Gidday Everyone
The last few months i have been thinking about why i post and how i read things etc
And there has been a journey in this process which is why i love recovery and am so gratefull for the courage to change now that said what i am posting is to do with me and to get others thinking and no one in particular...just a mental process.....Bugga i hate being a worrier at times, old habits!!!!!
When i joined i loved the contact with recovery and i really buzzed on the answers to my posts and the good feedback as it stroked my ego..that said i also did have a lot of good experience, strength and hope to share BUT i found myself only looking for what i wanted to see and it was usually to do with me.
Also i liked the female posters and the addictive part of me that likes females was drawn to this and i had to set boundaries in my replies and i am grateful to a female poster for helping me do this YOU ROCK and so do the girlsLMAO
Then i realised i have to read very carefully others posts because when typed a meaning or though changes to type and not the feeling or intention it is typed with and i can and still do get caught up in not adhering to principles before personalities......there is so much learning to be done from the processess that are happening here, that i can use.
When there is drama im an alky and drama is good to my adrenalin it is an old habit BUT i have to read the drama and allow the process and i have another poster to thank for that YOU ROCK you stoner dude LOL
Also i have to remember that this process is not just happening for me and it is not all about my feelings all i need to do is answer with my read of what is happening and attach my E.S.H into the answer.
Now i tested myself and in typing this bit the worrier and attention seeker are having a lively discussion in my scenario head you beauty....
I posted that i was 12 years sober and some of the above kicked in autpmatically as it wasnt seen but i posted it knowing that because there was a lot going on in the boards and a part of me still missed the wwwoooohhhhooooss and the mind f<ck that is going on due to me posting this, (in my head) is funny because i am posting real life as it happens etc
The point is this whole process for me has helped change me and help me also it is all for the better.......but can i have just 1 wwwwoooohhhooo HAHALOL
My process, my learning and sharing my journey with your thinking
light and love Zac.........should i post, should i post sh@t did i just type that:)
Zac.WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I DID notice that you had written 12 years sober but I thought it was a type o because for some reason I was thinking you were faily new to the recovery thing too. So I had intended to post about your 12 years but then I thought maybe you meant a year and a half but let something out so didn't want to make a fool of myself. sooooooo seeeeeeee it WAS NOTICED LOL
Also my sponsor told me of a story about a man who when he was in recovery at the beginning he had sooo much attention. then when he got all clean and sober everyone was treating him as just a normal human being. feeling a little neglected, one day he came down the stairs and announced to his wife and the company that was there that he had just WASHED HIS OWN SOCKS. lol Don't know if this story really has a point Zac but just wanted you to know that you derserve a big WHOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO AND HOT DIGGITY DOG AND YIPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! congrats on 12 (TWELVE) years. God bless and take care
Also my sponsor told me of a story about a man who when he was in recovery at the beginning he had sooo much attention. then when he got all clean and sober everyone was treating him as just a normal human being. feeling a little neglected, one day he came down the stairs and announced to his wife and the company that was there that he had just WASHED HIS OWN SOCKS. lol Don't know if this story really has a point Zac but just wanted you to know that you derserve a big WHOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO AND HOT DIGGITY DOG AND YIPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! congrats on 12 (TWELVE) years. God bless and take care
Gidday Pirate
Yeah the attention seeking is an old habit and i am very aware of it because early on i thrived on it as well and i am fairly new in recovery still, because every day there is learning to be done and the more i think positively about me the more i learn and can share because i have to be honest about self in order to be honest with everyone else
My recovery learning and my Wife are pretty good at letting me know when i am going astray:)
light and love Zac
Yeah the attention seeking is an old habit and i am very aware of it because early on i thrived on it as well and i am fairly new in recovery still, because every day there is learning to be done and the more i think positively about me the more i learn and can share because i have to be honest about self in order to be honest with everyone else
My recovery learning and my Wife are pretty good at letting me know when i am going astray:)
light and love Zac
Zac,
Of COURSE it's all about you, Bud! Congrats on the 12-pack!
~wink~
The thing about getting healthy in recovery for me is that I no longer need the approval (or disapproval) of others to manifest who I am. There's no need for me to rely on "reaction" as my initial response anymore, for I am recovering. It may bother others and, in all fairness, this is a RECOVERY board: not everyone is recovering at the same rate or in the same method. Some aren't recovering at all. And that's okay, because the self seeking, selfish, fear-oriented and dishonest behavior that I lived with for so long doesn't NEED the responses I once did.
