I have just done an on line quiz thing to determine whether I am an alcoholic. A score of three or more indicates you are. I scored 16.
I keep on pondering this question of whether I am an alcoholic. Something in me doesn't want to believe it obviously, it's like, no I can't be....... alcoholics are those old men that drink white cider all day on the streets and have got red faces.
So, I am going to ask you good people.
Started drinking at 14. Can't remember the first time I got drunk - blackout.
Drank heavily as a teenager. Beer and strong lager mainly. Frequent blackouts.
Did alot of drugs.
Progressed to strong cider, stupidly strong.
Started doing bottles of vodka and speed. Frequent blackouts.
Visited A & E several times. Smashed my face up, wrecked my hands, sprained my ankle, fractured a rib.
Lived with a violent alcoholic man.
Couldn't deal with life at all. The drink was my only saviour. Started lying, being deceptive so I could drink all day and not do anything else.
Didn't wash, change my clothes, wash my hair at all. My mom has told me since that I smelled like an old man!
Started drinking and driving but don't remember it.
Started to loose control of my body - well embarassing - but I started s***ting myself.
Started to need alcohol to straighten up first thing. Had a can of beer disguised in a tea cup when I had to be at work - which was periodic because of drink.
Progressed to special brew and crack smoking.
Lived with a violent drug addict.
Lost several flats because we were evicted.
Was loosing brain function, memory, getting drunk quickly. Couldn't understand things when I got drunk, couldn't follow conversations or understand kids games.
Constant blackouts.
Now drinking bottles of brandy with loads of weed.
Forever hurting myself and not knowing how.
Hallucinations.
Finally at the age of 32 I smashed up my computer, trashed the house, shouted and screamed at my then boyfriend - none of which I remember - woke up the next morning wondering where the hell I was, and finally knocked it on the head.
Mmmm.......well. 18 years in a nutshell.
In my denial mind it thinks that because I had got off the morning straightener I am not an alcoholic. And because I managed to stop for a few weeks at a time here and there when I started counselling, I can't be an alcoholic. Alcoholics drink every single day surely.
I tried every single thing I could to try and drink normally until in the end I gave up trying, it beat me, I can't do it.
Does that mean I am an alcoholic?
I know this might sound silly but I am still not sure. Does a label really matter anyway, I don't know.
???????????
Hi Lacey...I know I pondered...in the beginning...and every once in awhile since...and like you I go over my story...and what I find is that I am powerless over alcohol and my life was (very) unmanageable when I drank...one was never enough...and always too much...when I drank I became a person I didn't like or respect...and my decisions were...well not good at all...I would also get very depressed after I drank...
I did dabble in drugs...but mainly stuck to alcohol....99.9% of the time I drank to get drunk...the .1% I didn't...was when I was trying to "control" it...
I got kicked out of college...failed...lost 2 jobs....oh maybe it was 3...my parents were on the verge of kicking me out...my friends were disgusted with me and sick of "babysitting" me...and most importantly I was sick and tired of me...and my life..At first I didn't think it could alcohol or I was an alcoholic...I was 19...I was seeing a counselor...and she was...very intuitive...I was seeing her b/c I had been assaulted...but she also saw through me...and confronted me and then challeneged me...Her challenege saved my life and changed my life...I hated her at the time but soon became very grateful for her...
I also learned Lacey...that my alcoholism isn't necessarily defined by how much I drank or how long I drank but what drinking did to me...how alcohol made me feel...and how I changed when I drank...
Lacey...do I sometimes miss being able to have a drink? Do I sometimes long to be able to sit with my friends or family and have a glass of wine or a beer? Yeah sometimes I do...sometimes i wish I wasn't an alcoholic BUT I am also grateful I am...b/c my alcoholism...my recovery...has changed my life in many positive ways...and in the end...a glass of wine, a beer...isn't worth the postive changes in me that I have experienced...
Denial is alcoholism's friend...I think you know the answer to your question...I used to need someone to validate it for me too...but I was told only I could answer the question "Am I an alcoholic?"...and when I thought through "my story"...my answer is always Yes I am an alcoholic....
Thanks for sharing Lacey...Love Gina
I did dabble in drugs...but mainly stuck to alcohol....99.9% of the time I drank to get drunk...the .1% I didn't...was when I was trying to "control" it...
