My sobriety date is March 13, 2005. It should have been December 13, 2003. Or Mother's day, 2002...the list could go on. December 13, 2003 I entered a rehab for a wicked vicoden/alchohol addiction.
What led up to it?
Well, fear, mostly. I was afraid all the time my world would come crashing down. My little girls second; I wasn't a "functional addict" anymore. I had lost my soul, and was a walking dead woman. And last, I couldn't hear the "whispers of a higher power" anymore.
I was pretty functional; I had bought a condo and had over $30k in the bank when I entered rehab. I had a good job, and my credit was great. However, I was losing my mind.
My norco addiction started innocently enough, it was prescribed. I always went in early for refills, the the good doctor always upped the amount without me ever having to ask. The good ole chap even gave me oxy to detox off of ultraam, even though my charts strictly stated NO OPIATES. EVER. No blame, just reality. Today, I take responsiblity for my sobriety/happiness instead of blaming everything and everyone around me. That was crucial for me to understand.
Today, life is different. I am a single parent, still scared, but I don't run anymore. This plate of mine is full, but I only have to do it one day at a time. One of the most important cliches is "into action." If I am doing the necessary things, I am okay. I no longer even crave beer or pills, and that is amazing in itself. I remember when the demon would scream...all day long. That demon is quiet now, but it would only take one drink or one pill and it's on. That insidious desire for more, more, more is one slip away. I don't forget that. EVER. My mind is clear, and my hope is back. Every now and then, I can hear the whispers of something bigger than me, nudging me to go on.
Still stuck? Let me tell you, if I can do it, you can. I was hopeless, and that is all different now. It IS possible, you just have to be willing.
The other side is much better, I think this is where I'll stay.
Peace.
Kerry