Well hello and I hope you all had a very good Christmas. Last year about two weeks before Christmas, I obtained a great deal which culminated in my getting this computer. I immediately started using the internet for the purpose of finding a way to get off of methadone.. This was the first and only forum I was plugged into for weeks. I remember telling you guys about my methadone use and how I was tapering and wanted more than anything for that Christmas(2005) to be my last Christmas on methadone. I had spent eight Christmases on methadone and was days away from number nine. I really wanted not to have a tenth in 2006.
I had begun to think of having a methadone free Christmas as an impossibility this time last year and for many years before that. After sustaining a 10 year methadone habit at 400mg plus per day, it became a very scary proposition in deed when I would take my daily dose of methadone, that I would, at that same precise moment, know within my heart I was feeling the best I was ever going to feel for the rest of my life. I lived in a world where there were no seasons and only cloudy days with colors non existent and only shades of grey. I was but a shell of the person I once was. I was not involved in the process of life, just maintained in a state of mere existence.
I do not get on this board a whole lot anymore but just let me say thanks.Thanks to a lot of support and suggestions I recieved on this, my very first forum, I can report that I have just finished spending my first Christmas since 1996 methadone free( my last dose was September the 13th). The story of how I got from there to here is in these threads somewhere but this posting is about a celebration. I celebrate me achieving a very difficult to reach goal in my life that has resulted in me once again, feeling somewhat human as well as having somewhat human feelings. I know I have I have a long way to go but a long way I have come. You want mind if I pat myself on my back will you. I promise I won't break my arm. I cannot, must not and will not ever forget just where it is I have come from.
JW
Good for you! See, it is possible. How is the sub working? Is it helping with the cravings?
I am very happy for you and patting you on the back as well.
I am very happy for you and patting you on the back as well.
that is great news jw, YES you deserve to pat your self on the back, i miss you posting, there has been a few new threads about people going to do the methadone route and i wished you could have told them the story how that drug was ripped off your receptors....
i will celebrate 6 mos clean on jan 10th, still on sub.
i had a real rocky road starting nov 9th. had a nervous breakdown, had ANOTHER fight with my mom which was the last straw that broke the camels back and awful anxiety and panic followed for which i could not function.
my counselors and friends and my cyber friends all helped me tremedously, i learned to put back those boundaries with my dysfunctional family for which i had put up before and let down.
i constantly needed to be reaasured that i am a good daughter and my friends helped me with that.
on thanksgiving, i was so miserable from anxiety that made a constipation problem from sub worse! my digestive system was backed up with extremely hard stools that no medication they prescribed would work, finally the gastro dr had to prescribe a pre colonoscopy treatment which cleaned me out but then the constipation returned. gastro dr said anxiety is worsening the constipation problem, so i call my sub doctor and tell him about my dilema, how i couldnt go to work without having to go somewhere to cry so he prescribed some short term klonopin, i asked are you sure its ok to take this, i am an addict, he said as long as i didnt abuse it and it was short term it would be ok, his idea of short term was 2 mos!
well i finally got relaxed and now the stress of Christmas, my first holiday clean for which i was told was difficult for a new addict in recovery. i was not able to do any of my usual holiday preparations for which i was finally able to accept. my sons helped me out tremendously.
i happened to mention my constipation/klonopin situation on this forum and once again these wonderful people saved my life again.
i get a reply back short term??? julie you are setting yourself up for a klonopin addiction and she was absolutely right on the money. i could feel those old behaviors and patterns returning, so i took her suggestion and i am now weaning off the klonopin, i gave the remaining pills to my son to hold for me,
the sub/klonopin combination took about a week to get into full force and now i am nodding off at inappropriate times, i was slurring my words at work, i had to slap my face and put cold water on my face and roll down all the windows so i wouldn't fall asleep behind the wheel!
