I saw my alcohol counsellor again today, we discussed loads of options.
I was telling her about my thoughts on AA and she said it would be a good idea to try. She also said she runs a group that meets once a week, just women, no men, and I thought that sounded really good. Plus there's not the whole thing going on there with God... I really don't want to get into all that...
Also, she reminded me of the fact that she could sign me up for a 12 day relapse prevention program at one of their facilities. I don't know if I'm ready to do that yet but at least I know it's there when I want it.
Today was the last time I am to see that particular woman counsellor but I have a new one lined up and she knows all my history etc. Plus she is a Psychiatrist too so she'll understand my BPD.
I'm just deciding really what I want to try first... I have to really pluck up the courage first within me to go out there and speak to people... I'm really not good at that...
She was telling me also of a girl in England who is 14 and was admitted to hospital for cirrhosis of the liver as she drank more than two bottles of spirits a day for two years... I don't know how she managed that... it's unbelievable...
Anyway, I'm just gonna have a think about what I'm going to do next...
Izzy
Give it a try, Izzy. What have you got to lose? A little time out of your day? You can always stop going. Or you may like what you hear and stick it out. Give it a go.
Hi Kat, I realise what a few great opportunities I have in front of me, a choice of meetings and a course in a clinic I can go to.
I keep questioning myself whether I'm ready or not to fully engage with things, am I truly ready to say bye bye to the bottle? I need to figure this out before I go and make an arse of myself.
Also, I had a massive argument with my mum again today, I was on the verge of really doing some serious damage to myself as I was in hysterics and crying so much, if she hadn't come upstairs after me and calmed me down I probably would have had to go to hospital. I'm contending with all these emotions on a daily basis, up and down, I never know where I'm going to be mentally from one day to the next... I'm so annoyed with myself that I can't just do this one thing...
I can't be away from home for 12 days yet. I went down to see relatives last November and was crying down the phone to my mum that I needed to come home. After 4 days... I'm so pathetic... sometimes I really HATE myself...
I just wish all this never happened to me, I wish I wasn't here... but i am and I just have to deal with it...
Thanks for letting me vent,
Izzy
I keep questioning myself whether I'm ready or not to fully engage with things, am I truly ready to say bye bye to the bottle? I need to figure this out before I go and make an arse of myself.
Also, I had a massive argument with my mum again today, I was on the verge of really doing some serious damage to myself as I was in hysterics and crying so much, if she hadn't come upstairs after me and calmed me down I probably would have had to go to hospital. I'm contending with all these emotions on a daily basis, up and down, I never know where I'm going to be mentally from one day to the next... I'm so annoyed with myself that I can't just do this one thing...
I can't be away from home for 12 days yet. I went down to see relatives last November and was crying down the phone to my mum that I needed to come home. After 4 days... I'm so pathetic... sometimes I really HATE myself...
I just wish all this never happened to me, I wish I wasn't here... but i am and I just have to deal with it...
Thanks for letting me vent,
Izzy
Izzy I just want you to know that my thoughts are with you. I hope you find something in AA that will help you and help you deal with the things that are going on in your life. My advice is try to stay as relaxed as much as you possibly can and try and not think ahead too much.Find something to read which is positive and inspiritional and see if it will put you in a better frame of mind. I have some idea of what you are going through although I don;t know your entire story but the feelings and hurt you are experiencing is something that I am familiar with . I wish you all the best Izzy and you have my support. I believe that someday you will find what you are looking for. Just hang in there until that day comes. (((((((( )))))))))))))
Gidday Izzy
If you want to email me with an answer thats cool
What is it that scares you about god...... and also fire your old understandings and fears of god and find a new one, one that isnt spelled God, because as soon as you see that word a part of you shuts down and i can relate to that as i still dont like using god as a word because i have still got issues with the god i was brought up with or more correctly the people that used that god as a cover for there own perversions.
