Hello, this is my first post... after many years of my sons drug problems things have got suddenly a lot worse. His Dad, my long term partner of 36 years committed suicide 2 months ago after a trial that he thought would put him in prison for something he didn't do. Our son put his ex partner through a lot of emotional and physical abuse during crack come downs at weekends for a couple of years when he lived with her. He used with a rich older gay man after sorting out around 500 for the night. Returned home to girlfriend and gave her hell as come down kicked in during the following days. After years of turbulence and birth of our grand daughter and a split up, his ex accused my partner of sexually abusing our grand daughter. This caused him and our son immense upset and depression. Since his death our son George has been taking crack daily, had a day and a night on crystal meth and talks endlessly about drugs and how he has no problem stopping! I'm worried things will get worse now, as he has a lot of guilt about how he treated his Dad during the last 2 years when he was on bail. George also had a spice addiction and managed to kick it when I let him move back in after his Dad's death. It made him psychotic and he was extremely nasty to his Dad which didn't help matters. I feel I can't throw him out because he would be homeless and return to spice which he confessed to smoking last night. I suggested going to a narcotics anon group but he's in denial that he has a problem. I can't grieve properly with all the stress he causes on come downs and begging for money etc. I feel like a mental health support worker who isn't trained for the job in any way. I can't seem to get any proper help with my situation. If anyone has any advice it would be very welcome as I feel very depressed about everything at the moment.
Angel - I am so sorry for the loss of your partner. it sounds like a tragic nightmare.
I really don't have advice. only thing I can think of is to keep telling your son he needs to leave or go to NA or AA. Or, if you want to provide housing for him, purchase a two family house or home with apartment for him to live in. you can at least close the doors and have space for yourself.
Or move to something / somewhere he would not be comfortable or not able to live with you.
idk...
I really don't have advice. only thing I can think of is to keep telling your son he needs to leave or go to NA or AA. Or, if you want to provide housing for him, purchase a two family house or home with apartment for him to live in. you can at least close the doors and have space for yourself.
Or move to something / somewhere he would not be comfortable or not able to live with you.
idk...
Your son is a drug addict. I know you have pointed out MANY reasons why he uses but there are a lot of people with a lot of problems that are not using drugs 24/7. He has been using for a LONG time....before the accused sexual abuse...before the death. It sounds harsh but these are all just excuses...to keep using ...to keep you feeling guilty. He is a grown man with a child of his own that needs to grow up. You are NOT responsible for him ANY LONGER and unfortunately by you taking on all of his responsibilities and accepting all of his excuses you are keeping him a child. What will he do when you are no longer there? How is he smoking crack day and night? Does he work?
Jen has the best right answer. my answer was appealing to your need to keep your son from being homeless. Truth is - he is using whether he is home or not home. therefore, being home is not helping him quit. if he can use tragic events to keep using, you can use tragic events to stop enabling. "I'm done, I give up, I have no more to give, I am not doing this, your chance to move away and not look back"
This is your time to decide if you are going to live like a doormat or get up and get out of it.
you did not cause this mess. I am sorry for your pain.
Read JEN's NOT THIS to give you strength.
peace.
This is your time to decide if you are going to live like a doormat or get up and get out of it.
you did not cause this mess. I am sorry for your pain.
Read JEN's NOT THIS to give you strength.
peace.
Thanks, I have thought of moving but it would have to be later than sooner because of my bereavement. I don't think uprooting at the moment would be good for me. I can't afford to sort him out any other housing,but he is on a social housing waiting list. Although he is a 29 year old man he acts like a teenager still. I wonder if he has arrested development due to smoking skunk from the age of 15 because he also has problems organising, remembering appointments, he is incredibly messy all the time just like a child and has no concern for anyone except himself. You are both right about enabling him not helping. It can be so difficult sometimes because of feelings of grief and tiredness to not get into arguments relating to being asked for money, when he's spent all his benefit on crack. The anger and nastiness is so heartbreaking some days, I can't believe I'm having to go through more upset, but I know drugs are the worse thing for this kind of behaviour. I do have faith in God which helps and I will have to become tougher, I know, to get through this very difficult time in my life.
Thanks again for your replies, it's good to know people care. X
Thanks again for your replies, it's good to know people care. X
Why would YOU move ? He's the one with the habit...or ?
I would move if I were the last one left and didn't want to be around for the encore.
I can not wait to move and downsize and retire to another state, where ever that is. maybe I will move from state to state... it has nothing to do with my kids. I know I am not staying in this state and this house after I stop working, and if I lost my job tomorrow, I would be moving even sooner.
If G is receiving benefits check he should be giving it to you for rent. yup, that would be hard to enforce.... once he has social housing, let him go and lock the doors. he will have housing and check. its his problem. not yours.
I can not wait to move and downsize and retire to another state, where ever that is. maybe I will move from state to state... it has nothing to do with my kids. I know I am not staying in this state and this house after I stop working, and if I lost my job tomorrow, I would be moving even sooner.
If G is receiving benefits check he should be giving it to you for rent. yup, that would be hard to enforce.... once he has social housing, let him go and lock the doors. he will have housing and check. its his problem. not yours.
