Just reading some of the posts from wives, girlfriends and others who love an addict. Some calling themselves stupid.
I'm an addict. I have two years and months in. Can I tell you that you are NOT stupid?
Addicts as you know are shifty, sneaky, liars, con's, and dang good cry babies.
We'll play off that love you have so freely gave. We'll take your belongings and sell them, and then tell you we didn't. We'll start a fire in a nod, and we'll use every ploy in the book to trick you.
Now when this person you love does these things I think you're seeing the person they are under that addiction. You see behind it. You try and catch a glimpse of that kind, gentle, caring, funny soul you first met. Of course you do. You need for this person to be saved. You need them back and have it all the way it once was.
How's that make you stupid? I've said before that almost 100% of the heroin addicts I met using or in detox or in rehab or at a meeting are mostly sensitive, sweet, kind people. Of course not when we need our dope, and are penniless and throw a fit, and pace, and yell. Otherwise we're decent human beings.
Listen, I'da conned my darn self I was such a liar for heroin. I'm well loved, and respected. Why wouldn't someone believe me when I said "This is it. I am done. I need just $20.00 to hold me over for when I get sick." Yeah my mama believed me. My friends believed me. Unfortunately my kid didn't, but knew better. I'm paying for all that still, and no way was any of these people DUMB.
Take care of you FIRST. Your kids, and your parents. Worry about YOU first.
Trust me the person you love who is addicted will work it out. It's on them.
You are not stupid. You love an addict.
Bryntobewild,
It is not that we ourselves are inherently stupid but the active addict has a way of making us believe that we aren't playing with a full deck at times...kinda like playing a game of solitaire with a junky who is holding all the cards...tain't never gonna win that round.
I think in the beginning....the addict banks on the idea that yes indeed we must be an egg short of a dozen....misinterpreting our love and concern for that of stupidity....hey who keeps putting their finger in the flame when they know time and again they are gonna get burnt...right?
As time passes....and we get more hip and hep to the addict's
trick bag....it is we that have grown smarter and the poor
befuddled addict can't understand why we no longer fall
for the wheedle of their needle...
so who's the stupid one now....
"stupid is as stupid does"
love MARY the little lamb with
the gonads of a ram (took almost 7 yrs)
It is not that we ourselves are inherently stupid but the active addict has a way of making us believe that we aren't playing with a full deck at times...kinda like playing a game of solitaire with a junky who is holding all the cards...tain't never gonna win that round.
I think in the beginning....the addict banks on the idea that yes indeed we must be an egg short of a dozen....misinterpreting our love and concern for that of stupidity....hey who keeps putting their finger in the flame when they know time and again they are gonna get burnt...right?
As time passes....and we get more hip and hep to the addict's
trick bag....it is we that have grown smarter and the poor
befuddled addict can't understand why we no longer fall
for the wheedle of their needle...
so who's the stupid one now....
"stupid is as stupid does"
love MARY the little lamb with
the gonads of a ram (took almost 7 yrs)
Bryn,
Clever as ever....... family/parners somtimes confuse lack of info and being clueless as to what's going on with being stupid. It's not hard to understand why that is considering that we addicts are known for our work.
Clever as ever....... family/parners somtimes confuse lack of info and being clueless as to what's going on with being stupid. It's not hard to understand why that is considering that we addicts are known for our work.
thanks, i needed that.
I know in my heart that the person who is lying to me, is not my real BF he's not the man i fell in love with 10 years ago. He's still the kindest sweetest person when he's with me, but I can just see it wiltering away when he needs his next hit, when he comes back he's my loving boyfriend again. I know it's so hard for him, he know it hurts me but he needs it.
I do feel stupid sometimes, because i'm still with him, but i'll help him all I can cos I really need my old BF back.
I've looked at lot's of ur posts on here and you seem so wise and supportive.
Thank you xx
I do feel stupid sometimes, because i'm still with him, but i'll help him all I can cos I really need my old BF back.
I've looked at lot's of ur posts on here and you seem so wise and supportive.
Thank you xx
heys guys, want to say that i am so glad that stumbled across this site. i can't sit here and say that i am some ANGEL. i've done my share of the "after school activitites". i experiments with different things, but nothing ever "stuck". i like to have a few social drinks at times, smoke some weed.
i never really knew anyone who did H. i've never even SEEN it and i am in my 30's! where i come form the word was "tabboo" as kids. you always heard from gownup's that it's something you die from, it's very dangerous, those people are low-life junkies, they will ruin your life........blah blah blah.
i am deeply in love with an addict. we have been together for 2 years. my son has not been this happy since his father walked out of his life three years ago. my daughter can take or leave him, she's a teen and is into her thing. just glad to see me happy. i really was. he totally did it for me and the attraction was immediate. we used to love and share a great bottle of wine together on a saturday night. he was clean fro dope for 8 years. he would BEAM with pride when he would say those words and so did I. he is a musician (incredible) and an artist. holds down a good job as well.