When i was drinking alcohol, selfharm(when drinking) and attention good or bad were all my gods, as the ones that i was told to fear, catholic god etc i really really hated because of the perverts that preyed under his cover, now i know it wasnt gods fault there are some sick puppies out there who like to use religeon as a cover...any religeon
Its guite cool as i type my son is watching the Blues Brothers and Jake and
Elwood are in the church etc, get the dvd and have a look as it is a classic movie and when i was drinking my favourite line was no worries im on a mission from god...watch the movieLOL and what they do to the mall should be standard practise for all malls.
I know the fear of god and i dont want to start a lets defend god thread it is just about how two people see or havent seen god in there life.
I get car sick really bad but if i stopped travelling in cars i would miss out on so much of the other good stuff that comes with travelling somewhere.....
light and love Zac
If you want to email me with an answer thats cool
What is it that scares you about god...... and also fire your old understandings and fears of god and find a new one, one that isnt spelled God, because as soon as you see that word a part of you shuts down and i can relate to that as i still dont like using god as a word because i have still got issues with the god i was brought up with or more correctly the people that used that god as a cover for there own perversions.
When i was drinking alcohol, selfharm(when drinking) and attention good or bad were all my gods, as the ones that i was told to fear, catholic god etc i really really hated because of the perverts that preyed under his cover, now i know it wasnt gods fault there are some sick puppies out there who like to use religeon as a cover...any religeon
Its guite cool as i type my son is watching the Blues Brothers and Jake and
Elwood are in the church etc, get the dvd and have a look as it is a classic movie and when i was drinking my favourite line was no worries im on a mission from god...watch the movieLOL and what they do to the mall should be standard practise for all malls.
I know the fear of god and i dont want to start a lets defend god thread it is just about how two people see or havent seen god in there life.
I get car sick really bad but if i stopped travelling in cars i would miss out on so much of the other good stuff that comes with travelling somewhere.....
light and love Zac
Izzy,
It sounds terrible for you at the moment. A few weeks ago I felt flooded by feelings I didn't even recognise let alone have control over. My mind felt like it was falling apart at times.....you were there for me....please don't forget how good and kind and strong you have been for me and for others.....you are a good person going through a difficult time. You have the awareness to recognise what's happening to you and the courage to face it. I'm 50 Izzy, a man most people think of as being pretty good and pretty sorted.....I've even been called a hero....but you know the insides of me Izzy, you've seen them here, on this board.....I'm like many men and women, doing my best in difficult times.....I wish I'd had your awareness and your strength and kindness and courage decades ago Izzy...hang on in there....you're an inspiration....and you WILL get through this to the sunshine life you so obviously deserve.
Much love,
Martin
Edit...inspired by zac's good thoughts....
Don't let other people's perception of God affect you Izzy....at the AA meetings I've been to some people make it clear they mean God, others refer to their Higher Power. I'm clear that my Higher Power was the shining spirit in my Unconscious mind.....something any psychiatrist will tell you exists, can be identified in brain scans.....let your Higher Power be whatever works Izzy, the spirit of your animals, the collective wisdom of the group as a whole, your better self, reaching for a better life........if there is a God Izzy He will come to you in His time, not at the whim or beck and call of anyone in AA or elsewhere.....don't deny yourself the benefits of a loving fellowship, new friends and a deep understanding and care for you because of the G word....it's just a word, unless and until it becomes something meaningful to you and that's always gonig to be your decision.
Do whatever you need to do to keep safe, well and happy and heading for that life in the light that you so deserve.
It sounds terrible for you at the moment. A few weeks ago I felt flooded by feelings I didn't even recognise let alone have control over. My mind felt like it was falling apart at times.....you were there for me....please don't forget how good and kind and strong you have been for me and for others.....you are a good person going through a difficult time. You have the awareness to recognise what's happening to you and the courage to face it. I'm 50 Izzy, a man most people think of as being pretty good and pretty sorted.....I've even been called a hero....but you know the insides of me Izzy, you've seen them here, on this board.....I'm like many men and women, doing my best in difficult times.....I wish I'd had your awareness and your strength and kindness and courage decades ago Izzy...hang on in there....you're an inspiration....and you WILL get through this to the sunshine life you so obviously deserve.
Much love,
Martin
Edit...inspired by zac's good thoughts....
