I forget the exact date, but looking back at some of my first posts it seems that the last time I was drunk was Feb 9 or 10. Correct me if I'm wrong but by my count I have been sober for six months, half a year! I'm sitting here pausing as I type this, I can remember the anxiety I would feel as I tried so hard to go one, just one evening without drinking and then the feeling of despair as I let go of my good intentions and let the booze take over yet again.
Wow! its a miracle and I'm so grateful ..... where would I be now if sobriety hadn't found me?......
Sometimes it all seems deceptively simple and I start thinking that maybee I really didn't have a problem. Just last week I was visiting and a bottle of homemade wine was brought out. I had no trouble saying no not because I didn't want any but because I could see that there was only enough for one glass.... my addict brain was saying "if I can't have too much I don't want any at all" yikes! Yet I still struggle with calling myself an alcoholic. Just writing that last sentence was a bit scary... seeing the words myself and alcoholic that close together seems weird. I guess I have some progress to make still.
Having been given the gift of sobriety, (I don't think I did this entirely on my own) has been wonderful, however its not the end of the storey. It might sound funny but I got so used to looking through beer gogles that reality doesn't always seem real.... I spent so much time numbed and living in my head that it became a habit. I'm still looking for the energy, ambition and enthusiasm that I had before booze. I might be making progress.
Wow! six months! To me, its not so much the number of days as it is putting distance between myself and the shame and embarrassment at who I was. I'm so thankful to not be going downhill towards disaster.
I'm so glad for all of you here on this board. Lookinup, thank you for your warm insightful posts, stay with us... Lacey, your creativity shows in your writing, I can relate so well to what you have to say.... Zak, you say so much in so few words.... VW, your strength comes right out of your posts and kicks me in the butt and gets me going when I'm slacking off.... Idgie, I miss you.... Stacey24, Gina, SKG, hope I haven't forgotten any body as we all take it...
one day at a time, Cookster
Yayyyyyy Cookster
6 months is awesome and congradulations on showing how it works if we work at it.
My mind also tells me maybe i only abused alcohol and now i have all these new morals maybe i can drink.......Addiction cunning,baffling and powerful and theres No F ing way do i want to risk finding out if i can drink alcohol because there is nothing in my life that a beer would brighten and when i drink alcohol i am a pisshead so now id rather be an alcoholic and in recovery.
I think too that at times when i used to call myself an Alcoholic in early sobriety all i could think of was the bad that i associated with the title now all i can think of is all the good that has entered my life since i admitted to god and myself that i was an alky
light and love Zac
6 months is awesome and congradulations on showing how it works if we work at it.
My mind also tells me maybe i only abused alcohol and now i have all these new morals maybe i can drink.......Addiction cunning,baffling and powerful and theres No F ing way do i want to risk finding out if i can drink alcohol because there is nothing in my life that a beer would brighten and when i drink alcohol i am a pisshead so now id rather be an alcoholic and in recovery.
I think too that at times when i used to call myself an Alcoholic in early sobriety all i could think of was the bad that i associated with the title now all i can think of is all the good that has entered my life since i admitted to god and myself that i was an alky
light and love Zac
Wow!! Cookster, well done on your six months of being sober. Fantastic achievement!!
I know exactly what you mean about the dreaded 'alcoholic' label. It took me well over a year of continued denial to finally admit that I am alcoholic. A weight lifted from me when I was able to admit it though, and my life once again went through a process of quite alot of change. It freed me from denial I guess. It doesn't bother me now. Yes, I was a way out of control, dodgy alcoholic drug abuser. I don't go round telling everyone, but I am more at peace with my past and myself because I am not denying what I was anymore. That was me then, this is the new improved me!! Sober, clean and much much better for it.
Here's to your next six months!!
I know exactly what you mean about the dreaded 'alcoholic' label. It took me well over a year of continued denial to finally admit that I am alcoholic. A weight lifted from me when I was able to admit it though, and my life once again went through a process of quite alot of change. It freed me from denial I guess. It doesn't bother me now. Yes, I was a way out of control, dodgy alcoholic drug abuser. I don't go round telling everyone, but I am more at peace with my past and myself because I am not denying what I was anymore. That was me then, this is the new improved me!! Sober, clean and much much better for it.
Here's to your next six months!!
~APPLAUSE!!~
Congrats! Are you as amazed as I am that things ARE actually better than ever? I mean, when *I* was drinking I simply couldn't imagine life--and all its twists and surprizes--as being any more "fun." I drank to make it "fun." And it stopped being "fun."
Now just the simplicity that is MY HP and serenity is so calming and, well, fun--because I don't have the weight of where the next drunk or addiction is coming from, where the empties are, what I said (or am TOLD that I said, but can't remember), and who I may have hurt trying to get my "fun" on.
