For some comfort, I went on the web this morning to see if I could find some answers. My son is living 3000 miles away and has lived several other places in the past 10 years. To sum up, I think at this point, he has almost hit bottom, but I have thought that before. He called, collect, rambling on saying he hadn't slept in 4 days and his arms look like that of a war veteran. I guess from IV drugs, not guess I know, he told me. He wants to get away from the person he has been living with, and sweres this person is trying to kill. He would not come out and ask me directly, because I have helped so much in the past, but he wanted a bus ticket. He has been in program and program and really talks the talk while there, but usually leaves just before he completes the program. He has a big history and many of his past acts have come back to haunt him, especially when he is strung out.What should I do???? Is there anything. Is there a program anywhere that will take him, no money, and has a good reputation for success. I have two beautiful daughters - 2 grandchildren and 1 on the way. I recently married after being single for 25 years. This problem with my son has been going on for the past 17 years. I have been able to tell myself and tell him that it is up to him, but feel when it comes right down to the bottom line, I have to provide something, even if it is just a bus ticket. Would appreciate any advise I can get. Thanks
Dear Jane, what a sad story. I don't know if you watch Dr. Phil or not but recently he had a structured intervention with a family that has been through just what you described. Also on the show was a father who lost the battle with his son. The father that lost his son said he wished he'd been tougher on his son. With Dr. Phil's help, the boy on drugs was told that he had two choices, go into rehab or go to jail. He didn't want to go to rehab at all. He acted terrible on the show. Dr. Phil's advice was for the family to get tough and stop enabling the boy. He was 21 and they had been dealing with him and his problems for at least 4-5 years. It sounds to me like you've done a lot for your son. I can only imagine what you're going through but as hard as it sounds, you have to stop "helping". I've heard from friends who have trouble with their kids that rehab is expensive. I have no advice for a facility but you might try Dr. Phil's website. Your son will keep repeating the cycle as long as you enable him to do so. I send my prayers with you. Good luck and God bless you and yours.
Dear Jane:
I too am a mom of a son who is bipolar and addicted to 'pain killers' (vicotin) and excessive alcohol. Ironically he too lives 3000 miles away in sunny California. We as a family have had many ups and downs over the years with our son who is educated, handsome, and a great con artist. The roller coaster we are continually on has taken it's toll. I had to inform him last week that we can't and will not support the path he is on once more. As long as we keep supporting our (drug addicted) children in any way 'we give them permission' to continue on this path since we then become their safety net.
I have had to plan my sons funeral in my mind over and over again - which sounds harsh and crazy I know - but this is reality.
Tell your son that you love him, but you are done supporting his addiction!!!!!!!! There is help out there IF HE TRULY WANTS IT - The Salvation Army (a wonderful, compassionate organization) has programms which house and rehab people like your son and mine. The Union Rescue Mission is another........... He does not have to be homeless unless he wants to be.
Tell him that you will send him a bus ticket when he 'graduates' from a rehab place (not 'your' rehab place).
If you send him a ticket now he will A: end up on your doorstep (with a drug habit) and destroy your remaining family unit, or B: cash the ticket in as soon as he get's his hands on it to go 'on a trip of his own'.
"Been there, done that".
YOU (WE) CAN'T 'HELP' OUR DRUG ADDICTED CON ARTISTS A.K.A CHILDREN.
My son wants nothing to do with me at the moment "because I kicked him when he is down"............and that has to be okay for now.
I wish you strength in your decision and God's blessings and guidance.
I too am a mom of a son who is bipolar and addicted to 'pain killers' (vicotin) and excessive alcohol. Ironically he too lives 3000 miles away in sunny California. We as a family have had many ups and downs over the years with our son who is educated, handsome, and a great con artist. The roller coaster we are continually on has taken it's toll. I had to inform him last week that we can't and will not support the path he is on once more. As long as we keep supporting our (drug addicted) children in any way 'we give them permission' to continue on this path since we then become their safety net.
I have had to plan my sons funeral in my mind over and over again - which sounds harsh and crazy I know - but this is reality.
Tell your son that you love him, but you are done supporting his addiction!!!!!!!! There is help out there IF HE TRULY WANTS IT - The Salvation Army (a wonderful, compassionate organization) has programms which house and rehab people like your son and mine. The Union Rescue Mission is another........... He does not have to be homeless unless he wants to be.
Tell him that you will send him a bus ticket when he 'graduates' from a rehab place (not 'your' rehab place).
If you send him a ticket now he will A: end up on your doorstep (with a drug habit) and destroy your remaining family unit, or B: cash the ticket in as soon as he get's his hands on it to go 'on a trip of his own'.
"Been there, done that".
YOU (WE) CAN'T 'HELP' OUR DRUG ADDICTED CON ARTISTS A.K.A CHILDREN.
My son wants nothing to do with me at the moment "because I kicked him when he is down"............and that has to be okay for now.
I wish you strength in your decision and God's blessings and guidance.
dear jane,
i just recently lost by boyfriend/ fiance to a drug addiction, cocaine and heroin to be exact. he got in to it in late dec. -feb.( im not quite sure) and died june 21st 2003. it was a short lived habit that got bad very quick and ended in the worst way.. i am not however here to tell my story i am here to say that the only time he even attemted to stop was when i said i was leaving him... i said "i will always be there for you because i love you more than anything and couldnt bare to lose you. thats actually why im doing this. i hate seeing you die in front of me every day. its killing me as much as it is you only in a different way." i said that on the 4th of june and to my greatest surprize saw a HUGE change. he actually looked like a real human being again. though he hadnt been addicted as long as many people it hit him very hard. it seemed like one day he was alright and the next he was a walking decay of what use to be a human. i guess what im trying to say is the same as everyone else... you cant "feed" him and his problem. let him know youre there so he doesnt feel you are abandoning him but also let him know that there is no way you are putting up with his sh^! anymore.
best of luck, no one should have to go through this...
ilmorcd
i just recently lost by boyfriend/ fiance to a drug addiction, cocaine and heroin to be exact. he got in to it in late dec. -feb.( im not quite sure) and died june 21st 2003. it was a short lived habit that got bad very quick and ended in the worst way.. i am not however here to tell my story i am here to say that the only time he even attemted to stop was when i said i was leaving him... i said "i will always be there for you because i love you more than anything and couldnt bare to lose you. thats actually why im doing this. i hate seeing you die in front of me every day. its killing me as much as it is you only in a different way." i said that on the 4th of june and to my greatest surprize saw a HUGE change. he actually looked like a real human being again. though he hadnt been addicted as long as many people it hit him very hard. it seemed like one day he was alright and the next he was a walking decay of what use to be a human. i guess what im trying to say is the same as everyone else... you cant "feed" him and his problem. let him know youre there so he doesnt feel you are abandoning him but also let him know that there is no way you are putting up with his sh^! anymore.
best of luck, no one should have to go through this...
ilmorcd