evrything changed slowly and i noticed that his desire to have a glass of wine just dissappeared. our sex life was less and he was always tired it seemed. when i confronted him with what i was seeing he admitted to taking PERCOCET for his back from a quad accident. (he and my brother were riding like idiots) this went on for about six months and i noticed the desperation he would go through. instead of laying on the couch with the remote and a cup of coffee on a saturday morning.....after making love.........he was up and out the door with "i'll be back in a bit babe".
went went away for a weekend after this display for a month or so and i confronted him again about the pills. he swore to me and himself that it would NEVER turn into Heroin. he swore he would NEVER f*** UP EIGHT YEARS CLEAN. but he wasen't clean right?? he was on pills.
i recently found out, (by him) that he was using needles again for the past three months (he's about right if i think about behavioral changes) on New Years day we sat together in the basement and right in front of me he broke his needles and said goodbye to heroin. (the DEVIL) he had a proper dose of meth to get him through the week or so and he was done. i was happy and we stayed home all week together. it lasted 6 days and now he's back on it. i told his family and now he hates my guts. i haven't t alked to him in three days now and i am a mess. i know if i call his cell he will scream and tell me how f***ed up i am for telling them and he will never trust me again and im a scumbag. so i won't call. is he ok? what happens now? will he go out and get double becasue of me? i would never be avle to forgive myself if he OD'd. was I wrong for telling his family? i want the guy that i met two years ago back. did the stress of me and the kids make him start the pills and dope again? i am extremely depressed and have contacted the crisis care unit some nights because i can't sleep or stop crying. what else can be done? do i cotact him becasue i really am worried about him? i've never been through this before and i don't know how to handle situations correctly. he says my yelling about it will make it worse. how do you treat an addict you love? can someone please tell me?
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i never really knew anyone who did H. i've never even SEEN it and i am in my 30's! where i come form the word was "tabboo" as kids. you always heard from gownup's that it's something you die from, it's very dangerous, those people are low-life junkies, they will ruin your life........blah blah blah.
i am deeply in love with an addict. we have been together for 2 years. my son has not been this happy since his father walked out of his life three years ago. my daughter can take or leave him, she's a teen and is into her thing. just glad to see me happy. i really was. he totally did it for me and the attraction was immediate. we used to love and share a great bottle of wine together on a saturday night. he was clean fro dope for 8 years. he would BEAM with pride when he would say those words and so did I. he is a musician (incredible) and an artist. holds down a good job as well.
evrything changed slowly and i noticed that his desire to have a glass of wine just dissappeared. our sex life was less and he was always tired it seemed. when i confronted him with what i was seeing he admitted to taking PERCOCET for his back from a quad accident. (he and my brother were riding like idiots) this went on for about six months and i noticed the desperation he would go through. instead of laying on the couch with the remote and a cup of coffee on a saturday morning.....after making love.........he was up and out the door with "i'll be back in a bit babe".
went went away for a weekend after this display for a month or so and i confronted him again about the pills. he swore to me and himself that it would NEVER turn into Heroin. he swore he would NEVER f*** UP EIGHT YEARS CLEAN. but he wasen't clean right?? he was on pills.
i recently found out, (by him) that he was using needles again for the past three months (he's about right if i think about behavioral changes) on New Years day we sat together in the basement and right in front of me he broke his needles and said goodbye to heroin. (the DEVIL) he had a proper dose of meth to get him through the week or so and he was done. i was happy and we stayed home all week together. it lasted 6 days and now he's back on it. i told his family and now he hates my guts. i haven't t alked to him in three days now and i am a mess. i know if i call his cell he will scream and tell me how f***ed up i am for telling them and he will never trust me again and im a scumbag. so i won't call. is he ok? what happens now? will he go out and get double becasue of me? i would never be avle to forgive myself if he OD'd. was I wrong for telling his family? i want the guy that i met two years ago back. did the stress of me and the kids make him start the pills and dope again? i am extremely depressed and have contacted the crisis care unit some nights because i can't sleep or stop crying. what else can be done? do i cotact him becasue i really am worried about him? i've never been through this before and i don't know how to handle situations correctly. he says my yelling about it will make it worse. how do you treat an addict you love? can someone please tell me?
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Wow. I didn't know anyone would respond to my post.
First off Mary, and GYAC y'all are frightening me with the rhymes. HAHA What's with you guys? Are ya spies? Don't tell me no lies! Good stuff though, Mary/Mary where are ya going to? As always I am honored by any response and wisdom from dear GYAC. Missed Mary. I did.
Now ladies who are suffering. I am so sorry about your pain, and hurt. H&C asked in her last sentence "How do you treat an addict you love?" He says yelling makes it worse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hecka YEAH it makes it worse cause he's either in a nice nod and you're messing up his high OR he's getting sick, and we're always worried about that 24/7 as you know. So your yelling isn't per se making it worse it's messing with our whole jive.
You will be to blame for everything. It's all your fault. You made me do this. I need money and if you don't give it to me I'll trick my tail out. I'll be so sick you'll be sorry. I'll have to rob a bank or steal your jewelry. Yes, it will be all your fault no matter what.
