Ive been married 20 years to an alcoholic. I never thought he was an alcoholic until the last few years. Total denial!!!! My spouse has a habit of not coming home at nite, his excuse had too much to drink and didnt want to drive.
He usually crashes at a buddies house. He makes a good living at his job ( self employed) so that is why he doesnt think he has a problem.
We have three grown children and have raised them this way, my self to blame also. He has had a dui charge, but that want his fault. He has missed family functions because he was sick( right, hungover). when he is drunk he is a disgrace loud, foul mouthed and sloppy. Slowly the people that cared about him are disappearing from his life and he cant see it. Because he does not drink daily, he can go a week without a drink he doesnt see he has a problem. Another excuse is he can have one beer and stop. Even better he quit drinking the hard stuff and now only resorts to beer. All excuses. Min. 1-2 days per week he is off drinking at nites with his so called friends ( he pays the tab for them) and doesnt come home. Next day all he can say is hes sorry. And lo and behold he does it the very following week. Hes says he wants to change and will yet he does nothing to change. he say his drinking has had no effect on the kids. They find him a total embarassment. Our whole marriage has revolved around will he show up? will he come home? will he have one or twenty drinks when we go out to socialize? What fowl disgusting comment will fly out of his mouth? It is me who is starting to change, i do not believe his false promises anymore and not even sure if I want to continue in this marriage. Oh he does not drink in the house that is why he thinks its had no effect on the kids. he never, ever takes responsibility like he missed our daughters 16 birthday because he was on a bender the nite before, the next day he said he had the flu. its amazing how he can show up for a golf game on time and behave himself. he pretends to be such a family man he is a joke. This sounds very cruel but if you heard the excuses and blaming others its quite pahtetic.
Hi Marilynn.
My name is Lionel and you just described the person I was to a tee. Thankfully I am not that person today through the grace of God and the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. So there is hope.
I could probably tell you all about your husband and what could help but until he asks for help himself it would only fall on death ears.You probably know what I am talking about.But there are other ways.
You can help yourself buy contacting Al-Anon there are many websites on the net.You would be able to find an office near to where you are or just look in your local phone book .
Here is the address of just one site .Go and have a look it may be able to help.
www.al-anon.alateen.org/ - 4k Welcome to Al-Anon and Alateen
Al-Anon is for people who have been affected by anothers drinking.
By the way I think you have a beautiful name and I love the way its spelt..
Keep posting lets know how things are going .God Bless ..
Lionel.
My name is Lionel and you just described the person I was to a tee. Thankfully I am not that person today through the grace of God and the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. So there is hope.
I could probably tell you all about your husband and what could help but until he asks for help himself it would only fall on death ears.You probably know what I am talking about.But there are other ways.
You can help yourself buy contacting Al-Anon there are many websites on the net.You would be able to find an office near to where you are or just look in your local phone book .
Here is the address of just one site .Go and have a look it may be able to help.
www.al-anon.alateen.org/ - 4k Welcome to Al-Anon and Alateen
Al-Anon is for people who have been affected by anothers drinking.
By the way I think you have a beautiful name and I love the way its spelt..
Keep posting lets know how things are going .God Bless ..
Lionel.
Marilyn,
What a brave post. Most of us with addicted love dones have been in denial at some point. He knows he has a problem, he is in denial too.
There are two things that you can do, please trust me on this.
The first is to never accomodate his drinking. Don't cover for him, Don't lie for him, don't accept bad behaviour, Don't call in sick for him when he is too hungover to work, Don't believe his promises while he is drinking. Let him accept the full consequences for his drinking, Don't give him money.
The first is to start going to Al Anon Family Groups. There is also Alateen for your kids. This group can save you and your children, especially your kids. Don't doom them to making the same mistakes as he has, lead them by going yourself and of they are old enough, encourage them to join you.
I wish you all the very best, email me anytime if you want to talk
Sean
codeinehelp@hotmail.com
What a brave post. Most of us with addicted love dones have been in denial at some point. He knows he has a problem, he is in denial too.
There are two things that you can do, please trust me on this.
The first is to never accomodate his drinking. Don't cover for him, Don't lie for him, don't accept bad behaviour, Don't call in sick for him when he is too hungover to work, Don't believe his promises while he is drinking. Let him accept the full consequences for his drinking, Don't give him money.
The first is to start going to Al Anon Family Groups. There is also Alateen for your kids. This group can save you and your children, especially your kids. Don't doom them to making the same mistakes as he has, lead them by going yourself and of they are old enough, encourage them to join you.
I wish you all the very best, email me anytime if you want to talk
Sean
codeinehelp@hotmail.com