thank God for the poster who brought this to my attention, i had a wonderful Christmas and i am very thank ful for my blessings. julie
i will celebrate 6 mos clean on jan 10th, still on sub.
i had a real rocky road starting nov 9th. had a nervous breakdown, had ANOTHER fight with my mom which was the last straw that broke the camels back and awful anxiety and panic followed for which i could not function.
my counselors and friends and my cyber friends all helped me tremedously, i learned to put back those boundaries with my dysfunctional family for which i had put up before and let down.
i constantly needed to be reaasured that i am a good daughter and my friends helped me with that.
on thanksgiving, i was so miserable from anxiety that made a constipation problem from sub worse! my digestive system was backed up with extremely hard stools that no medication they prescribed would work, finally the gastro dr had to prescribe a pre colonoscopy treatment which cleaned me out but then the constipation returned. gastro dr said anxiety is worsening the constipation problem, so i call my sub doctor and tell him about my dilema, how i couldnt go to work without having to go somewhere to cry so he prescribed some short term klonopin, i asked are you sure its ok to take this, i am an addict, he said as long as i didnt abuse it and it was short term it would be ok, his idea of short term was 2 mos!
well i finally got relaxed and now the stress of Christmas, my first holiday clean for which i was told was difficult for a new addict in recovery. i was not able to do any of my usual holiday preparations for which i was finally able to accept. my sons helped me out tremendously.
i happened to mention my constipation/klonopin situation on this forum and once again these wonderful people saved my life again.
i get a reply back short term??? julie you are setting yourself up for a klonopin addiction and she was absolutely right on the money. i could feel those old behaviors and patterns returning, so i took her suggestion and i am now weaning off the klonopin, i gave the remaining pills to my son to hold for me,
the sub/klonopin combination took about a week to get into full force and now i am nodding off at inappropriate times, i was slurring my words at work, i had to slap my face and put cold water on my face and roll down all the windows so i wouldn't fall asleep behind the wheel!
thank God for the poster who brought this to my attention, i had a wonderful Christmas and i am very thank ful for my blessings. julie
What a wonderful place this is and the success stories are SO beautiful and uplifting for those still in the hold of pills. Thaks to both for sharing and a very happy new year ahead.
Thanks for the replies. I should post more on this forum than I do just as someone said, to point out that the methadone "cure" for me, while great in the beginning, was infinitely worse than the disease. It actually was a continuation of as well as a magnification of, my disease of addiction.
The road to recovery starts with a clean body and then the mind will catch up. But with the methadone being unlike any of the other opiates I have withdrawn from, getting to that point of having a clean body and getting on the road to recovery has been no doubt the toughest thing I have had to accomplish. When I started the sub tx I was not in any withdrawal. The buprinorphine put me into precipitated withdrawals. With the short acting opiates if the Dr knows what he or she is doing, they can titrate your sub dosage upward until the wds subside. But when it's methadone we are talking about you are in a whole different ballgame. When you go into precipitated withdrawals due to the sub ripping all the methadone off your receptor sites at once, there is no hope than that of father time to make you feel better. The night I was in those God awful wds I increased my sub use to the point of totally wasting it. I took probably 80 mgs of sub and all I did was feel worse. The sub just did not possess the power to replace the methadone due to its long halflife and power as a full agonist opiate. I can now totally understand why someone would want to pay thousands of dollars for those proceedures known as Ultra Rapid Opiate Detox and be put to sleep for about 14 hours.
Basically what I did was an UROD but I was awake for the whole thing and heading into my fourth month of being free of methadone and on sub, I still have trouble sleeping. I am looking foward to the night when I will be lying in bed and despite my best effort to read the last page of a chapter in a book, close my eyes and wake up with the book still opened to that page and lying undisturbed on my chest. When that happens, I will know without a doubt that my natural brain chemistry is in full production.
