Hi guys,
I know we all know a bit about each other from the posts and stuff and there is a board to tell your recovery story but you may not be fully recovered or just want to share a different story.
I thought it would be good to share a bit about our lives,our background,our story, where our journey began..how we all ended up on this board. Obviously you don't have to share your story but if you do want to...your story may help others in a similar situation.
Feel free to ask questions about stories but NO JUDGING OTHER'S LIVES.
sorry for sounding so bossy!! ;)
sorry for sounding so bossy!! ;)
Here's my story...
I'm 25 and my dad is a heroin addict,has been since before I was born. My mum is an alcoholic,has been since I was about 3-4years old. Growing up I was determined I wouldn't go near drugs, I hated all my dad's friends and used to get really frustrated by him and his weakness..'I get ill' I used to say'and I just have to get over it,why can't you?' Obviously now I know different.
As a teenager my feeling towards drugs changed,my friends started doing Ecstasy tabs and eventually so did I. Then the girl I was living with started going out with this bloke who used heroin,she started smoking it in spliff's, and I couldn't stand it.
One night,I was out and had an E,which was quite trippy and I decided to go home,I felt really bad at home and just wanted to come down off this high, I was sat in my mates room,and she was smoking a spliff of H, and she said it would bring me down so I thought, f**k it,i will give it a go. It brought me down alright and took me to a different buzz.
Then my bloke and I started smoking it now and then until I found out I was preggers and stopped,my man didn't and eventually got a habit,which I had to deal with when pregnant-nightmare1
I started dabbling myself when my son was about one. My auntie had him quite a lot and I felt like a bad mum,this time I got a habit and carried on using for about 18months until I got preggers again and weaned myself off with methadone.
I was clean then for a good 3 years and met a new bloke, was really happy and for some unknown stupid reason I started dabbling again,I wasn't unhappy or anything...just greedy for a buzz..well I ended up with a habit again, got pregnant again and just couldn't stop,was hiding it from my man, which was making me use more and feeling guilty coz I was pregnant,it was horrible. Eventually my man found foil and stuff and he was heartbroken.
I honestly thought he was going to leave me, he just kept saying 'my baby,how could you do this to my baby?' I felt like a total w**ker,which I was by the way!
In the end he said he would stay and help me,I think so highly of him for doing that,coz it takes balls.I think he knew that I would probably get worse if he left.
So next day he took me to the dr's, he was concerned about the effects it may have had on the baby,I was so nervous,but dr was great and said baby would be fine,and the side effects of the heroin for baby could be prematurity,low birth weight and possibly withdrawls,not to go cold turkey as this could harm baby,so she put me on 15mls methadone and said I would have to stay in hospital for a while after he was born incase baby had withdrawls but was very unlikely as it was such a small dose.
I went into labour 5 days overdue(1st hurdle over as he wasn't premature) he was born weighing 8lbs 8oz(was definatly not a low birth weight!!) and we stayed in hospital while they monitored him on withdrawls, and he didn't have any,so we were allowed home.
I feel my children have been my blessing and I have messed it up in the past,I wouldn't let myself,them or my man down again,I haven't used H since he found out and am still on 15mls(baby's only 4weeks now) and will be reducing to 13mls next week. I have been so busy I haven't thought about using again, I think before hand I thought I could dabble and not get trapped,but now I realise I can't and my journey,my habit will always be with me.My dad's been great,supportive towards me and my partner, he's know's how it is and can tell my partner what I'm going through from an outside point of veiw.
I can't wait to be free of methadone as well,I will feel I have achieved so much.
Kym x
I'm 25 and my dad is a heroin addict,has been since before I was born. My mum is an alcoholic,has been since I was about 3-4years old. Growing up I was determined I wouldn't go near drugs, I hated all my dad's friends and used to get really frustrated by him and his weakness..'I get ill' I used to say'and I just have to get over it,why can't you?' Obviously now I know different.
As a teenager my feeling towards drugs changed,my friends started doing Ecstasy tabs and eventually so did I. Then the girl I was living with started going out with this bloke who used heroin,she started smoking it in spliff's, and I couldn't stand it.
