I was just reading what you wrote about using the other day after being clean for 8 weeks. Its crazy. I can remember talking myself in to using last August time, I had been clean for over 4 years and even though I was away for the majority of that time I still count it as clean time. I remember walking to score and the whole time telling myself it would be ok and I would only use that night then put it down again. I've been trying with varying degrees of failure to stop ever since. Believe me its been hard work, I don't know what to suggest Sooz? The last thing I want to do is patronise you and I find quite a lot of what I read on here very patronising, I know people don't try to patronise or speak full of cliches and treatment speak, but sometimes we need to break things down and speak normally without a mouth full of phrases picked up in a rehab. Anyway to cut to the chase, whatever you do try not to pick up. OK its easier said than done, but what is your alternative? You have already used once which makes it far easier to use again (that has been my experience anyway), make no mistake once you start again you will regret it like you never know. Again this is only my experience but where using was once great fun, after being clean for a period of time I had built up quite a lot of self awareness which made using so much more difficult to do. The important thing to rememeber is it can be done. I often think that being clean is beyond me - bollox. When people talk about one day at a time, their right. If I say to myself I can never use again - ever, that burns my head out - so instead I try to accept that I cannot use today. Obviously its all psychological nonsense, but you never know it might work? All this coming from someone who is continually relapsing!! Perhaps you would do better to find someone else to learn from? One last thing before I go - never give up. If you f*** up then pick yourself up, brush yourself down and try to learn from the mistakes you made and use them the next time. Whatever you do never accept defeat because you have got it within you to beat this. Well thats what I believe. Good luck. Peace
Only three days off the kit after a bit of a bender. Came way too close to getting caught. Was paying way too much for s**t deals. This has to be the last, before am lost for ever. Here goes......!
