I wanted to share something with everyone on this board today. As some of you already know, I'm a former methadone addict who was orginally on vicodin. This all started about five years ago (this is after I was finally HONEST with myself and actually admited to being an addict for five whole years), well, I went through treatment to wing myself off the methadone by using Suboxone (which I highly recommend to anyone) and then had the task of winging myself off the Suboxone. But there was one more thing I had to do and it didn't even occur to me until my therapist pointed it out. I had to STAY sober, which we all know is easier said than done. Since I am addict by nature, I honestly believed that even if I COULD stay clean, I would never be truly happy again. I remember thinking that my happiness came from those little pills and nothing else. So, for about 2-3 weeks I spent my time in a deep depression and also trying to find something-ANYTHING-that would make me happy again. Actually, I needed something to make me ME again. I drug myself into work and counted every minute I was in pain, having a craving, or just down-right sad. But then one morning, it happened. I was driving myself home from work (since I work nights, the sun was just coming up as I pulled into my drive way) and I realized something. The withdrawal was over, really over. I had made it!!!! I knew at that moment that I had the power to come back. There's a fire in me that all the drugs in the world cannot take away. Not to say that I'm free from the disease of addiction (I still stay away from anything that could put me back into withdrawal or anything like that) but now I KNOW what I have to do. And all I have to do is be ME:) I'm not ashamed to say that I like me and I think I knew all along that all those drugs had really changed me in a way I'll never forget. I'm slowly starting to get back into things that I once loved and cherished so much. No, life doesn't get you "high", but when something takes away what little you do care about, it's time to fight and fight HARD. For the first time in years, I feel very proud of myself. I mean, if I got through this, I know I'll get through whatever else comes my way. This whole experience has made me a wiser person, for which I am grateful. Also, I know that I love myself. The "energy" and "happiness" that I got from being high was in me all along, I just didn't know it until it was gone. I hope that makes sense to anyone who reads that.
Also, I'm concerned too about all the negative comments going around on this board. For all those involved I only have this to say: People who put other people down probably aren't the most secure persons in the world. Those of us who truly feel good about ourselves and are here to help don't need to say anything negative about people (who we don't even know for Pete's sake) and I would advise all of those who have been put down by others to just blow them off. It's really not worth your time getting upset over silly things like that. You just need to work on your recovery and remember that there are people here 24/7 who are ready to give you the positive advice that you need. Also, remember just how wide-spread this board is, you know? ANYONE from almost any country can be writing in at any time. And what the hell do they really know about you anyway? NOTHING!!!!
Anyway, for all those who are going through withdrawal right now, I beg you to remain strong. It's so worth it once you get out. Imagine freedom in a way you've never quite known before. It makes you feel good when it's finally behind you. And you'll be a stronger person for it, really, but I think most of you already know that. I look to this board for support when I'm feeling low and it's helped me SOOOOOOOOOO much. People need each other in times like this, they need to know they are not alone. And they're not, we all have each other. Even the negative people need people too. Anyway, that's all I wanted to share. Thanks for listening and if anyone has ANY questions concerning methadone or Suboxone, please write to me. I'm against methadone and I'm almost positive the Suboxone saved my life. Thank you again.
Sincerely,
REB Rachel
Rachael,my husband has suboxone and yeah it was a miracle for him he stayed clean for about 5 months on them and then one day he realized hey i can get high but i dont gotta woory about gettin sick cuz i got theese suboxone and he just really pisses me off . i am proud of you and i hope you stay clean.the dr. that put him on suboxone also gave him about 2000 oxys and morphine since september so yeah i blame here too.after taking all those pain meds he took a suboxone too early and i must tell you he went through some hurriffic withdrawls,
Rachel, I loved your post! Congratulations on your new found "real" happiness. I wanted to respond to you because I can relate to everything you said. I am on Day 25 and am suddenly feeling happy! Normal! Yesterday I told my husband that I actually had that "inner high" that I thought I could only get from the pills. I had drank some coffee and had some B12 and I felt so energetic and just plain good, it thrilled me. Knowing I could feel that great without narcotics was a huge wake-up call to me and I had a long talk with God and thanked him for helping me get to this point.
Life is good again.
