I have been posting about my adult 29 year old son who I have been fighting and begging , praying and anything else you can think of to save his life since he was 13 from drug addiction for so many years I am a shell of a human being and honestly don't want to wake up anymore to go through one more day of this hell on earth. He has been through 13 rehabs, jails, 4 years of prison, his girlfriend gave birth to a heroin addicted son who I took custody of and she took back when he was 4 years old which nearly killed me because she is still not clean but the court gives mom a long rope and my grandson did not know this woman. After his release from prison two years ago he seemed to be doing better, hard to find a job with 8 felonies but I helped him enroll in an HVAC program that helps place those with a past -a wonderful program if you want to change your life- I got him and paid for him an apt and a car- no small feat since I live on disability= he took my whole check-well two monthes ago when he got his income tax check he went on a crack , heroin , Xanax, and meth bender and quit school to become a tattoo artist,,, to follow his dream!!! Im all for following your dream but he cant even support himself now, so last night I find out he is charged with 3rd degree assault and 2 drug felonies and with his past record I am quite sure we are looking at prison again. I just signed a year lease on a new apartment and I live in florida and he is in Missouri, this week my husband asked me to leave him to go help my son. HE IS DONE WITH ME, I AM HEARTBROKEN, I do not want to go live with my son and babysit a 30 year old man who does not listen to me anyway and gets violent and breaks and steals everything I have when I confront his behavior, so I believe I have lost my marriage now too because of Robbie. I feel so guilty for saying this but my son has ruined my life, he is my only child, what kind of mother says that? I guess a bad one , but he has ruined friendships, my family doesn't want to be around me because they don't want their precious children around a convict, I have no one who understands how embarrassed I am and how hard I really have tried to help him , but people look at me like ,,,,sure you have,,,, where did you go wrong? so back to prison we go,,,back to putting money on his books, back to worrying about him getting raped or killed there, I really would rather be dead than live the life God has given me,,,,,Im 50 , and see no end to the hell that this child has given me, my life has NO Pleasure, no smiles , no hope , no happiness, just wishing I would not wake up, thanks for letting me vent, I just am at the end of my rope, I don't understand why he isn't and never will
angel,
there are things in life we simply can't understand. it's too much for the human mind to understand and goes beyond thinking.
I do know that you are born for a reason and are meant to be on this earth. we are each created special and no matter what problems you are having you can look at them in a different percpective. I KNOW it is hard. I know how much you love your son.
I too am going through seeing my adult children suffering with their addictions.
I learned that as the mother we want with all our heart and soul for our child to be safe and have a good life. they are not to lean on the parents when when they become adults. do not be a leaning post. they have to learn to lean in life themselves.
let your son go. you did your job as a mother. he's an adult now. it's HIS responsitliby to make the right choices to better his life. NOT yours!!! you are on a rollercoaster with your sons addiction.
get off the rollercoaster with him and be on your own.
do not participate in his life. the hardship that comes his way are lessons for him to get through so he can learn in life. we can't intervene with what's given by a higher power that has created us all on this planet.
there is happiness and there saddness and hardship in this world. don't be a victim.
Your joy and happiness is being snuffed out by your son being dependent on you.
I see a therapist now since 2004 and have worked many years trying to overcome my guilt with my four adult children. I am learning that I can not control their lives. let him make mistakes so he can learn. haven't you learned by your mistakes?
and your sons addiction has nothing to do with you being a mom. you are an excellent mom. you love your son. you've done everything for him to protect him from harm and hurt.
I found out that life is mysterious and works in mysterious ways and the less I struggle with what I think are horrible events in life are literally there for me to learn how to NOT try to change it. IT is what it "is".
I would suggest that you try private counseling for yourself so that you don't lose your precious mind and soul during this hard road you are traveling on. I also started reading any book i can get my hands on that has to do with life. spirituality. it's fun, it's exhalting and is a part of my daily regimin of what I do each morning.
did you ever think that maybe you are meant to go through this so that you can find strength and belief in something very grand that is working in each one of our lives that we just can't see but can feel if your mind is quiet? you need rest. you need love and most all to be heard and understood.
