our son has been using pain meds for a couple of years now and it has gotten to a place where we are concerned about his well being as well as his daughter. We have done all we know to support him and help him as we have seen him lose jobs and his home, apartment and all his belongings. We most recently helped him obtain a car so he could get back and forth to his job. He is living with us, for the last 6 months, and just this week when we were out he managed to break into a drug lock box and take some of my perscription drugs. He tried to lock and cover his tracks with the lock box, but I took notice of the placement and amount of drugs in it and I know he was in it. This by the way wasn't the first time he has done this. The last time I asked him to leave, which he did and now here we are again. he has called with an excuse as to why he hasn't come home but will have to today as he will need clothes and other essentials. He doesn't as yet know that we know about his latest break in to the lock box. Our problem is as of this moment he hasn't stopped working and paying some money towards the thousands he owes us and we don't want to prevent him the chance of turning his life around by kicking him out too soon. We are also concerned about his daughter, our grand daughter, and him not helping us see her weekly. We have a great relationship with her mom, our ex daughter in law and don't want to do anything to endanger her support from our son. What would you do if you were us? Should we put him out, take the car we helped him obtain? (we have a lean on it and could probably get it back before we put him out.). By doing this he would most likely lose his job and start the ball rolling that could cause many, many problems. We know this is a slippery slope and a balancing act and we want to be as sure of our moves as possible to prevent as much pain to him, our grand daughter, her mom, as well as us. please advise ASAP, Thanks
Are you saying that your son is still on the pain meds?
Does he have any sort of recovery plan in action?
Is he going to NA or AA or is he seeking counselling at all?
Has he done any sort of rehab?
Just looking for some more info.
Let us know!
Mickey
Does he have any sort of recovery plan in action?
Is he going to NA or AA or is he seeking counselling at all?
Has he done any sort of rehab?
Just looking for some more info.
Let us know!
Mickey
he is not on any plan of treatment. He hasn't as of yet admitted to a problem. He hasn't admitted to any break in or inapropreate action on his part. He shows little sign of a problem and is still using pain meds that his doctor perscribes. He takes all of them then takes any others he can get a hold of. We are going to have to confront him probably tonight on this latest theft of my perscriptions. We just don't want to escalate this to another level if it will cause him, our grandaughter and us a bigger problem. I am a cronic pain patient and use these meds daily. I have to lock them up because our son will take all he can find. These meds are controlled by my physican and are needed for my ability to function. The problem of not being able to trust our son is very stressful. how do I confront him suggesting treatment of this problem that he rejects as a problem
You are in a very hard situation. There is no helping him if he doesn't admit that he has a problem.
You do have to talk to him though. His breaking into and stealing your medications cannot be tolerated or let go. You must confront him about this. You should really read the posts on detaching and enabling as enabling is not something that you want to find yourselves doing.
Your son needs help; however, he has to realize this. You have every right to tell him your feelings on how his addiction is affecting you. Maybe this will help him realize. I don't know.
But you cannot enable him or else it will just continue and things will get worse for you.
I understand that your situation is complicated, but nothing changes if nothing changes.
Do some reading on this site and maybe print out some posts for your son to read.
I know this hasn't been of much help. I hope others will reply to you with some more ideas.
Read Bob B.'s posts - they are very good and helpful as well.
Good luck and take care,
Mickey
You do have to talk to him though. His breaking into and stealing your medications cannot be tolerated or let go. You must confront him about this. You should really read the posts on detaching and enabling as enabling is not something that you want to find yourselves doing.
Your son needs help; however, he has to realize this. You have every right to tell him your feelings on how his addiction is affecting you. Maybe this will help him realize. I don't know.
But you cannot enable him or else it will just continue and things will get worse for you.
I understand that your situation is complicated, but nothing changes if nothing changes.
Do some reading on this site and maybe print out some posts for your son to read.
I know this hasn't been of much help. I hope others will reply to you with some more ideas.
Read Bob B.'s posts - they are very good and helpful as well.
Good luck and take care,
Mickey
pap, I've been in similar circumstances with my alcoholic/addict son -- although without the grandchild issue.
When an addict makes a big mistake or finds himself in a major problem, often there is immediate remorse (doesn't last very long though) and an opportunity to convince them that their life is unmanageable -- which is part of the first of the 12 Steps -- and a means of starting to break down the denial.
I would consider his recent activities a blessing in disquise and the chance to talk to him about where he is in his addiction and in life. If you read my other posts, I have come to be convinced that, absent other serious health issues, maintaining an addict/alchoholic adult child in the home of the parents is generally a mistake.
I need to run, but there just may be an opportunity here to place him in a situation where he has no choice but to squarely confront, for himself, his addiction.
Consider detoxing and a halfway house -- it has to be his decison, but there are others there that are working their recovery programs. If not or if they use, they are invited to leave immediately. Rent is minimal, in most cases.
Most of my other thoughts are in my other posts on this board.
Thanks for sharing here. Please feel welcome to stay with us for a while if you think we can help you or your son or family.
When an addict makes a big mistake or finds himself in a major problem, often there is immediate remorse (doesn't last very long though) and an opportunity to convince them that their life is unmanageable -- which is part of the first of the 12 Steps -- and a means of starting to break down the denial.
I would consider his recent activities a blessing in disquise and the chance to talk to him about where he is in his addiction and in life. If you read my other posts, I have come to be convinced that, absent other serious health issues, maintaining an addict/alchoholic adult child in the home of the parents is generally a mistake.
I need to run, but there just may be an opportunity here to place him in a situation where he has no choice but to squarely confront, for himself, his addiction.
Consider detoxing and a halfway house -- it has to be his decison, but there are others there that are working their recovery programs. If not or if they use, they are invited to leave immediately. Rent is minimal, in most cases.
Most of my other thoughts are in my other posts on this board.
Thanks for sharing here. Please feel welcome to stay with us for a while if you think we can help you or your son or family.
Bob & Micky, thanks for your input. I realize that her has to confront this issue and that recovery is in his hands and Gods. Of course we hope for his repentance and recovery and we want to be sure we aree not moving too fast or slow in our actions. I have some experience in this area and I know all or most of the ways to being clean. We just are interested in getting advise from those in the know and gaining strength from others in tough circumstances. Thanks for your input and encouragement, we value your help. Maybe through this dialog we can help others and gain some strength for our own problems. please continue to help me as I am hurting pretty good and need the love and advise of those who care. Thanks