What I have noticed in the 11 months I've been posting regularly here is that other 'oldtimers' who've posted in volume seem to reach a level of recovery that can no longer be supported by the continuous "beginning level" of recovery that comes by. The need to grow and learn and live in recovery makes this medium less essential, and the quest for more leads elsewhere. I can not imagine having to rely solely on this medium for my sobriety, personally, and I can not imagine recovery without the accountability of face-to-face contact with others like me.
You are a miracle in sobriety and I wish for you continued growth--take care of those closest to you and let this be what it is...
Of COURSE it's all about you, Bud! Congrats on the 12-pack!
~wink~
The thing about getting healthy in recovery for me is that I no longer need the approval (or disapproval) of others to manifest who I am. There's no need for me to rely on "reaction" as my initial response anymore, for I am recovering. It may bother others and, in all fairness, this is a RECOVERY board: not everyone is recovering at the same rate or in the same method. Some aren't recovering at all. And that's okay, because the self seeking, selfish, fear-oriented and dishonest behavior that I lived with for so long doesn't NEED the responses I once did.
What I have noticed in the 11 months I've been posting regularly here is that other 'oldtimers' who've posted in volume seem to reach a level of recovery that can no longer be supported by the continuous "beginning level" of recovery that comes by. The need to grow and learn and live in recovery makes this medium less essential, and the quest for more leads elsewhere. I can not imagine having to rely solely on this medium for my sobriety, personally, and I can not imagine recovery without the accountability of face-to-face contact with others like me.
You are a miracle in sobriety and I wish for you continued growth--take care of those closest to you and let this be what it is...
Zak,
Congratulations On 12 Years Of Sobriety! 12 Woo Hoo's For You And More!
Thanks for setting boundaries and politely giving away your ESH. One thing I see in you that I'm thinking is from long term sobriety is your ego is reduced to offering a hand of hope. You continue to help others even when they don't see it your way. You look for new creative and fun ways of teaching people. You share how to handle sobriety more then tell.
Without presumptions, judgments of what others do or don't do for their recovery, or where there at. You aren't second guessing the personal lives of others. I respect the way you continue to grow and learn from others. As we all have good to offer. Thank You for seeing the goodness in each of us.
You build hope by reminding people to be grateful at all times. As a person may need to draw on that hope on a rainy day. You are constructive when offering teachings on negative thoughts, feelings and the realities of life. Always reminding us it's so often the disease of addiction working on us. But a grateful soul and spirit is our best weapon.
You also bring so much fun and laughter to the board. You are a peace maker to. What a mature old soul you are, yet theres this child like kid in your spirit. I'm happy that your regular poster here Zak.
Thanks for reminding us to look at the whole picture. Not ever thinking we have got it all figured out. As that would be dangerous for me at least.
Now go have some fun with the wife and kids. Enjoy who you are today. A man who's journey of one step at a time has brought him to 12 years of sobriety. I'm proud of you and I look up to you Zak. Thank You!!!
Love,
Chris
Congratulations On 12 Years Of Sobriety! 12 Woo Hoo's For You And More!
Thanks for setting boundaries and politely giving away your ESH. One thing I see in you that I'm thinking is from long term sobriety is your ego is reduced to offering a hand of hope. You continue to help others even when they don't see it your way. You look for new creative and fun ways of teaching people. You share how to handle sobriety more then tell.
Without presumptions, judgments of what others do or don't do for their recovery, or where there at. You aren't second guessing the personal lives of others. I respect the way you continue to grow and learn from others. As we all have good to offer. Thank You for seeing the goodness in each of us.
You build hope by reminding people to be grateful at all times. As a person may need to draw on that hope on a rainy day. You are constructive when offering teachings on negative thoughts, feelings and the realities of life. Always reminding us it's so often the disease of addiction working on us. But a grateful soul and spirit is our best weapon.
You also bring so much fun and laughter to the board. You are a peace maker to. What a mature old soul you are, yet theres this child like kid in your spirit. I'm happy that your regular poster here Zak.
Thanks for reminding us to look at the whole picture. Not ever thinking we have got it all figured out. As that would be dangerous for me at least.
