I am reaching nine months clean and have been working hard on recovery yet I must admit that I am still frustrated by the times I am triggered. For example today I was waiting for a friend to pick me up to take me to a meeting. Yet as I waited I was reminded of the times I would wait for the dealer I was filled with the compulsion to keep phoning the friend to see how far they were away as if I was biting at the bit in expectation of a delivery of drugs.
Or how I went to the store recently and passed a public washroom, a place where I would sometimes fix and how I was once again filled with the same feelings of craving and obsession, the same adrenalin rush. I do not expect recovery to be an overnight process yet I am frustrated at these moments.
Any words of advice from people who have or are experiencing the same things and are finding ways to deal with it would be appreciated.
God bless.
Hey Wolf,
It does get better. Tonite before I left for my meeting. Someone knocked at the door. It was the pizza guy that used to deliver to us and we havent seen him in monthes. He stopped by to see if Bob (my husband) wanted to buy any pills. I almost had a heart attack. But you know what, I didnt want to buy anything he was selling. Not so long ago I would of jumped at the chance to get them. I am so grateful that I am on solid ground today in AA.
take care
gi
It does get better. Tonite before I left for my meeting. Someone knocked at the door. It was the pizza guy that used to deliver to us and we havent seen him in monthes. He stopped by to see if Bob (my husband) wanted to buy any pills. I almost had a heart attack. But you know what, I didnt want to buy anything he was selling. Not so long ago I would of jumped at the chance to get them. I am so grateful that I am on solid ground today in AA.
take care
gi
Hey Wolf...
Triggers are a big one. I still have them after a year. People, places and things. I had to totally re-direct my life until I got comfortable.
This board triggers me sometimes. Sometimes there's posts about pills and how people got them, causes a trigger. Other times, they don't bother me at all. It's all a mind game. Our bodies don't want them anymore, it's our addict. That addict is always in the parking lot doing push ups.
What helps me is to call my sponsor, get to a meeting or get quiet and figure out what it is that's really bothering me. Usually it's something as simple as being tired, hungry or lonely. Anger is a big one too.
9 months is pretty damn cool.
Cowgirl
Triggers are a big one. I still have them after a year. People, places and things. I had to totally re-direct my life until I got comfortable.
This board triggers me sometimes. Sometimes there's posts about pills and how people got them, causes a trigger. Other times, they don't bother me at all. It's all a mind game. Our bodies don't want them anymore, it's our addict. That addict is always in the parking lot doing push ups.
What helps me is to call my sponsor, get to a meeting or get quiet and figure out what it is that's really bothering me. Usually it's something as simple as being tired, hungry or lonely. Anger is a big one too.
9 months is pretty damn cool.
Cowgirl
Thanks for the advise and the support on my clean time. I think you may be onto something about triggers and a deeper problem. I will try and remember H.A.L.T
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
HI Wolf
I don't know about you but I abused pills for a long time. I needed a pill before I got out of bed, with my coffee, if the phone rang, to leave the house, you get the picture. Just because I quit taking pills doesn't mean the situations that I took one over stopped. It took quite a while for me to be able to do things without thinking of popping a pill. All those old habits are hard to break. I know a councelor that tells me that certain patterns are in our brain's memory and it takes a while for those patterns to change or something like that. It makes more sense when she says it. Triggers are going to be there just like thoughts of using will. It takes time for them to go away. I can't look at a vicodin without my stomach flipping and I've been clean for a while. That doesn't mean I want it. Its just something I've accepted. I doubt if it will ever go away.I haven't seen a xanax in five years. I hate to see what my stomach will do when I do see one hehe A craving is what we feel when we have the substance in our bodies, a desire is what goes on in our heads and we have a lot more control over that. I am not responsible for my first thought but I AM responsible for my second. What I do with those desires is up to me.
The triggers will go away. Just don't act on them. Your brain will forget what it used to crave when certain things happen as long as you don't pick up. Old habits die hard. Hang in there.
I don't know about you but I abused pills for a long time. I needed a pill before I got out of bed, with my coffee, if the phone rang, to leave the house, you get the picture. Just because I quit taking pills doesn't mean the situations that I took one over stopped. It took quite a while for me to be able to do things without thinking of popping a pill. All those old habits are hard to break. I know a councelor that tells me that certain patterns are in our brain's memory and it takes a while for those patterns to change or something like that. It makes more sense when she says it. Triggers are going to be there just like thoughts of using will. It takes time for them to go away. I can't look at a vicodin without my stomach flipping and I've been clean for a while. That doesn't mean I want it. Its just something I've accepted. I doubt if it will ever go away.I haven't seen a xanax in five years. I hate to see what my stomach will do when I do see one hehe A craving is what we feel when we have the substance in our bodies, a desire is what goes on in our heads and we have a lot more control over that. I am not responsible for my first thought but I AM responsible for my second. What I do with those desires is up to me.
The triggers will go away. Just don't act on them. Your brain will forget what it used to crave when certain things happen as long as you don't pick up. Old habits die hard. Hang in there.
Thanks 12 Stepper. I appreciate your input.
God bless.
God bless.
Oddly enough, I have not yet been triggered. I am one month clean and on sub. But, I am grateful for these posts so I can be better prepared to deal with the triggers when they do come.
