hi all
new here. maybe someone can relate. I drink too much and its been getting gradually worse over the years but not totally out of control. At least not all the time.
But I worry about it. Like this week I've only had one alcholic drink all week. It didn't seem that hard - and besides my body really needed a break - but I'm still thinking about my next drink and when I can next drink a lot. yikes.
the thing is I really don't want to stop drinking - but yet I kinda do.
Hi there and welcome to the board! I think there are alot of people who can relate to you, myself included. There will come a point whether that is now, or sometime in the future where you will know you've just had enough. I got tired of being sick and tired. I still get cravings to go out and get hammered, but I know where that will lead me. I never really considered myself an alcoholic, but I do now. I have been drinking since I was about 13, I am now 33 and the blackouts, the bad attitude,the out of control behaviour made me wake up and smell the "coffee" not the bottle!!! If you think you have a problem, then you probably do, no doubt about it, that little voice inside of you is telling you what sometimes you don't want to hear, you can tune it out, but I guarantee things will only get worse before they get better for ya. Go talk to a professional, attend some meetings, and stay focused and committed to being the real you!!
Best of luck hun!
keep posting we are all hear to help!
God Bless
lovedove :)
Best of luck hun!
keep posting we are all hear to help!
God Bless
lovedove :)
thanks lovedove - i hear every word your saying. i have a long way to go in my head i think.
i am definately getting worse, used to be i coudl quit for weeks at a time now its only days. And lately i've started drinking as early as 10am on a weekend, i never used to do things like that.
but i have this mental block that if i quit i'm going to be missing out on something - its really stupid i know but its how i feel.
also all my family are social drinkers. they are happy fun drinkers. who can easily have a glass or two and stop - i just keep thinking i can be liek that too - i want to be like that too. they have so much fun times together with justa little bit of alcohol and i want that for myself. i can't quite accept in my heart that i can't have this. perhaps one day i'll accept it and then i'll be ready to quit.
i am definately getting worse, used to be i coudl quit for weeks at a time now its only days. And lately i've started drinking as early as 10am on a weekend, i never used to do things like that.
but i have this mental block that if i quit i'm going to be missing out on something - its really stupid i know but its how i feel.
also all my family are social drinkers. they are happy fun drinkers. who can easily have a glass or two and stop - i just keep thinking i can be liek that too - i want to be like that too. they have so much fun times together with justa little bit of alcohol and i want that for myself. i can't quite accept in my heart that i can't have this. perhaps one day i'll accept it and then i'll be ready to quit.
Alcoholism is a progressive disease and will only get worse if you are an alcoholic if you continue drink. No one, but you, can decide if you are an alcoholic. You may want to check out an AA meeting, you can go to an open meeting where anyone can attend, or a closed meeting which requires only the desire to stop drinking. Best of luck to you.
hey thanks so much for the quick reply. she ia agood friend and of course i want her to remain that way so iwas thinking about doing what you said about the pamphlet but maybe anonomously only because she tends to be quite defensive about anything to do with it. I am also afraid she might not take me too seriously since she is well aware that i am actively fighting a pain pill problem myself. I kind of feel that maybe we could even support each other if i could get her to feel as though i am not judging her. which i have no right to seeing as i have my own issues. My children no longer go there without me or my husband along. Thanks again and wish us both luck!
Hey Idgie,
You sound a lot like me. My alcoholism has progressed a lot over the past 20 years (I'm 41). Buti within the past two years I've found myself doing things I NEVER thought I'd do. Driving drunk with my kids in the car, drinking during the day, and of course the lyes, cheating, stealing.
It's progressed to the point where I was stealing my mother's pain meds, my inlaws vodka...drinking vanila extract! If you haven't got there yet get out NOW! I went to AA for the first time 10 years ago. My oldest kids were 1 and 2. They are now 11 and 12 and know what's up to some extent. I'll never know all the damage I did.
Hang in there. You can do this. Save yourself years of misery. I wish I had.
Have a great day.
Hammer
You sound a lot like me. My alcoholism has progressed a lot over the past 20 years (I'm 41). Buti within the past two years I've found myself doing things I NEVER thought I'd do. Driving drunk with my kids in the car, drinking during the day, and of course the lyes, cheating, stealing.
It's progressed to the point where I was stealing my mother's pain meds, my inlaws vodka...drinking vanila extract! If you haven't got there yet get out NOW! I went to AA for the first time 10 years ago. My oldest kids were 1 and 2. They are now 11 and 12 and know what's up to some extent. I'll never know all the damage I did.
