...is that I am doing much better than 2 and 1/2 weeks ago. I've done everything and am taking action in regard to my youngest daughter. She is not a happy camper right now...but that's just too bad, I'm her Mother she lives with me and there are rules and consequences that she has to adhere to...finally I am being consistent and not parenting by guilt. She is with her Dad, Wednesday mornings thru Friday afternoon, so I have a bit of a reprieve. I have called numbers on her cell phone that I don't recognize, intro'ing myself....I have got a couple of gals helping me with myspace.com, and have been able to print pictures of her with the older guy (she's 15, he is 20) and they are on an all ages party bus going to a punk show, in Hollywood no less! The beer bottles are being held up in the pic and so are a lot middle fingers...so attractive....then there is a pic of her with a woman who looks older than me, with a beer bottle in both their hands, like nothing ~ so now she has no way of denying this guy or that she hasn't been drinking when she goes to these shows! She hates me for this...she is also seeing a Psychologist once a week and I may get her in an anger management program. Her school and all of her teachers are aware of what is going on and her Dad and I are working together on this thing (actually in a weird way it has brought some healing to me with my resentment against him). The local police department and I have a relationship now, and it has been suggested to me by a couple of other parents to just get a restraining order on the older guy, things may calm down and he may resurface...I talked to one Dad tonight who told me how to go about doing it down at the courthouse...I have several parents who I am talking to...and in fact, one just sent her daughter away (this little gal is one of my daughter's good friends) for a year. So, thank you all for your support...I didn't have to drink over all this, and probably won't have to in the future if I keep working my program, pray and trust God and also acknowledge that my daughter has her own God and her own path to go down. My job is to keep her as safe as possible right now and hold her accountable.
Hey VWGirl put your feet up have one of them macadamia whatever coffees and get your partner to massage your feet and just take some time for you.
God works in mysterious ways and ever so quietly you and your ex are being groomed to present a united front for whatever your daughters journey throws at you both.
There are no easy fix its only constants and the one constant for your daughter is your love for her.
Good on you VW hope your other daughter is coping with all this and your partner as well there is love and energy with each word typed.
Light and love Zac
God works in mysterious ways and ever so quietly you and your ex are being groomed to present a united front for whatever your daughters journey throws at you both.
There are no easy fix its only constants and the one constant for your daughter is your love for her.
Good on you VW hope your other daughter is coping with all this and your partner as well there is love and energy with each word typed.
Light and love Zac
VW...
I'm glad you are doing better today...I can relate to watching one of our children straying and for me, what I have found is that I have to work my program, I too set up boundries and consquences, and he also is on probation so with that, there is a lot to adhere to....today he knows the what the consquences for his actions will result in, he knows that I love him, and he knows there is hope and an answer if he's willing....Now, I have let go and give it to God...I am stepping back to allow him his journey....I don't know the outcome but that isn't for me to worry about today, God has it covered....My only regret is that I didn't address the issue sooner than I did, but I was sick myself and I cannot carry the guilt any longer....another thing that has been pointed out to me, is everyone has a different journey and if I set up expections or obstacles, then I am harming not only him but myself...This disease affects everyone in the family....As always, you and you're family are in my prayers....make sure you take good care of you....Thank you for sharing and checking in....please keep us updated...
((((hugs))))
Stacey
I'm glad you are doing better today...I can relate to watching one of our children straying and for me, what I have found is that I have to work my program, I too set up boundries and consquences, and he also is on probation so with that, there is a lot to adhere to....today he knows the what the consquences for his actions will result in, he knows that I love him, and he knows there is hope and an answer if he's willing....Now, I have let go and give it to God...I am stepping back to allow him his journey....I don't know the outcome but that isn't for me to worry about today, God has it covered....My only regret is that I didn't address the issue sooner than I did, but I was sick myself and I cannot carry the guilt any longer....another thing that has been pointed out to me, is everyone has a different journey and if I set up expections or obstacles, then I am harming not only him but myself...This disease affects everyone in the family....As always, you and you're family are in my prayers....make sure you take good care of you....Thank you for sharing and checking in....please keep us updated...
((((hugs))))
Stacey
Thanks so much you guys...so I took off a little early from work today because I'm not feeling 100%, kinda fatigued, probably from all the undercover PI ops I've been running ~ lol! So, I do my daily myspace.com check in and see that the band my daughter follows is playing tonight locally and Saturday night locally to a venue of 21 and up. However, I read posts on her "friends" myspace pages, posts such as this "do whatever it takes to get a fake ID, steal one, or make one if you have to, but don't miss these shows..." So, I called both bars they are playing at and informed them that I am a concerned parent and let them know that they need to check IDs thoroughly because I've already contacted the Police (in both cities) and I have reason to believe that underage drinking may be occurring in your establishment". ...one of the Managers said, "we do a pretty good job of checkin IDs" and I said "a pretty good job" ~ "pretty good doesn't cut it with the ABC"...then he comes back with "I mean we check all IDs..." hmmm...the Watch Commander at the local beach bar they are playing at said he'll send a couple of cops down there to check the situation out tonight...so that's what I am up to, now I will rest better tonight. I'm gonna relax and take it easy and not struggle...I am very grateful I am sober and that I now can be fully engaged in my children's lives...good night.
