I've posted a few times regarding my boyfriends alcohol problem; however I fear it's much bigger than that. He's claimed he has control of his drinking which myself and his family know is not true. The family has been worried about his drinking for 5+ years and have even offered to pay for treatment. He does not believe this is a problem and can stop anytime. Last night while trying to have some family time; we all noticed his demeanor change; he openly drank a few beers however this was not him being drunk; it was something else. My assumption is oxy or some other pain pill. I've called him out on it a few times in the previous weeks and he's denied. I know what his drunk looks like and unless he downed a bottle of hard liquor (beer has alway been his issue not hard alcohol), this was definitely pills.
I openly asked him what he took last night in front of his parents because he could form a clear thought or follow a simple card game. He then turned it around on all of us trying to deflect and talk about another person in the family that we don't appreciate. He threatened to record our conversation about this person and talk non sensicle. He claims we are all passive aggressive and don't confront issues; however each time we brought it back to talk about him and our issue with him; he deflected and blamed us for a handful of things wrong with the weekend.
And then the tears flowed. Blame for his dad for not loving him, talks about never seeing his family again and what to do with his savings. He talked about needing to leave and calling someone to get him. I took his phone from him forcefully and after an hour of him yelling and crying and not being coherent I got him upstairs to bedroom. Another half hour of watching him fall all over the place and attempt to leave, we finally laid on the bed and he held me and cried and cried. We "talked" for another half hour; I couldn't understand anything he said other than a few "I'm a horrible person". I helped him down to the bathroom; his balance was so unsteady. He then became the silly drunk friend you can't get to sleep; goofing around and acting happy. A huge shift in personality. I got him to bed. 3 hours later he awoke; balance unsteady and still apparently "drunk". He hugged me tightly and said I'm sorry, took a long shower and cried more and then got goofy again. Finally in bed for the night.
My boyfriend is an intelligent professional man. He has a great job, prides himself in being athletic and active. last night was nothing like I have ever seen and I've been in his life for nearly 12 years. He was a different person; angry, hurt, sad, incoherent.
You can't force someone into treatment; I've spoke with him about at least seeing an addiction counselor and he told me "I don't need a 12 step program I'm fine; they won't help me I've seen enough therapists; they can't ever help me find out why I do this". His family has offered to pay for treatment.
So is there a time when intervention is the way to go? Last night was apparent this is bigger than all of us. He lies and manipulate and places blame on everyone else. Has anyone done an intervention with success? What else can a family do? Unfortunate they can easily cut ties as they live far away; I feel like it's all on me since I live with it everyday. I'm the one he takes it all out on (nothing physical just verbal venting and arguments etc) and I'm the one; like last night has to clean up the messes.
Feeling lost....
He lies and manipulate and places blame on everyone else.
That's typical addict behavior.
We had an intervention for my son and it worked. Unfortunately, it didn't last. Bottom line is it's up to the addict and how strong his desire is to stay clean. You can try. It can't hurt.
You don't have to clean up his messes.... You want to.
He's a grown man. He should be cleaning up his own messes and by doing it for him, you're really not helping him at all.
That's typical addict behavior.
We had an intervention for my son and it worked. Unfortunately, it didn't last. Bottom line is it's up to the addict and how strong his desire is to stay clean. You can try. It can't hurt.
You don't have to clean up his messes.... You want to.
He's a grown man. He should be cleaning up his own messes and by doing it for him, you're really not helping him at all.
By cleaning up his messes, I mean that I'm the one that is left with him and feeling the consequences of his actions and no one else. I am not cleaning up his messes per say rather than being the one that is there when it all comes crashing down and I have to clean up so I can continue to live my life. His messes are still his but some things have to be cleaned up so I don't get swallowed into the cycle.
I dislike how on these cites people are quick to say also place blame on those of us posting and going through all of this just looking for some guidance. Most of us realize as friends and families of addicts we are playing a role in this; it just not as easy as turning a blind eye; trust me I know where my own faults and enabling behaviors are--I appreciate all insight; thanks for the info on intervention.
I dislike how on these cites people are quick to say also place blame on those of us posting and going through all of this just looking for some guidance. Most of us realize as friends and families of addicts we are playing a role in this; it just not as easy as turning a blind eye; trust me I know where my own faults and enabling behaviors are--I appreciate all insight; thanks for the info on intervention.
"You don't have to clean up his messes.... You want to."
It might be more like you NEED to.
It might be more like you NEED to.
