ok-so im doing awesomw--my higher power is workin overtime--i got my dream job--im working in an office set hours-weekends off good pay NO MORE FOODSERVICE so of course--trouble is a brewin in my head-I attempted to call my x--the one who got me into H, and hasnt attempted to be pasrt of my sons life in over 3 years and he basically helped me strip myself of all selfworth--nice guy huh--anyway ive been thinking of him alot lately--that whole--look hoiw good im doing syndrome but ill tell you the truth i did love him and always will have a special spot in my heart for him--i havent thought about him like this for a lon long time--i thought all that painfull longing was part of my past--well its creepin back in--luckily he wasnt home but i still want to call him--its as bad as your worse craving could be--what do i do--oh no--i relly dont want anyone here at my house to know this is going on because i dont want to admit im weak and i dont want them to try and srop me or talk me out of it--its so sick--ok let it flow-tell me how stupid and idiotic it is and how im just asking for trouble and itll only cause relapse and probably lead to the end for amity--i truly believe he was more of an addiction than the drugs for me--sorry ive been MIA--been so busy and ive been on youtube--i love it
Loving someone isn't weak. And it's perfectly understandable that you wanna call someone when you feel that way...people get under your skin and it's damn hard to shift them...but that doesn't make you weak ok? You have always struck me as amazingly strong. It's great that you got that new job...no more painful feet! Don't beat yourself up about this...but...remember how amazing you are and what you deserve...if he strips you of your self-worth then is he really worthy of our lovely Amity?! You got a lot to offer someone and you deserve the best. Go ahead and call him if he is the best! My cousin once told me (when I owned up to being in love with an addict!)...if he's kind and makes ya feel good about yourself then that's great...I think that's quite a good measure...
You know whatever any of us say to you...you'll make that call if it's what you need to do. Just look after you first hun, ok?
Thinking of you tonight, love, Maddy x x x
You know whatever any of us say to you...you'll make that call if it's what you need to do. Just look after you first hun, ok?
Thinking of you tonight, love, Maddy x x x
There is not much need to tell you it's a bad ideal. Your gonna do what your gonna do. Sounds like you don't want talked out of it. I can say the addict i loved, lived with runs in my head. He was not the one who got me hooked. We were both already well into H before we lived together. We did share common friends "all addicts". We were together the whole last year of my useage. His sex drive was GONE. It was a relationship based on smack feeding each other addiction only. Weird just today on a walk i thought about him a lot. I heard he's in prison on a fifth degree felony B&E "breaking and entering." What might have been i'll never know. I can take a good guess it would not have been pleasent. He use to have me be his watch out on b&e's, stealing stuff. He was bad news he brought my life down. He had me doing things i would not have. I have a real love/hate thing with this guy. It hurt to leave him. I tried to get him into the methadone clinic when i started it. He choose junk.... I chose to leave be homeless and get treatment get my kids back. He's in a cell i'm at home with my kids.
Much as i cared about him it's best he's AWAY from me. Ask what are your gonna get by contacting him?. I KNOW all about my ex, i don't want what he has to offer . I had used drugs most of my life. When I got with him it was like gas feeding a fire. I lost everything in part because of him. He stole from me i stole from him. I don't need that neither dose he. I would be bad for him also i know it. Yes, there are times he would be a very soft spot to fall. He would understand me he knows me. Besides the love relationship we were friends. I'm done chasing the past i've already been there.... i know what i gained from it!. Keep doing the same things you'll always get the same results. No it's not weak to love. Really think hard if it's what you need not what you want. I do want that EX, i know he's nothing that i need. My kids don't need a step father in prison. I can't live without H if he's doing it next to me. LOVE IS strong not strong enough for me to go blindly back to a addict.
My favorite song lyric say's:
I'm old enough
To love you from afar Too trusting. . .yes?
But then women usually are
Much as i cared about him it's best he's AWAY from me. Ask what are your gonna get by contacting him?. I KNOW all about my ex, i don't want what he has to offer . I had used drugs most of my life. When I got with him it was like gas feeding a fire. I lost everything in part because of him. He stole from me i stole from him. I don't need that neither dose he. I would be bad for him also i know it. Yes, there are times he would be a very soft spot to fall. He would understand me he knows me. Besides the love relationship we were friends. I'm done chasing the past i've already been there.... i know what i gained from it!. Keep doing the same things you'll always get the same results. No it's not weak to love. Really think hard if it's what you need not what you want. I do want that EX, i know he's nothing that i need. My kids don't need a step father in prison. I can't live without H if he's doing it next to me. LOVE IS strong not strong enough for me to go blindly back to a addict.
My favorite song lyric say's:
I'm old enough
To love you from afar Too trusting. . .yes?
But then women usually are
Knock it off........don't go calling nobody.........you know better........see, it was an omen he wasn't there when you called........now snap out of it.
Haaaaaaaa, I talked you out of it real quick..........LOL..........chica, you listen to the girls............they gave ya good advice..........you know how ya do.......don't even go there...........put it this way..........what good will come out of even talking to the man? Right? What BAD can happen? Coun them.
You got my respect always, Amity.
Haaaaaaaa, I talked you out of it real quick..........LOL..........chica, you listen to the girls............they gave ya good advice..........you know how ya do.......don't even go there...........put it this way..........what good will come out of even talking to the man? Right? What BAD can happen? Coun them.
You got my respect always, Amity.
Notice how we all said the same thing in three totally different ways?!!!
If he was good for ya he'd be calling you. So you don't need to make that call. You did though didn't you?! Well...if he's made ya feel crappy be sure to come back and let us build you back up again. Promise!
If he was good for ya he'd be calling you. So you don't need to make that call. You did though didn't you?! Well...if he's made ya feel crappy be sure to come back and let us build you back up again. Promise!
| QUOTE |
| f he was good for ya he'd be calling you. |
That is not necessarily true either. You have your life moving forward. Don't look back.
ok--thats what I neede--im exhausted with my thoughts lately--i am mad at mayself alot less than i was esterday so thats goos and i spoke about the situation in a meeting last night and wow--how the responses flowed--im strong--i know but that icky feeling in the pit of my stomach makes me feel weak so anyway thanks again you all make me feel special and loved i truly appreciate that!!!!!!!
Good point HD. The past is written. The future is ours for the making...exciting!
