Well, here i sit. My DAY ONE. I'm ready now. I'm determined. Also scared! I don't want to have to do this ever again!
I'm a 27yr old woman, I've been addicted to pills for at least 3 years now. I don't even want to know how much money I spent on that garbage! I'm outgoing and well liked. nobody would ever guess..i used to love that part of it too. I'm claiming the "flu" to my fiancee i live with. hopefully that will buy me time to detox secretly. Telling someone is out of the question. I know if i try i can do this on my own.
so...any helpful words?
Congratulations on your desire to get clean. The good news is that it can be done. I've claimed the flu many times over the years. I was a person with a terrible secret. I grew to hate myself because of it. I too came on the board and said I could never tell my husband. After a while I did. He didn't divorce me. He stood by me. I'm realizing now that it was such a lie. How could I have a decent relationship when I had this terrible secret. I always liked being the life of the party too. Today I'm a little more reserved but I still have fun. I'm learning to live in the moment. .
It's good of you to come out and announce your Day One. I admire you for that. You said that you could do it alone. I have to ask you how many times have you tried doing it on your own? I thought that once I got the drugs out of my system I would be fine. I've come to realize that the problem is not really the pills. The problem is me. I am an addict. I'm learning to live a better way. Alot of people on this board have helped tremendously. Stick around. You are going to need support too.
It's good of you to come out and announce your Day One. I admire you for that. You said that you could do it alone. I have to ask you how many times have you tried doing it on your own? I thought that once I got the drugs out of my system I would be fine. I've come to realize that the problem is not really the pills. The problem is me. I am an addict. I'm learning to live a better way. Alot of people on this board have helped tremendously. Stick around. You are going to need support too.
I am thankful for your response. I NEED guidance...I'm hoping this is my place for it. 29 hours now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! holy sheet :) I'm proud
i'm nervous. why does his happen now, is my only question.
When I'm supposed to be going to all my holiday parties.?
But really this wasn't an accident. My source said they "may be out this week"
but i never called to see.....good me...good......agh!
I just never pictured myself like this.
so many hopes, dreams tossed these last few years. they seem like a lifetime.
i just keep doing these positive chants in my head....like,
just one day at a time
you did your first day! big part of the battle!
just a few more days! this is it! you cant claim "flu" again for months and months...this is your time!
now
now!
it's working
i think
tomorrow will be hard...im scared i will call for drugs
please...any other advice? you comfort me :) :) :)
i'm nervous. why does his happen now, is my only question.
When I'm supposed to be going to all my holiday parties.?
But really this wasn't an accident. My source said they "may be out this week"
but i never called to see.....good me...good......agh!
I just never pictured myself like this.
so many hopes, dreams tossed these last few years. they seem like a lifetime.
i just keep doing these positive chants in my head....like,
just one day at a time
you did your first day! big part of the battle!
just a few more days! this is it! you cant claim "flu" again for months and months...this is your time!
now
now!
it's working
i think
tomorrow will be hard...im scared i will call for drugs
please...any other advice? you comfort me :) :) :)
i forgot to answer your question about "How many times have I tried to Quit?"
Not sure if this is good or bad. but the only times i've gone through withdrawl ...is a time or two when i couldn't get any for a day. only a time or two.I just hate being a slave.
i hate the control they have over me.
i need it to stop
immediately
help me please
Not sure if this is good or bad. but the only times i've gone through withdrawl ...is a time or two when i couldn't get any for a day. only a time or two.I just hate being a slave.
i hate the control they have over me.
i need it to stop
immediately
help me please
Hey Now,
Welcome to the board. I guess you have discovered opiate addiction can make life unmanageable. I always get a kick out of that word, UNMANAGEABLE.
Like your life is totally messed up an they use the word unmanageable. In my case that may have been an understatement
One guy years ago told me the word UNMANAGEABLE, can be used as an adjective to describe one who is lacking in discipline or unruly.
Like an 'UNRULY CHILD".
You've seen them, the 4 year old sitting in church freaking out, the kid kicking and screaming and out of control at the grocery store The parent desperately trying to regain the control. Frustrated, embarrassed, angry.
Well, that was pretty much what was going on in my mind. The real Joe, the mature, level headed, loving, faithful funny dude was trying to get the dam kid *my addicted mind" to sit still, stop it, shut up.
I would eventually give up and give it what it wanted, dope. Much like the parent who gives in and buys the useless toy. Then repeats the scenario every time they hit Walmart. Just doesn't work out, that logic.
While it quiets the moment it only makes matters worse.
Kinda like using will right now.
I put my addict mind in TIME OUT. Just for that first day, NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT CRIED, OR MADE A SCENE, OR MANIPULATED ME. I would not let it have a toy.
After a few very rough days, it got a bit quieter. I then started very slowly.
I walked a block, A wrote a sentence on a Internet message board. I did some laundry. I prayed, I took a shower, I prayed, I lied down. I struggled.
But the kid did not get the toy.
But it was really impossible for me to manage my life and my addiction at the same time..
So something had to give. It was either continue to feed my addiction, which lacks the capacity to feel satisfied. Or find something NEW.
That for me was the KEY. Finding something new. It took a lot of looking around, I still search everyday.
That's the thing isn't it. If I use I pretty much no the routine. If I don't use ANYTHING, I MEAN ANYTHING is possible.
Thank you so much for coming here, now just KEEP COMING BACK.
Peace
Welcome to the board. I guess you have discovered opiate addiction can make life unmanageable. I always get a kick out of that word, UNMANAGEABLE.
Like your life is totally messed up an they use the word unmanageable. In my case that may have been an understatement
One guy years ago told me the word UNMANAGEABLE, can be used as an adjective to describe one who is lacking in discipline or unruly.
Like an 'UNRULY CHILD".
You've seen them, the 4 year old sitting in church freaking out, the kid kicking and screaming and out of control at the grocery store The parent desperately trying to regain the control. Frustrated, embarrassed, angry.
Well, that was pretty much what was going on in my mind. The real Joe, the mature, level headed, loving, faithful funny dude was trying to get the dam kid *my addicted mind" to sit still, stop it, shut up.
I would eventually give up and give it what it wanted, dope. Much like the parent who gives in and buys the useless toy. Then repeats the scenario every time they hit Walmart. Just doesn't work out, that logic.
While it quiets the moment it only makes matters worse.
Kinda like using will right now.
I put my addict mind in TIME OUT. Just for that first day, NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT CRIED, OR MADE A SCENE, OR MANIPULATED ME. I would not let it have a toy.
After a few very rough days, it got a bit quieter. I then started very slowly.
I walked a block, A wrote a sentence on a Internet message board. I did some laundry. I prayed, I took a shower, I prayed, I lied down. I struggled.
But the kid did not get the toy.
But it was really impossible for me to manage my life and my addiction at the same time..
So something had to give. It was either continue to feed my addiction, which lacks the capacity to feel satisfied. Or find something NEW.
That for me was the KEY. Finding something new. It took a lot of looking around, I still search everyday.
That's the thing isn't it. If I use I pretty much no the routine. If I don't use ANYTHING, I MEAN ANYTHING is possible.
Thank you so much for coming here, now just KEEP COMING BACK.
Peace