Hi SoberDaddy,
To answer your questions honestly: Yes, I have taken a little something something, I changed my nursing focus many many times to avoid it. I had to narrow down my practice to private duty to ensure I was "safe" and would no longer have temptation in my face.
No I am not Sober, but I do not feel high. I feel sick. When I read this message it said "Share your addiction story" It didn't say you had to be in recovery. I am writing here because I am going to be Sober this week and I am trying anything that may help me through this. I am in the process of weaning.
Thankyou for talking to me.
Mookie
Hey there Mookie,
Not all of us here are sober. I take suboxone and have not thought about pain pills since I started but I am still drinking. Not so much that it causes problems in my life but I know I like the feeling way too much.
My story is alot like others who have always chased the high. Hiding from myself. I guess I still am and although I am not taking pain pills I am still in active addiction with alcohol.
All of our journeys are different but oddly they are all the same
Wendy
Not all of us here are sober. I take suboxone and have not thought about pain pills since I started but I am still drinking. Not so much that it causes problems in my life but I know I like the feeling way too much.
My story is alot like others who have always chased the high. Hiding from myself. I guess I still am and although I am not taking pain pills I am still in active addiction with alcohol.
All of our journeys are different but oddly they are all the same
Wendy
Hi everyone! Its been a while since I've been able to post. Life in general has kept me away from here.
My story... Hmmmm..( this is the abbreviated version) . Got addicted to anything mood altering when I was about 23 or so. Flash forward to age 35 where I realized I had to stop or die.
I kept on back and forth for a while. More sober time than not,but still,relapsing.
I had been sober for a few months when my younger son got arrested in December. 15 years old. Spent time in Juvie. Is not on probation till he's 18 along with a bunch of other stuff. turns our he has a drug problem. NO one knew. With addicts on both sides, no one figured this out. Soon as I heard I knew deep down to help him, I must stay sober. Those few and far between cravings I had had are completely gone.
I have to stay sober to help my son thru this. I was buying online for a long while then every once in a while when I gave in to cravings. I work in law enforcement so I KNOW the penalty for breaking this law. I still did it anyway. At least until this. I would have rather my baby didnt have a drug probelm,hadnt gotten arrested, hadnt spent time in jail and didnt have a 3 year california youth authority sentence hanging over his head if he messes up his probation.
BUT I've never been more clear. I've taken him to 3 NA meetings, his dad to meetings within his health coverage and invididual conunseling. I hope that at his tender age, he can over come this.
I'm sorry it took this for me to be absolutely certain I would do everything in my power EACH and EVERY day to not use. Just for that day. Period.
I spent a lot of years in a numbing haze. I want to give my kid a better chance at things. That and knowing I WILL die if I pick up again keeps me sober every day.
Thanks for letting me share.
Kelly
My story... Hmmmm..( this is the abbreviated version) . Got addicted to anything mood altering when I was about 23 or so. Flash forward to age 35 where I realized I had to stop or die.
I kept on back and forth for a while. More sober time than not,but still,relapsing.
I had been sober for a few months when my younger son got arrested in December. 15 years old. Spent time in Juvie. Is not on probation till he's 18 along with a bunch of other stuff. turns our he has a drug problem. NO one knew. With addicts on both sides, no one figured this out. Soon as I heard I knew deep down to help him, I must stay sober. Those few and far between cravings I had had are completely gone.
I have to stay sober to help my son thru this. I was buying online for a long while then every once in a while when I gave in to cravings. I work in law enforcement so I KNOW the penalty for breaking this law. I still did it anyway. At least until this. I would have rather my baby didnt have a drug probelm,hadnt gotten arrested, hadnt spent time in jail and didnt have a 3 year california youth authority sentence hanging over his head if he messes up his probation.
BUT I've never been more clear. I've taken him to 3 NA meetings, his dad to meetings within his health coverage and invididual conunseling. I hope that at his tender age, he can over come this.
