I lost my best friend to addiction nov 26 2013..my boyfriend his twin brother is in recovery now..is 10 months clean..we have been through hell and back..we have been together for 2 years now..but I did not know they were addicts until my best friend passed. My boyfriend and I have been living seperate lives..and we keep breaking up and getting back together. He goes from saying he cant live without me to giving up when things get tough..hes not very stable..and I feel like I am standing on the sidelines. He still does not confide in me like he used too..he says he loves me but I dont feel like he does the way he used too..ive gone to nar anon read books went to counselling..but I feel like nothing I do is enough..hes lied to me our whole relationship and still lies about things..ive given up my whole life to be with him before and he sent me away and asked for me back..he has tried to be less then faithful to me in the past..and says I need to trust him because its different this time..but the other day he told me he cant respect me because he has nothing to offer me and cant respect himself.he says he needs me in his life because im the only one who understood his bond with his brother..but im left with being his punch bag..I dont know what else I can do for him..but leave..I love him..but I am starting to doubt myself the longer I get treated like im nothing..I tried to discuss it with him..but its just not enough..can someone give me answers..
Dear Cht1126, You have mentioned. in your letter that he has lied to you your entire relationship.You mention he was unfaithful, he says to trust him because this time is different. ..You clearly see through your words that this is not a healthy relationship. .It is time to put a period to it and move on...He is playing you plain and simple....Love yourself more then you love him....let him go he needs to work on himself ...You need to work on yourself and figure out why you are excepting such behavior. ...You deserve better.There has been enough time wasted.
I left him. . He didn't even react. .he just said okay..I know I am going to be okay..but I dont feel okay at all..I lost my best friend and the love of my life both in less then a year..I dont know how to feel anymore..
DearCht1126, I am sorry for all you have gone through.You said he was the love of your life, but it sounds like you deserve so much better. ..The relationship you described was not a healthy one.My friend once told me of this poem a reason a season a.lifetime.Sometimes people enter into our life, their stay is brief but there is a reason a purpose for our encounter but they must move on. A season there maybe someone who enters in your life you may spend quite sometime with you share memories laughter but within time they must move on....it saddens you but in time the tears are replaced with smiles and cherished memories.A lifetime someone will enter into your life and they choose to stay you share many a season with them and they remain through good times and bad.Realize life will hand you many journeys you may not know the.final destination but realize we learn and grow through each journey.It sounds like you have been through alot it is now time to focus on you.Learn about what it is that makes you happy once again . analyze what it is you want in a relationship so the next one will be better for you.Although you feel he was the love of your life you will in time see he didn't deserve that title.There are so many men out there in time you will find the true love of your life ...In the meantime chin up every day holds new promise....You will be okay :-)
Thank you..I just see now that the loss of our best friend..his twin brother..changed him..made him bitter and cold..and many times in the past he used him as a way to bring me back. That ciaran told him that I was the one..and every time I believed things would be different. And maybe apart of me wanted to believe that..my ex was also the closest thing I had left to my best friend..my last connection to him..tomorrow is 11 months since ciaran has passed..and everyday it gets closer to his one year my heart feels like its shattering..I keep having flashbacks of the day we found him in his bed..I feel like I didnt just lose one twin that day but I lost the both of them..and I just keep holding on..I know I need to move on..in ciarans honor..im going back to school..like I promised I would before he passed..my dear best friend wanted me to go back so bad he planned to pay for my education..I hope my journey will be full of happiness now that all the pain is slowly passing..one day. And as for my ex..I hope he gets better..I really hope he finds what hes looking for..and I hope he gets better..thats all I want..
I also lost my best friend about more than a year ago.
My best friend was my dad and I did not lose him to drugs.
It was still sudden because of some hospital mess up that lead to his death.
So it is normal that you feel pain.
You lost your best friend, found him dead from an OD.
This is heavy stuff and it will take time.
You are dealing with few differnt issues at the same time.
The sudden loss of your best friend, the addiction of the twin brother, the brother whom you considered the love of your life but who is distant...