Someone had made a comment on another thread about the braggers on here, so I won't ramble further. For all of you our there in the early days of w/d and feeling like hell, just know there can be a light at the end of the dark tunnel. And when you finally get there, it is so awesome! Do not give up. I had a long history of abuse and depression and for me to do this is miraculous. You can do it, too!
Take care and have a great weekend everyone!
That's so awesome!! What a great way to start the day, to see your post!!
I wrote a bunch more, but then realized it might be beneficial to offer as a separate thread, to help everyone (who might not see it as a reply here).
Anyway, again, BIG Congratulations!!
Welcome Home.
The whole rest of your life is just waiting to be savored.
Rachel
Thanks for that wonderful post, I believe that you had a similar "epiphany" to what I have experienced. Its great to read someone elses testemomy of the joys of being sober, it can be a big help to addicts who are sat on the fence and are scared to jump into the sobriety side.
Neon
Thanks for that wonderful post, I believe that you had a similar "epiphany" to what I have experienced. Its great to read someone elses testemomy of the joys of being sober, it can be a big help to addicts who are sat on the fence and are scared to jump into the sobriety side.
Neon
To Everyone Who Responed to Me:
Yes, true sobriety is a wonderful feeling and one that we should be proud of. After all, we worked VERY hard to get here. I know what you're saying about the others who think certain people are bragging, but that's not what's going on here at all!!! I think those of us who finally reached this stage just want to share our experience with others, you know? I want to give everyone hope-truly! I honestly remember thinking that I would NEVER be happy without drugs again. In fact, I remember thinking that "ok, I'll stay clean, but I sure as hell won't like it"!!! But that didn't turn out to be the case AT ALL. It truly is a new way of life, and a GOOD one at that. I'm just begging everyone whose currently going through withdrawal to remember that there is an actual end to this pain you're going through. Maybe right now you can't see it, but it's there waiting for you, really. I also think that if we're all going to work together as a team, we need to share the good as well as the bad. This only confirms that we are NOT alone in this fight and that it can be won. People do live through this, thank God:) You know, God made us stronger than we sometimes think. I honestly believe there are certain experiences people must go through in life in order to make them stronger. And having this disease can definitely make you stronger!
Neon,
You're awesome, don't forget that. Keep that beautiful tree in your mind for as long as you live. I think it will make you happy for the rest of your life:) Me pulling up and seeing the sun will always be with me, always. I finally got to see it for what it is. And it was wonderful:)
Good Luck to EVERYONE
REB
Yes, true sobriety is a wonderful feeling and one that we should be proud of. After all, we worked VERY hard to get here. I know what you're saying about the others who think certain people are bragging, but that's not what's going on here at all!!! I think those of us who finally reached this stage just want to share our experience with others, you know? I want to give everyone hope-truly! I honestly remember thinking that I would NEVER be happy without drugs again. In fact, I remember thinking that "ok, I'll stay clean, but I sure as hell won't like it"!!! But that didn't turn out to be the case AT ALL. It truly is a new way of life, and a GOOD one at that. I'm just begging everyone whose currently going through withdrawal to remember that there is an actual end to this pain you're going through. Maybe right now you can't see it, but it's there waiting for you, really. I also think that if we're all going to work together as a team, we need to share the good as well as the bad. This only confirms that we are NOT alone in this fight and that it can be won. People do live through this, thank God:) You know, God made us stronger than we sometimes think. I honestly believe there are certain experiences people must go through in life in order to make them stronger. And having this disease can definitely make you stronger!
Neon,
You're awesome, don't forget that. Keep that beautiful tree in your mind for as long as you live. I think it will make you happy for the rest of your life:) Me pulling up and seeing the sun will always be with me, always. I finally got to see it for what it is. And it was wonderful:)
Good Luck to EVERYONE
REB
Rachel,
What a wonderful, hopeful post. Hang on to that gratitude, girl! It has helped me through some bumpy times, and made the good times last longer..... I hope you keep posting your experience here. It is much needed. M.
What a wonderful, hopeful post. Hang on to that gratitude, girl! It has helped me through some bumpy times, and made the good times last longer..... I hope you keep posting your experience here. It is much needed. M.
