I have been off the pills for about two months now. I am happy about that but my relationship is going down the toilet. We have been together 12 years with the usual ups and downs. Lately though it's just been awful. Maybe it's because I'm not as fun anymore without the pills. I don't know. He has just been impatient with me and angry all the time. I feel like I am always telling him to please lower his voice or to calm down. It's like he hates me, he is so hostile. I don't know what to do to fix it. We can't seem to have a normal conversation to try to get things figured out because he's too angry. I can't seem to do anything right. He was nicer to me when I was on the pills!!! Does anyone have any advice, I could sure use it.
D
mytime.......hey! sorry to hear that! is he on the pills, too? there could be a lot going on here.
very typical. when an addict stops using, the dynamics of the relationships change. the roles each played in the relationship require adjustment. some relationships can't bear the required change and break down after the addict cleans up.
Bob or anyone,
Is the anger typical? It's just so out of character and fightening.
D
Is the anger typical? It's just so out of character and fightening.
D
mytime,
i think i know where your coming from, but my relationship was always like that, the pills masked that aspect for me, once i came clean my eyes were open to what a jerk he really is. we tried counceling. didnt work. so i kicked him to the curb. was he like this before you were using?
terrianne
i think i know where your coming from, but my relationship was always like that, the pills masked that aspect for me, once i came clean my eyes were open to what a jerk he really is. we tried counceling. didnt work. so i kicked him to the curb. was he like this before you were using?
terrianne
Bob B. is so right. Things have changed with you and he may feel threatened by the new you. Maybe he thinks he has lost his control over you. If you could just get him to sit down and talk about it......
Terrianne,
Maybe he was like this all the time. Those pills made everything seem a lot more bearable. I'm starting to realize it's not just stopping the pills that's the hard part, it's REALITY!!! I have been avoiding it for a long time now and I'm not sure I'm ready to face it yet. I am NOT going to start taking again. I just thought things would be different. Thank you for talking to me. I am having a hard time calming myself down. Talking to you all seems to help.
Thank you,
D
Maybe he was like this all the time. Those pills made everything seem a lot more bearable. I'm starting to realize it's not just stopping the pills that's the hard part, it's REALITY!!! I have been avoiding it for a long time now and I'm not sure I'm ready to face it yet. I am NOT going to start taking again. I just thought things would be different. Thank you for talking to me. I am having a hard time calming myself down. Talking to you all seems to help.
Thank you,
D
mytime,
hey thats what we're here for. i understand, reality is very scary at first. the more time that passes, the stronger you will feel. you begin learning more about yourself and the things you need to become happy. its not easy, its very overwhelming when all those real thoughts hit you at once. try and focus on one at a time. the one that screams in your head loudest. soon you will realise they arent is big as they are feeling now. i am not sure how many days you have. but i remember at first all my feelings were amplified. just stay strong and be true to yourself. i wish i had some better words to offer. but just know your not alone and talk all you need here. it does help alot.
terrianne
hey thats what we're here for. i understand, reality is very scary at first. the more time that passes, the stronger you will feel. you begin learning more about yourself and the things you need to become happy. its not easy, its very overwhelming when all those real thoughts hit you at once. try and focus on one at a time. the one that screams in your head loudest. soon you will realise they arent is big as they are feeling now. i am not sure how many days you have. but i remember at first all my feelings were amplified. just stay strong and be true to yourself. i wish i had some better words to offer. but just know your not alone and talk all you need here. it does help alot.
terrianne
So then do I just be patient with his behaviour and ignore it? I do think that part of it is that he likes to be in control. We still have friends that use and every so often the will stop by or just call, he can be talking to me in anger and he'll pick up the phone and his whole tone changes, he's as sweet as can be. He is overly nice to everyone and angry with me. I hate it. I would LOVE to talk to him and clear the air but I can't even finish a sentence. Sorry I keep going on about this but I just am in shock. Silly me I really thought the hard part was over when I stopped the pills.
D
D
mytime, just please remember that nothing is more important than your abstinence, sobriety, and recovery. that's just the top priority. everything else is just static and interference. just be certain that his anger, perhaps resentments, and behaviors are not impacting your serenity to the point that they create triggers for you.
i might suggest, and it is only a suggestion, that you go over to the Families/Partners of Addicts board on this website and take a look at some of the posts there dealing with Detachment and Co-Dependency. if they have any meaning for you, take what you need and leave the rest. some of it may have meaning for you.
i might suggest, and it is only a suggestion, that you go over to the Families/Partners of Addicts board on this website and take a look at some of the posts there dealing with Detachment and Co-Dependency. if they have any meaning for you, take what you need and leave the rest. some of it may have meaning for you.
My time, I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone.
The book to the left, addictive thinking, will shed some light on how you feel, and what is going on. I highly recommend it...
Bob is right, the most important thing is that you don't go back. And you have to have patience...
It sounds to me as if he might feel he is losing control, now that you are off the pills..so he might be trying to keep control by making you feel down.
I really don't know; I am not there. But it isn't uncommon for families to get crazier for a while once the addict stops using.
Good luck, and stay strong...
Kerry
The book to the left, addictive thinking, will shed some light on how you feel, and what is going on. I highly recommend it...
Bob is right, the most important thing is that you don't go back. And you have to have patience...
It sounds to me as if he might feel he is losing control, now that you are off the pills..so he might be trying to keep control by making you feel down.
I really don't know; I am not there. But it isn't uncommon for families to get crazier for a while once the addict stops using.
Good luck, and stay strong...
Kerry
mytime,
i swear your talking about my soon to be ex, but i cant say my situation is the same. but i certainly would not ignore the behavior and continue on. you'll be miserable. i only ignored mine's behavior for the last 6 months of my marriage because i had no choice we lived under same roof and i wasnt strong enough yet mentally to send him packing. but when my head came clear and through counceling thats how it ended for me. mine was a control freak too. i am sorry to hear that you have to deal with that. if you are unhappy as bob says and it is effecting yourself to be triggered its not healthy. its unhealthy period. you deserve to be treated with love and understanding. i can go on and on. but i think you get the point. if he is making you miserable then you should know the answer. i understand your frustrations with the communication thing too, mine never heard a word i said. never let me speak when i needed too yadda yadda. like i said counceling couldnt even help us. so for whatever thats worth. best of luck to you.
terrianne
i swear your talking about my soon to be ex, but i cant say my situation is the same. but i certainly would not ignore the behavior and continue on. you'll be miserable. i only ignored mine's behavior for the last 6 months of my marriage because i had no choice we lived under same roof and i wasnt strong enough yet mentally to send him packing. but when my head came clear and through counceling thats how it ended for me. mine was a control freak too. i am sorry to hear that you have to deal with that. if you are unhappy as bob says and it is effecting yourself to be triggered its not healthy. its unhealthy period. you deserve to be treated with love and understanding. i can go on and on. but i think you get the point. if he is making you miserable then you should know the answer. i understand your frustrations with the communication thing too, mine never heard a word i said. never let me speak when i needed too yadda yadda. like i said counceling couldnt even help us. so for whatever thats worth. best of luck to you.
terrianne
