yep im a fool there is me thinking neil wanted a christmas with his family but all a long he was playing me for a fool , i caught him today selling goods to a neighbour when he saw me he tryed to hide then he ran off , later i looked to see if he had took his subbies but nope they are still ere and he aint been back since, im so hurt but not in the slightest shocked .Im extremly angry and when i say angry i mean angry i just want to punsh his face in but that wont solve anything i know im just so frustrated how dare he take me for a d*** !!!
i need to carry on with my life for my kids sake but im finding it extremly hard especially because he says when he is caught by the police we will never see him again cause he will top himself he refuses to go back to prison even thou its "DO THE CRIME THEN YOU GOTTA DO THE TIME ".
god help me please im not a bad person
Knock...Knock....Whos there?Emz ...Emz who!!....Emz just hang on a minute while i kick the s*** out of my fella!!
Emz dearest my attempt at lame humour ...i know yer going thru the mill with being pregnant ....dealing with yer kids and to top it of having to put up with yer addict fella......you have got a lot on yer plate ...but Emma why f***ing bother yer head bout Neil.....you have soo much more in yer life.....as ya know its up to him if hes gonna be snide and use and offload dodgy stuff.......and up to him to get clean.......i hope im wrong but his attempt at emotional blackmail......i.e im not doin no prison time etc.is just another go at you to put off the heavy guilt he is so obviously feelin.
Take care of yerself and the nippers............Davey
Emz dearest my attempt at lame humour ...i know yer going thru the mill with being pregnant ....dealing with yer kids and to top it of having to put up with yer addict fella......you have got a lot on yer plate ...but Emma why f***ing bother yer head bout Neil.....you have soo much more in yer life.....as ya know its up to him if hes gonna be snide and use and offload dodgy stuff.......and up to him to get clean.......i hope im wrong but his attempt at emotional blackmail......i.e im not doin no prison time etc.is just another go at you to put off the heavy guilt he is so obviously feelin.
Take care of yerself and the nippers............Davey
thanks davey i know your spot on , im just stupid making myself get hurt i know i should just move on but im too weak to do that right now i want answers which i know i will never get plus what makes so angry is the fact that im 5 month pg an stuck at home with 4 kids worrying about christmas while he is out there having the life of riley its just so unfair
Hey Emz...unfortunately I could see this happening, but I aint gonna say I told you so because I done exactty as you done and I dont regret it.
Its so hard when all you want is an easy life, a happy one with the bloke you love and your children and with Christmas coming up and being pregnant...well that just makes things harder for both you and myself.
You need to seriously think about walking away completely...wash your hands with him and realise that he aint ever gonna change. I know he has threatened suicide etc and god knows whether he will or wont go ahead with it, but is it not his choice to make that decision?? If he feels like he dont wanna go on...as much as it hurts and you feel you wanna save him for his kids etc, if he dont wanna do it then how are you going to??
I just think you are in a no win situation at the moment, its a loosing battle and until you completey walk away, you will never be free of the stress this man is causing you. Life goes on beyond him hunny, only I know that too well. You just got to remember you go through a bad patch is like walking through a tunnel...once your half way through you can only head back or walk straight through to something better. Although it doesnt feel like it now, you and me...we will meet someone else and we will be happy again just like we deserve.
Wishing you lots of luck in whatever you decide xx
Its so hard when all you want is an easy life, a happy one with the bloke you love and your children and with Christmas coming up and being pregnant...well that just makes things harder for both you and myself.
You need to seriously think about walking away completely...wash your hands with him and realise that he aint ever gonna change. I know he has threatened suicide etc and god knows whether he will or wont go ahead with it, but is it not his choice to make that decision?? If he feels like he dont wanna go on...as much as it hurts and you feel you wanna save him for his kids etc, if he dont wanna do it then how are you going to??
I just think you are in a no win situation at the moment, its a loosing battle and until you completey walk away, you will never be free of the stress this man is causing you. Life goes on beyond him hunny, only I know that too well. You just got to remember you go through a bad patch is like walking through a tunnel...once your half way through you can only head back or walk straight through to something better. Although it doesnt feel like it now, you and me...we will meet someone else and we will be happy again just like we deserve.
Wishing you lots of luck in whatever you decide xx
Is that better Emz??
Seriously, I hope that things go better for you. I can't even imagine having all those kids AND being pregnant (I had mine spaced far apart). Take care of YOU sweetheart and don't allow your Neil to rent this much space in your head.
I hope that you get some rest and relax and that things start looking up for you soon.
Emz ....ya know....Lynds is spot on after all the stuff life has thrown at her in recent times......you are in a similar situation to hers but yer dealing with 4 kids and a fifth on the way......when i say fairplay to Lynds .....having the strength and focus to continue life in a positive mindframe ...i mean it ...but Emz you got a bigger family ...so i.e more responability.....you gotta just think of you and yer kids ..full stop...you know no amount of anger or bitchin is gonna make Neil stay clean.Dont let it get to you as you are far more better than that...hes the addict not you its easy for me to say let go ...but its coming to that so just trust in yerself....coz you are the only one left for yer kids ....as heart rending that might be.Take care girl.......A.T.B..........Davey
Addicts are concerned about one thing & only one thing. And I'm afraid it sounds like it's not you. It's a terrible thing having to accept the fact that the people we love (that are hooked on dope) are not capable of returning that love. You have to protect yourself and let go. If he's serious about getting clean, by all means offer all the morel support you can. But some people will not be helped.
I know that I'm not aware of your situation, but if he's an addict he'll never be concerned with anything but getting his fix. NOTHING else matters.
I'm sorry, really sorry.
I know that I'm not aware of your situation, but if he's an addict he'll never be concerned with anything but getting his fix. NOTHING else matters.
I'm sorry, really sorry.
tanks for telling me stuff i need to hear im going to try to look ahead now to a hopefully brighter future , i have got my scan 2moz so i will find out the sex of the baby ill keep ya posted
emma xx
emma xx
