Well,
I know you are all going to be dissappointed with me, but after chemo yesterday ( which didn't go quite as well as planned) and things calmed down last night from that, I decided to go for a little drive. Got a phone call from a friend of mine who is having some trouble and met her at a bar/restaurant and caved in and had 2 Martinis. I actually drank 1 and a half of them and went onto Ice water after that while I sat and listened to her. The entire time she was talking to me I kept thinking what a stupid thing I had done. I didn't get drunk and i didn't feel bad (physically) today from it but I guess It's back to the old drawning board. The sobriety wagon I was riding had a flat tire. Although I shouldn't have done it, at least I was able to stop after just 1-1/2. That was an accomplishment I guess. Well, the flat tire has been re-inflated and back on the ride again. Sorry to disappoint you all. You have been such great supportive, inspirational and understanding people here.Don't give up on me please. I will make it. Just another Day At A TIme.
Tremor
Sorry about your slip, but at least you caught yourself. That's a good thing...and something that i usually can never do. It's like once i screw up, i think, oh well, i drank now so i might as well do it up;( Maybe you needed to do that just to remind yourself that you don't want to go back there. Hope this made sense;) Keep up the great work;)
BTW...nobody will be disappointed in you, just here for you, that's all;)
Have a nice day!
BTW...nobody will be disappointed in you, just here for you, that's all;)
Have a nice day!
Those meetings are still available if you'd like some face to face support.
Dear Tremor, Like Jayde said (hi hun :) at least you were able to stop and realized you had slipped. I myself had a strawberry dacquari at the beach yesterday, but it just didn't seem to taste as good as it used to, and like you I switched to ice water afterwards, I think it's the guilt complex, that we have let ourselves down, but I know my moods and I know that feeling of GOD I need a drink, that's when I have to watch myself, but I'm not tempting fate by having one here and there either because as you know that could possibly lead to full blown addiction again, and I know you or I or anyone else on the board doesn't want that. But I just felt like having A drink yesterday and knew that one drink wasn't going to lead me to more, and you felt that way as well so that's a good thing, control the drink, don't let the drink control you, and pray like there's no tomorrow!!
Big Hugs!
Lovedove
Big Hugs!
Lovedove
Thanks to ALL of you for your kind words. I just HATE this disease. It is a curse and a huge ball and chain. Will the cravings EVER stop? Well, I am back on the wagon again after my first and hopefully last fall. I so admire each of you and your determination and spirit. Thank GOD I never did any drugs. None at all. Tried pot in college and slept for 2 days afterwards. That was soo scary for me that I never tried anything else again. Just wish I didn't have this overwhelming desire for alcohol.
I have a couple of questions for you all.
1. How many times have you fell off the wagon?
2. How many of you have the heredity factor with your drinking? As you all know my father was an alcoholic.
3. How many of you believe alcoholism is hereditary?
4. What is the single most thought in your head each day that keeps you sober?
5.How many of you have read and believe that this addiction is a breakdown in your bodies abilities to process sugar?
6. How many of you have hardly if any support at home for this addiction?
7. How many are closet drinkers? Hide it from spouse and family?
8. How many of you have found that in staying off of alcohol you have traded that addiction for another such as food, drugs, etc.
Just curious as to the answers when you have the time.
Thanks for all of your support.
Tremor
I have a couple of questions for you all.
1. How many times have you fell off the wagon?
2. How many of you have the heredity factor with your drinking? As you all know my father was an alcoholic.
3. How many of you believe alcoholism is hereditary?
4. What is the single most thought in your head each day that keeps you sober?
5.How many of you have read and believe that this addiction is a breakdown in your bodies abilities to process sugar?
6. How many of you have hardly if any support at home for this addiction?
7. How many are closet drinkers? Hide it from spouse and family?
8. How many of you have found that in staying off of alcohol you have traded that addiction for another such as food, drugs, etc.
Just curious as to the answers when you have the time.
Thanks for all of your support.
Tremor
Hi Tremor, sorry you slipped up, but it sounds like you caught yourself before it went too far, so that's good. Hope you are feeling better today, dont let it get you down! Like you have told me, just start over. As to your questions... its only recently that I've been actively trying to stay sober but as I recall I've slipped 3 or 4 times. My grandma was an alco but she's the only one I know of in my family; I believe in heredity, and also in the predisposition of different races, ethnicities etc (for ex. I am part Irish and part American Indian, among other things, both ethnicities predisposed to alcoholism). I try to think of where I'll be in 10 years if I keep drinking... that helps me I think. Never heard about the sugar thing, I'll have to read more about it. I don't have much support at all among family/friends mostly because I'm a closeted alco & they don't really know (some have an idea though I think). I do tend to eat more when I'm not drinking but not too excessive & I've been trying to watch it b/c I want to lose the 10 extra pounds I've packed on!
