I posted awhile back about my humiliation that my son has become a raging alcoholic and how lost and confused I feel because of how he was raised. I'm so far beyond that now.
I'm hoping someone else can relate to my story because it is so awful. Until just over a year ago, I had the kindest, most generous, thoughtful son I could imagine. I always felt lucky and bragged about him. He earned a scholarship and had the potential for the brightest future. I guess I'm still in shock.
He has now lost every single relationship in his life - his entire family and friends. These are people who have been loyal to him through the worst of times. No one can take it anymore. He gets drunk and flies into rages, lashing out at all of the people who love him. I can no longer have him live with me because I have to protect my daughter, his sister.
He flew to visit his father's family (his father/my late husband died by suicide when my son was 10). He was supposed to start over there. He went into a rage and was suicidal so the family called the police and he was placed him in a hospital for suicidal behavior. When he was released, they told him he'd have to go to treatment or leave. He chose to leave.
He is now living in my sister's apartment, already having violated her rules over and over. She kicked him out, but she couldn't handle watching him setting up camp behind a dumpster. It's unbelievable. I can't pull myself out of shock. How could a privileged, suburban kid end up homeless? His uncontrollable rage when he drinks is unbelievable. He won't look for a job. All he does is try to figure out how to get his next drink and he thinks his friend is going to let him move in with him in a few weeks. That isn't going to happen.
I'm just sick. I'm worried he'll hurt someone. I don't know if he's going to die. My sister is going to have to ultimately throw him out. I guess he'll either hit bottom and kill himself or hit bottom and get treatment. I'm dying every day worrying.
Hi, I'm sorry your going through this. There's so many of us going through this misery not just with alcohol but with drugs too. I know how people can act when drunk on alcohol as I've been the person on the receiving end of their rage when I was young. It is frightening. I hope someone gets through to him and makes him see what he's doing to himself. It might be an idea to videotape him on the sly so he can see exactly how he looks when he's out of it on booze. No harm in trying. Use one of those hidden nanny cameras and let him see it when he's sober enough. Maybe it will give him a wake up call and he'll realize he needs to find help. If that's even possible? I'm sorry I'm not more help to you. I'm sure someone will come on and advise you that knows about alcoholics. I'm the mother of a drug addict. I don't know if there's much difference. It's still heartbreaking no matter what their addiction is. I just wanted you to know your not alone in this. I'll be here for you if you need a shoulder. Lord knows I've needed many myself. This website will help you. Read under the message board to the left under "Alcohol". It may help. Take care. Mary.
Mary,
Thank you so much for your response. I'm sure my son's alcoholism isn't much different from drug addiction. What I don't understand is the raging. I've read quite a bit on this message board and I haven't seen this type of rage. I don't understand it. If my son had been an angry person before, I would get it. This out of control anger and lashing out at everyone in hatred for no reason is insane behavior. And he doesn't seem to have much remorse the next day. I don't recognize this person even a little bit. I think the idea of videotaping him is a good one. He needs to see how disgusting he gets. Sigh. This is misery. I'm sorry for everyone going through this hell.
Thank you so much for your response. I'm sure my son's alcoholism isn't much different from drug addiction. What I don't understand is the raging. I've read quite a bit on this message board and I haven't seen this type of rage. I don't understand it. If my son had been an angry person before, I would get it. This out of control anger and lashing out at everyone in hatred for no reason is insane behavior. And he doesn't seem to have much remorse the next day. I don't recognize this person even a little bit. I think the idea of videotaping him is a good one. He needs to see how disgusting he gets. Sigh. This is misery. I'm sorry for everyone going through this hell.
Helpme,
I'm sorry for what you've been going through with your son. You don't say how old your son is but I assume he's of age to drink?
This uncontrollable rage is something I've seen in my own son on many occasions and on many different kinds of drugs, alcohol being one of them. I'm not sure where it comes from but I'm certain that it's just related to their brain chemistry being messed with. When my son is clean, he's not violent or angry.
Unfortunately, there's not much you can do to help your son get to treatment. It's really on him. You and everyone else in the family need to keep your boundaries in place and keep yourselves safe and healthy.
I would strongly suggest that you go to Al Anon meetings. You'll find the support you need there.
I wish you the best
I'm sorry for what you've been going through with your son. You don't say how old your son is but I assume he's of age to drink?
This uncontrollable rage is something I've seen in my own son on many occasions and on many different kinds of drugs, alcohol being one of them. I'm not sure where it comes from but I'm certain that it's just related to their brain chemistry being messed with. When my son is clean, he's not violent or angry.
Unfortunately, there's not much you can do to help your son get to treatment. It's really on him. You and everyone else in the family need to keep your boundaries in place and keep yourselves safe and healthy.