Don't let other people's perception of God affect you Izzy....at the AA meetings I've been to some people make it clear they mean God, others refer to their Higher Power. I'm clear that my Higher Power was the shining spirit in my Unconscious mind.....something any psychiatrist will tell you exists, can be identified in brain scans.....let your Higher Power be whatever works Izzy, the spirit of your animals, the collective wisdom of the group as a whole, your better self, reaching for a better life........if there is a God Izzy He will come to you in His time, not at the whim or beck and call of anyone in AA or elsewhere.....don't deny yourself the benefits of a loving fellowship, new friends and a deep understanding and care for you because of the G word....it's just a word, unless and until it becomes something meaningful to you and that's always gonig to be your decision.
Do whatever you need to do to keep safe, well and happy and heading for that life in the light that you so deserve.
Thanks Pirate, your words and support mean a lot to me.
I so want to get sober, more than anything, I definately have the desire to. I'm so scared of anything new, I know I keep going over the same things in my head and here and maybe some of you are thinking God woman just go out there and do it... and I'm saying the same things to myself in my head. I'm just so confused as to where I'm at in all this.
I am looking for a solution and maybe I'm just putting too high an expectation of myself right now. I just don't want to be like that girl who had cirrhosis at 14, I'm only (almost) 23, I'm just a baby... I shouldn't have to put myself through this.
You know something else that I think held me back today, my friend from school just got married. I met her mum on the bus today and was having a chat with her about my friend, she's been all over the world travelling and she's younger than me. I can hardly walk out the door on my own, I've only been able to go out by myself in the past few months. For me that's a huge achievement, but I'm so jealous of my friend. I just wish I was normal and had the guts to put myself out there. Also the fact I actually sat and spoke to someone, in a conversation like an adult is another huge achievement.
When I was at the start of all this I couldn't even speak, I just had no energy, I was so depressed, I was so scared of everything and everyone. I genuinely wanted to die...
Plus, I'll be brutally honest with all of you and myself. I'm jealous of her too because she was the centre of attention, everyone knew she got married and was speaking about her and I'm just sat there like a non entity, nobody knows how much I've suffered or can comprehend what I've been through. I hate that too, nobody thinks to ask me how I am, it's always all about someone else. I just feel like I don't exist properly because I'm not going out there and working and travelling and having relationships with men. Like that's what's expected of me... do you understand?
I'll get there one day... I just don't know when...
Izzy
I so want to get sober, more than anything, I definately have the desire to. I'm so scared of anything new, I know I keep going over the same things in my head and here and maybe some of you are thinking God woman just go out there and do it... and I'm saying the same things to myself in my head. I'm just so confused as to where I'm at in all this.
I am looking for a solution and maybe I'm just putting too high an expectation of myself right now. I just don't want to be like that girl who had cirrhosis at 14, I'm only (almost) 23, I'm just a baby... I shouldn't have to put myself through this.
You know something else that I think held me back today, my friend from school just got married. I met her mum on the bus today and was having a chat with her about my friend, she's been all over the world travelling and she's younger than me. I can hardly walk out the door on my own, I've only been able to go out by myself in the past few months. For me that's a huge achievement, but I'm so jealous of my friend. I just wish I was normal and had the guts to put myself out there. Also the fact I actually sat and spoke to someone, in a conversation like an adult is another huge achievement.
When I was at the start of all this I couldn't even speak, I just had no energy, I was so depressed, I was so scared of everything and everyone. I genuinely wanted to die...
Plus, I'll be brutally honest with all of you and myself. I'm jealous of her too because she was the centre of attention, everyone knew she got married and was speaking about her and I'm just sat there like a non entity, nobody knows how much I've suffered or can comprehend what I've been through. I hate that too, nobody thinks to ask me how I am, it's always all about someone else. I just feel like I don't exist properly because I'm not going out there and working and travelling and having relationships with men. Like that's what's expected of me... do you understand?
I'll get there one day... I just don't know when...
Izzy
Zac, you know something. I was very young, under ten years old and my mum used to drag me and my sister up the road to church every single Sunday. I hated it, I'd be going there kicking and screaming all the way up the road... but I still had to go. I've loathed church ever since.