I was having trouble breaking that methadone ball and chain around my neck and sub was the key that opened that lock. However, it was my strong desire to be rid of the thing that was draining the life out of me both literally and figuratively that allowed me to not give up or give in when the wds were at their worst. I have been somewhat disappointed in that I have not achieved the same great benefits that others have reported with their sub use such as energy level spikes, feelings of anti-depression and good sleep right from the get go. As far as whether or not it is helping curb my cravings for opiates, I can only answer that by saying it is possible. I will not say it is not helping but I can say with certainty a big part of my not craving opiates has been my desire to be and remain clean. I had that same desire years ago but obviously could not stay clean. I have little doubt that getting older has played a role. But there is no doubt in my mind, I finally found my bottom or, it found me. Its name was METHADONE. Although I am not achieving the same benefits as others, I have to remind my self that few people have withdrawn from a methadone habit of ten years with daily dosings at 400 mgs and that may just be the precluding factor in the sub's ability to work its magic in my body.
But that doesn't matter. No matter what the sub is or is not doing now, I give it all the credit for breaking the strong hold that methadone had on me. Now it is my job to make sure I do not go anywhere near that methadone trap again. I am on 8mgs of sub and weening from there further until I get to zero. My goal was to be on sub long enough to when I quit taking it, I would not still be in any methadone wds. So I figured six months should be about right.
I can honestly say that if I was experiencing some of the same effects others are on sub, I may be inclined to stay on it longer and longer and longer. But I am only speaking for me when I say I have never had the intentions of just replacing methadone with sub. I know my body pretty well and my only solution for a peaceful, serene and contented future will come form my body's own ability to overcome all that I have put it through. My problem was I wanted to always feel way better for way longer than nature intended and I brought in the chemicals from the outside to achieve that short term gratification but in the process have given myself long term pain. I have altered my brain chemistry to the point that achieving equilibrium may be a very difficult thing to do. But all I can do is hang in there and hope time heals all and not do anything today that will for sure screw up my tomorrow.
Jw
The road to recovery starts with a clean body and then the mind will catch up. But with the methadone being unlike any of the other opiates I have withdrawn from, getting to that point of having a clean body and getting on the road to recovery has been no doubt the toughest thing I have had to accomplish. When I started the sub tx I was not in any withdrawal. The buprinorphine put me into precipitated withdrawals. With the short acting opiates if the Dr knows what he or she is doing, they can titrate your sub dosage upward until the wds subside. But when it's methadone we are talking about you are in a whole different ballgame. When you go into precipitated withdrawals due to the sub ripping all the methadone off your receptor sites at once, there is no hope than that of father time to make you feel better. The night I was in those God awful wds I increased my sub use to the point of totally wasting it. I took probably 80 mgs of sub and all I did was feel worse. The sub just did not possess the power to replace the methadone due to its long halflife and power as a full agonist opiate. I can now totally understand why someone would want to pay thousands of dollars for those proceedures known as Ultra Rapid Opiate Detox and be put to sleep for about 14 hours.
Basically what I did was an UROD but I was awake for the whole thing and heading into my fourth month of being free of methadone and on sub, I still have trouble sleeping. I am looking foward to the night when I will be lying in bed and despite my best effort to read the last page of a chapter in a book, close my eyes and wake up with the book still opened to that page and lying undisturbed on my chest. When that happens, I will know without a doubt that my natural brain chemistry is in full production.
I was having trouble breaking that methadone ball and chain around my neck and sub was the key that opened that lock. However, it was my strong desire to be rid of the thing that was draining the life out of me both literally and figuratively that allowed me to not give up or give in when the wds were at their worst. I have been somewhat disappointed in that I have not achieved the same great benefits that others have reported with their sub use such as energy level spikes, feelings of anti-depression and good sleep right from the get go. As far as whether or not it is helping curb my cravings for opiates, I can only answer that by saying it is possible. I will not say it is not helping but I can say with certainty a big part of my not craving opiates has been my desire to be and remain clean. I had that same desire years ago but obviously could not stay clean. I have little doubt that getting older has played a role. But there is no doubt in my mind, I finally found my bottom or, it found me. Its name was METHADONE. Although I am not achieving the same benefits as others, I have to remind my self that few people have withdrawn from a methadone habit of ten years with daily dosings at 400 mgs and that may just be the precluding factor in the sub's ability to work its magic in my body.