Congratulations on your sobriety. It DOES work if you work it and your story is inspiring. Keep us posted!
Congrats! Are you as amazed as I am that things ARE actually better than ever? I mean, when *I* was drinking I simply couldn't imagine life--and all its twists and surprizes--as being any more "fun." I drank to make it "fun." And it stopped being "fun."
Now just the simplicity that is MY HP and serenity is so calming and, well, fun--because I don't have the weight of where the next drunk or addiction is coming from, where the empties are, what I said (or am TOLD that I said, but can't remember), and who I may have hurt trying to get my "fun" on.
Congratulations on your sobriety. It DOES work if you work it and your story is inspiring. Keep us posted!
Hello again Cookster!!
I was thinking about what I posted and realised that I put drug 'abuser'.
Mmmm.....this got me thinking about the whole denial thing again. I would never say I was a drug addict, how can I be; a drug addict is a heroin or crack addict, dependant on the drug.
I have been known to run out of weed and be desperatley searching the floor for any tiny crumbs I might find. The head space I was in without the weed was horrendous and the only thing that could do anything to help me was weed. Imagine the relief of finding a tiny bit, whacking it in a pipe and smoking. Wow, I sighed with relief just typing that!!
Marijuana isn't really a drug, says the mind. There is no way I am a drug addict, don't be stupid!! I only smoked every single day - lots. Tried to give up. Failed. One pipe would lead to daily smoking again etc etc.
It is exactly the same process as alcoholism.
Drugs have really screwed me up, but there is still a part of me that glorifies them. But still, I ain't no drug addict!!!
I know this is all about me, but the struggle to admit alcoholism which you mentioned has just bought all this out!!
Sorry to hijack your fab six month thread, but I possibly have a bit more denial to go through.
We both have, good luck, it is weird.
I was thinking about what I posted and realised that I put drug 'abuser'.
Mmmm.....this got me thinking about the whole denial thing again. I would never say I was a drug addict, how can I be; a drug addict is a heroin or crack addict, dependant on the drug.
I have been known to run out of weed and be desperatley searching the floor for any tiny crumbs I might find. The head space I was in without the weed was horrendous and the only thing that could do anything to help me was weed. Imagine the relief of finding a tiny bit, whacking it in a pipe and smoking. Wow, I sighed with relief just typing that!!
Marijuana isn't really a drug, says the mind. There is no way I am a drug addict, don't be stupid!! I only smoked every single day - lots. Tried to give up. Failed. One pipe would lead to daily smoking again etc etc.
It is exactly the same process as alcoholism.
Drugs have really screwed me up, but there is still a part of me that glorifies them. But still, I ain't no drug addict!!!
I know this is all about me, but the struggle to admit alcoholism which you mentioned has just bought all this out!!
Sorry to hijack your fab six month thread, but I possibly have a bit more denial to go through.
We both have, good luck, it is weird.
Cookster...
Way to Go!!! 6 mos is a huge milestone and it has been such a pleasure to walk with you in this journey called recovery...
Thank you for always being so open, honest and willing...I love reading your posts and I am so proud to see how far you have traveled, doing it just one day at a time...
Enjoy your day!!
Lovin ya,
Stacey
Way to Go!!! 6 mos is a huge milestone and it has been such a pleasure to walk with you in this journey called recovery...
Thank you for always being so open, honest and willing...I love reading your posts and I am so proud to see how far you have traveled, doing it just one day at a time...
Enjoy your day!!
Lovin ya,
Stacey
6 months, what an achievement cookster! Congrats!! how cool are u?! I too, know what u mean, I would be in total denial, thinking I'm not an alcoholic, I just have a bit of a problem which can be controlled if I drink sociably, at the right times and with others...yeah right! I couldnt stop my alcoholic drinking I knew it was wrong. Thats why this time with me, something has finally clicked and its that acceptance thing, step 1. We have admitted it, we are all in this together and I hold u as a shining example as well as others to what I will achieve.....
onwards and upwards...hugs..flojo x
onwards and upwards...hugs..flojo x
Congratulations, Cookster! You are a miracle!
Congrats again, Cookster.
I read something that Lacey put in her posts that struck a cord and felt compelled to bring it back up. Hope you don't mind?
:the dreaded 'alcoholic' label
Looking back, I wonder what all the fuss is about? Maybe because of all the bad publicity we get prior to figuring out the simplicity of recovery? I mean, most of the alcoholics portrayed in film and television are sleeping in boxes, going through trash cans, etc., and that's just not the way the folks in my groups are! As in the Big Book, most of these people are every-day people; Doctors, teachers, legal professionals, truck drivers, technology execs, house-moms, etc. We're EVERY where! I prefer to think of myself as addicted to alcohol--well, addicted to ANYTHING that alters my mood--but that seems to be more promising of recovery than alcoholism. I'm still wrestling with the anonymity thing, too, because I've never been more content with my existence as a result of AA. Yet another dichotomy of sobriety, methinks....
