Hello, board,
I don't want to stir up any hostile replys like the other posts, but I do have to speak my mind to August, and the other "old timers". I am on this board as an addict's mother. I come to read for support and help. I have asked a few questions, and appreciated the answers I received. Nothing requires me to take the advice which is given. The board only knows what I tell them. If the story is longer, and I have chosen to keep it private, it's private. So, why do you feel your advice is the only advice. If someone rebuffs you, they are silly and not serious about being clean?? Where exactly did you get your degree on rehab and recovery? I am happy for you being able to remain clean for the time you have, but how dare you put someone else down (Paul) for his short time of sobreity!! A day is as good as a year....... You should know, as you have been there before. I caution you at being so negative to someone so fresh in recovery. As I am sure you, the expert, knows, their self esteem isn't at it's greatest during early recovery. They come here for support, not belittling. I am very suprised at your attitude toward your fellow addicts, and you should re-read your posts and be ashamed.
M
well said
M, (since you apparently have no name)
YOU do not know August and what he has been thru. You do not know Paul and his history with this board and his interactions with the rest of us. If you did know you would not be here belittleing August. He has been thru hell and back and survived. The advice he gives is right on. If you take offensive with it then you should be taking a look at yourself. You say that you are not an addict which means to me that you have not walked in our shoes. You have not dealt with addiction and you do not know what it takes to quit drugs and stay clean. Being a mother of an addict does not count. Why don't you go back and read old posts to get a better understanding of things. August is one of the most wonderfull people I have ever gotten to know. He is human, however and when he gets attacked, he sometimes takes the gloves off to defend himself, just like anyone else would, especially if that attack is uncalled for.
And you said that you did not come here to be hostile, well I think that was exactly your intent. And BTW, August has nothing to be ashamed of. He does though, have allot to be proud of and those of us that know him are very glad that we have gotten to know him. His advice to me and others is one of the reason's that I am clean today. I thank God that this wonderfull man came into my life. And if you don't like his post's then don't read them.
YOU do not know August and what he has been thru. You do not know Paul and his history with this board and his interactions with the rest of us. If you did know you would not be here belittleing August. He has been thru hell and back and survived. The advice he gives is right on. If you take offensive with it then you should be taking a look at yourself. You say that you are not an addict which means to me that you have not walked in our shoes. You have not dealt with addiction and you do not know what it takes to quit drugs and stay clean. Being a mother of an addict does not count. Why don't you go back and read old posts to get a better understanding of things. August is one of the most wonderfull people I have ever gotten to know. He is human, however and when he gets attacked, he sometimes takes the gloves off to defend himself, just like anyone else would, especially if that attack is uncalled for.
And you said that you did not come here to be hostile, well I think that was exactly your intent. And BTW, August has nothing to be ashamed of. He does though, have allot to be proud of and those of us that know him are very glad that we have gotten to know him. His advice to me and others is one of the reason's that I am clean today. I thank God that this wonderfull man came into my life. And if you don't like his post's then don't read them.
thats right M, you have to be an addict before you can be-little other addicts for having 1 day clean time.
Beats me how you get to 30 days clean without having had 1 day first.
Beats me how you get to 30 days clean without having had 1 day first.
You don't and you won't if you don't listen. If an addict is unwilling to listen and learn and humble themselves, they might get one day but probably not thirty. Why is this such a big deal? It's so simple. Alert all addicts.....(including me) there's a tried and true way to get clean, to get your life back. If we aren't willing to take the advice from people who are gracious enough and caring enough to share it with us, then we don't truly want sobriety. Alot of the time when you see people struggle with the idea of following the right path, it's because they aren't truly ready to change. (for whatever their reasons). Why do you think we are telling you this? Cause we want to be honest and real with you. We want sobriety for you too! This is not selfish, it's anything but. It's sad when people allow their addiction to fight against what's so good and right. Look at all those established in recovery and ask them how they did it. Ask them how they are staying clean. Surprisingly, they almost all tell you the same way. Doesn't that say something? How many people who are fussing about this are clean? Think about it. Take care, Kat
Hi Sharon
If you read the thread you will see i never attacked AA I only said...>.Not everyone chooses the 12 step way in fact I believe AA recovery is in the minority in the UK. <
I stated a fact and some got very defensive. I would apppreciate it Sharon if you would not constantly rubbish my name all the time. You know these arguments are stupid.....do we want to get better...if yes, then why do we let selfish pride get in our way....we should be working together not against each other. I state again I always advice people to try AA and go with an open mind.
I really wish one day we could be cool together.
Love
Paul
I
If you read the thread you will see i never attacked AA I only said...>.Not everyone chooses the 12 step way in fact I believe AA recovery is in the minority in the UK. <
I stated a fact and some got very defensive. I would apppreciate it Sharon if you would not constantly rubbish my name all the time. You know these arguments are stupid.....do we want to get better...if yes, then why do we let selfish pride get in our way....we should be working together not against each other. I state again I always advice people to try AA and go with an open mind.
I really wish one day we could be cool together.
Love
Paul
I
Actually, there are several tried and tested ways of staying clean Kat. You have no right to be telling anyone which is the best way.