God Bless you sweetie...
What are you doing these days to be kind to yourself through all of this?
Make sure to treat yourself...to regenerate that beautiful spirit of yours....even something small .... you know what I mean.
Go to Al-anon.....lots of parents who can identify with your situation.
Many prayers and lots of love being sent to you and your girls.
Love,
C
What are you doing these days to be kind to yourself through all of this?
Make sure to treat yourself...to regenerate that beautiful spirit of yours....even something small .... you know what I mean.
Go to Al-anon.....lots of parents who can identify with your situation.
Many prayers and lots of love being sent to you and your girls.
Love,
C
VW...
I hope everything goes okay for you this weekend...and please do as Carolyn suggested and do something special for you...you so deserve it...and thank you for including us in your journey as I am learning from your E,S, &H while you face this new challange...
I'll be back around Monday, until then, I keep you and your family in my prayers...and remember,
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And, the wisedom to know the difference...
(((hugs)))
Stacey
I hope everything goes okay for you this weekend...and please do as Carolyn suggested and do something special for you...you so deserve it...and thank you for including us in your journey as I am learning from your E,S, &H while you face this new challange...
I'll be back around Monday, until then, I keep you and your family in my prayers...and remember,
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And, the wisedom to know the difference...
(((hugs)))
Stacey
Hi Everyone, Well, it's Friday night and me and my ex-husband allowed our youngest daughter to go to a theme park tonight for their annual Halloween Haunt...they are being driven out there by a family member of the other girl who is going (and I know this person very well) and then will be picked up by a shuttle service because it will be late and we decided that was the best way to handle it. As for me, I'm doing pretty good actually, I went to the Therapist with my youngest daughter today...my job is good, actually much better than I thought it would turn out...much less going on then my previous position which is good for me right now at this time in my life. My BF spent the night last night and we had an opportunity to really talk ~ he is very proud of me getting into action like I have, he has been trying to open my eyes for the last two years about my youngest daughter and I wasn't ready...he is very supportive of the whole situation. She actually listens to him and says she can trust and talk with him. My oldest daughter is too, supportive, and in fact she helps out quite a bit with keeping me on my toes about what's going on on myspace.com and shares her perspective of what is going on...I'm very fortunate to have them in my life...they lift me and provide me with the love and encouragement I need. I'm actually planning a trip out to a day spaa in the desert in November...and my life is pretty much the same as it was prior to the revelations about my youngest, except it's a bit more busier. I am so grateful to the Program for giving me my life back, even as hectic as it is....nothing could be as bad as when I was still out there drinking and using...and leading that double life. Life is a gift and I am blessed with sobriety and recovery one day at a time, I honestly thought I would never attain those two things. I felt hopeless and thought I was a "hope to die drunk" and an addict of the "hopeless variety"; I must never forget how horrible I felt when I was still active in my disease, because when I do, I forget about everything I have to be grateful for....hope all of you have a terrific weekend. Oh, btw, I've done something nice for me ~ I had a cleaning service come in and clean my apt today...I'm going to get a manicure and pedicure this weekend and also visit the tanning salon!
Hey VWG good on you for taking some time out for you.
light and love Zac
light and love Zac
Yes Zac, I found out early on if I don't take care of myself, I can't take care of those around me...how are things with you and your family?
Hey VWG the family is sweet as, kids flying around keeping me working the program daily and remembering that they are only kids, and my better half is going through a funny patch a moment, trust issues and fear as always mixed with my part to play as well.
This to shall pass....
Light and love Zac
This to shall pass....
Light and love Zac
You are doing excellent VWGIRL. I did all the same things, but the parents in my town black balled me, saying I was "suffocating" my daughter.
I never stopped, it didn't work, but I never let up. Just now trying!
Good luck to you...tell me again why we had kids? LOL
I never stopped, it didn't work, but I never let up. Just now trying!
Good luck to you...tell me again why we had kids? LOL
Deedy, hmm don't think the question of having kids hasn't crossed my mind too ~ lol...however, I see both my daughters as blessing and gifts from God. God chose me specifically to be the Mother to both of them I believe; one is challenging right now, she is so much like me....and it frustrates me cause I want to cut her off at the pass and save her from any suffering. But, she is on her own journey, but again I am financially and legally responsible for her as she is a minor. I have rec'vd wonderful support from my family, other parents, my co-workers and three local Police departments (oh, and even my ex-husband). For me it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or says about what I am doing, I'm doing what my intuition (listening to God) is telling me to do and it's amazing I am handling these baffling situations with this new found intuition (just like it is mentioned on the Program). So, tonight, I hope you are well and that your daughter is safe. Keep me posted. Hang in there...I believe there is always hope, but try to detach with love, and I know it's hard.