Now go have some fun with the wife and kids. Enjoy who you are today. A man who's journey of one step at a time has brought him to 12 years of sobriety. I'm proud of you and I look up to you Zak. Thank You!!!
Love,
Chris
Your Killin Me Zachary!! LOLOLOL....ROTFLMAO!!!......
P.S. How can it be about you pal????......ummmmmm didn't you know it was about ME???? Thanks for the shout out! :-)
Take care and thanks for the laugh. :-) Have a great day my friend!
Don't worry Zac. Everyone here posts for many of the same reasons. We are addicts and we have to get our good feelings from somewhere. Whether it be praise or just the fact of knowing we helped someone else. Nothin' wrong with that. It's part of the recovery process. When we can wade through all the "ego" and see the purity coming through... the messages get through loud and clear. Take what you need and ditch the rest.
P.S. How can it be about you pal????......ummmmmm didn't you know it was about ME???? Thanks for the shout out! :-)
Take care and thanks for the laugh. :-) Have a great day my friend!
Don't worry Zac. Everyone here posts for many of the same reasons. We are addicts and we have to get our good feelings from somewhere. Whether it be praise or just the fact of knowing we helped someone else. Nothin' wrong with that. It's part of the recovery process. When we can wade through all the "ego" and see the purity coming through... the messages get through loud and clear. Take what you need and ditch the rest.
Zac,
Congratulations on 12 years! Amazing and wonderful to see it work when you work it.
Your message spoke volumes to me today and sure made me look at my behaviors. Ironically, I was just talking to a friend about online interactions. In my mere 57 days sober I have already felt a shift within. I haven't noticed it on this board but I do on myspace...the inappropriate interactions or emails. I used to get a "buzz" when someone would write something about my appearance or make sexual innuendos. Even two days ago I was relishing the "hits". Today...something shifted. I got a few inappropriate emails (again, no one from this website) and something just clicked. I have realized that those hits just don't have the same effect. Kinda like alcohol, pot, pills...it is not working for me anymore. I'd rather not have any attention than the kind I've been getting. I was telling my friend, "I feel like a nun..I've become a prud in just two days!".
Anyway, my point is, I don't believe it is a coincidence that you wrote this and I read it. You wrote exactly what I've been feeling all day long. My insecurity and dis-ease craves the attention but I am finding the attention less appealing. I know you didn't say this in your message but what you did say was that the self-seeking alcoholic still craves the hits but the teeny tiny part of me that is recovering isn't getting the same buzz.
Now for my WHOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO's....I've always found your posts refreshing, expressive, and damn helpful. Just because I don't always acknowledge this fact, the fact remains. I thank you for being part of my recovery.
Congratulations on 12 years! Amazing and wonderful to see it work when you work it.
Your message spoke volumes to me today and sure made me look at my behaviors. Ironically, I was just talking to a friend about online interactions. In my mere 57 days sober I have already felt a shift within. I haven't noticed it on this board but I do on myspace...the inappropriate interactions or emails. I used to get a "buzz" when someone would write something about my appearance or make sexual innuendos. Even two days ago I was relishing the "hits". Today...something shifted. I got a few inappropriate emails (again, no one from this website) and something just clicked. I have realized that those hits just don't have the same effect. Kinda like alcohol, pot, pills...it is not working for me anymore. I'd rather not have any attention than the kind I've been getting. I was telling my friend, "I feel like a nun..I've become a prud in just two days!".
Anyway, my point is, I don't believe it is a coincidence that you wrote this and I read it. You wrote exactly what I've been feeling all day long. My insecurity and dis-ease craves the attention but I am finding the attention less appealing. I know you didn't say this in your message but what you did say was that the self-seeking alcoholic still craves the hits but the teeny tiny part of me that is recovering isn't getting the same buzz.
Now for my WHOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO's....I've always found your posts refreshing, expressive, and damn helpful. Just because I don't always acknowledge this fact, the fact remains. I thank you for being part of my recovery.
zac, as I guess you know, some of us are so damaged so deep down and long ago that we simply cannot survive without the unconditional love and non-judgmental acceptance that I felt when I walked into the rooms of Al-anon and AA. Desperate children in search of soothing, not for toothache or earache but for an existential wound and terror that no child should be forced to endure or expects to survive.
You posts are consistently, unfailingly, full of that spirit of love, understanding and acceptance and I am deeply grateful to you for it.