And their advice is great, but some do not just give advice, they say "my way or no way" and then they have black and white picture of what is clean and what isn't and JUDGE based on these opinions (which are understandably based on hard earnt experience) It's the judging, the mean comments, belittling and stating if they think someone is 'clean eanough' to post! It isn't us who have the small minds, i more then welcome any advice that comes my way, I don't welcome being judged in anyway, I am fragile and I have been judged my whole life and I came here to help and be helped.
nzchick
nzchick
Kat
please don't fall into the trap of believing there is only one way to stay clean. I believe in 12 step programs, they are not for everyone.
My father is a sober alcoholic, 30 years and going strong. AA never worked for him, he went for years and relapsed on and off. Now dont jump in and say he didnt work the program or he was commited because you just don't know.
When I was 9 my dad made a promise to me that he would never come home drunk again. He left his old friends behind and commited his time to his family and his faith. He prays morning and night, every day, day in and day out. He keeps a diary, he meditates and he tallks to his family when he is having a tough day ( he still has them).
Now, granted this method wouldn't work for many but it worked for my father. Today people use meditation, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Counselling and of course 12 steps as ways to stay clean and sober.
To say its 12 steps or nothing is justy narrow-minded and honestly quite judgemental.
love to all.
Bodhisattva
please don't fall into the trap of believing there is only one way to stay clean. I believe in 12 step programs, they are not for everyone.
My father is a sober alcoholic, 30 years and going strong. AA never worked for him, he went for years and relapsed on and off. Now dont jump in and say he didnt work the program or he was commited because you just don't know.
When I was 9 my dad made a promise to me that he would never come home drunk again. He left his old friends behind and commited his time to his family and his faith. He prays morning and night, every day, day in and day out. He keeps a diary, he meditates and he tallks to his family when he is having a tough day ( he still has them).
Now, granted this method wouldn't work for many but it worked for my father. Today people use meditation, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Counselling and of course 12 steps as ways to stay clean and sober.
To say its 12 steps or nothing is justy narrow-minded and honestly quite judgemental.
love to all.
Bodhisattva
Hi Bodhisattva
Thanks for posting that, balanced but not confrontational...I think I can learn from that. once again thankyou
Paul
Thanks for posting that, balanced but not confrontational...I think I can learn from that. once again thankyou
Paul
Well said, Bodie. Keep posting. It's refreshing. Much of what gets self-interpreted as the NA/AA approach on this board is simply wrong, and it is being manifested by "old timers" with less than a year sobriety. Please don't let that keep anyone from trying out meetings and forming your own opinion.
M" HI hows it going please hang in there' always remember we are here for u any time u need to vent i can only emagine' what u must be going through as a parent but please stay strong and know that there are people who are here to give u support and i am one of them i dont have all the answers but i do care and i will listen. HUGS LITTLE H.
Bodhisattva,
first let me preface by saying... Kat if you are clean and working a 12 step program.. dont stop or be derailed... keep it up....
second.... guess what Bodhisattva, you just described about 1/2 of a 12 step program.... the faith can be same as a Higher power... praying can be same as turning will and our lives over every day and asking for help gee.. is that a step....?.... talking to a family and friends... could that be like maybe having contacts in meetings... ?.... it is not the same as a program... but in honesty you can see some simularities.....
what some are having issues with is this.... those that want methodone to keep from having w/d....or keep from being clean completely they want to be comfortable... hense and easier/ softer way.. then they want to keep their secrets... heaven forbid anyone should find out they are just like us other 12 step AA/ NA dirty addicts.... right?..... dont let anyone find out that they are human and that they have a disease......
anyway... that is what is meant.... doing some recovery work....
*methodone comment meant only for those not using for severe chronic pain or those who have tried and failed numberous times at other methods...*
again just my two cents...
Congrats to your dad... I wish mine would find recovery....
(I also realize alcoholic use sometimes is a little harder to hide than drug use.. maybe that is why some 'come out of the closet' more easily)
Teresa
first let me preface by saying... Kat if you are clean and working a 12 step program.. dont stop or be derailed... keep it up....
second.... guess what Bodhisattva, you just described about 1/2 of a 12 step program.... the faith can be same as a Higher power... praying can be same as turning will and our lives over every day and asking for help gee.. is that a step....?.... talking to a family and friends... could that be like maybe having contacts in meetings... ?.... it is not the same as a program... but in honesty you can see some simularities.....
what some are having issues with is this.... those that want methodone to keep from having w/d....or keep from being clean completely they want to be comfortable... hense and easier/ softer way.. then they want to keep their secrets... heaven forbid anyone should find out they are just like us other 12 step AA/ NA dirty addicts.... right?..... dont let anyone find out that they are human and that they have a disease......
anyway... that is what is meant.... doing some recovery work....
*methodone comment meant only for those not using for severe chronic pain or those who have tried and failed numberous times at other methods...*
again just my two cents...
Congrats to your dad... I wish mine would find recovery....