VW...
You hit on something for me in your post...with my son, he so reminds me of myself in so many ways and that is where the frustration comes in...but, I do now give it to God and I have realized God has a different plan for him than I do and it's not for me to interfer...unfortunately, he had to face some consquences for choices he made by being suspended from school and breaking curfew while being on probation so he is back in juvenille hall but I have to look at the blessings, I know he is safe, getting schooling and this to shall pass...as always, I pray for our children and us parents...
Love ya,
Stacey
You hit on something for me in your post...with my son, he so reminds me of myself in so many ways and that is where the frustration comes in...but, I do now give it to God and I have realized God has a different plan for him than I do and it's not for me to interfer...unfortunately, he had to face some consquences for choices he made by being suspended from school and breaking curfew while being on probation so he is back in juvenille hall but I have to look at the blessings, I know he is safe, getting schooling and this to shall pass...as always, I pray for our children and us parents...
Love ya,
Stacey
Stacey, Thanks for that....yes, they do have their own journeys...it is hard to not to want to walk the walk for them....but I am trusting the process and know God has my back as well as my daughter's back. It's all quiet on the homefront tonight and tomorrow night ~ she's at her Dad's...although she left me a message ranting about why I have to check up where she is all the time...hmmm, maybe because she is 15 years old, and about a month ago someone impersonated her Dad and she got out of school...maybe because she said she was spending the night at a certain girlfriend's house less than a month and when I went there to check on her, surprise she wasn't there and maybe because she is denying that she was seeing a 20 year old guy and everyone, everyone who knows her has said, yep, she was seeing him...so that's why I continue to check up on her ~ she just doesn't get it. You're doing great Stacey, have you tried Alanon yet?
Hi VW...
No, I haven't gotten up the hill yet to an Alanon meeting...not sure why they don't have any in my town but I am going to look again...what I have found as a true blessing is some of the women in my home group have been through this, gone to Alanon and their children are now raised, so after meetings, a few of them always take the time to talk & share with me...My sponser suggested that Steven's PO refer him to AA once a week and for him to come with me weekly to a meeting which I did ask yesterday and it looks like we will make this part of his probation...I do know that I cannot make him stop but maybe sitting and listening in a meeting will plant the seed so when he does truly want help, he'll know where he can go...I understand completely about checking up on your daughter as I too have 2 15yr old girls, one I do trust completely and one that I am very catious with as she's been caught a few times in some lies about who she was with, where she went...and now her privelages are more restricted than the other kids...wow, what a daily challenge these kids give us...My HP has been busy the last week listening to my prayers and today is a good day and even with all this going on, I have noticed a peace in my home...
Have a great day, my friend...thank you for letting me share, it really helps to get it out of my head....
Love ya,
Stacey
No, I haven't gotten up the hill yet to an Alanon meeting...not sure why they don't have any in my town but I am going to look again...what I have found as a true blessing is some of the women in my home group have been through this, gone to Alanon and their children are now raised, so after meetings, a few of them always take the time to talk & share with me...My sponser suggested that Steven's PO refer him to AA once a week and for him to come with me weekly to a meeting which I did ask yesterday and it looks like we will make this part of his probation...I do know that I cannot make him stop but maybe sitting and listening in a meeting will plant the seed so when he does truly want help, he'll know where he can go...I understand completely about checking up on your daughter as I too have 2 15yr old girls, one I do trust completely and one that I am very catious with as she's been caught a few times in some lies about who she was with, where she went...and now her privelages are more restricted than the other kids...wow, what a daily challenge these kids give us...My HP has been busy the last week listening to my prayers and today is a good day and even with all this going on, I have noticed a peace in my home...
Have a great day, my friend...thank you for letting me share, it really helps to get it out of my head....
Love ya,
Stacey
Stacey, I know you'll agree with me when I say thank God for the women on the Program who have gone before us and show us that we can do this thing and we can do it without picking up a drink or a drug! Thanks for sharing what's going on in your family with me, well all of us here, I know I can't carry the alcoholic, especially when it is my own child, but I can carry the message and I will continue to do so...take it easy.
Yes, I do agree with that and thank you for allowing me to share on here...it helps so much to be able to put it outside of my head and by sharing here and f2f, I am able to find some peace...
I want to thank you for sharing so open and honestly about your difficulties...for such a long time, I thought I was unique with my problems but by you sharing, I was able to reach for some help....I love my son and as much as this hurts, I am sure that it is a lesson for the both of us and today, I trust God to take care of us....
Have a wonderful weekend......
I want to thank you for sharing so open and honestly about your difficulties...for such a long time, I thought I was unique with my problems but by you sharing, I was able to reach for some help....I love my son and as much as this hurts, I am sure that it is a lesson for the both of us and today, I trust God to take care of us....
Have a wonderful weekend......
Right back atcha Stacey...hope you have a wonderful weekend.