I feel all these things for you and am here to listen to help you if I can. corresponding with other people who are going through similar things can be a big help too. it's supportive.
you aren't getting that from your family and your husband right now.
that's ok. let them go too. YOU are the one to focus on right now. not what anyone else thinks. you are to value yourself and believe me, you will be able to see things in a different percpective and enjoy your life again.
please don't give up. you are special.
hope you see this reply.
sincerely and with all my heart,
Linda
there are things in life we simply can't understand. it's too much for the human mind to understand and goes beyond thinking.
I do know that you are born for a reason and are meant to be on this earth. we are each created special and no matter what problems you are having you can look at them in a different percpective. I KNOW it is hard. I know how much you love your son.
I too am going through seeing my adult children suffering with their addictions.
I learned that as the mother we want with all our heart and soul for our child to be safe and have a good life. they are not to lean on the parents when when they become adults. do not be a leaning post. they have to learn to lean in life themselves.
let your son go. you did your job as a mother. he's an adult now. it's HIS responsitliby to make the right choices to better his life. NOT yours!!! you are on a rollercoaster with your sons addiction.
get off the rollercoaster with him and be on your own.
do not participate in his life. the hardship that comes his way are lessons for him to get through so he can learn in life. we can't intervene with what's given by a higher power that has created us all on this planet.
there is happiness and there saddness and hardship in this world. don't be a victim.
Your joy and happiness is being snuffed out by your son being dependent on you.
I see a therapist now since 2004 and have worked many years trying to overcome my guilt with my four adult children. I am learning that I can not control their lives. let him make mistakes so he can learn. haven't you learned by your mistakes?
and your sons addiction has nothing to do with you being a mom. you are an excellent mom. you love your son. you've done everything for him to protect him from harm and hurt.
I found out that life is mysterious and works in mysterious ways and the less I struggle with what I think are horrible events in life are literally there for me to learn how to NOT try to change it. IT is what it "is".
I would suggest that you try private counseling for yourself so that you don't lose your precious mind and soul during this hard road you are traveling on. I also started reading any book i can get my hands on that has to do with life. spirituality. it's fun, it's exhalting and is a part of my daily regimin of what I do each morning.
did you ever think that maybe you are meant to go through this so that you can find strength and belief in something very grand that is working in each one of our lives that we just can't see but can feel if your mind is quiet? you need rest. you need love and most all to be heard and understood.
I feel all these things for you and am here to listen to help you if I can. corresponding with other people who are going through similar things can be a big help too. it's supportive.
you aren't getting that from your family and your husband right now.
that's ok. let them go too. YOU are the one to focus on right now. not what anyone else thinks. you are to value yourself and believe me, you will be able to see things in a different percpective and enjoy your life again.
please don't give up. you are special.
hope you see this reply.
sincerely and with all my heart,
Linda
Dear Angel,I am sorry I know what your going through ....First off God didn't do this to you....Man did....God does not supply drugs god is not a pusher....What God does do is he has given us free will...Free Will to make our own choices whether they be good or bad.....Your son is an addict and you are a addict to your son....we all believe our love should be enough to save them....but it cannot beat the demon of the effects the drugs have on the addict.....I to lost my marriage many friends ....your true friends although at loss for words will ride the tide with you despite how rough the waters can be.....rehabs many jail sentences numerous money unaccountable .....yet I did my best to separate my sons actions of his addict ways with the Chris I knew....I know he was tormented in a way that was unbearable for him...You cannot fix someone who is still wanting to make the decision to use....yes rehabs and insurances tie our hands...with deadly outcomes that we must bear....You have to fight for your life to....You have to try and hold onto what you have as there must be a foundation for you....I understand my Chris had a rap sheet no shovel could toss to the side and i do believe that is what caused him to make a bad choice....You can only try and tell him to get help but you must hold onto what you have....or addiction although the destruction is felt will also destroy you as well.....Get yourself into some sort of support system in found mine here ....there is much understanding here and compassion..we are here for you and there is no judgement here as we all walk your path....but do not run to your son it will not change a thing.......He is an adult an adult that makes bad choices but they are his and his to endure the consequences.
