Hi,
I made this post this morning in responce to someone. I was thinking tonight that maybe we can start sharing on some of the things some of us are working on in our recovery. Lonelyness was big for me, along with self asteem and self worth. Now that I'm clean and sober, aside from keeping my sobriety I'm working on change. It's alot of work but also I find it fasinating getting to know myself after all these years of running and hiding behind a drink or a pill bottle etc..
Now that all that false courage and my wall for keeping people out has been stripped from me, I'm left with a stranger in a way. I though maybe we could start sharing about what we're doing to change our patterns and way of thinking.
Lonelyness; It took some work but as i grow in recovery, and compare myself to myself, I'm enjoying the "Alone Time" I get now and then, my own company
if you will. I used to hate being alone, and I always felt lonely. I could be in a bar full of people drinking and having a blast, or somewhere in a room full of people
high having fun, and yet in a room full of people feel so alone. Today, I may be alone sometimes, but I'm not lonely. Sometimes in a crowd today if I'm alone, I can sometimes pick out the folks that are appearing to be having fun, but I can tell they are lonely. As I work on myself today, and get more comfratable with me and who I am, and feel more secure with the people around me that say they love me, I'm able to believe them today, and as I get better with letting others in, and allowing others to get to know me, that feeling of lonelyness doesn't exist for me today. I might be alone sometimes in a crowd today, by myself, and although I'm alone, I'm no longer lonely. I hope that made sence, but it took alot of working on me to get there. Today I understand the meaning of
the saying; "Beyond My Wildest Dreams". This is just one of the things I've worked on since getting clean and sober. Like I've said before, for me, recovery is so much more than just not picking up. Today I hold my head high, I no longer walk around with my head down feeling worthless or shameful in anyway.
I still have a ways to go, but comparing myself to myself, I see a change for the better, after all, it's all about change. Just by working the program as suggested,
we can't help but change, even if it's in spite of ourselves, but it does happen faster if you want it and chase it, today I chase recovery like I used to chase
that first damn high, which turned out to be me chasing something that didn't exist. Hope this helped and made some sence.
Take care............Bob
Bob, you've been a great inspiration to me. I don't post alot and lately haven't been on the board much (spending time with family and my new granddaughter).
When I do check in, I look for posts from you. When I'm feeling down, you bring me up.
Thanks
Hawk
When I do check in, I look for posts from you. When I'm feeling down, you bring me up.
Thanks
Hawk
Good thread, Bob, because I think a lot of us are working on the same issues.
For me, a big issue is honesty vs. image or allowing what I feel on the inside to be consistent with what I show on the outside. That involves learning to trust other people.
Love, Gina
For me, a big issue is honesty vs. image or allowing what I feel on the inside to be consistent with what I show on the outside. That involves learning to trust other people.
Love, Gina
BTW Bob, you have many reasons to walk around with your head held high.
I am happy you are enjoying such a turn around in that regard to your life.
Regards,
Tom
I am happy you are enjoying such a turn around in that regard to your life.
Regards,
Tom
Wow Gina, thats exactly what that is, trust... The self image thing, yup I have a little issue there as well, I still wont tell everyone of my addiction problem, I mean yeah, my wife, a couple family members and one freind, but thats it.. Thats something I need to work on as well.
Regards,
Tom
Regards,
Tom
Tom,
I don't know about you, but I don't even test trust out. I become such a people pleaser, a social chameleon that I don't give folks a chance to reject or accept me. It actually makes for a lot of loneliness, if you know what I mean.
Cheers,
Gina
I don't know about you, but I don't even test trust out. I become such a people pleaser, a social chameleon that I don't give folks a chance to reject or accept me. It actually makes for a lot of loneliness, if you know what I mean.
Cheers,
Gina
You really struck a chord, Bob. When I got clean, I discovered that I lost alot of my bravado, courage and self-esteem. I was so brave when I was numb. I could do anything. Now I'm finding that I have lost that courage. I used to be able to ride in a show on a horse that was less than calm and not care that I could hurt ( I looked forward to getting hurt because then I could go to the hospital and get meds). I could ride through scary, scary trails and be so brave.... not anymore. It's hard to explain, but it's like I lost who I THOUGHT I was....Trust and honesty? Forget it. I don't know what's wrong with me tonight, I'm having a hard time explaining myself..do you understand what I'm trying to say?
cg
cg
cg..
I understand perfectly.....
Teresa
I understand perfectly.....
Teresa
I should of known that another addict would get it.
Thank you Teresa
xxx
Thank you Teresa
xxx
Cowgirl,
I understand exactly what your saying. For me, when I got clean and sober and started working on myself, I realized I had no idea who I was , what I liked, etc..
I have more to post about this, but right now tonight I'm gonna go chat a bit. I'm tired and nervous about tomorrow, so I just wanna get my mind off things for a bit. I love ya', easy does it Lisa.
Take care............Bob
I understand exactly what your saying. For me, when I got clean and sober and started working on myself, I realized I had no idea who I was , what I liked, etc..
I have more to post about this, but right now tonight I'm gonna go chat a bit. I'm tired and nervous about tomorrow, so I just wanna get my mind off things for a bit. I love ya', easy does it Lisa.
Take care............Bob
for me its mainly my self esteem and confidence, i really dont have any right now, and im nearly off. so i really have to get that back somehow, and get my life going again. good post bob. take care xo
Weird enough, my experience is that now that I am clean, I have all of my old confidence back. I certainly have alot of my self-esteem back. Example, when I take pictures now I dont end up deleting most of them because of how my eyes look. I now look healthy and alert.
Xanax made me lack confidence and self-esteem. My depression is less often and less severe, as well. While using, if I got in a depressed state I would crawl into bed and be perfectly fine with lying there aaaaall day long wallering in my depression. Now if I feel depression coming on Im like "Welp kids, pack you a bag cuz we are outta here". I divert my attention to activities rather than looking at that bed and it seeming sooooo appealing.
Xanax made me lack confidence and self-esteem. My depression is less often and less severe, as well. While using, if I got in a depressed state I would crawl into bed and be perfectly fine with lying there aaaaall day long wallering in my depression. Now if I feel depression coming on Im like "Welp kids, pack you a bag cuz we are outta here". I divert my attention to activities rather than looking at that bed and it seeming sooooo appealing.
hey guys,just read this post,and it made me think,even though i've stop using
i haven't faced a lot of these issues yet.i've come so far,but still have so far to go..
i guess it will be a never ending process to contiue throughout my life..i'm so glad that i'll have a clear head to do it with..thanks for making me realize that..dj
i haven't faced a lot of these issues yet.i've come so far,but still have so far to go..
i guess it will be a never ending process to contiue throughout my life..i'm so glad that i'll have a clear head to do it with..thanks for making me realize that..dj
