Title is off H and not sober because i still drink now and then. I have not earned SOBER.
Anyhow it's 7:30ish AM just took the kids to school having a cup of coffee. I'm feeling RIGHT. I was thinking of the bliss this morning without junk. Add the things your enjoying H free.
I'm enjoying
1. not being sick or broke
2. the experiences of the simple things in life
3. My baby got his first tooth! i was so excited. I don't remember my other kids 1st tooth i was a addict.
4. Planing our next vacation
5. waking up feeling good
6. SLEEPING correct at night "this took a long time".
7. the ablity to get things done..i wear glasses i've ALWAYS wanted contax i never would spend the money on them when using. I'M picking them up tommorw.
8. having the drive to better my life.
9. self respect
10. putting value on family 1st
The things i'm glad are no longer my LIFE:
1. needles and bruises, cotton and spoons
2. my old house which was full of junkies and acual river rats
3. stealing, beging, lying,
4. METHADONE
5. sickness the sweating, runny nose
6. feeling dirty
7. fear of jail cops getting caught scoring
8. pawn shop having everything that was once mine
9. h being #1
10. having nothing except my addiction
Hi z-g, so glad to hear that life is feeling better for you, and you're starting to see the positive things about being clean. It's weird how it suddenly dawns on you that life really is better without heroin, and the more you focus on those things the easier it is to stay clean. Heroin addiction causes so much stress, and it's such a relief not to feel that way, isn't it? It's a bit like waking up from a nightmare. I have these awful dreams sometimes that I'm about to sit my finals, and I haven't done any of the studying. Then I wake up, and realise that my degree certificate is sitting pretty in my file box, and it's all done, all over, and nobody can take it away from me. I feel the same about kicking the gear. It's done, and I never have to do it again. It's all over, and in the past...
much love
Diff x
much love
Diff x
Knowing someone so well who thinks he's clean...ha! On the subbies, off for a few days to do some gear...then back on... You guys are f***ing amazing. I have so much respect for you. Wishing you happiness in your lives, you deserve it so much.
Maddy x
Maddy x
yea, i just had my Eureka moment!. 28 months off h "slow learner". Diff: it kinda hit me all at once THIS is so much better. Hopefully this new found wisdom will be helpful. TODAY was the 1st day i could say i would not even want it. Nothing worth while or good ever happend when i was using. Funny when i was using I never saw how good it could be without it. I'm ashamed of how i lived who i was...PAST over and done....i'm glad that's over. Yeah sometimes life is still a drag but, a bad day off is better then a great day on.
z-g, I remember being in The Priory - yeah, I giggle to myself about it now, me, total lowlife proper street urchin, in the f***ing Priory, and I was the only one there who seemed to have originated from planet earth. The really hysterical thing, they chucked me out for being a bad influence!!! - anyway, this girl came in, just to talk, a reformed junkie, she looked absolutely terrified, poor dab, and she was saying about how her life was just heaps more fun now than it was when she was using. And this poor girl, she'd been through the wringer, she'd lived on a site (traveller thing) just like me, her boyfriend had died of an OD, she'd contracted hep c, described herself as a human pincushion. After getting clean, she'd got herself a flat, gone back to school, had loads of good mates, went snow boarding, had "stuff" (as opposed to having nothing to your name than the clothes you stood up in). And still, still, my all consuming vicious addict within laughed out loud, and whispered in my ear "yeah, I bet she'd trade the lot for a kilo of the brown stuff". I actually pitied her! And at that particular moment, I'd willingly trade the dream, the promise of all that for just a 20 bag. Which is exactly what I did. On exiting The Priory, I scored before I even went home. I got off the train at the first place I knew I could score, and stood at the station, in full on withdrawals, waiting for my man, and when I got that drug in my vein I felt like I was home. When you're in the grip of that monster, it's just so hard to believe that you could be happy without it.
But now, now I just got to look at my baby girl, so beautiful, sleeping like a little angel, her little chubby cheeks, so pink and soft, and I wonder what I ever did that was so good to deserve such a wondrous gift. I know that if I'd not got clean, I'd never have had her. I'd never have met her father for one, and although he's a total twat, jeez, you can't deny that we made a gorgeous baby. Everything happens for a reason, and part of me can't help thinking that she's my reward, for kicking that devil into touch. And even before I had her, my life was just so much better than before, so much less stressful.
She's got two little teeth now! Two! And she's such a sweet natured little girl - the only thing she asks for is to be adored, and that's easy, coz everybody who meets her falls head over heels. She's just the most beautiful thing you could imagine, with her huge brown eyes, well almost black, like mine, and long black lashes, and her mop of dark hair, and her chubby little arms and legs. The love I feel for her makes me cry every time I contemplate it.
God, I'm a sloppy kid, ain't I?
love
Diff xxx
But now, now I just got to look at my baby girl, so beautiful, sleeping like a little angel, her little chubby cheeks, so pink and soft, and I wonder what I ever did that was so good to deserve such a wondrous gift. I know that if I'd not got clean, I'd never have had her. I'd never have met her father for one, and although he's a total twat, jeez, you can't deny that we made a gorgeous baby. Everything happens for a reason, and part of me can't help thinking that she's my reward, for kicking that devil into touch. And even before I had her, my life was just so much better than before, so much less stressful.
She's got two little teeth now! Two! And she's such a sweet natured little girl - the only thing she asks for is to be adored, and that's easy, coz everybody who meets her falls head over heels. She's just the most beautiful thing you could imagine, with her huge brown eyes, well almost black, like mine, and long black lashes, and her mop of dark hair, and her chubby little arms and legs. The love I feel for her makes me cry every time I contemplate it.
God, I'm a sloppy kid, ain't I?
love
Diff xxx
Wow, ZG you go ahead.
That's awesome, lady.
Thank you for reminding us of all the nonsense goes with using.
Great stuff, ZG..........great.......hope your Ma and Bro are alright.
That's awesome, lady.
Thank you for reminding us of all the nonsense goes with using.
Great stuff, ZG..........great.......hope your Ma and Bro are alright.
this is a great post herogirl...............there r so many reasons i am grateful i am clean today.......and looking at my son nodding makes me sick and so hateful of drugs............i am so proud of you hg, and so happy that you r finding the beauty and joy in life clean............
I'm so sorry, Miss Tres........I know that's killing ya.
I'm sorry honey........ya know I can't say that enough.
I'm sorry honey........ya know I can't say that enough.