One night,I was out and had an E,which was quite trippy and I decided to go home,I felt really bad at home and just wanted to come down off this high, I was sat in my mates room,and she was smoking a spliff of H, and she said it would bring me down so I thought, f**k it,i will give it a go. It brought me down alright and took me to a different buzz.
Then my bloke and I started smoking it now and then until I found out I was preggers and stopped,my man didn't and eventually got a habit,which I had to deal with when pregnant-nightmare1
I started dabbling myself when my son was about one. My auntie had him quite a lot and I felt like a bad mum,this time I got a habit and carried on using for about 18months until I got preggers again and weaned myself off with methadone.
I was clean then for a good 3 years and met a new bloke, was really happy and for some unknown stupid reason I started dabbling again,I wasn't unhappy or anything...just greedy for a buzz..well I ended up with a habit again, got pregnant again and just couldn't stop,was hiding it from my man, which was making me use more and feeling guilty coz I was pregnant,it was horrible. Eventually my man found foil and stuff and he was heartbroken.
I honestly thought he was going to leave me, he just kept saying 'my baby,how could you do this to my baby?' I felt like a total w**ker,which I was by the way!
In the end he said he would stay and help me,I think so highly of him for doing that,coz it takes balls.I think he knew that I would probably get worse if he left.
So next day he took me to the dr's, he was concerned about the effects it may have had on the baby,I was so nervous,but dr was great and said baby would be fine,and the side effects of the heroin for baby could be prematurity,low birth weight and possibly withdrawls,not to go cold turkey as this could harm baby,so she put me on 15mls methadone and said I would have to stay in hospital for a while after he was born incase baby had withdrawls but was very unlikely as it was such a small dose.
I went into labour 5 days overdue(1st hurdle over as he wasn't premature) he was born weighing 8lbs 8oz(was definatly not a low birth weight!!) and we stayed in hospital while they monitored him on withdrawls, and he didn't have any,so we were allowed home.
I feel my children have been my blessing and I have messed it up in the past,I wouldn't let myself,them or my man down again,I haven't used H since he found out and am still on 15mls(baby's only 4weeks now) and will be reducing to 13mls next week. I have been so busy I haven't thought about using again, I think before hand I thought I could dabble and not get trapped,but now I realise I can't and my journey,my habit will always be with me.My dad's been great,supportive towards me and my partner, he's know's how it is and can tell my partner what I'm going through from an outside point of veiw.
I can't wait to be free of methadone as well,I will feel I have achieved so much.
Kym x
Kym, just a thought, why don't you swap to subutex instead of methadone. At 15ml, the swap will be pretty painless, and it's much easier to come off than methadone.
And most people know my story - it's been pretty much documented over the past god knows how many years on this board. I ain't got time to go through it all again! To sum it up in a few lines...
Normal kid.
Psychotic teenager.
Psychotic traveller.
Nutty student.
Accomplished graduate.
Stepford Wife!!!!
Divorcee on a yahoo!!!
s*** hot sales rep (loadsamoney!!!!!), and complete party animal.
Oooops, got a habit
f*** me! Still got a habit!
New career - drug dealer. Yippeee!!! Loads more drugs for me!!!
Ummm, would like to resign my position...
Psychotic junkie drug dealer (boy, I hated THAT job!!!)
I've seen the light! Halleluia!!
Subutex
Single gal, exploring my options
Met someone who was nice to me, put all my eggs in his decidedly dodgy basket...
Living together... I think I've made a mistake
A few bruises and the odd broken bone later, I know I made a mistake
Ooops, I think we made a mistake - FF 9 months - Ok, it was a happy accident.
I'm a mammy!!! Got a beautiful little bundle!!!
Gotta get away from this misogenistic woman beater.
Nice baby, nice house
And we all lived happily ever after...
love
diff xxx
And most people know my story - it's been pretty much documented over the past god knows how many years on this board. I ain't got time to go through it all again! To sum it up in a few lines...
Normal kid.
Psychotic teenager.
Psychotic traveller.
Nutty student.
Accomplished graduate.
Stepford Wife!!!!
