I can't believe this has happened AGAIN. I'm 36 and this is an old, sad story. I was in prison for 43 months, I was more than ok with that because I thought it was worth it to not be the person I was, a junkie (speed only). It was a waste of almost 4 years. I got out and realized in about 3 days that I was going to get high and it scared the ---- out of me. I called a friend I knew had stopped years before, and I was offered a way out of my hell for the first time in over 20 years, narcotics annymous. It was so cool to be around people who understood and truly cared, because I care about the newcomers too and would do anything I could to help them. I got a 30 day chip, got drunk with a girl who had 3 YEARS clean, bought a rig in a motel parking lot, (need to be tested believe me i know) rented a room and it was like the last 4 years never happened. I was lucky enough to go back to NA, I got 100 days clean after that and because I love shooting speed so much I had a plan to do it 1 time, I planned it for two weeks. that was June 30th 2006 today is December 17th 2006, some how I can fake it enough that everything is kind of ok, job, relationships, ect. But the self hatred that was worth 4 years in prison to not feel anymore is slowly creaping back into my soul, and I can't be this stupid. It's so pathitic. I won't go into how fortunate I am or how much I stand to loose when this secret is exposed, but more than most. I guess it doesn't matter. I've walked into two meetings, lasted about 5 minutes and left. I still get calls from people in the program, telling me they are rooting for me, and that I can do it. I don't know how or why I found this web site, I was reading the posts and replys and thought maybe I would get the magic I need when I read a reply. If you are a addict give yourself a break, life is so good clean. I hope every addict can find the freedom I had for that 100 days, getting it back, thats not so easy. Peace Out!!
I've walked into two meetings, lasted about 5 minutes and left. I still get calls from people in the program, telling me they are rooting for me, and that I can do it. I don't know how or why I found this web site, I was reading the posts and replys and thought maybe I would get the magic I need when I read a reply. .
There is no magic cure, the only way to stop using drugs is to stop using drugs. I was also an IV user. It took inpatient and outpatient rehab, NA meetings, changing people, places and things to give me 17 months clean.
I wish you the best and keep on posting.
There is no magic cure, the only way to stop using drugs is to stop using drugs. I was also an IV user. It took inpatient and outpatient rehab, NA meetings, changing people, places and things to give me 17 months clean.
I wish you the best and keep on posting.
thank you for your wise words. I am happy for you. Merry Christmas.
The magic is that there is a solution. Redemtion is right where you fell.
Start over..... You have friends there that care and you have done it before. Please take thier help. You are worth it. I understand where you are comming from. Please take the next step go to a meeting spit out what you have been doing and start over That is the solution.
START OVER
When you've trusted God and walked his way
When you've felt his hand lead you day by day
But your steps now take you another way ...
Start over.
When you've made your plans and they've gone awry
When you've tried your best and there's no more try
When you've failed yourself and you don't know why ...
Start over.
When you've told your friends what you plan to do
When you've trusted them and they didn't come through
And you're all alone and it's up to you ...
Start over.
When you've failed your kids and they're grown and gone
When you've done your best but it's turned out wrong
And now your grandchildren come along ...
Start over.
When you've prayed to God so you'll know his will
When you've prayed and prayed and you don't know still ...
When you want to stop cause you've had your fill ...
Start over.
When you think you're finished and want to quit
When you've bottomed out in life's deepest pit
When you've tried and tried to get out of it ...
Start over.
When the year has been long and successes few
When December comes and you're feeling blue
God gives a January just for you ...
Start over.
Starting over means "Victories Won"
Starting over means "A Race Well Run"
Starting over means "God's Will Done"
Don't just sit there ..............
START OVER
by Woodrow Kroll
Love,
Jane
Start over..... You have friends there that care and you have done it before. Please take thier help. You are worth it. I understand where you are comming from. Please take the next step go to a meeting spit out what you have been doing and start over That is the solution.
START OVER
When you've trusted God and walked his way
When you've felt his hand lead you day by day
But your steps now take you another way ...
Start over.
When you've made your plans and they've gone awry
When you've tried your best and there's no more try
When you've failed yourself and you don't know why ...
Start over.
When you've told your friends what you plan to do
When you've trusted them and they didn't come through
And you're all alone and it's up to you ...
Start over.
When you've failed your kids and they're grown and gone
When you've done your best but it's turned out wrong
And now your grandchildren come along ...
Start over.
When you've prayed to God so you'll know his will
When you've prayed and prayed and you don't know still ...
When you want to stop cause you've had your fill ...
Start over.
When you think you're finished and want to quit
When you've bottomed out in life's deepest pit
When you've tried and tried to get out of it ...
Start over.
When the year has been long and successes few
When December comes and you're feeling blue
God gives a January just for you ...
Start over.
Starting over means "Victories Won"
Starting over means "A Race Well Run"
Starting over means "God's Will Done"
Don't just sit there ..............
START OVER
by Woodrow Kroll
Love,
Jane
excellent post Jane!!
wow I am so touched, seriously thanks. I hope your life is good
I seriously hope your life is. This is such a good chance for you take this moment of clarity and run with it. You said so much in your post about NA saving your life and all your good friends. Find them again. If not you have us here take your time take it slow and find your way back
Jane
edited to say Thanks Janet.:)
Jane
edited to say Thanks Janet.:)
today i made sure my insurance was good to go, because I am going to detox. Im ready. I have to find one to go to and all that but im doing it. I couldn't bring myself to flush the dope but I left it 50 miles away, wow (how do u spell) daja-vu? I did that to myself before last time, there I was clean and then I had all this dope hidden on my boat that I had to deal with, I wound up getting high with it after it torcherd spelled wrong? maybe another r? sorry. After it drove me crazy for months. My addiction is smart to have set my self up again, I want to starve it and take the power away so it goes to sleep again, the 100 days in NA was the best of my life. Im going to find a detox, this is amazing how much typing in this box with you guys has done. It has been MAGIC after all. God Im happy
Man, I hope you can get in to a detox soon. Good for you.
You kept it green for me reading this.
It reminded me we pick up before we pick up. Like your planning and all. I do that and catch myself, and wake the heck up.
Best wishes to you.
You kept it green for me reading this.
It reminded me we pick up before we pick up. Like your planning and all. I do that and catch myself, and wake the heck up.
Best wishes to you.
out of detox!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 11 days clean, going to meetings and it was the answer just like I knew all along. Its not easy but I AM CLEAN god bless you all who responded to me and NA rocks peace out.
Great nomes. Good for you.
I was wondering if ya made it to detox. Meeting makers make it. I'm pleased for ya, and Happy New Year.
Seriously, I feel so old, and know I couldn't go on another run. No way. Time for checkers, and bacci ball or something. Hang tight.
I was wondering if ya made it to detox. Meeting makers make it. I'm pleased for ya, and Happy New Year.
Seriously, I feel so old, and know I couldn't go on another run. No way. Time for checkers, and bacci ball or something. Hang tight.
you speak the truth my friend, it seems like all is well when i leave my nightly meeting. Im a mess but its just the dope still not out of my head, if that makes any sense, you know I dont know what happened to me with this message board, but its such a miracle. I hope some one can find their their way either back to NA or find the freedom NA has to offer, its a life saving gift to addicts. I want every addict to try to save one kid from smoking their first joint, and be spared the hell inside us, I dont know how but its a serious goal to me to dream about. One day when Im better myself I would like to help kids because this sucks. anyway HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL, its amazing to me to find notes from strangers when i check this, truly from the bottom of my heart thank you.