There, I actually copied & pasted your questions so I wouldn't forget any & then deleted them, lol. Please stay in touch with us and stay strong, even with a little slip youre still doing great!! Hugs & happy Friday...
There, I actually copied & pasted your questions so I wouldn't forget any & then deleted them, lol. Please stay in touch with us and stay strong, even with a little slip youre still doing great!! Hugs & happy Friday...
Dear Tremor, Well this year has been the first year that I decided to even try and quit drinking, I always suspected I had a problem, but never wanted to admit it, so on New Year's Day, yep the old resolution I decided to quit. I have fallen off once, really bad and had a strawberry dacquari the other day at the beach, and I don't think the cravings really ever go away, they just get abit easier over time once you establish new patterns in your life. My Dad was a real heavy drinker in his day, as is my brother, so yes I do believe in the heredity factor, definetely we are more susceptible to the disease, but I do believe in free will and choice. The single thing in my life that keeps me sober is the fact that I don't want to be that drunk anymore, I honesty didn't like who I was becoming, so I play the tape forward and think, before I drink, I don't want to ruin the life I have now. As for the sugar thing, I have heard something of this before, and I don't know alot about it, but I for one LOVE sugar!! and I find I eat alot more sweets now than I ever did when I was drinking, interesting fact, I'll have to look into that some more!! I get support from my parents, my H is another story he flip flops back and forth, on one hand he likes me sober, on the other hand I think he misses his old drinking buddy!! he is getting better as time goes on though.I think like anything change is scary to people in the first stages.. I used to hide my drinking from my family and my H I'd throw out all the empties or just leave a few around so it looked like I only had a couple, meanwhile I'd drank a ton of booze, you know the weird thing about my drinking was I used to drink to be social then it got to the point where I would drink by myself, and not want to be around people to hide the fact how dependent I had become and how much I drank. Yikes pretty scary freaks me out just thinking about it!! And as for the trading the addiction thing, I'm working alot more and also shopping more than I used to, I'm tending to care more about how I dress and how I look, because before I really didn't, the only thing that mattered was being drunk. I know I have an addictive personality so I have to watch everything I do, especially if it becomes excessive!! Hard to be me sometimes but hey I love me!! faults and all!! took awhile for that to happen!! Hope this gave you some insight, great topic!!
Lots of love
lovedove
Lots of love
lovedove
Good Morning Tremor
I have posted to you before.....I am on the painpill forum....We are doing the same days as one another, if you remember!
I didn't read all the other posts.....I just wanted to say hi and let you know, life is always full of setbacks, isn't it? If you look at any other goal you ever set in your life, and attained......it was full of setbacks and struggles and stuff, wasn't it? I know it was for me...
Anyway, the struggles aren't what we remember in the big picture, it is the goal we attained.....so in time, this setback won't be the top thing on your mind, it just is right now.....just relax.....it is an opportunity to approach this thing (sobriety) with a renewed spirit.......our struggles are our teachers....and they keep us humble and open to learning....in this way, it can be viewed as a gift.
I wish you luck. I always look to check in on you over here....God Bless You and hang in there.....day by day....
Peace.
Sarah
I have posted to you before.....I am on the painpill forum....We are doing the same days as one another, if you remember!
I didn't read all the other posts.....I just wanted to say hi and let you know, life is always full of setbacks, isn't it? If you look at any other goal you ever set in your life, and attained......it was full of setbacks and struggles and stuff, wasn't it? I know it was for me...
Anyway, the struggles aren't what we remember in the big picture, it is the goal we attained.....so in time, this setback won't be the top thing on your mind, it just is right now.....just relax.....it is an opportunity to approach this thing (sobriety) with a renewed spirit.......our struggles are our teachers....and they keep us humble and open to learning....in this way, it can be viewed as a gift.
I wish you luck. I always look to check in on you over here....God Bless You and hang in there.....day by day....
Peace.
Sarah
Tremor, In answer to your questions:
1. How many times have you fell off the wagon? Too many to count; this is the longest I've been sober 2.8 years one day at a time.