Hi Angel,
Addiction has no boundaries, it will consume everybody and everything in it's path- your son's addiction is no reflection on you as a mother or as a parent- you are far from alone in this situation- for too long now you have been enabling your son and his addiction- you need to stop running to him and start looking after yourself- do what is right for you- save your marriage- if that is what you want- do what you know is the right thing for you - cut your son lose, no one could do anymore than you have to try and help your son- he has rejected your help every time- make no more excuses for him- he needs to face the consequences of his addictions and his choice to continue to use- no more excuses - no more bailing him out- he needs to face the reality he has created for himself- through his actions- he has lied, cheated, stolen from you and been a destructive force in your life for too long - cut him lose -
I lived my life like this for many years- hurt those that were closest to me and those that really wanted to help- they could not, much as they wanted too - i had to realise for myself that the only person that can make the decision whether i use or stay clean today - IS ME-
your son will have to come to that realization for himself if he is ever going to get clean- he will need to reach out for help, for himself- not for you or for anyone else - addiction is a selfish master and recovery needs to be equally as selfish, in the early days- he must be prepared to put his recovery before everything else in his life- it's not easy but it can be done-
for now, you need to take a step back and start to wory about YOU and what you NEED and WANT in your life- you are responsible for you and your choices- NOT FOR YOU SONS - keep posting on here for support- remember you are not alone- ADDICTION has no respect for whose lives it destroys - behind every addict touched by this disease there are many more victims who's voice's are never heard but who's pain and sufferring is just as profound - walk away Angel - do not suffer in silence any more - best of luck-
Addiction has no boundaries, it will consume everybody and everything in it's path- your son's addiction is no reflection on you as a mother or as a parent- you are far from alone in this situation- for too long now you have been enabling your son and his addiction- you need to stop running to him and start looking after yourself- do what is right for you- save your marriage- if that is what you want- do what you know is the right thing for you - cut your son lose, no one could do anymore than you have to try and help your son- he has rejected your help every time- make no more excuses for him- he needs to face the consequences of his addictions and his choice to continue to use- no more excuses - no more bailing him out- he needs to face the reality he has created for himself- through his actions- he has lied, cheated, stolen from you and been a destructive force in your life for too long - cut him lose -
I lived my life like this for many years- hurt those that were closest to me and those that really wanted to help- they could not, much as they wanted too - i had to realise for myself that the only person that can make the decision whether i use or stay clean today - IS ME-
your son will have to come to that realization for himself if he is ever going to get clean- he will need to reach out for help, for himself- not for you or for anyone else - addiction is a selfish master and recovery needs to be equally as selfish, in the early days- he must be prepared to put his recovery before everything else in his life- it's not easy but it can be done-
for now, you need to take a step back and start to wory about YOU and what you NEED and WANT in your life- you are responsible for you and your choices- NOT FOR YOU SONS - keep posting on here for support- remember you are not alone- ADDICTION has no respect for whose lives it destroys - behind every addict touched by this disease there are many more victims who's voice's are never heard but who's pain and sufferring is just as profound - walk away Angel - do not suffer in silence any more - best of luck-
thank you all for your beautiful words and thoughts. You have no idea how much they save me from just downing a bottle of pills and leaving the pain of this world behind. I saw his picture on the department of corrections website with a $5,000 bond for a 3rd degree assault and he was caught with a bag full of Xanax which was enough for intent to distribute to sell. I must have warned him a thousand times about Xanax and he didn't listen. I cant bail him out, I cant afford it and apparently I heard from his friend he was on a meth binge a week before that and got in a fight in the parking lot of his parking lot of his apt complex which I assume led to the assault charge. His or I guess my landlord since I pay the rent called last night and said he wants all his belongings out today. I live in Florida and cant afford a plane ticket to Missouri to get the things out of the apt and the rent is paid until the end of the month. does anyone know if he has to file an eviction notice first so I have time to get down there? can he legally lock us out if he suspects drug use? He said he heard it was true , no proof, believe me I know it is true, I just don't know how I can get to Missouri and move his things to a storage unit in a day or two when I live on disability the rent is paid through June 30th and hes said I wont get my deposit back. Please help if anyone knows anything about landlord law im desperate
Hello,
I am hoping you are feeling better at this point in time...
