Hey again everyone...of recent i've got a big, and amazingly annoying problem...people who call themselves my "friends" have been hassling me...you see...its because I have something that they want...and its not even mine.
I live in a nice home and im comfortable where i'm at. The problem is my grandmother has work in the early mornings...and both my sober friends and my tweaker friends know this... and on random nights...if not every night....I wake up after my grandma leaves and go sleep on the other side of the house...so I dont have to hear there yelling, banging, whistling, chatter, or just any of their bulls***. Today I got really overwhelmed with them...I've noticed that the friends I shouldnt be calling friends have been using me cus im a nice guy and like to see people smile...they(the fuc**ed up friends) come over in the mornings when my grandmother, filled with worry, leaving for work...and me, filled with worry, that its the tweakers will be at my window each night. Today I did something that i've wanted to do since these brats started smoking...I told the tweaker group too "FUC* OFF!"...lol...I was straightfaced, and stood hella firm...the chick I asked nicely to tell everyone "No I can't, and don't want anyone here without good reason" to leave the first time was the one I told this too...and to be honest she's probly the biggest bitc* ive known throughout my life, not to mention she causes more drama for other people than anyone I have ever met, even worse she has absolutely no respect for me or anything that has to do with me. So I told her "FUC* OFF!"...and she said "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, CANT WE JUST COME IN TO SMOKE A BOWL"...I honestly was stressed and spun out of my mind and I couldnt deal with the bulls***. Writing this now, im here waiting for my Grandmother to come home and yell at me...odds are i'll get kicked out...and with everyone pissed at me for kicking them out and asking other friends to stay and help me watch my house pretty much just leaves me in the dust. Im so damn paranoid right now...I cant explain it to my grandmother in any way, and this is the first time i've been in this situation for a while now...If i do get kicked out im sorry for not replying...if not i'll post immediately. This is another one of those moments where you want to tell the ones you care about; things they more than likely dont want to hear, but just enough to keep them from killing themselves.......this is just gonna suck to no end... Hope to be back here as soon as possible.
Rob.
Hey Rob, I know what ya mean about "friends" . There are no real friends when it comes to gettin high . ( well in being honest, I do have a couple friends who I used to get high with ...but they too , are in recovery now ...so there is support between us.) congrats on taking the steps to tell everyone to f - off. May I ask why you can not talk to grandma about it . One of the last things I did before moving away from where I lived was to "come clean " with my mother ....I told her everything about my addiction and she has been amazingly supportive ever since. however it goes Rob, stay tough about recovery ....trust me ...after 35 years of meth ,I can honestly say nothing gets any better using .only worse.
I even had one friend who argued meth was what allowed him to live the lifestyle he did ,.....nice house , goin to vegas and layin down major bets, ....the funny part was he said this as I was bringing him to my house after he had gone to a court ordered NA meeting. He had been busted for the 4th time, he had no home, no possesions, no car ....no friends, except for me ...and he contnued to use and lost me as a friend ...so just exactly what did using bring him in his life .....not a damn thing AL
I even had one friend who argued meth was what allowed him to live the lifestyle he did ,.....nice house , goin to vegas and layin down major bets, ....the funny part was he said this as I was bringing him to my house after he had gone to a court ordered NA meeting. He had been busted for the 4th time, he had no home, no possesions, no car ....no friends, except for me ...and he contnued to use and lost me as a friend ...so just exactly what did using bring him in his life .....not a damn thing AL
PS Sooner or later your friends will see they cant "use" you anymore and will use someone else....it is ALL about gettin high. It takes a stronger man to say no to the bowl than it does to say ok .....
Be strong ............AL
Be strong ............AL
My grandmother isnt here yet...which is hella different than usual...when I left the last time I was just paranoid and worried...there is no easy way to tell my family that ive been using crys, coke, pain killers, weed, and getting s***faced drunk every possible chance...My family is firm in its belief of "Family First"
And when my family isnt the one that needs help its kind of hard to explain every painful emotion...I have to tell her whats going on just to worry even the slightest bit less about her worrying about me. Its not my home...and i'm staying here for free and every once in a while i'll sneak money into her purse or give her a couple bucks...I havent spent money on crys for over 2 years now...I dont go to the drug...people bring it to me...and I do have a strong will and im determined to do what I can to make it right...I just end up falling down to my knees and opening a bible reading prayers for help, support, goodluck, and guidance...God is my strength now...and I am going to do this for my familys' sake as well as my own...it has to be done now or never. I cant stand being worried and paranoid constantly even hanging out with a new girl "Kelly" and she doesnt even smoke...I just dont know what this will do to my life when it comes out because my grandmother has dealt with me too many times and i've got a search and seizure warrant as well as a warrant for arrest if doing anything out of the ordinary...its not fun to have this pressure and stress regardless of how much "fun" I feel im having while high...I just need the release...Im already prepared for the worse(I packed a suitcase), expecting the worse...praying and hoping for the best...or wishing endlessly for peace. Im not only telling her about the other drugs...I'm telling her about what i've been doing with my fling around the house, since she hates damn near every one I know.
Wish Me Luck please!...please pray for me...I need it this time. For the first time in a while...I have absolutely no idea what will happen...not a good feeling whatsoever...
Rob
And when my family isnt the one that needs help its kind of hard to explain every painful emotion...I have to tell her whats going on just to worry even the slightest bit less about her worrying about me. Its not my home...and i'm staying here for free and every once in a while i'll sneak money into her purse or give her a couple bucks...I havent spent money on crys for over 2 years now...I dont go to the drug...people bring it to me...and I do have a strong will and im determined to do what I can to make it right...I just end up falling down to my knees and opening a bible reading prayers for help, support, goodluck, and guidance...God is my strength now...and I am going to do this for my familys' sake as well as my own...it has to be done now or never. I cant stand being worried and paranoid constantly even hanging out with a new girl "Kelly" and she doesnt even smoke...I just dont know what this will do to my life when it comes out because my grandmother has dealt with me too many times and i've got a search and seizure warrant as well as a warrant for arrest if doing anything out of the ordinary...its not fun to have this pressure and stress regardless of how much "fun" I feel im having while high...I just need the release...Im already prepared for the worse(I packed a suitcase), expecting the worse...praying and hoping for the best...or wishing endlessly for peace. Im not only telling her about the other drugs...I'm telling her about what i've been doing with my fling around the house, since she hates damn near every one I know.
Wish Me Luck please!...please pray for me...I need it this time. For the first time in a while...I have absolutely no idea what will happen...not a good feeling whatsoever...
Rob
Thanks everyone...that let off alot of stress that i've been dealing with lately. I fought my demons and now im gonna go get drunk to pass out lol. nah jk...heh either way telling the one person left of three others in my family what has been going on relieves me of so much pain and pressure...i'll rest easier tonight. Thats one step closer to quitting this 7 year habit of mine...Thanks Al, your support really helps and you seem very well liked here. Thanks again.
Rob
Rob
Hey Rob, How's it goin today?? Glad to hear you had a load lifted , it makes it much easier quitting if not carrying all that excess "baggage"
hang tough friend , it does get easier AL
hang tough friend , it does get easier AL
sobriety sucks...yet...it just fu**in rocks...1 week sober from crys...this is the part where it gets annoying...wish me luck.
Rob
Rob
Hey Rob,
I am one week sober from coke, I did my dabbling....and a little bit of the meth.I am recieving phone calls from people I partied with and the hard thing is they are worried about me. I miss my friends...bec
I am one week sober from coke, I did my dabbling....and a little bit of the meth.I am recieving phone calls from people I partied with and the hard thing is they are worried about me. I miss my friends...bec
