well he stayed clean for three weeks... i think.. i tested him this past monday and it was positive and after the usual song and dance ( the test is wrong routine) he fessed up, i just blew up at him and said a few choice words i threw the test at him and it knocked his soda over. he jumped out of the chair called me a stupid b**** and grabbed me by the arms screaming at me to clean it up. he has never touched me before. is this part of my new reality he thinks he can put his hands on me. the next day i told him i was going back to see the lawyer i had went to see a couple weeks ago and finalize what i started filing for seperation. so he did something to my truck so it wouldnt start thinking i wouldnt go but that just made me madder and more determined to go so i called his friend and he put the wire he pulled off back on for me by that time i had cooled down and never went to the lawyers, he came home and said he did it so he could talk to me before i went to file for seperation to try and convince me he was done yet again. obviously im still here but somewhere in the back of my mind i hate myself for not going to finish what i had finally built up the courage to do. i guess i wasnt as ready asi thought i was, i figured the $500 the lawyer wanted was pretty cheap to get out of this life i call hell, so i paid it all i have to do is sign the dang papers so why do i hesitate holding out on the one hope that this time will be different when i know it wont be. i keep thinking if i file for the seperation and he gets clean i just threw away something that was great prior to the drugs and what could be great again minus the drugs.
Hi
Sorry for what you are going through.
Is your husband also doing any counselling or attending any NA/AA meetings at all?
Obviously, his way of trying to do it on his own isn't working. Unless you see him taking active steps to fight his addiction like the above, then I would say you are in for a life of misery because he is obviously not serious about stopping.
Also remember nothing changes if nothing changes. Since you have always stayed, he's allowed (in his own head) to keep relapsing and keep using because you will always forgive him and believe him. The consequences you threaten are never carried out and he knows this.
Sorry if I'm being harsh, but you do not deserve this life. You deserve a better life for yourself.
Also, if he ends up getting clean after you leave, who's to say that you can't go back?
You can't return if you never leave. If you take action and leave him because he is actively using and his efforts to stop are not forthcoming and he does nothing else to help himself, then you are just showing him that you refuse to live that life with him. You are showing him that you respect yourself too much to live with that and that he should respect you too.
I would also be scared of the fact that he laid his hands on you. There is no excuse for that, especially the lame one that he did it for. Things like that usually only escalate so be very careful.
I wish I had a more uplifting happy post for you. You just have to take care of yourself first.
Take care,
Mickey
Sorry for what you are going through.
Is your husband also doing any counselling or attending any NA/AA meetings at all?
Obviously, his way of trying to do it on his own isn't working. Unless you see him taking active steps to fight his addiction like the above, then I would say you are in for a life of misery because he is obviously not serious about stopping.
Also remember nothing changes if nothing changes. Since you have always stayed, he's allowed (in his own head) to keep relapsing and keep using because you will always forgive him and believe him. The consequences you threaten are never carried out and he knows this.
Sorry if I'm being harsh, but you do not deserve this life. You deserve a better life for yourself.
Also, if he ends up getting clean after you leave, who's to say that you can't go back?
You can't return if you never leave. If you take action and leave him because he is actively using and his efforts to stop are not forthcoming and he does nothing else to help himself, then you are just showing him that you refuse to live that life with him. You are showing him that you respect yourself too much to live with that and that he should respect you too.
I would also be scared of the fact that he laid his hands on you. There is no excuse for that, especially the lame one that he did it for. Things like that usually only escalate so be very careful.
I wish I had a more uplifting happy post for you. You just have to take care of yourself first.
Take care,
Mickey