I too, have a 23 year old son who is addicted to just about anything he can get his hands on. He just doesn't want to feel any emotions (imo). He has been kicked out of 3 rehabs, 3 dui's, and will live on the streets in order to use. He has been in drug court for over a year. He has a 4 year old daughter which I take care of that has cerebral palsy that he nor her mother can seem to care enough to take care of. It upset me when I read that your granddaughter was taken when she was 4. I am so sorry. I am sure you feel very defeated after investing so much time and love towards that little baby. Is there any chance she will get "tired" of taking care of her? Do you get to see her? I am hoping that you do!
As for your son, PLEASE, do not go live with him. You have to take care of yourself before you can adequately care for others, maybe even that grandbaby again. Cut him off dear. It WILL be the hardest thing you have done. I know, because I recently have my own first born son. I cannot allow him to dominate my every thought, even dreams through the night anymore. It makes me physically sick. He was living on the street for a couple of weeks recently because we could not allow him in our home. I couldn't handle seeing him "sick" on meth, and various other drugs anymore. He became volatile, and was tweaking so badly that I could not hide his behavior from little sisters or his daughter anymore. I actually left food for him on my porch one night because he begged me for something to eat. (This saddened me so much since to me it felt like I was leaving food out for an animal) :( So, when I was called by the police when Zach was being thrown out of the bar, I went, as usual to get him. This time, he was super mean to me, he wouldn't stay in the car. He grabbed ahold of the steering wheel, and after 3 times of getting him back into the car, he got out again. At the entrance of Dennys, he caused such a scene that police were called because he was being so aggressive towards me. He was arrested. The next morning I didn't answer his call when he got out. I noticed that it was necessary for me to disconnect. Slowly my other feelings came back. I could smile again, actually appreciate the sunsshine again, etc.
He is now in a rehab again. Sometimes he will call me repeatedly for this, or that. I tell him I do not have it. I am no longer enabling him like I used to. However, I am still struggling with a few things, like a ride to court, etc.....
Please give yourself permission to have a life, to have joy, to appreciate things again. He will either stop and change what is keeping him from his daughter and mother, or he will choose the drug. As I have heard, the drug usually wins this battle, but I have seen definite recovery too. This is his choice. Your choice must be to stop your addiction for your son. Not your love, just the things that hinder your own recovery.
I pray that God intervenes in your son's addiction. and mine.
Take care of yourself.
I am hoping you are feeling better at this point in time...
I too, have a 23 year old son who is addicted to just about anything he can get his hands on. He just doesn't want to feel any emotions (imo). He has been kicked out of 3 rehabs, 3 dui's, and will live on the streets in order to use. He has been in drug court for over a year. He has a 4 year old daughter which I take care of that has cerebral palsy that he nor her mother can seem to care enough to take care of. It upset me when I read that your granddaughter was taken when she was 4. I am so sorry. I am sure you feel very defeated after investing so much time and love towards that little baby. Is there any chance she will get "tired" of taking care of her? Do you get to see her? I am hoping that you do!