Divorcee on a yahoo!!!
s*** hot sales rep (loadsamoney!!!!!), and complete party animal.
Oooops, got a habit
f*** me! Still got a habit!
New career - drug dealer. Yippeee!!! Loads more drugs for me!!!
Ummm, would like to resign my position...
Psychotic junkie drug dealer (boy, I hated THAT job!!!)
I've seen the light! Halleluia!!
Subutex
Single gal, exploring my options
Met someone who was nice to me, put all my eggs in his decidedly dodgy basket...
Living together... I think I've made a mistake
A few bruises and the odd broken bone later, I know I made a mistake
Ooops, I think we made a mistake - FF 9 months - Ok, it was a happy accident.
I'm a mammy!!! Got a beautiful little bundle!!!
Gotta get away from this misogenistic woman beater.
Nice baby, nice house
And we all lived happily ever after...
love
diff xxx
quick question Diff, are you still on the subutex? and congrats on your baby,i used to come on this site a few years back im sure you didn't have a baby then?
I don't know much about subute, my drugs worker put me on meth coz that's what i was using when i didnt smoke,getting it off the street,so she thought it would be best to just carry on the way i was..minus the H ofcourse!
I don't know much about subute, my drugs worker put me on meth coz that's what i was using when i didnt smoke,getting it off the street,so she thought it would be best to just carry on the way i was..minus the H ofcourse!
Many of you guys know much of my story- - It would take years to put it together & then it of course would be a major motion picture.
However ,at 50 plus - I gotta think Im in the middle ,headed down the home strech, the final chapters so to speak-
So right now Im feeling like - - >>>>>
As soon as you're born they make you feel small
By giving you no time instead of it all
Till the pain is so big you feel nothing at all
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
They hurt you at home and they hit you at school
They hate you if you're clever and they despise a fool
Till you're so fuc**kin crazy you can't follow their rules
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
When they've tortured and scared you for twenty odd years
Then they expect you to pick a career
When you can't really function you're so full of fear
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
Keep you doped with religion and sex and TV
And you think you're so clever and classless and free
But you're still fuc**n peasants as far as I can see
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
There's room at the top they are telling you still
But first you must learn how to smile as you kill
If you want to be like the folks on the hill
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
If you want to be a hero well just follow me
However ,at 50 plus - I gotta think Im in the middle ,headed down the home strech, the final chapters so to speak-
So right now Im feeling like - - >>>>>
As soon as you're born they make you feel small
By giving you no time instead of it all
Till the pain is so big you feel nothing at all
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
They hurt you at home and they hit you at school
They hate you if you're clever and they despise a fool
Till you're so fuc**kin crazy you can't follow their rules
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
When they've tortured and scared you for twenty odd years
Then they expect you to pick a career
When you can't really function you're so full of fear
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
Keep you doped with religion and sex and TV
And you think you're so clever and classless and free
But you're still fuc**n peasants as far as I can see
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
There's room at the top they are telling you still
But first you must learn how to smile as you kill
If you want to be like the folks on the hill
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
If you want to be a hero well just follow me
Jack, that just gave me goosebumps.........my ex-husband sang that so often.
One of his all time favorites.........I learned the lyrics by hearing him.
Kymer's, Wish I could be as genuine and talented as Jack and Diff...alas I ain't creative, but Diff's form worked well.
Parents divorced before I was 1 year old.
Never met my bio. He was an alcoholic.
Mom had a full scholarship to an important art school.
Opted to raise me soley instead of continuing.
ONLY girl in extended family since my own mom.
That spelled spoiled out my head.
By all accounts a happy, caring, sweet, extremely outgoing child.
Mom married my dad shortly after I was a year old.
Got raised up by my dad. Know to others as a "step-dad". Havve two siblings.
Loved school and purposely acted plain stupid to get with the bad boys.
Raped at age 8 by my mom's best friends father-in-law.
Buried that somewhere until I was an old lady.
Had loads of boyfriends. Often several at a time.
Didn't do drugs. Didn't drink. Cheerleader, happy Miss. The whole deal.
Married a guy I grew up with when I should have married the person I was in love with. Career and all that came into play there.