(I also realize alcoholic use sometimes is a little harder to hide than drug use.. maybe that is why some 'come out of the closet' more easily)
Teresa
also to the mom above...
if I had had alot of 'poor baby....' over and over and over with every relapse... then guess what I would never have gotten clean.... those who are new get the coddling and encouragement esp at first... they are helped in the best way possible... but at some point as with some you read in the previous thread the coddling just doesnt work ...... it is actually detrimental..... I know I was one of those people who had to have the tough love with the hand holding when it was time.....
Please do not judge us for our ways.... we have been there...... we know what works... actually you speak of a degree... I had a counselor with a phd in addiction medicine and he sent me to recovering addict for added help because he hadnt been there so in a way those of us with some significant amount of clean time have earned a degree... the hard way....
All any of us have is today.... what we say we share because we truly want our fellow addicts to succeed in recovery .... This principle must be understood by all......
Teresa
if I had had alot of 'poor baby....' over and over and over with every relapse... then guess what I would never have gotten clean.... those who are new get the coddling and encouragement esp at first... they are helped in the best way possible... but at some point as with some you read in the previous thread the coddling just doesnt work ...... it is actually detrimental..... I know I was one of those people who had to have the tough love with the hand holding when it was time.....
Please do not judge us for our ways.... we have been there...... we know what works... actually you speak of a degree... I had a counselor with a phd in addiction medicine and he sent me to recovering addict for added help because he hadnt been there so in a way those of us with some significant amount of clean time have earned a degree... the hard way....
All any of us have is today.... what we say we share because we truly want our fellow addicts to succeed in recovery .... This principle must be understood by all......
Teresa
Teresa
I believe you have a good heart and mean well. Some of us have a lot of "clean time" but question 12 step methods, thats all we are saying. August you are being very quiet ,hope you are well and not just brooding.
Jobsworth
I believe you have a good heart and mean well. Some of us have a lot of "clean time" but question 12 step methods, thats all we are saying. August you are being very quiet ,hope you are well and not just brooding.
Jobsworth
jobsworth,
thank you for some kind words....lol.... and what ever works..... I love to hear from recovering addicts that are succeeding no matter what there method....
August....... where are you .... ?.... I need you.... Please let me know you are still here?
God Bless......
Teresa
thank you for some kind words....lol.... and what ever works..... I love to hear from recovering addicts that are succeeding no matter what there method....
August....... where are you .... ?.... I need you.... Please let me know you are still here?
God Bless......
Teresa
Am I just not making myself clear? Why is it so hard to understand that when I say that I do things my way, that it doesn't mean YOU have to or it's the highway? I only states what works for me. I don't require you to do that in order to be my friend or whatever else gibberish y'all seem to come up with.
IF IT"S NOT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR OR WHAT WORKS FOR YOU, THEN READ IT, OR DON'T AND THEN MOVE ON........
For those that want help and support, I will always do my best...which may not be someone else's best, but it's all I have to offer. I'm human just like the rest of you and make huge mistakes, hello? I'm an addict! Can't get any bigger mistake than that. But I will never turn my back on someone who truely wants help. All I know is how I got clean..I don't know any other way. It took love, understanding from other addicts and August kicking my butt. Coddling didn't work for me. NA, a sponser and lots of meetings. Again, I don't know any other way. DOESN'T MEAN IT'S THE ONLY WAY. Just means it my way.
Now, can we move on and get back to helping and supporting eachother? These threads are probably scarring the hell out of newbies.
And guest... please, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. Didn't your mama ever teach you that?
With love and respect,
Cowgirl
IF IT"S NOT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR OR WHAT WORKS FOR YOU, THEN READ IT, OR DON'T AND THEN MOVE ON........
For those that want help and support, I will always do my best...which may not be someone else's best, but it's all I have to offer. I'm human just like the rest of you and make huge mistakes, hello? I'm an addict! Can't get any bigger mistake than that. But I will never turn my back on someone who truely wants help. All I know is how I got clean..I don't know any other way. It took love, understanding from other addicts and August kicking my butt. Coddling didn't work for me. NA, a sponser and lots of meetings. Again, I don't know any other way. DOESN'T MEAN IT'S THE ONLY WAY. Just means it my way.
Now, can we move on and get back to helping and supporting eachother? These threads are probably scarring the hell out of newbies.
And guest... please, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. Didn't your mama ever teach you that?
With love and respect,
Cowgirl
Little,
Hi, things are going good. Thanks for thinking of me and my family!
Sharon,
First, let's get it straight! I didn't attack anyone. The previous thread started with August making multiple negative comments concerning "new" recovering addicts. I don't care how wonderful August is, or what his history is. I don't care how or what Paul has been like on the threads. I only know that after I read August's post, I saw it through my son's (who is a recovering addict) eyes. It was demeaning and demoralizing. I am not sorry for one thing I said in my original post. It all still holds true. August doesn't know the history of each and every person who is reading his post, and nor should he. It really isn't his business, however, he needs to realize what he says can affect many recovering addicts. If you would have read my post thoroughly, you would realize I said, being sober one day is just as being sober one year.
M
Thankfully, this one is too.
(Sorry, couldn't help myself. I think this forum could use a little light-hearted humor right about now:).
(Sorry, couldn't help myself. I think this forum could use a little light-hearted humor right about now:).