As for your son, PLEASE, do not go live with him. You have to take care of yourself before you can adequately care for others, maybe even that grandbaby again. Cut him off dear. It WILL be the hardest thing you have done. I know, because I recently have my own first born son. I cannot allow him to dominate my every thought, even dreams through the night anymore. It makes me physically sick. He was living on the street for a couple of weeks recently because we could not allow him in our home. I couldn't handle seeing him "sick" on meth, and various other drugs anymore. He became volatile, and was tweaking so badly that I could not hide his behavior from little sisters or his daughter anymore. I actually left food for him on my porch one night because he begged me for something to eat. (This saddened me so much since to me it felt like I was leaving food out for an animal) :( So, when I was called by the police when Zach was being thrown out of the bar, I went, as usual to get him. This time, he was super mean to me, he wouldn't stay in the car. He grabbed ahold of the steering wheel, and after 3 times of getting him back into the car, he got out again. At the entrance of Dennys, he caused such a scene that police were called because he was being so aggressive towards me. He was arrested. The next morning I didn't answer his call when he got out. I noticed that it was necessary for me to disconnect. Slowly my other feelings came back. I could smile again, actually appreciate the sunsshine again, etc.
He is now in a rehab again. Sometimes he will call me repeatedly for this, or that. I tell him I do not have it. I am no longer enabling him like I used to. However, I am still struggling with a few things, like a ride to court, etc.....
Please give yourself permission to have a life, to have joy, to appreciate things again. He will either stop and change what is keeping him from his daughter and mother, or he will choose the drug. As I have heard, the drug usually wins this battle, but I have seen definite recovery too. This is his choice. Your choice must be to stop your addiction for your son. Not your love, just the things that hinder your own recovery.
I pray that God intervenes in your son's addiction. and mine.
Take care of yourself.
Angel,
My apologies, I said granddaughter in my previous post. It should have been grandson.
As far as the landlord. I thought it was 30 days....but is there a difference in states? idk....I am in Indiana
My apologies, I said granddaughter in my previous post. It should have been grandson.
As far as the landlord. I thought it was 30 days....but is there a difference in states? idk....I am in Indiana
Why would your son want to get clean when you do everything for him? Hello my name is Jessica and i'm an addict. It takes what it takes for some people. Your son sounds a lot like me when I was using. Let him worry about how he's gonna clean up his mess. This is not your problem! Your on the internet searching for ways to help him, I say let him fall, fall so far it will take years to put it back together! I promise you the harder you make it for him the more tired he will become. He will get to a point where he will be sick and tired of being sick and tired, and only then he will change. He's been to prison, and it's no big deal for him. Sometimes there are more drugs in prison then on the streets. Jail or prison never bothered me either, at least I had shelter and food and hell even a few "friends". When I lost EVERYTHING I ever owned, that's when it became a real big problem for me. Not saying your son will get clean if this happens, just that that's what it took form me to want to do something! Three months after I lost my stuff I went to treatment and iv'e been clean for almost 3 years. And i'm still trying to get my life together, and I have support and the more I do for myself, the better I feel. He will always be an addict and nothing you do or say will change that. Time to work on you for awhile. Get to a few nar-con meetings and find people you can relate to. Stop doing things that let your son continue to stay in active addiction! He needs a bottom, one that's not death. When people stopped helping me I had to LEARN how to help myself.
Jessica,
Thanks for your input, it is always great to hear from someone who has come so far in recovery!
Congrats girl. You give hope!
Thanks for your input, it is always great to hear from someone who has come so far in recovery!
Congrats girl. You give hope!
God Bless you Jessica and thank you for sharing your story ! Congrats on how far you had to dig yourself out of the hole you had gone so far down that is a miracle and such a difficult feat, I admire you my dear, I will listen to you because you know what it takes. He is currently facing more prison time, he probably is looking at 5-7 years and I have been thinking all morning about how I can afford a good criminal attorney by July 7th his hearing date and at the same time fly from Florida to Missouri pack his things and find a storage unit so he wont lose everything once again. I live on disability and I just don't have that kind of money and no one to borrow it from. Family no longer speaks with me because of Robbie and his antics, so its basically me and him. My husband has been looking online for plane tickets to get me out of here, he is done with me. Robbie has destroyed our marriage , me defending him and him calling him a deadbeat among other things. Its hard because I love him, hes my only child. I will listen to you Jessica and I will pray for strength. I am in such bad shape I am considering checking myself into the psych ward today because I want to take my own life rather than continue to live like this. It consumes my life. I have no joy, no hope, no dreams that things will ever change and I am despondant. Thanks for caring enough to write a desperate soul. Reaching out like you did you never know what it may change for someone, like saving them from taking their life. Thank you.