Hang in there. You can do this. Save yourself years of misery. I wish I had.
Have a great day.
Hammer
Hi Hammer
yup it truly does progess doesn't it? I totally relate to your post. I too found myself doing things I NEVER thought I'd do in the last 12-15 months.
Start drinking at 9am. Hiding alcohol, drinking out of coffee mugs so it doesn't look like I'm drinking. Yeah right - red wine just looks soooo much like coffee!!! LOL. Driving drunk - yup me too. And I actually despise that behaviour.
Guess what? I'm on Day 7?
How about you? Is it day 2 for you now or 3?
yup it truly does progess doesn't it? I totally relate to your post. I too found myself doing things I NEVER thought I'd do in the last 12-15 months.
Start drinking at 9am. Hiding alcohol, drinking out of coffee mugs so it doesn't look like I'm drinking. Yeah right - red wine just looks soooo much like coffee!!! LOL. Driving drunk - yup me too. And I actually despise that behaviour.
Guess what? I'm on Day 7?
How about you? Is it day 2 for you now or 3?
I often ask these questions in my mind!
How come you know when to stop drinking and I dont?
How come you dont cry and get abusive?
Why cant I drink and be normal?
Will I never drink again?
Will i always be like this?
Oh my god my bottle of wine is only half full?
Oh no my glasss of wine is running out?
Im going to a party, lots of alcohol!
Im not driving?
I dont remember!
How will ever face them again?
Cant beleive I did that/why the hell did I do that (CRINGE)
Ill never act like that again, promise!
After 3 attemts of suicide while being drunk and now none of my friends and family wanting to be round me when i drink and "if it happens again situation" with my boyfriend he will finish it. Im in a position of choosing a life or alcohol...
I know alcohol isnt any good for me so why do it? I know Alcohol is Evil but I love it....I know i feel like i want to die the day after but I still did it.
This has been going on for the past 10 years and now only with almost loosing everything im on the way to recovery. Wakeup call finally come....
Its about making changes, I had to give up being a flight attendant because alcohol was my life, now i have a 9-5 job and im trying to get some hobbies together....
Im scared of relapsing big time. because the temptation is everywhere.
at least i know if i drink on my tablets which are to stop me drinking it could make me collapse and thats a big turn off...
How come you know when to stop drinking and I dont?
How come you dont cry and get abusive?
Why cant I drink and be normal?
Will I never drink again?
Will i always be like this?
Oh my god my bottle of wine is only half full?
Oh no my glasss of wine is running out?
Im going to a party, lots of alcohol!
Im not driving?
I dont remember!
How will ever face them again?
Cant beleive I did that/why the hell did I do that (CRINGE)
Ill never act like that again, promise!
After 3 attemts of suicide while being drunk and now none of my friends and family wanting to be round me when i drink and "if it happens again situation" with my boyfriend he will finish it. Im in a position of choosing a life or alcohol...
I know alcohol isnt any good for me so why do it? I know Alcohol is Evil but I love it....I know i feel like i want to die the day after but I still did it.
This has been going on for the past 10 years and now only with almost loosing everything im on the way to recovery. Wakeup call finally come....
Its about making changes, I had to give up being a flight attendant because alcohol was my life, now i have a 9-5 job and im trying to get some hobbies together....
Im scared of relapsing big time. because the temptation is everywhere.
at least i know if i drink on my tablets which are to stop me drinking it could make me collapse and thats a big turn off...
Shazz, Have you tried AA yet?
Drinking is just so social. It's so everywhere. I could not have stopped w/o support in AA. If you are struggling I say it's worth a try.
pm
pm
I went to AA once along time ago. I went back to the place that suggested AA and they only deal with people who have physical symptoms like shakes and stomach cramps and offer detoxing. My issue isnt physical so they have refered me to a place that offers councelling and support and now with the tablets to stop me drinking and this site I hope to do well...
The problem for me is that when I drink the issues from my past just come flooding I can be angry, emotional or even both which is self distructive. Im tired of fighting an on going battle..
I dont drink in the morning or everyday so I found it hard to relate to the people in the AA group.
I havn't had a drink for 5 days and in the past I stopped for 8 months just to give myself a break.So I know I can stop but still the issues are there which I have to deal with.
The problem for me is that when I drink the issues from my past just come flooding I can be angry, emotional or even both which is self distructive. Im tired of fighting an on going battle..
I dont drink in the morning or everyday so I found it hard to relate to the people in the AA group.
I havn't had a drink for 5 days and in the past I stopped for 8 months just to give myself a break.So I know I can stop but still the issues are there which I have to deal with.