Congratulations, not just on 12 years of sobriety, a mountain that is in truth an irelevance to how any human being is loved, but on becoming a fine man and a father to more people than you know, who really needed a father at an unendurably terrible point in their lives.
God bless you zac, love and light indeed.
You posts are consistently, unfailingly, full of that spirit of love, understanding and acceptance and I am deeply grateful to you for it.
Congratulations, not just on 12 years of sobriety, a mountain that is in truth an irelevance to how any human being is loved, but on becoming a fine man and a father to more people than you know, who really needed a father at an unendurably terrible point in their lives.
God bless you zac, love and light indeed.
Zac I agree with the others when they say how you much you help on this board.You have helped me many times. One time in particular "especially" in your reply to me when I had posted about what happened to my daughter. I know from your reply to me that you Zac are one of the people who do understand how I feel because you have seen it in your own mom. Many times in your replies to me and to others I see the understanding and the empathy you offer. You also are the one that have helped me to be grateful .you have helped me to see the glass as been half full instead of half empty (no pun intended there) lol . So Zac keep posting ,if for no other reason ,than do it because this ol gal needs ya too.God bless and take care
Congratulations, Zac!!!!!
Hey Zac, well done on twelve years, that's quite amazing.
I've never said it before but you bring a new persepective to this board.
Thanking you!
Izzy
I've never said it before but you bring a new persepective to this board.
Thanking you!
Izzy
Woooohooohhoo and Gidday Everyone
Thanks for the replies and the buzz that comes with it as im me and thats the way its gonna be:)
With a lot of things to do with recovery people do move on as they grow and i have done this in AA when i had a gap of 4 years and then i thought about all those who were there for me and i went back, and the same with these boards i may feel at times that i have had enough but hey for me it is about being there and trying to type and phrase things that get people looking in as well as pointing out etc
I am not perfect and i can have percieved ideas about people and things and i can discuss this in other forums but then i have to remember that AA teaches principles before personalities and i have to remember the endless hope that others have given me and the gratitude i have everyday for being sober and that is why i hope to be going to meetings and posting in 12 years time:)
I have seen many people come and goe, sometimes a few return and it is the sharing of this journey and the endless hope and gratitude that keep this alky positive in the day
light and love Zac
Thanks for the replies and the buzz that comes with it as im me and thats the way its gonna be:)
With a lot of things to do with recovery people do move on as they grow and i have done this in AA when i had a gap of 4 years and then i thought about all those who were there for me and i went back, and the same with these boards i may feel at times that i have had enough but hey for me it is about being there and trying to type and phrase things that get people looking in as well as pointing out etc
I am not perfect and i can have percieved ideas about people and things and i can discuss this in other forums but then i have to remember that AA teaches principles before personalities and i have to remember the endless hope that others have given me and the gratitude i have everyday for being sober and that is why i hope to be going to meetings and posting in 12 years time:)
I have seen many people come and goe, sometimes a few return and it is the sharing of this journey and the endless hope and gratitude that keep this alky positive in the day
light and love Zac
Hi Zac..... twelve years......that really is amazing!!!!! Well done. I really hope you are massively proud of yourself because you have done that, that is your will, your determination and your self respect. It's a huge achievement.
I'm not sure that I ever really reply much to your posts because what can I possibly say to someone with as much experience of being sober as you!!!!
I can relate to the attention seeking thing though. I think the difference nowadays is that we know when we are doing it, and awareness is healing; as opposed to attention seeking, getting energy off other people but not knowing that you are behaving like a vampire basically!
I'm glad I know someone who has been sober as long as you! You give great encouragement and hope to everyone.
I'm not sure that I ever really reply much to your posts because what can I possibly say to someone with as much experience of being sober as you!!!!
I can relate to the attention seeking thing though. I think the difference nowadays is that we know when we are doing it, and awareness is healing; as opposed to attention seeking, getting energy off other people but not knowing that you are behaving like a vampire basically!
I'm glad I know someone who has been sober as long as you! You give great encouragement and hope to everyone.
Gidday Lacey
What you can say is your E.S.H because for today we are sober the same amount of time one day at a time and 1 minute sober to 30 years sober there is always learning if i listen
light and love zac
What you can say is your E.S.H because for today we are sober the same amount of time one day at a time and 1 minute sober to 30 years sober there is always learning if i listen
light and love zac