I so want to believe in God, I really do, I just don't believe that someone out there or something could actually care when he's not there to put his arm round you or tell you that everything is going to be ok, that I'm loved unconditionally when so many conditions have been placed on me surrounding the love I got from my dad when I was small.
I've had the discussions with our Minister about God and how does he know he's real and how does he know he cares for you, I just never seem to get a satisfactory answer, maybe I'm just searching for an answer that's not there, that has to come from within me? I'm obviously not ready to accept that yet...
Martin, thanks for reminding me of my helping you. A symptom of my illness is that I just totally forget the good things I've done, it's either all bad or all good. Black and White, two extremes... that's me. Extreme...
I find it hard to like myself... because I don't like the things I do and the way I react to things... I have to change.
Thanks,
Izzy
I so want to believe in God, I really do, I just don't believe that someone out there or something could actually care when he's not there to put his arm round you or tell you that everything is going to be ok, that I'm loved unconditionally when so many conditions have been placed on me surrounding the love I got from my dad when I was small.
I've had the discussions with our Minister about God and how does he know he's real and how does he know he cares for you, I just never seem to get a satisfactory answer, maybe I'm just searching for an answer that's not there, that has to come from within me? I'm obviously not ready to accept that yet...
Martin, thanks for reminding me of my helping you. A symptom of my illness is that I just totally forget the good things I've done, it's either all bad or all good. Black and White, two extremes... that's me. Extreme...
I find it hard to like myself... because I don't like the things I do and the way I react to things... I have to change.
Thanks,
Izzy
Hey Izzy, if you like and respect any of us, then maybe you can believe that we know a good person when we see/hear/read one....yes? you ask if someone can love you unconditionally and not be there and tell you it will be all right... well looky here on this board....there are people here who love you for who you are right now, no changes required. And I bet anything you like it WILL be all right Izzy....because you have so many resources within you that you are just beginning to discover and so many resources and friends around you that you have yet to meet, just waiting to see you at a meeting or in other places....the world is full of everyday miracles and you are going to enjoy them so much....I just know it.
I think what you say about God is right....my own belief is that Faith comes from within and isn't something we can think ourselves into or wish ourselves into.....it's beyond our understanding and sometimes comes when we least expect it but most need it....is my personal experience...
As for jealousy and all that, hey, it's human....don't sweat it....and Izzy, you are so young....you have all your life ahead of you....be gentle with yourself and let the wonderful you grow at her own pace....
Take good care.
Martin.
I think what you say about God is right....my own belief is that Faith comes from within and isn't something we can think ourselves into or wish ourselves into.....it's beyond our understanding and sometimes comes when we least expect it but most need it....is my personal experience...
As for jealousy and all that, hey, it's human....don't sweat it....and Izzy, you are so young....you have all your life ahead of you....be gentle with yourself and let the wonderful you grow at her own pace....
Take good care.
Martin.
Hey there Izzy. I do have some understanding how you feel. How can I you might ask? You remind me a lot of my daughter.I know about the shyness,the insecurities the lack of self esteem. I have seen her suffer and hurt and been hospitalized and to the gates of hell.There is nothing I can do for her other than give her my love and support and she knows that I will always be there for her.I know some of the pain you talk about when you speak of hurting and cutting yourself .I have held her in her pain and have kissed her self inflicted wounds . I have cried with her when she was going through withdrawal from prescription drugs. she like you Izzy doesn't believe either. I do not force my beliefs on her but I wish she would open her heart to some HP even one of her choosing. Which I hope you will do as well Izzy. It do so help when we don't have to carry the burdens all alone. Don't close your mind,be open to new opportunities and learn. Izzy I may not be able to give you great words of wisdom or take away your pain but I have some understanding of what you are about. I am here to listen to you and to give you my support and understanding and yes my love. You take care Izzy and do your best to think positive thoughts . We are what we think. ((((( )))))))
Thanks for all your advice, I need to start getting myself together and do this...
My mum apologised to me last night for the way she started having a go at me for no reason... and I forgave her. We just talked it out and I said I was sorry too.