I also am not a daily drinker but I am an alcoholic. I cannot put it down once I start. It's too bad you had that experience with AA. I found alot of folks just like me in AA, binge drinkers, with no physical stuff. AA say that to join all you need is a desire to stop using. There are lots of meetings lots of places so maybe one would fit you better. I love the woman's meetings. I only talk about it because it was the only place I could get help to stop, and get the support I needed. So maybe don't give up on it yet. If you go to a meeting try to look for your similarities and not your differences and pick up an AA book to read. Do the same thing in the book. I sure hope you get some support. I just think it's so socially used it is difficult to stop. But you can.
Remember you don't have to be a daily drinker to be an alcoholic...only you can determine if you are an alcoholic...the only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking. I never hit a bottom of being homeless, drinking out of a paper bag, never got arrested, etc...I lost my self respect though...and the respect of my family. AA provided me with the tools I needed to stop drinking, and from there I learn daily how to deal with life, through good times and bad times, with the tools that are provided to me through working the 12 Steps in my daily life. I've learned how to change my reaction to situations and see my part in the struggles that occur, remember nothing changes if nothing changes.
VWGirl - I went to AA about a year ago but found it hard to relate. Most of the poeple in the meetings were serious "brown bag" sleeping under bridges type alcoholics, really extreme. Didn't seem to be many like me who are what I would describe as functioning alcholics - in that manage to keep job, house, car, family (sort of), but still controlled by alcohol.
I think its the demographic mix of where I live.
You know I got 11 days and relapsed, still drinking, but trying to sober up again. Just want off this merry go round. I know I'm going to have to try AA again - can't do it on my own.
So proud of you VWGirl.
Idgie.
I think its the demographic mix of where I live.
You know I got 11 days and relapsed, still drinking, but trying to sober up again. Just want off this merry go round. I know I'm going to have to try AA again - can't do it on my own.
So proud of you VWGirl.
Idgie.
Hey Idgie
Your desire to stop is the platform for your recovery and AA will provide you with the blocks to build a recovery.
I was a binge drinker and it was only my sober morals that kept me functioning for a lot of my drinking years. In a way being a binge drinker prolonged my rock bottom. If I had the chance I would drink 24/7 and did whenever I could. But my sober obligations would often win through.
Gradually the insanity of my drinking took over and my checklist of things I hadn't done yet got smaller and i hit bottom.
Someones park bench and metho is the same as my bar stool and beer cause i can guarantee the insanity and fear are the same.
All i know is AA does help in recovery and i need the meetings to stay grounded or i can go troppo real guick as some of my posts show.
Keep up the desire to stop and accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative and don't get caught with Mr inbetween.
Hooroo Zac
Your desire to stop is the platform for your recovery and AA will provide you with the blocks to build a recovery.
I was a binge drinker and it was only my sober morals that kept me functioning for a lot of my drinking years. In a way being a binge drinker prolonged my rock bottom. If I had the chance I would drink 24/7 and did whenever I could. But my sober obligations would often win through.
Gradually the insanity of my drinking took over and my checklist of things I hadn't done yet got smaller and i hit bottom.
Someones park bench and metho is the same as my bar stool and beer cause i can guarantee the insanity and fear are the same.
All i know is AA does help in recovery and i need the meetings to stay grounded or i can go troppo real guick as some of my posts show.
Keep up the desire to stop and accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative and don't get caught with Mr inbetween.
Hooroo Zac
I tried to do it on my own too, for twenty years...didn't work. AA has saved my life. Why don't you call your local Alano club and ask where you can pick up a meeting directory...then you could choose what type of meeting you would like to attend. I too, didn't reach the level of skid row drunk you describe, yet, all that is waiting out there for me should I return to drinking and drugging. Good luck to you.
Thanks for the feedback VW and Zac - I have a whole list of excuses as to why to put off returning to AA. And that's exactly what they are - excuses.
I know that very soon the day is coming when I've gotta just take the plunge and get it over with.
I think deep down I'm terrified of failing at this so that's why I put off getting started with recovery. I'm so scared of what will happen if i can't succeed in quitting that I don't quit.
No that is screwed up addict thinking I know, but I am having trouble getting past it at the moment.
I know that very soon the day is coming when I've gotta just take the plunge and get it over with.
I think deep down I'm terrified of failing at this so that's why I put off getting started with recovery. I'm so scared of what will happen if i can't succeed in quitting that I don't quit.
No that is screwed up addict thinking I know, but I am having trouble getting past it at the moment.