It has to be hard to watch your child suffer. I know as a mother I would do anything to help my son. It becomes a mission for you to do what you can. If he already has 8 felonies, more likely then not he's gonna get some time. Nothing you can do will change that, even paying for the best lawyer, just MHO. Let him get him practice in jail for the tatts, he's bulling you to get what he wants. It what addicts do, we lie cheat steal, to get our high. Your son is not a bad person, just sick and until he's ready this will continue. I'm sorry you feel so low, it's nor your fault. You didn't cause his addiction and you can't "fix him". You are so special, you are worth your weight in gold! Never let anyone dull your sparkle girl! Please try to seek some support for your pain. There is a thread on here called"Let Me Fall All BY Myself" please take a few moments to read this. It might seem like telling you to let him fall is being a bad mother, but I believe that when addicts who are LEFT on their own seem to at least try to do something different. If you go around picking up the pieces for him he gonna keep on doing the same ol thing. If nothing changes, nothing changes. I'm sending you a ton of ((((((HUGS))))) this must be hard, but you can recover! Addiction is a family disease and you need help even if your son doesn't get help.
I just want you to know this whether you believe it or not:
We can get off the sick carnival ride at the time of our choosing AND we can have a rich and decent life no matter what our addicted loved ones do.
Does it hurt to watch them? Does it break our hearts? Does it feel like there is one last thing to say or do that will finally make them stop, wake up, and change? Yes to all of these. But the truth is, we choose our lives and we choose our happiness or misery. It is harder to be happy knowing we have an addicted child who is bent on self-destruction, but it is by no means impossible. This is not your fault, not your problem, and not your life.
You can move forward with a good support system and a willingness to live your own life while loving your son from a safe distance. He will do what he will do regardless of anything you do. Please choose to be happy. Life really is shorter than we think.
Peace ~ MomNMore
We can get off the sick carnival ride at the time of our choosing AND we can have a rich and decent life no matter what our addicted loved ones do.
Does it hurt to watch them? Does it break our hearts? Does it feel like there is one last thing to say or do that will finally make them stop, wake up, and change? Yes to all of these. But the truth is, we choose our lives and we choose our happiness or misery. It is harder to be happy knowing we have an addicted child who is bent on self-destruction, but it is by no means impossible. This is not your fault, not your problem, and not your life.
You can move forward with a good support system and a willingness to live your own life while loving your son from a safe distance. He will do what he will do regardless of anything you do. Please choose to be happy. Life really is shorter than we think.
Peace ~ MomNMore
thank you all for helping me, you are the crutches that have held me up and given me hope to go on..I now realize bailing him out of jail was the biggest mistake I could have made, he is worse than ever, stealing shooting up everything he can get his hands on, missing his court dates and on the run from the 500 dollar bond I posted. He just now called and asked me for twenty dollars because he was starving, I told him I will not help him until he agrees to go to rehab period. It is then he threatens to kill himself if I don't help him, this is what he does to me, next he threatens to rob a store or a person...etc to try and make me crazy enough to give in to his demands. Well this time I am done. I am not being held hostage by his demands anymore. He is going to die by the drugs or die by deciding to take his own life but I am not giving him money to do it. No I am not. Thank God for you people who have saved me. In numbers we will survive the pain and help each other and not feel so alone, God Bless us all,
Hi angela, well done on having the courage to make the right decision and realising that your son, with his threats is just trying to manipulate you into giving him money, it is what we do when we are in active addiction - you are right, he must live by his own decisions for which you are not responsible, you need to look after you - keep posting, wishing you all the best - you are not alone -