I got kicked out of college...failed...lost 2 jobs....oh maybe it was 3...my parents were on the verge of kicking me out...my friends were disgusted with me and sick of "babysitting" me...and most importantly I was sick and tired of me...and my life..At first I didn't think it could alcohol or I was an alcoholic...I was 19...I was seeing a counselor...and she was...very intuitive...I was seeing her b/c I had been assaulted...but she also saw through me...and confronted me and then challeneged me...Her challenege saved my life and changed my life...I hated her at the time but soon became very grateful for her...
I also learned Lacey...that my alcoholism isn't necessarily defined by how much I drank or how long I drank but what drinking did to me...how alcohol made me feel...and how I changed when I drank...
Lacey...do I sometimes miss being able to have a drink? Do I sometimes long to be able to sit with my friends or family and have a glass of wine or a beer? Yeah sometimes I do...sometimes i wish I wasn't an alcoholic BUT I am also grateful I am...b/c my alcoholism...my recovery...has changed my life in many positive ways...and in the end...a glass of wine, a beer...isn't worth the postive changes in me that I have experienced...
Denial is alcoholism's friend...I think you know the answer to your question...I used to need someone to validate it for me too...but I was told only I could answer the question "Am I an alcoholic?"...and when I thought through "my story"...my answer is always Yes I am an alcoholic....
Thanks for sharing Lacey...Love Gina
Please get a copy of AA's Big Book and read the first 164 pages if you can and you will find out that alcoholics are comprised of all types but the thing that separates us alcoholics from normal people is they will not typically drink and drive, usually bath frequently, and usually only defecate on themselves when experiencing death or similar situations.
Daily drinking is not a requirement for alcoholism.
If you are ready to stop drinking there are programs in place that will help you if and only if you are really willing to put forth the effort. Otherwise the yets in our lives will come to pass and from what your post reflects it will not be a pretty picture.
God Speed,
Bob
Daily drinking is not a requirement for alcoholism.
If you are ready to stop drinking there are programs in place that will help you if and only if you are really willing to put forth the effort. Otherwise the yets in our lives will come to pass and from what your post reflects it will not be a pretty picture.
God Speed,
Bob
Gosh, I was so nervous when I logged in, wondering whether people would think I am an alcoholic!!
I think it is pretty obvious really, but there is still a little part of me saying no, I can't be an alcoholic. The other thing I find a bit odd is when I do get out there and meet people, the subject of alcohol is bound to come up, how do I deal with it? Gosh it is weird. Surely a non alcoholic wouldn't be having this problem!!!
Thankyou Gina, it is helpful to hear a little about you; and for your kind replies.
Thanks Bob, I have ordered the book this morning. Hopefully it will help me accept myself a bit better and see the truth.
I think it is pretty obvious really, but there is still a little part of me saying no, I can't be an alcoholic. The other thing I find a bit odd is when I do get out there and meet people, the subject of alcohol is bound to come up, how do I deal with it? Gosh it is weird. Surely a non alcoholic wouldn't be having this problem!!!
Thankyou Gina, it is helpful to hear a little about you; and for your kind replies.
Thanks Bob, I have ordered the book this morning. Hopefully it will help me accept myself a bit better and see the truth.
Good Morning Lacey...The Big Book will really help you...As for dealing with the question: Do you want a drink or oh you don't drink? Yes it comes up...but most of the time people really don't care...in the beginning I had a couple of answers ready: I'm on medication, I am driving, I'm allergic to alcohol, or no I just don't like the taste of alcohol...Those answers ended the conversation...
My non-alchy friends know why I don't drink...respect me for it...and don't bother me about it...actually they love it b/c I am always the designated driver...Being around alcohol does not bother me today but it took a while to get there...I avoided alcohol, bars, ect for a long time...
Also my non-alchy friends would be so upset if I ever drank...they didn't know me way back then but know me today and don't want me to do anything that would screw up my life...they don't understand alcoholism 100% but enough to know that they don't want me to take any chances...
The first few years I was very involved in AA...meetings, sober dances, dinner with other AAers, going to a diner after meetings...I surrounded myself with other recovering alcoholics...That helped me a lot...and also there is a social aspect to it...a safe and sober social life...I learned I could be sober and still have a good time...actually I really learned what a good time was...
Wishing you a Happy New Year Lacey...Love Gina
My non-alchy friends know why I don't drink...respect me for it...and don't bother me about it...actually they love it b/c I am always the designated driver...Being around alcohol does not bother me today but it took a while to get there...I avoided alcohol, bars, ect for a long time...