Had endometriosis. Five operations. Fertility chaos.
After four years of a specialist had a biological child.
Fought constantly with the husband about his excessive weed smoking.
Got divorced.
Had basically twelve years or more of court and custody crap.
Went back to school. Got a degree. met a recovering crack addict. We become heroin addicts.
All downhill from there. Been clean for three years and three months. Can't say i am happy. Can't say I'm sad.
Oh yeah I left out my daughter hates my guts. Only ever lived with me for 17 years. Months ago after I was chastising her bad choices like getting in a stolen car with five men she didn't know she was getting cocky, and smart a(s. Fight ensued every single day. It's all my fault she walked out of here to go to her dad's. Saw her tops five times maybe in many months.
I don't do drugs anymore, but I need some Excedrin.
One of his all time favorites.........I learned the lyrics by hearing him.
Kymer's, Wish I could be as genuine and talented as Jack and Diff...alas I ain't creative, but Diff's form worked well.
Parents divorced before I was 1 year old.
Never met my bio. He was an alcoholic.
Mom had a full scholarship to an important art school.
Opted to raise me soley instead of continuing.
ONLY girl in extended family since my own mom.
That spelled spoiled out my head.
By all accounts a happy, caring, sweet, extremely outgoing child.
Mom married my dad shortly after I was a year old.
Got raised up by my dad. Know to others as a "step-dad". Havve two siblings.
Loved school and purposely acted plain stupid to get with the bad boys.
Raped at age 8 by my mom's best friends father-in-law.
Buried that somewhere until I was an old lady.
Had loads of boyfriends. Often several at a time.
Didn't do drugs. Didn't drink. Cheerleader, happy Miss. The whole deal.
Married a guy I grew up with when I should have married the person I was in love with. Career and all that came into play there.
Had endometriosis. Five operations. Fertility chaos.
After four years of a specialist had a biological child.
Fought constantly with the husband about his excessive weed smoking.
Got divorced.
Had basically twelve years or more of court and custody crap.
Went back to school. Got a degree. met a recovering crack addict. We become heroin addicts.
All downhill from there. Been clean for three years and three months. Can't say i am happy. Can't say I'm sad.
Oh yeah I left out my daughter hates my guts. Only ever lived with me for 17 years. Months ago after I was chastising her bad choices like getting in a stolen car with five men she didn't know she was getting cocky, and smart a(s. Fight ensued every single day. It's all my fault she walked out of here to go to her dad's. Saw her tops five times maybe in many months.
I don't do drugs anymore, but I need some Excedrin.
Jack, that song always touches me to.
My tales been told a million times. Instead of my sad long story i'll share a pic. I just found this today it's me and my older brother wow it's 80's!
My tales been told a million times. Instead of my sad long story i'll share a pic. I just found this today it's me and my older brother wow it's 80's!
wow--powerful sttuff --good one kymbo
heres my nutshell
born and raised to a loving family,never abused or mistreated
parents started having truoble,my mom had a breakdown
hated jr high stopped going to school
started smokin weed and drinking
parents divorced-the party is on
18--ran to a lowlife for love-got hooked on heroin
got preggo-didnt stop using
baby got taken at the hospital-went to treatment but as soon as i left i relapsed
now i really need to get high-pregnant again--Dane still with me(gods grace)
still getting high-move to california where theres more dopefor cheap cheap
had a nother little boy--chse a family for him
still with the same man in ca-he got sent back to prison
i stayed high for another year-lost my mind-decided my life was over
tried to kill myself
came home-got on methadone-stayed away from the lowlife ex
3 years later-still on methadone havent done H since then and no liquor for 7 months. Im working on getting my life organized its such a slow process,I hope to get off the methadone someday soon but its more than i can handle at this point but im on my way--it can be done with alot of soul-searching hard work love and assistance
heres my nutshell
born and raised to a loving family,never abused or mistreated
parents started having truoble,my mom had a breakdown
hated jr high stopped going to school
started smokin weed and drinking
parents divorced-the party is on
18--ran to a lowlife for love-got hooked on heroin
got preggo-didnt stop using
baby got taken at the hospital-went to treatment but as soon as i left i relapsed
now i really need to get high-pregnant again--Dane still with me(gods grace)
still getting high-move to california where theres more dopefor cheap cheap
had a nother little boy--chse a family for him
still with the same man in ca-he got sent back to prison
i stayed high for another year-lost my mind-decided my life was over
tried to kill myself
came home-got on methadone-stayed away from the lowlife ex
3 years later-still on methadone havent done H since then and no liquor for 7 months. Im working on getting my life organized its such a slow process,I hope to get off the methadone someday soon but its more than i can handle at this point but im on my way--it can be done with alot of soul-searching hard work love and assistance
Good topic Kymbo... Reading all the posts there has made me feel a bit, i can't even descibe it, emotional is the right word.My story would take forever so i'll do Diff special.
