Ahhhhh....how beautiful it has been......nice we get an extra hour of daylight.
Well as a recovering addict.....is it just me.....I hate it.....hate those trees blooming......kids playing ball.....everybody is happy.....I feel ugly, and sad.
I like winter cause nobody is out busy bodying.....I feel like although I got this time in somehow that scar of addiction is written across my forehead.
I noticed ZeroGirl mentioned that too.....well interestingly enough.....change of season effects brain chemistry....so anyone suddenly wanting to pick up....that's what it is.....season change.....don't do it.....the heck with the happy smiling people......don't hug a tree.....don't toss a wiffle ball....for a very brief time just hide under a cover.....accept this....and get the heck back up, and out.
O.K. my lesson for today.....brain chemistry, and weather...I should be one of those chicks on the news doing a forecast.....I'd make a sweeping motion on that greens screen map, and say "Now for all you heroin addicts this barometer reading means you think you're craving, but nah, no, nope.....it's the weather"
Hang on all......this will pass too.....it really does.
lol, the sunshine brings out the worst in me. I think the good weather gives you extra energy and with that comes the need to do something to fill that energy. I got up 8 am no work so I had to busy myself. Cleaned out the fridge, handwashed the kitchen floor. Went for a 2 mile walk all before 10:30 am. This will be my 1st summer no smack, no methadone.
I wouldnt grumble. I just ran out to my dads car and got drenched in a SNOW BLIZZARD!!! Im 100% serious aswell! It only lasted a few minutes though! Wish it was warm enough here to go out, but as Im getting the shivers have stayed in and watched the music channels all day! x
I love the nice weather but it scares me.i'll be riding my harley but will have nowhere to go.Cant go to the bars not because i'll drink but because i used to do drugs there.don't know where i'll ride to except meetings.that is the only thing bothering me about the nice weather.
Bruceb: What year Harley do you have? How long have you been riding? We have 2 bikes. One is a yamaha and the other is, oh well, cannot think of it. My sister and her husband just bought their 2nd Harley. I think it is something called a Fat Boy. Where do you usually ride? It is so much fun and so relaxing.
Have a good night.
Joy
Have a good night.
Joy
"I feel like although I got this time in somehow that scar of addiction is written across my forehead"
Dear Bryn,
You are letting the 'scar' of addiction nestle within your soul and fester in your heart....and it will never heal properly if you harbor it there....it is not branded against your forehead for all the world to see...nor does addiction define the essence of who Bryn really is..
The world can only see what you allow to show them....and if you think of yourself only in terms of a worthless addict instead of the strong worthwhile woman that still maintains her recovery despite how hard it seems at times......then the world will view you in this light as well..
You talk about recovery and all this 'time you have in' as if it were a prison sentence rather than a release from the prison of addiction that you once found yourself in. Some individuals when released from prison oft times expect society 'owes them' in some manner as they did 'their time' already....but the individual must remember that it was he/or she that landed themselves in that prison by the wrong set of choices they chose to make at the time and society is not as always quick to forgive and forget as we would like it to be....that slowly comes in time as does recovery..
You do not need the forgiveness of others as atonement for some of the bad choices you had made when you were actively using....and there will be some that will never forgive you....but what is most important is that you forgive yourself.
You impress me as being a fighter and i have seen so many threads started by you where you threaten to 'throw in the towel' and use again..
but so far you haven't.....cause deep down inside you want to 'win' and don't want to really buy into that 'junky' mentality that you feel about yourself but don't truly believe..
You have reached out to me in my struggles
and THAT is what makes Bryn..Bryn
a lovely caring individual
love MARY
Dear Bryn,
You are letting the 'scar' of addiction nestle within your soul and fester in your heart....and it will never heal properly if you harbor it there....it is not branded against your forehead for all the world to see...nor does addiction define the essence of who Bryn really is..