I would strongly suggest that you go to Al Anon meetings. You'll find the support you need there.
I wish you the best
http://americanaddictioncenters.org...lism-treatment/
Definitely start going to meetings. learn how to set boundaries for yourself. Tell your son your new rules/boundaries when he is sober. do not try to reason with him when he is under the influence. but as soon as you see the behavior, remind him of the boundary and ask him to leave or follow thru w the consequences.
It is OK for him to be homeless. if you want to help, give him the address of homeless shelters, sober living, a group home for alcoholic men, etc. you can not help him with the advice and relocating that you have been doing. tell him that - you have tried to help with all you know how to do, you have run out of ideas, this is too big for you to manage, all of your help is not working, he needs the help and support of experts who manage this for a living.
often there are christian groups who will take in those who really want help for free or very low cost. someone has talked of Salvation Army....
your son has to feel the pain of his actions, he needs to make his decisions, instead of everyone reacting to his behavior and trying to manage his problem from the outside.
Definitely start going to meetings. learn how to set boundaries for yourself. Tell your son your new rules/boundaries when he is sober. do not try to reason with him when he is under the influence. but as soon as you see the behavior, remind him of the boundary and ask him to leave or follow thru w the consequences.
It is OK for him to be homeless. if you want to help, give him the address of homeless shelters, sober living, a group home for alcoholic men, etc. you can not help him with the advice and relocating that you have been doing. tell him that - you have tried to help with all you know how to do, you have run out of ideas, this is too big for you to manage, all of your help is not working, he needs the help and support of experts who manage this for a living.
often there are christian groups who will take in those who really want help for free or very low cost. someone has talked of Salvation Army....
your son has to feel the pain of his actions, he needs to make his decisions, instead of everyone reacting to his behavior and trying to manage his problem from the outside.
Hi again, He maybe taking something else with the booze. Some take Xanex or what they call Benzos to get a quicker high. You just never know nowadays with there being so many drugs available. I hope I'm wrong but maybe it's more than alcohol. Do you ever see medicine bottles around or drug things like pipes, rolling papers, pens with the middles out,straws, rolled up paper money? Keep your eyes opened. I'd have a look through his room see what you find. Don't put up with bullying from him, call the cops. Keep him out of your house too because once he's in it will be hard to get him out again. Take care of you and your daughter first. I know it's hard. Take care. Mary
Hi MIchelle. My son just turned 21. Horrible. He can now buy his alcohol freely. It's very possible he's mixing Xanax with alcohol as he has a prescription for anxiety, although the psych will only give him 10 a month. But he has Klonopin too. Could that cause the rage or is it just in him?
Today he said he would get treatment if I would let him stay with us after. I can't let him do that after all he's done to our family and how he's scared his little sister (14 years.) But yet, I'm hoping he will get treatment and live. And he may only be getting treatment in order to manipulate and has no intention of sticking to it. And if so, what's the point? I am so scared and confused.
Today he said he would get treatment if I would let him stay with us after. I can't let him do that after all he's done to our family and how he's scared his little sister (14 years.) But yet, I'm hoping he will get treatment and live. And he may only be getting treatment in order to manipulate and has no intention of sticking to it. And if so, what's the point? I am so scared and confused.
HI Mary. Thanks for the advice. That's what I plan to do. Yes, I think he's using his Xanax and Klonopin with the alcohol. He used to do pot regularly, but I think he quit and has lost his supplier because his friend won't speak to him. But who knows? I don't know what's the truth anymore. I can't trust him.
NYtoFlorida,
Thank you for the advice. Providing him with addresses of homeless shelters and treatment facilities is a great idea. He will know I still love him, but cannot allow him back in our home. I appreciate it. I'm trying to keep praying every day, but I'm starting to lose faith.
Thank you for the advice. Providing him with addresses of homeless shelters and treatment facilities is a great idea. He will know I still love him, but cannot allow him back in our home. I appreciate it. I'm trying to keep praying every day, but I'm starting to lose faith.
Hi, If he use to smoke pot and says his supplier won't sell it to him anymore. He's lying! There are plenty of people that sell pot. I think it would be real easy to find someone else who sells it. Go on the internet and type in "Drugs that cause rage" strangely enough it brought up "Spice" a fake pot. Read up on it and see if you recognize anything. There are other drugs too. Meth, Crack. If he was taking something like them he would be losing weight. But read up on it all. Even type in "Signs of spice use" or " signs of Meth use" etc etc, you wouldn't believe what you can look up now. .. take care! Mary.
Your story is my story. I have no idea what my son takes.
NYtoFL I love your post! I needed to hear that!
NYtoFL I love your post! I needed to hear that!