Also my non-alchy friends would be so upset if I ever drank...they didn't know me way back then but know me today and don't want me to do anything that would screw up my life...they don't understand alcoholism 100% but enough to know that they don't want me to take any chances...
The first few years I was very involved in AA...meetings, sober dances, dinner with other AAers, going to a diner after meetings...I surrounded myself with other recovering alcoholics...That helped me a lot...and also there is a social aspect to it...a safe and sober social life...I learned I could be sober and still have a good time...actually I really learned what a good time was...
Wishing you a Happy New Year Lacey...Love Gina
Thanks Gina. You always seem to give people lovely replies.
Today I thought about what a non alcoholic person is and I am definatley not that, so I guess I am going to have to face the fact that I am an alcoholic, although I will wait to see if the big book reckons it too!!
I keep coming back to this am I, aren't I question so I need to get it into my head once and for all really so I can really take some steps forward.
Somehow I have got to where I am today, by sheer determination I think. Now it is time to start to make a life really. I have had lots of work to do since about May; (I am self employed nowadays) - which I have soldiered through, just keeping my head down and getting on with it. I could never have done it all had I been drinking - absolutley no way. It all landed in my lap shortly after I sobered up - what a blessing!!
So yeah, new year and all that. I hope to make good progress.
Today I thought about what a non alcoholic person is and I am definatley not that, so I guess I am going to have to face the fact that I am an alcoholic, although I will wait to see if the big book reckons it too!!
I keep coming back to this am I, aren't I question so I need to get it into my head once and for all really so I can really take some steps forward.
Somehow I have got to where I am today, by sheer determination I think. Now it is time to start to make a life really. I have had lots of work to do since about May; (I am self employed nowadays) - which I have soldiered through, just keeping my head down and getting on with it. I could never have done it all had I been drinking - absolutley no way. It all landed in my lap shortly after I sobered up - what a blessing!!
So yeah, new year and all that. I hope to make good progress.
Lacey...you have made progress...you are sober...Recovery can be confusing in the beginning...well I know I was confused...questioning, doubt, fear...but I tried to listen to what others told me...just take it a moment at a time...a day at a time...and one saying that has really stuck with me is "when in doubt don't do anything"...so when I doubted if I was an alcoholic...I was told not to drink today...think about it tomorrrow...well "tomorrow" never really comes because it is always today...that helped me get through some rough times...and it still does...
Do you go to counseling? Maybe seeing an addiction specialist will also help...I know therapy has helped me really deal with some issues...
Love Gina
Do you go to counseling? Maybe seeing an addiction specialist will also help...I know therapy has helped me really deal with some issues...
Love Gina
I faced the same questions, and began to see it this way: If I even had to ask myself, I was probably already there. Everyone else probably already knows, too.
The only one that could answer the questions is looking at you in the mirror every time you look back, and if you're being honest, you already know the answer. The good news is that there are dozens of people that have already taken this path and many of them post here. They're understanding, non-judgemental, thoughtful and nine times out of ten, their stories are more horrifying that your own. You don't have to do it alone, and acknowledging the problem is the biggest step in learning to live around it.
You can do this.
The only one that could answer the questions is looking at you in the mirror every time you look back, and if you're being honest, you already know the answer. The good news is that there are dozens of people that have already taken this path and many of them post here. They're understanding, non-judgemental, thoughtful and nine times out of ten, their stories are more horrifying that your own. You don't have to do it alone, and acknowledging the problem is the biggest step in learning to live around it.
You can do this.
The first step is to admit. It took me five years to admit I am an alcoholic. My story is quite different from yours...but as someone else said, alcoholic come in all forms. I drink approx 50 ounces of wine a night. Sometimes I have black outs....very rarely. I work every day, I have a good job. If you were to look at me you would not think I drink, cuss, smoke . I seem to be a good clean and sober young lady. Never smelly, I have control of my thoughts and memory...but I am an alcoholic. I get drunk every night. Yes sometimes I go weeks without drinking...but the entire time I am thinking about drinking...can't wait to drink. Start to plan when I will take my next drink and what it will be like. I am an alcoholic. I don't know if there is a "quiz" that would really be able to assess an alcoholic....it is something that you will have to figure out. And the fact that you are on this site, it seems that you are on your way to figuring it out.