Anyway, and yes it's all about "us," not just the "me." part of our recovery is learning how to communicate OUR experiences, strengths and hope--without preaching it. Remember? Attraction, not promotion? Let's face it: Where else can we go on about our adventures as it says in the Big Book: How It Works? Where else can we talk about OUR feelings? Our Programs? Yes, it's about me--and how my experiences relate to others' recovery. I've learned more about myself in listening and reading what others have gone through than I ever would mulling through pages and pages of prepared documentation. Maybe because MY HP requires that I listen and process and share, I dunno. I've been sober 113 days, that's all I know, and I'm at a place of peace that I've searched my whole life to realize was always in me--as soon as I stopped trying to find it in other place, people, things, and substances.
Have a wonderful, serene day.
thanks, Zac!
I read something that Lacey put in her posts that struck a cord and felt compelled to bring it back up. Hope you don't mind?
:the dreaded 'alcoholic' label
Looking back, I wonder what all the fuss is about? Maybe because of all the bad publicity we get prior to figuring out the simplicity of recovery? I mean, most of the alcoholics portrayed in film and television are sleeping in boxes, going through trash cans, etc., and that's just not the way the folks in my groups are! As in the Big Book, most of these people are every-day people; Doctors, teachers, legal professionals, truck drivers, technology execs, house-moms, etc. We're EVERY where! I prefer to think of myself as addicted to alcohol--well, addicted to ANYTHING that alters my mood--but that seems to be more promising of recovery than alcoholism. I'm still wrestling with the anonymity thing, too, because I've never been more content with my existence as a result of AA. Yet another dichotomy of sobriety, methinks....
Anyway, and yes it's all about "us," not just the "me." part of our recovery is learning how to communicate OUR experiences, strengths and hope--without preaching it. Remember? Attraction, not promotion? Let's face it: Where else can we go on about our adventures as it says in the Big Book: How It Works? Where else can we talk about OUR feelings? Our Programs? Yes, it's about me--and how my experiences relate to others' recovery. I've learned more about myself in listening and reading what others have gone through than I ever would mulling through pages and pages of prepared documentation. Maybe because MY HP requires that I listen and process and share, I dunno. I've been sober 113 days, that's all I know, and I'm at a place of peace that I've searched my whole life to realize was always in me--as soon as I stopped trying to find it in other place, people, things, and substances.
Have a wonderful, serene day.
thanks, Zac!
Woohoooooooooooo Cookster, six months is terrific!
Thanks everybody for your kind words and encouragement!
Hey Lacey, you didn't hijack this thread at all, I enjoyed your thoughts on the alcoholic label; I enjoyed SKGs thoughts as well. I only drank every day, but only because I felt like it, if I didn't I would feel bad, so I always felt like drinking. I rarely blacked out, and I hardly every missed work because of drinking. I always drank lots of coffee in the morning so no one would smell booze on by breath (it seemed to work, no one said anything). All I really needed to do was to "cut back a bit". So I'm not really an alcoholic... naw, not me.... it could only happen to some one else...... not me......
Flojo, I too needed to accept the fact that I cannot control alcohol once it gets in me. Once I got desperate enought to accept that fact I was able to make progress. I'm so happy to hear that you are making progress to!
I'm glad for this board and you people, the chance to share doubles the joy of success and halves the weight of the burdens we face.....
one day at a time Cookster
Hey Lacey, you didn't hijack this thread at all, I enjoyed your thoughts on the alcoholic label; I enjoyed SKGs thoughts as well. I only drank every day, but only because I felt like it, if I didn't I would feel bad, so I always felt like drinking. I rarely blacked out, and I hardly every missed work because of drinking. I always drank lots of coffee in the morning so no one would smell booze on by breath (it seemed to work, no one said anything). All I really needed to do was to "cut back a bit". So I'm not really an alcoholic... naw, not me.... it could only happen to some one else...... not me......
Flojo, I too needed to accept the fact that I cannot control alcohol once it gets in me. Once I got desperate enought to accept that fact I was able to make progress. I'm so happy to hear that you are making progress to!
I'm glad for this board and you people, the chance to share doubles the joy of success and halves the weight of the burdens we face.....
one day at a time Cookster
Hey Cookster,
Congrats on 6 mths !!
Well done,
Ginge
Congrats on 6 mths !!
Well done,
Ginge
