Hiya everyone,
Since ai was forced off codeine n asked the substance misuse doctor to please put me on suboxone to stop me purchasing OTC codeine, i have been drinking a bottle of wine most nights. So this has been going on for 7 weeks (that's how long I've been on suboxone) may be a bit longer as when my parents were helping me ween off the codeine.
They live across the road from me n it was stressful. I was on eggshells, full of guilt etc.
i even put some horrible posts on a forum that i didnt want them around so I could have codeine. I am disgusted with myself how I could say or even think those thoughts? That isn't me at all. And told another member who no longer had her parents that shes lucky. I really do not know what came over me to say such cruel n hurtful things.
Sorry i rambled of the subject for a bit. A part of me feels like i'm spiralling out of control while the other part is don't don't be silly yoi only have it in the evening yea it may be 1 to 2 bottles buy it's not exactly life threatening.
I'm seeing my key worker tomorrow n i really do not know what to ssy. Tell her everything n she may get annoyed n think I'm wasting their time n stop my suboxone. I would hate that n i am dreading them reducing my prescription. Or i could do what I always do with people - tell what I think they want to here to please them.
Lately I feel strange. Hot which is obviously down to weather, cold n shivey for a few seconds n so very tired for houts then feeling active n well.
I'd love to be a normal person, to find contentment in normal day to days like watchin etc. i've always had an emply feeling in me n the need to escape the anxious feeling.
I don't think anyone knows about the amxiety because i never told anyone n never had a panic attack or anything. Buts it's easier to stress over miner things than major things, right?
So when I became fixated with codeine I felt normal as I have obsessions instead of interests n when Forced to i get upset. I bond with things. Ok i'm now sounding like a complete nutjob n I keep nodding off its so hard to typr h
What do i do?
Help me please.
Evey x
You might want to visit the alcohol forum since you are clearly having mutil-substance abuse. And as far as I can see there are no "trolls" here harassing you, just long time members who have been where you are and are calling you out on your 'stinking thinking'. The good folks who frequent this site have been where you are and recognize the symptoms you display...they will not cushion things for you...they will talk the hard truth and you may not be ready to hear it.
Peace ~ MomNMore
Peace ~ MomNMore