I'm just gonna take it one day at a time. I think I owe myself that much.
Maybe I'll give this place a miss for a while and not think about alcohol all the time. I'll have a think about that...
I'll be back though!
Izzy
My mum apologised to me last night for the way she started having a go at me for no reason... and I forgave her. We just talked it out and I said I was sorry too.
I'm just gonna take it one day at a time. I think I owe myself that much.
Maybe I'll give this place a miss for a while and not think about alcohol all the time. I'll have a think about that...
I'll be back though!
Izzy
Hi Izzy,
I understand that there are times when it's best to take a break from thinking about what should I do next, or from the board. The brain and spirit get tired and overwhelmed. I just wanted you to know that I've seen much progress and openness, honesty in you. I do see a lack of willingness to get into action, which is where the solutions are.
Especially in the denial of alcoholism. I too floated back and fourth, up and down, sideways, then completely would back out. God I wished I wouldn't have wasted so many years, But, they were necessary for me to get to where I'm at today. If I would have just been more willing about being open and honest. I could have not traveled as far down the dark, lonely and broken road. You know you don't have to be as hard headed as me.
Character defects of mine. I needed to think I was right, in control, pride, ego stubborn, etc. Not being willing to be honest and open. Thought I could fix my alcoholic behavior and sick mind. I truly needed help from an hp and others who have gone through this journey before me. Analyze, rationalize, justify all my thoughts and fears to the point I never could have an answer that would be complete enough to satisfy me. To bad I'm not detective, or scientist. They could employ some of my skills, lol. Because my mind was playing triple head time, which would lead me back to right where I'd began. I was left with no real answers, but I had plenty of confusion.
Something I always remembered from my two previous short stints at AA that rang in me was the part if I just had the capacity to be honest I to could recover. I knew thats where the truth was and it would be the beginning to set me free.
Many of us have grave emotional and mental disorders, but if we have the capacity to be honest we can recover and lead productive and reasonably happy lives.
Izzy, Theres this man who goes to one of the meetings I've started to regularly attend. He's schizophrenic and is manic also. He brings two of his teddy bears to the meetings. One is large and the other is small. They are dressed up and have names. He also has physical problems, doesn't walk well, can't drive. Takes prescribed med's for his dis-orders. He had the capacity to be honest with himself and has recovered from alcoholism. He speaks intelligently and is really funny. I learn so much from him and I'm so grateful for him. There are many others to that have mental, emotional and physical problems. They to can recover if they want to be honest and are willing to get into action.
Will you please give it a go. There are meetings for young people, new comers alike. I know I'm nagging you, but that's because I care about you so much. One of my daughter's school teachers said parents nag their kids because they love them, it's not done to annoy you. Even though you may think it is. My oldest daughter will be 23 next month and she has a cold. She was saying good bye and heading out to see her friend. It's cold and rainy out. I practically have to beg her to where a coat. I said I'm only telling you what Grams and my Mom told me. And if you were a Mom you'd be telling your kids the same thing. She then chose to wear her coat. She was willing to listen and made a decision that perhaps Mom is right. She gave in to her will. Followed somebody else's suggestion/advice. Later she is then grateful she did.
You are loved and cared for by many. We know this is a progressive illness. It doesn't go away, or get better usually with out help for many people. I know their are some that can do it by themselves. Thats great! However, in imho I don't think this is the case for you, just like me.
Who ever thought I'd want and enjoy AA. Whoever thought I'd be sober for 5 months. I don't even think it really started to hit home until recently. So much fear, depression, anxiety, sleepless nights have gone. Not all the time, but it's a huge difference just being off the booze. Now I need help with my thinking and a place where I'm not isolating myself from the world. I find this help, this place at AA. A place where no one judges me. They are like me, yet different. They appreciate me being there. I know you have to want this for yourself There are more miracles to come. But until that day I'm going to keep wanting and praying for it to happen for you. Because you are worth it Izzy. Izzy don't give up before the miracle!