The world can only see what you allow to show them....and if you think of yourself only in terms of a worthless addict instead of the strong worthwhile woman that still maintains her recovery despite how hard it seems at times......then the world will view you in this light as well..
You talk about recovery and all this 'time you have in' as if it were a prison sentence rather than a release from the prison of addiction that you once found yourself in. Some individuals when released from prison oft times expect society 'owes them' in some manner as they did 'their time' already....but the individual must remember that it was he/or she that landed themselves in that prison by the wrong set of choices they chose to make at the time and society is not as always quick to forgive and forget as we would like it to be....that slowly comes in time as does recovery..
You do not need the forgiveness of others as atonement for some of the bad choices you had made when you were actively using....and there will be some that will never forgive you....but what is most important is that you forgive yourself.
You impress me as being a fighter and i have seen so many threads started by you where you threaten to 'throw in the towel' and use again..
but so far you haven't.....cause deep down inside you want to 'win' and don't want to really buy into that 'junky' mentality that you feel about yourself but don't truly believe..
You have reached out to me in my struggles
and THAT is what makes Bryn..Bryn
a lovely caring individual
love MARY
..Bryn..
..Theres nuffin like a bit of sun to wake up to in the mornings..we don,t get much of it over here.maybe 4mths out of 12..if that.?..so we gotta make the most of it when it is here..this is gonna be my first spring/summer in 11yrs that i will be clean.(hopefully).so im looking forward to it..i hated them hot sunny mornings.when i woke up feeling sick..sun blazing thru the window..having to drag yaself out of bed to go get sum brown or look for sum money to score..cos my hair has always been quite long..i could,nt be bothered to sort it out..i just used to sling a wolly hat on..my head would be sweating from the heat..i prefer the sun and light evenings..sitting on the balcony until 8-9 in the evening bit of music playing on the radio/cd..a cold beer on the side..playing a few tunes on the guitar now and again..lol...take care bryn..Robbie..
..Theres nuffin like a bit of sun to wake up to in the mornings..we don,t get much of it over here.maybe 4mths out of 12..if that.?..so we gotta make the most of it when it is here..this is gonna be my first spring/summer in 11yrs that i will be clean.(hopefully).so im looking forward to it..i hated them hot sunny mornings.when i woke up feeling sick..sun blazing thru the window..having to drag yaself out of bed to go get sum brown or look for sum money to score..cos my hair has always been quite long..i could,nt be bothered to sort it out..i just used to sling a wolly hat on..my head would be sweating from the heat..i prefer the sun and light evenings..sitting on the balcony until 8-9 in the evening bit of music playing on the radio/cd..a cold beer on the side..playing a few tunes on the guitar now and again..lol...take care bryn..Robbie..
It's called Seasonal Affective Disorder...it really does affect a lot of addicts...usually when the season changes to codl tho? not hot and sunny? Go to your doc Bryn maybe they could help you out! Hope all is well across the bridge!
Nice to hear some other folks get weird w/ the weather...thought that was just one more of my personal pet neuroses.I can't wake up when it is cloudy out.I remain in a horrible brain-fog all day. We just had a rotten summer here in DumDum Town-weeks of overcast icky stuff.Like Groundhog Day, over& over.I grew up in an irrigated desert(L.A.) & really really miss bright strong sunshine.Am not looking forward to Winter here in the Antipodes. I live in the 4th rainiest city in the world-saw it in Guinness'World Records-oy!
Hi-ya veryone. haven't been around 4 while. As 4 sthe sun. In me it awakes joy , happiness , lust,L.O.L. , and all the other good things that life has 2 offer.I think that mary ( although she put it a bit 2 poetical 4 me ) is right Bryn.And who gives a blind F*** wot anybody thinks about you , me , or any body else that is tryin their best 2 come off this stuff.My greatest respect goes 2 anyone that beats this ( or at least is tryin their hardest.)Nah mate , I feel proud of myself and everyone olse thats tryin Big , Big hugs 2 everyone that is tryin their best out there/....herman...