I'm sorry it took this for me to be absolutely certain I would do everything in my power EACH and EVERY day to not use. Just for that day. Period.
I spent a lot of years in a numbing haze. I want to give my kid a better chance at things. That and knowing I WILL die if I pick up again keeps me sober every day.
Thanks for letting me share.
Kelly
From the 'Success Stories" forum...
When I was 16, my very large cousin was given diet pills. He turned me on to them and I loved it. I loved the rush, I loved the energy. It didn't take long before I was having audio hallucinations and paranoia due to excessive amounts. I was a hippie in the 60's and did all the psychedelics and anything that was available. I hated feeling normal, I guess. I would take anything that was available but my greatest love was pills. Always. When I was 21 I started having panic attacks. I would push my baby's stroller to the hospital because I was sure I was dying but they told me it was a panic disorder and a doctor prescribed valium. I was sent to my first rehab in the early 80's for valuim and fiorinol addiction. It was a psych ward and I was terrified. When I got out, I decided alcohol would be my only drug. That didn't last long. I was soon abusing pills again.
In 1996 I decided to try AA. I loved it! I found a sponsor that was a pill addict and she told me I could take whatever pills I wanted so I did. With the absense of booze I abused the pills even more than before. I couldn't understand why the people in AA wouldn't accept me. Well, gee, maybe it was because I was so messed up on pills, huh? After a couple of years of meetings and wondering why no one could understand how "different" I was, I pretty much quit going. But kept taking pills abusively. Xanax, fioricet and vicodin were my DOCs.
In July of 2000, I tried a geographical cure and moved to Florida. I made the move but continued using. Finally in November I decided I was finished. I took my last xanax and I went to an AA meeting. This time I knew I had to get off of pills and everything else. My sobriety date is November 1, 2000. AA has taught me a new way of life. I learned about honesty. I didn't even realize how much I was dishonest when I was using until I worked the steps. My life had been a mess and I thought my problem was just abusing substances. I realize today, my thinking was totally out of whack, due to substance abuse. I was given back the morals I was taught as a child. Today I have a job, I recently learned to drive, I pay all my bills on time, but most importantly, I have serenity. I dont''play with thoughts like "someday I may have to take a pill" or "someday I will be able to drink sociably" I am an alcoholic and an addict. I am afraid I will wake the dragon if I dabble in social drinking or casual pill popping. Today I dont' use. I don't know what will happen if I get ill and have to take an opiate. I don't worry about it any more, although I did in early sobriety. I will let God handle it if that happens.
AA was the only way I was able to get clean and stay clean. I tried rehabs and therapy but I wasn't able to stay clean. There is a saying in the back of the big book that talks about "contempt prior to investigation". Many people say they hate AA but they usually know very little about it. They go to a meeting or two and swear it's not for them. It took me almost 5 years to finally get clean after my first AA meeting. Thank God AA never gave up on me.
When I was 16, my very large cousin was given diet pills. He turned me on to them and I loved it. I loved the rush, I loved the energy. It didn't take long before I was having audio hallucinations and paranoia due to excessive amounts. I was a hippie in the 60's and did all the psychedelics and anything that was available. I hated feeling normal, I guess. I would take anything that was available but my greatest love was pills. Always. When I was 21 I started having panic attacks. I would push my baby's stroller to the hospital because I was sure I was dying but they told me it was a panic disorder and a doctor prescribed valium. I was sent to my first rehab in the early 80's for valuim and fiorinol addiction. It was a psych ward and I was terrified. When I got out, I decided alcohol would be my only drug. That didn't last long. I was soon abusing pills again.
In 1996 I decided to try AA. I loved it! I found a sponsor that was a pill addict and she told me I could take whatever pills I wanted so I did. With the absense of booze I abused the pills even more than before. I couldn't understand why the people in AA wouldn't accept me. Well, gee, maybe it was because I was so messed up on pills, huh? After a couple of years of meetings and wondering why no one could understand how "different" I was, I pretty much quit going. But kept taking pills abusively. Xanax, fioricet and vicodin were my DOCs.