Hope your Big Book has arrived. And when you read Bill's story notice he didn't believe in religion, or God either. In fact it turned him off. He found his own Higher Power and you can to honey. Please get into some action where the solutions are. Please don't keep putting off what you can do today. Nothing changes if nothing changes. The miracle is waiting for you to.
Written Out Of Love, Respect And Hope
Chris xxx
How it works
Excerpt from the fifth chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
I understand that there are times when it's best to take a break from thinking about what should I do next, or from the board. The brain and spirit get tired and overwhelmed. I just wanted you to know that I've seen much progress and openness, honesty in you. I do see a lack of willingness to get into action, which is where the solutions are.
Especially in the denial of alcoholism. I too floated back and fourth, up and down, sideways, then completely would back out. God I wished I wouldn't have wasted so many years, But, they were necessary for me to get to where I'm at today. If I would have just been more willing about being open and honest. I could have not traveled as far down the dark, lonely and broken road. You know you don't have to be as hard headed as me.
Character defects of mine. I needed to think I was right, in control, pride, ego stubborn, etc. Not being willing to be honest and open. Thought I could fix my alcoholic behavior and sick mind. I truly needed help from an hp and others who have gone through this journey before me. Analyze, rationalize, justify all my thoughts and fears to the point I never could have an answer that would be complete enough to satisfy me. To bad I'm not detective, or scientist. They could employ some of my skills, lol. Because my mind was playing triple head time, which would lead me back to right where I'd began. I was left with no real answers, but I had plenty of confusion.
Something I always remembered from my two previous short stints at AA that rang in me was the part if I just had the capacity to be honest I to could recover. I knew thats where the truth was and it would be the beginning to set me free.
Many of us have grave emotional and mental disorders, but if we have the capacity to be honest we can recover and lead productive and reasonably happy lives.
Izzy, Theres this man who goes to one of the meetings I've started to regularly attend. He's schizophrenic and is manic also. He brings two of his teddy bears to the meetings. One is large and the other is small. They are dressed up and have names. He also has physical problems, doesn't walk well, can't drive. Takes prescribed med's for his dis-orders. He had the capacity to be honest with himself and has recovered from alcoholism. He speaks intelligently and is really funny. I learn so much from him and I'm so grateful for him. There are many others to that have mental, emotional and physical problems. They to can recover if they want to be honest and are willing to get into action.
Will you please give it a go. There are meetings for young people, new comers alike. I know I'm nagging you, but that's because I care about you so much. One of my daughter's school teachers said parents nag their kids because they love them, it's not done to annoy you. Even though you may think it is. My oldest daughter will be 23 next month and she has a cold. She was saying good bye and heading out to see her friend. It's cold and rainy out. I practically have to beg her to where a coat. I said I'm only telling you what Grams and my Mom told me. And if you were a Mom you'd be telling your kids the same thing. She then chose to wear her coat. She was willing to listen and made a decision that perhaps Mom is right. She gave in to her will. Followed somebody else's suggestion/advice. Later she is then grateful she did.
You are loved and cared for by many. We know this is a progressive illness. It doesn't go away, or get better usually with out help for many people. I know their are some that can do it by themselves. Thats great! However, in imho I don't think this is the case for you, just like me.
Who ever thought I'd want and enjoy AA. Whoever thought I'd be sober for 5 months. I don't even think it really started to hit home until recently. So much fear, depression, anxiety, sleepless nights have gone. Not all the time, but it's a huge difference just being off the booze. Now I need help with my thinking and a place where I'm not isolating myself from the world. I find this help, this place at AA. A place where no one judges me. They are like me, yet different. They appreciate me being there. I know you have to want this for yourself There are more miracles to come. But until that day I'm going to keep wanting and praying for it to happen for you. Because you are worth it Izzy. Izzy don't give up before the miracle!
Hope your Big Book has arrived. And when you read Bill's story notice he didn't believe in religion, or God either. In fact it turned him off. He found his own Higher Power and you can to honey. Please get into some action where the solutions are. Please don't keep putting off what you can do today. Nothing changes if nothing changes. The miracle is waiting for you to.