But that doesn't matter. No matter what the sub is or is not doing now, I give it all the credit for breaking the strong hold that methadone had on me. Now it is my job to make sure I do not go anywhere near that methadone trap again. I am on 8mgs of sub and weening from there further until I get to zero. My goal was to be on sub long enough to when I quit taking it, I would not still be in any methadone wds. So I figured six months should be about right.
I can honestly say that if I was experiencing some of the same effects others are on sub, I may be inclined to stay on it longer and longer and longer. But I am only speaking for me when I say I have never had the intentions of just replacing methadone with sub. I know my body pretty well and my only solution for a peaceful, serene and contented future will come form my body's own ability to overcome all that I have put it through. My problem was I wanted to always feel way better for way longer than nature intended and I brought in the chemicals from the outside to achieve that short term gratification but in the process have given myself long term pain. I have altered my brain chemistry to the point that achieving equilibrium may be a very difficult thing to do. But all I can do is hang in there and hope time heals all and not do anything today that will for sure screw up my tomorrow.
Jw
Congrats on the drug free Christmas...isn't life grand?
It's always nice to see you post JW, I too wish you would post more.
Happy New Year!!!!
It's always nice to see you post JW, I too wish you would post more.
Happy New Year!!!!
I agree you should post more here!
Your information about methadone is invaluable to others considering that method of treatment. (Although, from everything I have seen and read, I don't really know why anyone would call it a treatment)...it seems more like a sentence.
Anyway, I think it is awesome that you are off of that nightmare ride. I have felt much empathy for you as I have read your posts and think it is terrific that you have such a new outlook! Congratulations to you JW.
Sincerely,
Sarah
Your information about methadone is invaluable to others considering that method of treatment. (Although, from everything I have seen and read, I don't really know why anyone would call it a treatment)...it seems more like a sentence.
Anyway, I think it is awesome that you are off of that nightmare ride. I have felt much empathy for you as I have read your posts and think it is terrific that you have such a new outlook! Congratulations to you JW.
Sincerely,
Sarah
Thank you guys and I should check the bord more for methadone issues. I just replied to one from Alien I believe although I got to the topic late. I did try to relate my experince there. I will try to stop in more often and do more to contribute my experience in hopes that it will help someone.
Since I have been one of the lucky ones who have stopped the methadone madness in my life, I feel that sharing my experience with those seeking a similar path that is a mandate. I just do not wish to write so often about my story to the point to where folks quit reading.
It is always good when I do write that I can count on the same people replying to my post. Thank you all for that. It means a lot that you all are still here. I met some of you this time last year. I was talking about wanting off of methadone then. There have been many a time that I would start to get off pills and end up failing. Then when a few months would go by I would think to myself if only I had stayed stopped back then, I would be ok by now.
I am so glad I am not looking back at my postings from a year ago saying 'if only' I had stayed stopped. I did it and in relative terms, I am ok.
JW
Since I have been one of the lucky ones who have stopped the methadone madness in my life, I feel that sharing my experience with those seeking a similar path that is a mandate. I just do not wish to write so often about my story to the point to where folks quit reading.
It is always good when I do write that I can count on the same people replying to my post. Thank you all for that. It means a lot that you all are still here. I met some of you this time last year. I was talking about wanting off of methadone then. There have been many a time that I would start to get off pills and end up failing. Then when a few months would go by I would think to myself if only I had stayed stopped back then, I would be ok by now.
I am so glad I am not looking back at my postings from a year ago saying 'if only' I had stayed stopped. I did it and in relative terms, I am ok.
JW
