Sick Of Being Screwed Up.

Pain Pills
1
I am so discouraged! It seems like if it's not one thing, it's another. I have been treated for aneorexia, when I drink,I drink to much, now I am addicted to pills! Is this all the way I was born? With this genetic make-up? My Dad is in recovery, works the program diligently. I'm to ashamed to tell him about the pills, but he will supportively talk to me about going to meetings for people with eating disorders. I guess I'm wondering if I go to AA, the 12 steps can be applied to all my addictions, right? My Dad has said, It helps to be with other people who deal with the same addictions. That's why he wants me to find a meeting with eating disorders. But he does'nt know about the hydrocodone 10.'s / 15 a day!!! So, any suggestions? I know I need to dive in and get serious about fighting this disease. My Dad is a huge inspiration to me. I just don't want to tell him everything right now. I know I will eventually. He has been sober for 5 years. He even told me when he got out of treatment," man, those pills are the hardest things. Don't ever mess with them." Without meaning to, of course, I got hooked after I had a medical issue. So here I am! I don't want to drink, or use pills. I want to be clean. My Dads life is a huge testimony of working the program. He has become serene, and so grateful for the peace in his life. His life still has the ups and downs, but he remains in constant touch to his "higher power" and deals with things without reaching for the bottle. I am so proud of him and so ashamed of myself! I logically knew better, I mean, I was educated while my Dad was in treatment. I attended the family meetings, I went to Alanon, ect. So, I feel like I knew better, yet still got addicted. I guess thats just it.
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BAILeY" if there is anyone who would understand it is your dad he has been there" sure it would be hard for him to hear at first but u cant do this alone my dad was addicted to alcohol years back and he has been sober for years now and i hid my addiction to pain meds for a long time because i was scared to tell him i thought it would set him back and when i finely realise thanks to these great supportive people on this post that i cant do it alone i opened up to him and he has been a great help to me as a matter of fact i hurt him more by not thinking i could go to him he told me and he said there is no way i could set him back he would never use my pain as an excuse and that what it would be he said know one can make him drink the only one that can do that is him and he has no intension of ever going back down that road again" also and i have a sister my older sister who is bluenemic and my pops and her hubby along with her doc are helping her by supporting her also and we both thank god our dad is there for us when we need him, u were there for him at his meetings so i know he will want to be there for u now . HUGS LITTLE H.
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you know as much as you don't want to hear this .... you dad will probably be your biggest supporter.
if you want to be clean i suggest you begin to look at what you need to do this. how can you help yourself? withdrawls are tough, with your other condition of anorexia i would suggest you talk with your physician and find out the best way to get off of the vicodin. they can help you detox safely and in a way that it is not so hard on you body.
hang in there. you are worth it. keep posting.
PM
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U" hit the nail right on the head pregnantmom.
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in the meetings ....oh yes for the most part you can apply the principles of AA to your vic addictions as well but I would recommend an NA meeting but ... any is better than none.... tell your dad....let him have the gift ( not that this is one that he would want) to help you ... let him share his recovery with you...
At the meetings you will not get people to help you sit on the pitty pot of ... I should have know better.... I tried that...lol... I was a nurse and have an alcoholic dad... I knew it could genetic and invironmental..ect... I was educated and ect... well the people in those rooms of NA loved me until I could love myself again ... until I stopped beating myself up... they were my strength.. they showed my about a power greater than myself.....
sooo.... stop beating yourself up .... do the best you can do..( I recommend telling your dad).... and get to a meeting.... We all want you to succeed....
God Bless
Teresa
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I am so ashamed, I just can't tell him yet. I will get my strength up attending some meetings. I know I need him. But first I need to do this for me and my recovery, then I will share this, and we can suppot each other. My husband threatens to tell my whole family if I don't stop. That is the scariest thought. On the outside I have my s*** toghther, my family would be shocked. However, we all know I'm being tormented on the inside.
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Okay Baily,
But will you start meetings now???? Like just go now. Don't delay it anymore. You are worth more than that. I understand it's hard. I understand you are not ready ..... okay then get ready. Got it? Just be in action now for you. This isn't about anyone but you really. You deserve to be happy and free. It's our birthright. So let'd do it now!!!! I'm trying too. I'm not there yet but I am not giving up for a minute. I can get there. You can too. But it means we have to take care of ourselves and we start in the present moment. Okay, I'm pulling for ya. Keep posting Bailey,

PM
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PM, Thanks. I am going to go to a meeting tonight. I will let you know. I really appreciate your replys, I need someone to believe in me.
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we all do honey, we all need support. that's why we are here! just know it is not easy but it also is not impossible. i know you are doing the right thing in going to a meeting. i think you should consider detox as well. a way to get off meds with support. i might have to do that myself ..... but i have to wait and see. i'm willing to try it this way til i can get in next week to my doctor on friday. so just know you are in my thoughts as i too am in a struggle with my meds. and i know we both can do it.

hugs,
PM
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PM, woul everyone have to know if I went to detox?
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I don't think so honey. How old are you?
PM
12
Bailey,
I'd rather ya go to detox and noone known that not get help and keep using. Can you call some places near you and find out?
Love, PM
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Bailey, don't take for granted how lucky you are to have a dad who for sure understands and would want to help. Don't worry about any shame and talk to him soon-anything less is just wasted time. Good luck.
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bailey,
i don't think wanting to stop is wasted time. i think steve is right in that you are fortunate to have a dad who will understand, who loves and and cares for you.
wow what a blessing! and you have to acknowledge it cuz it's a great thing
so remember this with each step because it's important ...
not too many people can really say this.
having said that, i can still understand where you are coming from. i just don't want you to wait wait wait til you get better or a handle on it or whatever.
i'd rather you get help right away and then deal with telling your dad.
somehow you gotta take a step baby. this step is for YOU first.

love, PM