where i think to myself especially when i see people just doing normal things like going to the supermarket, going into a pub to watch the rangers v celtic game(great result eh) I think i just want to be normal too and i end up giving myself such a hard time and a lot of time i feel so alone and depressed
So sorry about your brother eckie. Ive been on and off heroine for 6 yrs and slowly over the years things i used to do and friends that were "normal" to me have all disappeared and ive no one now and no hobbies as heroine became my best friend. My mum who means the world to me is just recovering from a major operation , Ive been caring for her for 4 months before her surgery as most days she could not get out of bed the pain she has been in is so bad that
she has been on morphine now for nearly 5 months. Her surgery was 5 weeks ago, she has been through the mill having so many tests as the hospital and doctors dont know why and where the pain is coming from they (doctors) said
it was maybe a tear in her womb. 5 weeks now have gone bye and she is not getting any better. Her pain is still the same so we dont know what to expect next. My mum is a lovely person with a great job and its just not fair that this is happening to her, where as for me i feel so lonely and i suppose im under so much pressure not to F*** UP as she needs me more than ever now. Ive used twice since she has came out of hospital im on 40ml meth and i know there is no need for me to use but once i get it into my head i cant stop thinking about it till i get it then i feel like s*** and i just dont know is this the way it will always be, I hate myself and i need now to try and get a grip as i have no life outside of watching my mum and using now and then. I hope one day ill be free meet someone "normal" .
Take Care Eckie
Yvonne
So sorry about your brother eckie. Ive been on and off heroine for 6 yrs and slowly over the years things i used to do and friends that were "normal" to me have all disappeared and ive no one now and no hobbies as heroine became my best friend. My mum who means the world to me is just recovering from a major operation , Ive been caring for her for 4 months before her surgery as most days she could not get out of bed the pain she has been in is so bad that
she has been on morphine now for nearly 5 months. Her surgery was 5 weeks ago, she has been through the mill having so many tests as the hospital and doctors dont know why and where the pain is coming from they (doctors) said
it was maybe a tear in her womb. 5 weeks now have gone bye and she is not getting any better. Her pain is still the same so we dont know what to expect next. My mum is a lovely person with a great job and its just not fair that this is happening to her, where as for me i feel so lonely and i suppose im under so much pressure not to F*** UP as she needs me more than ever now. Ive used twice since she has came out of hospital im on 40ml meth and i know there is no need for me to use but once i get it into my head i cant stop thinking about it till i get it then i feel like s*** and i just dont know is this the way it will always be, I hate myself and i need now to try and get a grip as i have no life outside of watching my mum and using now and then. I hope one day ill be free meet someone "normal" .
Take Care Eckie
Yvonne
eck....its really hard to hang on to the feeling bad for yourself when others are in so much need. dont think its a bad thing...actually gets you out of yourself and makes you realize your stronger than you think. being there for your bro lets you know your needed. I know it doesnt make all the problems and your mess go away but like you said...it puts things in perspective. not neccessarily something to beat yourself up over....take care...jumping the pond today and god willing will be back in the EU by tommorow. coming here didnt make all my problems go away but it did make me realize that maybe they were not so huge or as huge as i first thought...has given me a different perpective on stuff too....hang in there eck....your doing as best as you can and giving time and help to your bro is a wonderful thing....its not selfish to worry about your own s*** even when your helping someone else.....
eckie, it just seems to be the way we humans are built. We can't carry everyone's pain around all the time. We'd all be addicts! Our attention wanders from thing to thing, often not because we want it to but because the wries/thoughts/emotons lead us along a certain path until suddenly something reminds us oh! There's THAT thing to deal with.....what counts is that you do care and you give expression to that caring, which is great. DO you believe your brother wants you thinking about him 24/7, or that he feels your worries and concerns shouldn't matter to you anymore? Nah. Accept yourself for who you are, a decent person who loves his brother and goes to see him when he can. Life sucks sometimes....sometimes banners should unfurl and armies march to save or mourn a champion.....but they don't....life goes on, buses are late, chips are cold, West Ham lose again.....wonderful people love, live, laugh and die....we can't do anything but live it eckie.....and if one day you do something that REALLY makes you feel ashamed don't waste time feeling guilty, recognise instead the wonderful potential in the FACT that what we do makes us FEEL something about ourselves and do something TODAY that will make you feel PROUD.
here endeth the sermon. Sorry lol
here endeth the sermon. Sorry lol
thanks, guest,con&martin.
i know i will snap out of this as im a fighter and i will fight this addiction till the day i die,going to have to anyway.i,ve always been of the opinion that if i just accept this then ive lost,im as well stickin a sharp in my arm(something ive never done)and getting on with being a loser.i,ve never stole from my family or friends and tried my best to hide my affliction from everyone else,im also a home owner wi a morgage that ive managed to pay up till now which makes me all the more dertemined to fight rather than as ive said,lie back and accept it.thank u all for your words of support and dont think 4 one second that because ive never been IV that i think im any better than anyone else because i most certainly dont.thanke again u all and have a safe flight home con ive missed u.x
i know i will snap out of this as im a fighter and i will fight this addiction till the day i die,going to have to anyway.i,ve always been of the opinion that if i just accept this then ive lost,im as well stickin a sharp in my arm(something ive never done)and getting on with being a loser.i,ve never stole from my family or friends and tried my best to hide my affliction from everyone else,im also a home owner wi a morgage that ive managed to pay up till now which makes me all the more dertemined to fight rather than as ive said,lie back and accept it.thank u all for your words of support and dont think 4 one second that because ive never been IV that i think im any better than anyone else because i most certainly dont.thanke again u all and have a safe flight home con ive missed u.x
G Morning Eck :)
Back on our side of the pond. How you feeling ?
Back on our side of the pond. How you feeling ?
glad to hear u r home safe con,in a hurry,hope to catch u 2nite,your m8,,eck