Notice when they have money and they got their dope, and enough for tomorrow everything is great. We are more loving than ever, and sweet and kind. Heck I was a joy and pleasure. I had no headache, and I was just chellin like majellin. Real nice girl. Then BAM I have two bags left. I get jumpy. You have any loot? I promise I won't cop in a bad neighborhood. PLEASE. I'm in an alley with ten other people like a sitting duck. Not worrying if this dealer made someone mad and they'll shoot him down with a semi. Naw, I needed my dope.
All you can do is love them. Tell them you'll support them getting help. Getting clean. Otherwise YOU ARE FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WORRY ABOUT YOU FIRST!
I know it is devastating. I'm someone's daughter, sister, friend, MOM, girlfriend, grandaughter, and loved immensely, but I about took them all out with me. They suffered worse than I did. Still finally after I lit the bed on fire, stole everything not nailed down, and was roaming bad neighborhoods in the middle of the night or missing important family events they had to worry about them FIRST. I had to get me CLEAN, and keep ME CLEAN.
I wish you girls only all good things, but read the words of the wise above. Mary, and GYAC. These people know of what they speak. I'm glad my post at least helped a little bit. Hang on there all you and begin by loving YOU FIRST!
Get YOU BACK, and the rest may follow. Your nice people. I can tell that.
First off Mary, and GYAC y'all are frightening me with the rhymes. HAHA What's with you guys? Are ya spies? Don't tell me no lies! Good stuff though, Mary/Mary where are ya going to? As always I am honored by any response and wisdom from dear GYAC. Missed Mary. I did.
Now ladies who are suffering. I am so sorry about your pain, and hurt. H&C asked in her last sentence "How do you treat an addict you love?" He says yelling makes it worse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hecka YEAH it makes it worse cause he's either in a nice nod and you're messing up his high OR he's getting sick, and we're always worried about that 24/7 as you know. So your yelling isn't per se making it worse it's messing with our whole jive.
You will be to blame for everything. It's all your fault. You made me do this. I need money and if you don't give it to me I'll trick my tail out. I'll be so sick you'll be sorry. I'll have to rob a bank or steal your jewelry. Yes, it will be all your fault no matter what.
Notice when they have money and they got their dope, and enough for tomorrow everything is great. We are more loving than ever, and sweet and kind. Heck I was a joy and pleasure. I had no headache, and I was just chellin like majellin. Real nice girl. Then BAM I have two bags left. I get jumpy. You have any loot? I promise I won't cop in a bad neighborhood. PLEASE. I'm in an alley with ten other people like a sitting duck. Not worrying if this dealer made someone mad and they'll shoot him down with a semi. Naw, I needed my dope.
All you can do is love them. Tell them you'll support them getting help. Getting clean. Otherwise YOU ARE FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WORRY ABOUT YOU FIRST!
I know it is devastating. I'm someone's daughter, sister, friend, MOM, girlfriend, grandaughter, and loved immensely, but I about took them all out with me. They suffered worse than I did. Still finally after I lit the bed on fire, stole everything not nailed down, and was roaming bad neighborhoods in the middle of the night or missing important family events they had to worry about them FIRST. I had to get me CLEAN, and keep ME CLEAN.
I wish you girls only all good things, but read the words of the wise above. Mary, and GYAC. These people know of what they speak. I'm glad my post at least helped a little bit. Hang on there all you and begin by loving YOU FIRST!
Get YOU BACK, and the rest may follow. Your nice people. I can tell that.
Dear Miserable and Confused,
There's a saying they told us when we went to the family session for my son's rehab. It goes like this...
YOU didn't cause this, YOU can't control this, YOU can't cure this, and YOU can't love him/her enough to make him/her stop.
Keep repeating that to yourself until you believe it because it is TRUE!
I'm so sorry for your pain and heartache. I never in my worst nightmares ever thought my son would become a heroin addict, but he started with the pain pills, kept needing more and more to get the same feeling, and then couldn't afford it any more so he switched to heroin.
There is little you can do for him but pray that God sends his angels to surround and protect him until HE wants recovery for himself. There are a lot of people in your same situaiton on the families forum who would be very willing to help you as they have me. Also, you should consider alanon/naranon meetings. I will keep you and your man in my prayers.
God bless!
Susan
There's a saying they told us when we went to the family session for my son's rehab. It goes like this...
YOU didn't cause this, YOU can't control this, YOU can't cure this, and YOU can't love him/her enough to make him/her stop.
Keep repeating that to yourself until you believe it because it is TRUE!
I'm so sorry for your pain and heartache. I never in my worst nightmares ever thought my son would become a heroin addict, but he started with the pain pills, kept needing more and more to get the same feeling, and then couldn't afford it any more so he switched to heroin.
There is little you can do for him but pray that God sends his angels to surround and protect him until HE wants recovery for himself. There are a lot of people in your same situaiton on the families forum who would be very willing to help you as they have me. Also, you should consider alanon/naranon meetings. I will keep you and your man in my prayers.
God bless!
Susan
