5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
The Fifth Step isn't a dance, it's demonstrating the strength of spirituality called "Integrity." Having taken others' inventories, and determining OUR part in those resentments we carried around with us under the auspices of "character" or "whatever doesn't kill us makes us who we are," or whatever. It was important that I shared this stuff with my Sponsor, but I've heard that some folks want to dump it with a priest or rector or whatever. The point of Integrity--the spiritual Principle of the 5th Step--is to tell someone. And to give it to MY Higher Power. To "do the right thing" and tell someone.
(note: I highlight MY HP because I want it to be made clear here that, while I have a HP, it's a very personal thing--and I need not inflict Him/Her/It on you. You can, however, borrow MY HP anytime you wish. MY HP works...)
This sharing of all of our dirty secrets requires Honesty, Hope, Faith, and Courage--oddly enough, the first 4 Steps. Dang! It also demands complete and utter integrity in the truth--in fessing up to my part in all of that baggage I carried through my life. Someone once said, "A problem shared is a problem cut in half," and it's a goodie.
I have a ceremonious destruction of the list, and a lifting of all the CRAP that had been holding my spirit under--choking it from growth--had begun. The 5th Step Promises have come true for me. I look back at it now and it all seems so petty, so insignificant, but oh so crippling. I am glad I am a member of Alcoholics Anonymous--for without this Program, I'd still be gripping, dry, grumpy drunk who hadn't had a drink in months.
I spent over 4 years in AA doing the 1-2-3 shuffle. And I continued to pop pills and drink. One time I actually did do a 5th step with my "sponsor" but my sponsor was just as sick as I was. Doing a fifth step while blasted on opiates and benzos doesn't really count. By the time I actually got completely drug and alcohol free I was ready to do all the steps as fast as possible. I saw thru my pill addled head in those years that the steps were where the recovery was. After writing down what I thought were my terrible, unforgivable secrets I got together with my sponsor and told her all the evil things I had done. We had a good laugh. She had done many of the things I thought only I had done. Some of my fears were ridiculous when I said them out loud to her. The important thing for me was seeing where most of the things on my 5th step were caused by MY behavior, either my selfishness, my selfcenteredness, or my dishonesty. I was able to look at the people I was angry with and see how much of those situations that had caused my anger were because of my determination to have things MY way. I was always 'screw you' this is what "I" want and that's all that matters. I still struggle with selfishness and self-centeredness today but I work a 10th step daily, make amends immediately when I am wrong and I am improving myself the best I can. It takes time, as all good things do, and it takes work but the steps are a life time process. Good topic, SKG.
Hi, 12Stepper. The "as soon as possible" thing has alot of merit, too. In the early days the group would sometimes push alcoholics through the Twelve Steps in days! Three days, in fact! They needed the bed space--and the foundation of the success was the "One hand washes another," premise that only an alcoholic knew what an alcoholic needed, and only an alcoholic understood what and alcoholic had gone through.
And yes, a previous me would have used the Latin phrase... I've grown--and I owe it entirely to THE Program of AA--which includes MY higher power.
Eughhhh.... that was the step that gave me the heebie jeebies!!!
However, even though, I dropped out of AA and NA, I am still going to do something along my own lines regarding this step because I do think it is important. Those skeletons in the closet that need to see the light of day. Scary. But, I think what I have to do is forgive myself. Rather than try and look for forgiveness from outside of me.
My 5th step was written and shared and then taken somewhere special to me and my higher power and burnt....as the smoke drifted up it was a very symbolic and special handing over to god, well worth it
Nowadays my 5th step is daily or as it happens hand over to god, if my stubborness allows at times i can sulk:) , anyway share at meetings hand over to god and dont drink, that is why it is said one day at a time...dont alow things to build and yes iam reading what im typingLOL:)
Well, I have taken my inventory of all the horrors. The real nasty secrets I am harbouring, I am just hoping I don't die before I deal with this and someone finds the book I am writing in!! Most people who know me would not believe that what is written in it is what I have done. The big book does say that the alcoholic leads a double life, oh how true!
Anyway, who do I talk to about this? I understand that I need to verbalise it to someone but who, does anyone have any ideas?
Do you know any religeous fiqures that you can trust to share with or maybe a counsellor or another alky at a meeting that you trust and once done i recommend burning the book as i said i burnt my feelings and 5th step book from rehab but not before my wife read it.......not good
Golly, your wife read it Zac, how did that happen?
Yes, I will absolutley be burning it once I have done what I have to do.
I don't know if you guys have the Samaritans in your parts of the world - an organisation of people who just listen to peoples troubles basically. Anyway, I suddenly - after asking my higher power for help - (yeah it worked!!!) - thought of the Samaritans. I have just emailed them to ask whether what I need to do is something they could help me with.
I called The Samaritans (I think the US has something called Lifeline?) when I was utterly broken and in despair....I had never previously spoken to anyone about any emotional problems I had or felt.....I probably called them every day for four or five months......sometimes I called twice a day, three times, the record (so far!) is four. Up to an hour a time....they listened.
Some were good listeners, some were excellent counsellors....some tried to give me advice, which didn't help so much.....ALL of them had a good grasp of what alcoholism is and does, imho......
They are fantastic....and each one has made it clear to me that they are available 24/7 to listen to anyone in emotional distress....you don't have to be about to slit your wrists......I've been doing my variety of step four for months in counselling and in a hundred hours over the phone to The Sams..... they are there to help you deal with emotional problems however they can.....so whatever you get back on email don't hesitate to call.....there's a Natoinal line and local ones too....no-one on their end of the phone will refuse to listen to anything you want to say....
Hey there all. Well I guess I don't have to tell anyone I am still doing step 4 . I probably have you all bored to death about my going on about it. I am doing good this time with it tho.....up to the point I am at anyway. I agree skg that it is a good post that you have started and I have a long way to go but the steps are beginning to work for me and I am only on step 4 so I know there is a bright future waiting for me. I went to a party last night,didn't drink,had a good time and today I am even starting to like myself. I awoke with no hangover,no remorse and and no self loathing. Went to brunch and later taking my mom out for supper. I love it that I can do whatever I want when I want. SUCH FREEDOM . I truly honestly believe that alcholol has lost it's powerful hold on me or better yet I am WILLING to let that power go. All I have to do is not take that first drink,keep doing the steps and pray. Easy compared to the energy it took to try live as a normal person in the grips of addiction. Have a great Sunday ye all and keep smiling. God bless and take care