Born in 81 stayed with mum through childhood years
Mum n dad had split up but he crept back now n then
was in care homes n foster homes from 94 - 97
Enjoyed school, am quite brainy but preferred being the class clown
Started smoking dope to act cool with the older lads from my area
That progressed to speed, E's, Acid then vallies, temazepam ect, spent the late 90's doing them
Got sent to prison in Apr00 got out AUG 01
Got into DF's, Meth, Morphine then H. Got addicted to DF's, Meth, Morphine then H. Spent the next five years getting out my face and running away from life in general
Got sent to prison in Mar 06 got out May this year( best thing that could've happened)
Since getting out life is a whole lot better, had a couple of 'moments of weakness' but on a whole i've behaved since i got out. Not got a roger rabbit and i think that has a lot to do with the Naltrexone. Working at the mo, and i'm speaking to 4 out of 5 of my sisters and my mum... life is good just now, long may it continue..
Jack i' like the post. on the radio today there was an article about a film getting made about Lennon, have you heard anything about it where you are?
Peace everyone, Kev
Just like to say on a whole i've enjoyed my life so far, any F**k ups along the way have been my own fault... just need to learn from my mistakes, eh?
Born in 81 stayed with mum through childhood years
Mum n dad had split up but he crept back now n then
was in care homes n foster homes from 94 - 97
Enjoyed school, am quite brainy but preferred being the class clown
Started smoking dope to act cool with the older lads from my area
That progressed to speed, E's, Acid then vallies, temazepam ect, spent the late 90's doing them
Got sent to prison in Apr00 got out AUG 01
Got into DF's, Meth, Morphine then H. Got addicted to DF's, Meth, Morphine then H. Spent the next five years getting out my face and running away from life in general
Got sent to prison in Mar 06 got out May this year( best thing that could've happened)
Since getting out life is a whole lot better, had a couple of 'moments of weakness' but on a whole i've behaved since i got out. Not got a roger rabbit and i think that has a lot to do with the Naltrexone. Working at the mo, and i'm speaking to 4 out of 5 of my sisters and my mum... life is good just now, long may it continue..
Jack i' like the post. on the radio today there was an article about a film getting made about Lennon, have you heard anything about it where you are?
Peace everyone, Kev
Just like to say on a whole i've enjoyed my life so far, any F**k ups along the way have been my own fault... just need to learn from my mistakes, eh?
No Kym, I'm off the subs - somehow in my incoherent ramblings I missed the most important thing. The day I finally got clean of everything. It was last April 2006. And I ain't ever looked back!
love
Diff xxx
love
Diff xxx
To all of you that have posted your stories..................you are the definition of courage.
I can't help but wonder what my daughter would post if she were on this board?
How much was going on in her life before she turned to pills and then heroin in her forties that I didn't know anything about?
You give me hope that she can turn her life around, and be happy and healthy
thank you for sharing your story with me.
rita
I can't help but wonder what my daughter would post if she were on this board?
How much was going on in her life before she turned to pills and then heroin in her forties that I didn't know anything about?
You give me hope that she can turn her life around, and be happy and healthy
thank you for sharing your story with me.
rita
I agree Rita. Thank you all. It is insightful and helpful and actually pretty inspiring to read your stories.
You're all amazing,
Maddy x
You're all amazing,
Maddy x
Thanks for caring about us, Rita and Maddy.