In July of 2000, I tried a geographical cure and moved to Florida. I made the move but continued using. Finally in November I decided I was finished. I took my last xanax and I went to an AA meeting. This time I knew I had to get off of pills and everything else. My sobriety date is November 1, 2000. AA has taught me a new way of life. I learned about honesty. I didn't even realize how much I was dishonest when I was using until I worked the steps. My life had been a mess and I thought my problem was just abusing substances. I realize today, my thinking was totally out of whack, due to substance abuse. I was given back the morals I was taught as a child. Today I have a job, I recently learned to drive, I pay all my bills on time, but most importantly, I have serenity. I dont''play with thoughts like "someday I may have to take a pill" or "someday I will be able to drink sociably" I am an alcoholic and an addict. I am afraid I will wake the dragon if I dabble in social drinking or casual pill popping. Today I dont' use. I don't know what will happen if I get ill and have to take an opiate. I don't worry about it any more, although I did in early sobriety. I will let God handle it if that happens.
AA was the only way I was able to get clean and stay clean. I tried rehabs and therapy but I wasn't able to stay clean. There is a saying in the back of the big book that talks about "contempt prior to investigation". Many people say they hate AA but they usually know very little about it. They go to a meeting or two and swear it's not for them. It took me almost 5 years to finally get clean after my first AA meeting. Thank God AA never gave up on me.
I started taking vicodin after a knee surgery and all then hell broke loose. I was never a drinker or into much of anything else, but the pills gave me wings..to borrow a line from the redbull adds. Anyway, the struggle went on for 6 years ending up with a habit of 8-10 pills a day. Sometimes more. Then one day I had what some 12 steppers call 'A moment of Clarity' and it all clicked. I realized why I was an addict and quit for good this time. I gutted it out began to do ALL the things I used to do before I was hooked on pills. I found that I had a damned good life before pills and so I began to live it again. No groups or meetings or doctors or Sub or 12 steps for me. I just found that the inner strength and sheer will that carried me up so many long grueling hills as a competative cyclist also gave me the power to overcome my addiction. I stay busy and sometimes I will go weeks or months without ever thinking about pills. And when I do think about pills, it's more about how stupid that was rather than wishing I had one. That's it...that's my story. One year and 7 months clean...
I watched by dad suffer through pain pill addiction and could not understand why he could not just stop. Then in 1982 I had an affair with a lady from the company where I worked. After only one time together, she became pregnant and in 1983 we had a girl. Her birthday was March 16, as is mine and my mother's. I felt guilty about not wanting to get married and started taking pain pills such as percocet and lorcet. They worked for a while.
Well I took them for ten years detoxing 13 times, only to get back on them after 60 days. After ten years of that madness, a doctor recommended methadone and I took that for ten years. There was no stopping and starting with methadone because it was too damn hard to quit the, worst of the worst opiates IMO. I took methadone for ten years starting at 30 mgs per day ending up on 400mgs per day. Why did I take 400mgs a day? Because that was all I could get. Finally, last July the 4th, I had the worst bout of depression I had ever had and I knew its cause was methadone. I made a decision to get to a Sub Dr and try that. I did not taper one iota and when I went for my induction to Sub I was in no wds at all. I was given the Sub and all that methadone was ripped off my brain at once.
Take all 13 detoxes I went through with the hydros and percs, roll them into one and mutiply that by 1,000,000 and you may scratch the surface of what the first 24 hours was like for me while in precipitated wds. People pay good money to sleep through that portion of wds in these Ultra Rapid Detox Centers in California and Florida.
I did not give in however and now I am 4 months free of methadone after ten years of use. Even with Sub, it has taken these 4 months for me to start to feel as though the fog is lifting. Before I took the first pain pill I was 30 years old and had never been addicted to anything. I have never been a drinker nor have I used tobacco in any form. I was on the fast track at work. My future looked bright and secure. Pain pills ruined all that. Even though getting off of methadone has been a huge effort and milestone, starting over is even a greater one.