Written Out Of Love, Respect And Hope
Chris xxx
How it works
Excerpt from the fifth chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Wow Chris, thanks for your post. i said to myself I wasn't going to post here for a while but I thought I owed you a response.
Something happened tonight that I think is a major stepping stone. My folks told me that they know I smoke out my window, I didn't want them to know because It was a secret, something I did privately, also I didn't want them to be disappointed in me. They weren't mad, my mum just said we know you're not well, and I felt that was an inadequate excuse for what I'm doing to myself. My drinking and smoking goes hand in hand and when I quit drinking I don't smoke.
Somewhere inside of me I felt a pang of conscience. I thought "You owe these guys more than this, you owe yourself more than this" The fact it was out in the open made me feel more able to deal with what I'm doing, it's no longer my dirty secret.
I'm working myself up to my first meeting next week. It's not AA but it is run by the people I go to for my alcohol counselling. I thought I would ease myself in gently. I'm so ready for this I really am. It's also a meeting just for women.
I feel like I've made this massive breakthrough with myself and my mum and dad. I just need to keep calm and keep myself positive for this, that is why I'm giving this place a miss until then. I hope you guys understand. I don't need to be told I'm doing it wrong or I'm going to the wrong meetings... I'm making this first step for me and for my family. I owe them that much.
Thanks for your post, I hope you can see the honesty in me as I do in myself.
All the best,
Izzy
Something happened tonight that I think is a major stepping stone. My folks told me that they know I smoke out my window, I didn't want them to know because It was a secret, something I did privately, also I didn't want them to be disappointed in me. They weren't mad, my mum just said we know you're not well, and I felt that was an inadequate excuse for what I'm doing to myself. My drinking and smoking goes hand in hand and when I quit drinking I don't smoke.
Somewhere inside of me I felt a pang of conscience. I thought "You owe these guys more than this, you owe yourself more than this" The fact it was out in the open made me feel more able to deal with what I'm doing, it's no longer my dirty secret.
I'm working myself up to my first meeting next week. It's not AA but it is run by the people I go to for my alcohol counselling. I thought I would ease myself in gently. I'm so ready for this I really am. It's also a meeting just for women.
I feel like I've made this massive breakthrough with myself and my mum and dad. I just need to keep calm and keep myself positive for this, that is why I'm giving this place a miss until then. I hope you guys understand. I don't need to be told I'm doing it wrong or I'm going to the wrong meetings... I'm making this first step for me and for my family. I owe them that much.
Thanks for your post, I hope you can see the honesty in me as I do in myself.
All the best,
Izzy
Hey Izzy good luck to you and I hope things work out for you. Wishing you all the best and know that you have people ,though it be oceans away who care for you.I am glad you are deciding to move forward with looking after you. ((( )))))
Hi Izzy,
I love your honesty with yourself and your parents. Yes, a big break through for you and them too.
Good for you for getting into action and going through your counseling program for some gender specific group treatment.
You are not doing it wrong at all..!!! You made an informed decision and know you are ready. Your following through thats fantastic. Theres no wrong way to healing, or sobriety Izzy. I'm so pleased that your making this positive move into action where the solutions are.
No need to respond back I understand. Stay positive and stay in action. I love what you are doing. I will be thinking and sending positive energy to you. We will be here when ever you need us, until then take care Izzy.
Love,
Chris xxx
I love your honesty with yourself and your parents. Yes, a big break through for you and them too.
Good for you for getting into action and going through your counseling program for some gender specific group treatment.
You are not doing it wrong at all..!!! You made an informed decision and know you are ready. Your following through thats fantastic. Theres no wrong way to healing, or sobriety Izzy. I'm so pleased that your making this positive move into action where the solutions are.
No need to respond back I understand. Stay positive and stay in action. I love what you are doing. I will be thinking and sending positive energy to you. We will be here when ever you need us, until then take care Izzy.
Love,
Chris xxx
Izzy,
It's nice to hear you more positive. It's great that your parent's were being so understanding. That is fantastic!! I hope this keeps up for ya!
XX Valarie
It's nice to hear you more positive. It's great that your parent's were being so understanding. That is fantastic!! I hope this keeps up for ya!
XX Valarie