I know that it is all very complex and painful.
Not to feel anything is also normal but you just have to feel the pain but try not to dwell upon it.
If you can try to keep busy and do some things that can make you feel a bit better and lift your spirits up.
If you have good friends try to find support by spending time with them....
It is good that you are leaving the not so stable and prone to addiction boyfriend.
You do not have to complicate your life.
You can also find support for grief and loss and talk about the loss of your best friend.
Give yourself time and hopefully you will feel better soon.
My best friend was my dad and I did not lose him to drugs.
It was still sudden because of some hospital mess up that lead to his death.
So it is normal that you feel pain.
You lost your best friend, found him dead from an OD.
This is heavy stuff and it will take time.
You are dealing with few differnt issues at the same time.
The sudden loss of your best friend, the addiction of the twin brother, the brother whom you considered the love of your life but who is distant...
I know that it is all very complex and painful.
Not to feel anything is also normal but you just have to feel the pain but try not to dwell upon it.
If you can try to keep busy and do some things that can make you feel a bit better and lift your spirits up.
If you have good friends try to find support by spending time with them....
It is good that you are leaving the not so stable and prone to addiction boyfriend.
You do not have to complicate your life.
You can also find support for grief and loss and talk about the loss of your best friend.
Give yourself time and hopefully you will feel better soon.
I have been carrying a lot of guilt with me..two weeks before he died..we fought n didnt speak..I never got to tell him I loved him..I never got to hug him one last time or tell him how much he meant to me..and I carry a lot of anger towards how they both didnt tell me about their addiction..whether I knew I couldnt save them or not..the fact that I couldnt try..made that more of an effect on my heart..I replay that day over and over again...and I cannot get it out of my head..
I understand your pain.
I have some similar feelings.
You just have to try and accept that none of us are perfect.
Not so many people get to say to their loved one how much they care for them unless that person is terminal and you know they are going to leave us.
Maybe you should try and seek some grief counceling or therapy in general.
Sometimes we get stuck in the world of the mind and emotions.
If you are not able to get out of this by yourself and these thoughts are obsessing you, you might need to seek some professional help.
Maybe if you let it linger, you will just sink deeper and deeper.
I both lost the dearest person in my life who was my dad and I am dealing with a relentless addict who happens to be my brother.
I can see how much I have lost the joy for living.
Once I get installed somewhere I am planning on going into therapy.
Also you may want to look into some alternative approach such as Yoga, meditatio, homeopathy....
Also know that your mind is not your master.
Try actively not to constantly think those thoughts. Give yourself a break,
Also volunteering could be good if you can go let us say help the elderly who live by themselves...
It could help you get out of your zone and feel gratified.
But it is important that you talk about these feelings and let them out.
I am sure that there is a lot of support out there if you look.
Hang in there and do not be harsh on yourself. We can be our worse ennemies at time.
I have some similar feelings.
You just have to try and accept that none of us are perfect.
Not so many people get to say to their loved one how much they care for them unless that person is terminal and you know they are going to leave us.
Maybe you should try and seek some grief counceling or therapy in general.
Sometimes we get stuck in the world of the mind and emotions.
If you are not able to get out of this by yourself and these thoughts are obsessing you, you might need to seek some professional help.
Maybe if you let it linger, you will just sink deeper and deeper.
I both lost the dearest person in my life who was my dad and I am dealing with a relentless addict who happens to be my brother.
I can see how much I have lost the joy for living.
Once I get installed somewhere I am planning on going into therapy.
Also you may want to look into some alternative approach such as Yoga, meditatio, homeopathy....
Also know that your mind is not your master.
Try actively not to constantly think those thoughts. Give yourself a break,
Also volunteering could be good if you can go let us say help the elderly who live by themselves...
It could help you get out of your zone and feel gratified.
But it is important that you talk about these feelings and let them out.
I am sure that there is a lot of support out there if you look.
Hang in there and do not be harsh on yourself. We can be our worse ennemies at time.