2. How many of you have the heredity factor with your drinking? My maternal grandparents were alcoholics, my Dad is an alcoholic/addict, my Sister is an addict, my Aunt is a heroin addict, a couple of my Aunts seem to cross the line with their drinking ~ so not sure about them, and my youngest daughter is showing signs of alcoholism.
3. How many of you believe alcoholism is hereditary? I do...my youngest daughter started exhibiting alcoholic behavior at age 2...the "ism", I, Me & Self traits.
4. What is the single most thought in your head each day that keeps you sober? God
5.How many of you have read and believe that this addiction is a breakdown in your bodies abilities to process sugar? Not sure....
6. How many of you have hardly if any support at home for this addiction? Once I got honest with everyone, I have nothing but support.
7. How many are closet drinkers? I was sometimes and wasn't other times. Hide it from spouse and family? Tried to hide it from parents and co-workers, the only thing me and my ex-husband had in common was drinking and using.
8. How many of you have found that in staying off of alcohol you have traded that addiction for another such as food, drugs, etc. Shopping was big in my first year of sobriety, got into some debt...now I've replaced that with eating!
1. How many times have you fell off the wagon? Too many to count; this is the longest I've been sober 2.8 years one day at a time.
2. How many of you have the heredity factor with your drinking? My maternal grandparents were alcoholics, my Dad is an alcoholic/addict, my Sister is an addict, my Aunt is a heroin addict, a couple of my Aunts seem to cross the line with their drinking ~ so not sure about them, and my youngest daughter is showing signs of alcoholism.
3. How many of you believe alcoholism is hereditary? I do...my youngest daughter started exhibiting alcoholic behavior at age 2...the "ism", I, Me & Self traits.
4. What is the single most thought in your head each day that keeps you sober? God
5.How many of you have read and believe that this addiction is a breakdown in your bodies abilities to process sugar? Not sure....
6. How many of you have hardly if any support at home for this addiction? Once I got honest with everyone, I have nothing but support.
7. How many are closet drinkers? I was sometimes and wasn't other times. Hide it from spouse and family? Tried to hide it from parents and co-workers, the only thing me and my ex-husband had in common was drinking and using.
8. How many of you have found that in staying off of alcohol you have traded that addiction for another such as food, drugs, etc. Shopping was big in my first year of sobriety, got into some debt...now I've replaced that with eating!
Tremor
For me its been a process of about 1.5 years coming to terms with my alcoholism. I seriously started to want to stop drinking about 3-4 months ago, before that I wanted a drink more than I wanted to be sober even though I was miserable.
I've done about 4 rounds of 8-10 days, Up to 13 days last time of sober and then slipping again. I have got back on the wagon quicker each time though, at first I'd binge for a week or so, then a week, then 5 days, this last time 2 days before I stopped.
EAch episode has taught me something about my drinking and myself. Do I want to continue that pattern - hell no.
For me realising (on my last binge) that I can't do this alone has been a big thing for me. Now when I crave or obsess (which has not been that much the last week) I just pray or meditate. I'm feeling restless today and so I'm heading out to a meeting in a few mins. I know the worst thing I can do is sit and brood.
I don't think there's any alcos in my family - just me. I'm not sure if I think its hereditary or not, possibly, but it could also be environmental too, a learned behaviour to begin with.
Acceptance is so far the biggest key to my recovery. I have to accept my alcoholism, that I can't drink like other people. Working on that helps me a lot.
I'm sorry I can't remember all the other questions.
For me its been a process of about 1.5 years coming to terms with my alcoholism. I seriously started to want to stop drinking about 3-4 months ago, before that I wanted a drink more than I wanted to be sober even though I was miserable.
I've done about 4 rounds of 8-10 days, Up to 13 days last time of sober and then slipping again. I have got back on the wagon quicker each time though, at first I'd binge for a week or so, then a week, then 5 days, this last time 2 days before I stopped.
EAch episode has taught me something about my drinking and myself. Do I want to continue that pattern - hell no.
For me realising (on my last binge) that I can't do this alone has been a big thing for me. Now when I crave or obsess (which has not been that much the last week) I just pray or meditate. I'm feeling restless today and so I'm heading out to a meeting in a few mins. I know the worst thing I can do is sit and brood.
I don't think there's any alcos in my family - just me. I'm not sure if I think its hereditary or not, possibly, but it could also be environmental too, a learned behaviour to begin with.
Acceptance is so far the biggest key to my recovery. I have to accept my alcoholism, that I can't drink like other people. Working on that helps me a lot.
I'm sorry I can't remember all the other questions.
Tremor, how goes it today?
