mr jer and heath:
i have one "friend" in particular who from time to time asks me how i am doing staying clean. especially during the month of november in which i was involved with sitting with a friend everyday who was gravely ill in ICU and then a regular room...so she knew i was "going through a lot". i told her i was doing well...not using...and finally one day she said..."oh i thought you would have used during this...and i was wishing i could buy a few from you...do you know where any are".
i took a pause, deep breath, and said...don't ever ask me about pain pills again.
i really couldn't believe what she was saying...and could have taken it badly, as i love this woman, she is one of my closest friends...but i realized, it was just the addict in her talking. i wasn't ugly or rude when i said that...i was calm and direct and i meant it.
nothing about old relationships that involved using together can be very supportive to your fight to stay clean. i know in my case, i had to avoid everyone i had used with for a while really, about 3 months.
fortunately...during this time i buried myself in painting...with my friend who recently passed...we spent so much time together with the landscape, talking about art and god and addiction and loss. my sobriety was a gift to me in more ways than one. had i been using, i probably would not have clung so close to him...and definitely, my mind would not have let me discuss those kinds of concepts. one of the other benefits to clarity is the thought process itself...not racing, jumping around, more still and calm. that has been sweet relief for me. i think all that harried thinking had me quite exhausted. mentally and physically.
anyway...we cannot blame our friends for acting like addicts, when they are addicts...we can only keep ourselves safe from all that behavior. for me, it wasn't forever...just a while, just until i was stronger and could visualize myself as a non user.
i will never say never because i know better...but, i HOPE i never go back. i know i NEVER want to make this mistake again. i usually like my mistakes to be fresh! (smile)
s.
curious..why am I addressed in the above posting? I haven't responded to this post at all until now. Unless there is another Heath, if thats the case..ooops sorry.
Heath
Heath
Ya know what>???Your not the only one.Today my tears just keep flowing,I want to go score & say THE HELL with all this.
Heath:
Hey! I am almost out the door, but I wanted to say, I guess I am totally off my rocker....(not out of the question, you know!)...I thought I read somewhere yesterday about a poster feeling like they had lost their best friend...(speaking of the pills)...apparently it wasn't you or anyone else on this thread! I don't know where I read that. I apologize...thinking it was here, and just included you in the post to cheer you up...let you know you weren't alone.
If that was you posting about that feeling...then, for sure, it is a part of the process...if it wasn't you.....Congratulations on not feeling that way!!!!
There wasn't any hidden meaning, or anything like that, just an honest mistake.
Have a lovely day. And, continued success!
Sarah
Hey! I am almost out the door, but I wanted to say, I guess I am totally off my rocker....(not out of the question, you know!)...I thought I read somewhere yesterday about a poster feeling like they had lost their best friend...(speaking of the pills)...apparently it wasn't you or anyone else on this thread! I don't know where I read that. I apologize...thinking it was here, and just included you in the post to cheer you up...let you know you weren't alone.
If that was you posting about that feeling...then, for sure, it is a part of the process...if it wasn't you.....Congratulations on not feeling that way!!!!
There wasn't any hidden meaning, or anything like that, just an honest mistake.
Have a lovely day. And, continued success!
Sarah
sarah it may of been me.I ALWAYS conpare recovery to saying goodbye to an abusive lover & today Ill admit it...That opld lover is puilling me & pulling me hard....Aint none of it worth it
it was me, i never put the 2 threads together..i'm blonde ok? lol
Heath
Heath
heath:
lamo....i am blonde too! hahahaha....together, we might make one good brunette brain!
have a great one!
s.
lamo....i am blonde too! hahahaha....together, we might make one good brunette brain!
have a great one!
s.
s.....lmao thanks for the giggle today.
Heath
Heath
so you blondes, I am also blonde, but really thinking hard about trying the new Mocha or espresso.......seems they are really hot right now..what ya think....
If I do go that route, you think I can still pull my.." oh I am such a blonde" LOL
I am so sorry to see some of you struggling so hard.......try to do something to take your mind off of it..like bake cookies or decorate some more...what ever it takes.try and do it!!!!
Krazi/Traci
If I do go that route, you think I can still pull my.." oh I am such a blonde" LOL
I am so sorry to see some of you struggling so hard.......try to do something to take your mind off of it..like bake cookies or decorate some more...what ever it takes.try and do it!!!!
Krazi/Traci
