my husband for today is off and running and does not know yet but i am ending a 7 year marriage to him as of today. this is just another episode and eventually he will come home again as he has done so many times before. There is nothing left in our marriage to work with. My fear is our 3 year old who i am worried he will try to come back for in one way or another. via visitation or make another desperate attempt to move in and play daddy. my husband is a large man who has done prison already . the time he did was for car theft. in the beginning of our episodes he would be somewhat violent. although he has Never physically hit me. I have stopped looking at the phone to see if he calls . I will not do this anymore nor will i answer but my fear in this route is if i do not answer he will show up eventually and i'm worried for the day he does come back . when he realises he is in no More control of me than i of him. if anyone has any suggestions as to how to brace for the future and how to go about handling this please advise me. i won't file for a restraining order until he gives me a reason and technically he has rights to visit, but i know my husband and in time these will Not be enough. His family is very enabling and rough around the edges. i have Never in my life met a family who rejects morals more than his. Anything goes with this group and i worry about their being around my babies upbringing. I just want out and i don't want to worry anymore.
Dear Shelly,
I am assuming your husband is a drug addict because you are posting your message on this board. If he is a meth user you need to be very very careful. This is a horrible drug that makes even sane people insane - especially if they think they are losing something.
Don't wait too long to get a restraining order if he talks threatening to you at all. You may have to go to a lawyer to do this. Do go to the police and let them know what is going on so that they can patrol the area more closely. This also will help you if something does happen. Police often think the wife must be using too if the husband is using.
Keep your doors locked and get deadbolts installed. Make sure your windows are secure. Try to keep calm yourself at all times and not escalate his anger if he at all is confronting you.
Let your daycare know that only you can pick up your child.
Pray - Pray- Pray for only God can get you through this safely. I am so sorry for your trouble, and I am praying with you right now as I write this note to you.
God Bless you can keep you safe, God wrap his loving arms around you and your child and give you the sweet sweet peace that only God can provide.
I am assuming your husband is a drug addict because you are posting your message on this board. If he is a meth user you need to be very very careful. This is a horrible drug that makes even sane people insane - especially if they think they are losing something.
Don't wait too long to get a restraining order if he talks threatening to you at all. You may have to go to a lawyer to do this. Do go to the police and let them know what is going on so that they can patrol the area more closely. This also will help you if something does happen. Police often think the wife must be using too if the husband is using.
Keep your doors locked and get deadbolts installed. Make sure your windows are secure. Try to keep calm yourself at all times and not escalate his anger if he at all is confronting you.
Let your daycare know that only you can pick up your child.
Pray - Pray- Pray for only God can get you through this safely. I am so sorry for your trouble, and I am praying with you right now as I write this note to you.
God Bless you can keep you safe, God wrap his loving arms around you and your child and give you the sweet sweet peace that only God can provide.
thank you Amom . i think speaking to the police to let them know what is going on is a good idea too. I'm sure i am safe for most likely another week as this is his longest binge and i know his patterns fairly well. what makes me nervous is he has one of my house keys so i am speaking to someone on tuesday about changing my locks. there is a window on my backdoor which isn't the most comforting anymore, but i will speak to a very close neighbor about listening and keeping an eye out. Another neighbor of mine just today gave me a phone that Only dials 911. A few years back, she was in a relationship with another addict that was on crack, he came home, and it turned into a domestic dispute etc. I ended up calling the police for her. he had hit her but she got out and was ok through it all with little damage but it was pretty nervewracking to say the least. We live in a fairly decent neighborhood but it's truly an eyeopener to see the increase in meth use and meth does Not discriminate it's true. My husband had told me once before he would Never hit me or hurt me but one night we were just playing around awhile back and he made some smart comment he has never made before. He said to me i should knock you out, i've already been to prison to which i replied but then how would i come visit you ;-) well i don't think he meant it literally but here's my worry . The more time i have spent with him over the years i have come to know him very well, infact, better than most. He is a good man at times. He is capable of love but Extremely self consumed and selfish as most addicts are. i genuinely don't think he is able to reason things through off drugs let alone on the drugs. my husband is sick right now and one day while he was sitting outside he did not see me standing behind him, i heard him talking to himself about jacking something from the neighborhood. He did prison for theft as most meth users eventually do because it is a very expensive habit to keep up . I couldn't stand to listen to it and more or less turned a deaf ear backed up then made noise to let him know i was coming. i mentioned it a few months later and he shrugged it off. As for his family, i can Honestly say, this family is the kind of family that would sit by while he acts out and say after well she drove him to it . they would cover his tracks in a heartbeat and make Every excuse in the book. He grew up very fast and with a home etc, but spent many of his nights on the streets with the guys while i on the other hand was pretty sheltered. I do believe in God and i pray for him and all of us Daily. but i know my husband and i know the desperation he will most likely eventually begin to feel. He literally does Not think i will Ever leave. Like i said my phone has been quiet and i don't look for calls, in fact lately i've begun to dread them, even fear them. I just feel like this is the calm before the storm . and i vaguely remember the last time he called to talk to our child because he has one time and i told him our baby was sleeping and i remember him Starting to say Don't f with me . and me saying how often do you call, she has to sleep sometimes. Well i am going to stop what iffing but i'm also preparing for the worst in the hopes it Never happens . So far he has not called back but he will. < i couldn't get that lucky > Dont misunderstand me please, i Love my husband Very Much but this is Not the man i fell in love with anymore and He Refuses to change so for the safety and well being of myself and my child I need to get out. thanks for the post and advice mom, and thanks for the much needed prayers. what a mess this has all become. (( hugs )) don't know if you needed that but i sure did lol . Take-care