JW
Well I took them for ten years detoxing 13 times, only to get back on them after 60 days. After ten years of that madness, a doctor recommended methadone and I took that for ten years. There was no stopping and starting with methadone because it was too damn hard to quit the, worst of the worst opiates IMO. I took methadone for ten years starting at 30 mgs per day ending up on 400mgs per day. Why did I take 400mgs a day? Because that was all I could get. Finally, last July the 4th, I had the worst bout of depression I had ever had and I knew its cause was methadone. I made a decision to get to a Sub Dr and try that. I did not taper one iota and when I went for my induction to Sub I was in no wds at all. I was given the Sub and all that methadone was ripped off my brain at once.
Take all 13 detoxes I went through with the hydros and percs, roll them into one and mutiply that by 1,000,000 and you may scratch the surface of what the first 24 hours was like for me while in precipitated wds. People pay good money to sleep through that portion of wds in these Ultra Rapid Detox Centers in California and Florida.
I did not give in however and now I am 4 months free of methadone after ten years of use. Even with Sub, it has taken these 4 months for me to start to feel as though the fog is lifting. Before I took the first pain pill I was 30 years old and had never been addicted to anything. I have never been a drinker nor have I used tobacco in any form. I was on the fast track at work. My future looked bright and secure. Pain pills ruined all that. Even though getting off of methadone has been a huge effort and milestone, starting over is even a greater one.
JW
Hey soberdaddy and all of you that have found subutex--
I could not believe what I was reading when I searched the web in October. I had been hooked on perscription darvocet for almost 20 years. I couldn't start the day without at least 4 tablets at the end of it and continued during the day. I got up to about 18-20 100 mg tablets a day. It was controlling my life.I finally had and MRI on my shoulder and they found a bone spur on the shoulder. I had arthroscopic surgery on the shoulder. Then I was still left with the darvocet addiction because the doctor would prescribe the darvocet anytime I asked for it. I was determined to get this monkey off my back and was searching for an inpatient facility when I found buprenorphine (subutex) and I had to call the doctor and have him confirm that it wasn't a hoax. I got my life back with my daughters and grandchildren. When I read your story it brought tears to my eyes in my happiness for you and your little girl. I am now on maintenance in the program and I praise God daily for the company that developed subutex.
God bless you--------
Retcomptech
I could not believe what I was reading when I searched the web in October. I had been hooked on perscription darvocet for almost 20 years. I couldn't start the day without at least 4 tablets at the end of it and continued during the day. I got up to about 18-20 100 mg tablets a day. It was controlling my life.I finally had and MRI on my shoulder and they found a bone spur on the shoulder. I had arthroscopic surgery on the shoulder. Then I was still left with the darvocet addiction because the doctor would prescribe the darvocet anytime I asked for it. I was determined to get this monkey off my back and was searching for an inpatient facility when I found buprenorphine (subutex) and I had to call the doctor and have him confirm that it wasn't a hoax. I got my life back with my daughters and grandchildren. When I read your story it brought tears to my eyes in my happiness for you and your little girl. I am now on maintenance in the program and I praise God daily for the company that developed subutex.
God bless you--------
Retcomptech
| QUOTE |
| Thank God AA never gave up on me. |
Amen....thank you for sharing your story Kat as my story is so very similar...
I wrote out a kind of "addiction story" in the Success Stories forum located elsewhere on this Board, and I think a couple of other current members of this forum have posted their stories there as well. In case anyone's interested.
Amazing how much everyone of us has in common !!! WOW
Just reading each and every story makes me feel so much better because I am NOT alone !! Either are YOU !!
Lets keep this thread going !!
****************WE WILL CONQUER***************************
Just reading each and every story makes me feel so much better because I am NOT alone !! Either are YOU !!
Lets keep this thread going !!
****************WE WILL CONQUER***************************