Hello Wolf,
I know I have not posted you before and you have received wonderful advice. It sound like you go to meetings. Are they AA or NA? I am sure you start your day with prayer. The Serenity Prayer always helps me. I also read pages 85-88 in the Big Book of AA, this helps tremendously. Each day I read it, it gives me hope, strength and direction. Keep up the good work. Take care, Best Wishes
I know I have not posted you before and you have received wonderful advice. It sound like you go to meetings. Are they AA or NA? I am sure you start your day with prayer. The Serenity Prayer always helps me. I also read pages 85-88 in the Big Book of AA, this helps tremendously. Each day I read it, it gives me hope, strength and direction. Keep up the good work. Take care, Best Wishes
Hey Wolf -- you probably don't know me, I've been on the board for a while, I read a lot, but don't often post. I wanted to respond to your trigger problem.
I would absolutely go bonkers when I saw a UPS truck, cause I ordered my pills online. And when I saw brown, that meant a delivery. Every time I saw a truck, I pictured that box with the two big bottles of pills in it. Yikes! It drove me crazy for about the first year of being clean. Then, one day, it just stopped. Now I see the UPS truck and I think, oh, he's bringing me the sweater I ordered from LLBean. Your triggers will ease, I promise you. Just stay clean and you will be able to laugh at this in a year or so. Maybe less! God bless and stay clean for you! Natty
I would absolutely go bonkers when I saw a UPS truck, cause I ordered my pills online. And when I saw brown, that meant a delivery. Every time I saw a truck, I pictured that box with the two big bottles of pills in it. Yikes! It drove me crazy for about the first year of being clean. Then, one day, it just stopped. Now I see the UPS truck and I think, oh, he's bringing me the sweater I ordered from LLBean. Your triggers will ease, I promise you. Just stay clean and you will be able to laugh at this in a year or so. Maybe less! God bless and stay clean for you! Natty
Thanks again everyone. I see a miracle in the responses I see, I remember a time not to long ago that when I was active, if an addict needed help my efforts were based on what I could get from them, if I helped at all.
Now a call goes out to fellow addicts and the responses are endless, the help genuine and the desire to see each other succeed genuine...isn't that a miracle?
BWishes, I go to NA and have found it to be a huge help.
Bless you.
Now a call goes out to fellow addicts and the responses are endless, the help genuine and the desire to see each other succeed genuine...isn't that a miracle?
BWishes, I go to NA and have found it to be a huge help.
Bless you.
People trigger me sometimes too, or maybe it's not the person as it so much the message they carry. Especially those that have no heart or care for other's feelings. That's a big trigger for me. No one likes to be belittled or told they don't matter in so many ways (some are really good at being subtle) so when you do that to an addict, it's a double whammy because we aren't mature enough yet to not let it get to us. We take everything personally. Even when we do it ourselves, we sometimes don't recoginize or take the time to think about what we are saying. Addict behavior is best left to the professionals I think. But again, it's only what I think.
Wolf-I dont think they ever leave.If it did,we would get clean,go about our lives and be free of addiction forever.
It gets better.It gets easier,but its here for life.The hard job we face after getting clean is what will be our choices in how we maintain our sobriety.
Our brains have been altered.Its always going to seem a way to kill a feeling,relieve boredom,have fun etc.
Its a daily challenge sometimes for me.There are some days it doesnt even cross my mind.I consider those days rare and obviously gifts from my Higher power.But then I will have a day like last weekend where a kilo of coke and a half liter of Jack Daniels would about fix the anger I was feeling.
Then today I feel everything is perfect with the universe and how could I have ever even considerd using?
You have to have a plan.Are you going to use a 12th step group? A therapist? The religion of your choice? or whatever you need to help reinforce that the problem is not the drugs?You are not any different than any of us other addicts.After 14 months I still get frustrated that the thought of driving on a certain street triggers me.Im glad there is a place i can talk about it.
BTW....congratulations on your 9 months.
It gets better.It gets easier,but its here for life.The hard job we face after getting clean is what will be our choices in how we maintain our sobriety.
Our brains have been altered.Its always going to seem a way to kill a feeling,relieve boredom,have fun etc.
Its a daily challenge sometimes for me.There are some days it doesnt even cross my mind.I consider those days rare and obviously gifts from my Higher power.But then I will have a day like last weekend where a kilo of coke and a half liter of Jack Daniels would about fix the anger I was feeling.
Then today I feel everything is perfect with the universe and how could I have ever even considerd using?
You have to have a plan.Are you going to use a 12th step group? A therapist? The religion of your choice? or whatever you need to help reinforce that the problem is not the drugs?You are not any different than any of us other addicts.After 14 months I still get frustrated that the thought of driving on a certain street triggers me.Im glad there is a place i can talk about it.
BTW....congratulations on your 9 months.
Thank you Tim for your reply and the replies of everyone for that matter. To answer your questions Tim currently I am using:
A 12 Step Program, actually doing the steps, a sponsor, a home group, a support group, I attend Church every week and have spoken to the Pastor many times about Spiritual issues, I am writting my story (that I have probably mentioned to many times on this board) and Prayer.
In all sincerity if you can suggest other tools I am all ears and would gladly listen to any recomendations you ar someone else may have.
God bless.
A 12 Step Program, actually doing the steps, a sponsor, a home group, a support group, I attend Church every week and have spoken to the Pastor many times about Spiritual issues, I am writting my story (that I have probably mentioned to many times on this board) and Prayer.
In all sincerity if you can suggest other tools I am all ears and would gladly listen to any recomendations you ar someone else may have.
God bless.
Exercise.Get outdoors and start finding out the many ways you can have fun.Bike,ski,anything to the get the blood rushing away from the brain.It will start making you feel alive again and apreciate the natural adrenalines we all have.
Wolf:
When I have to drive through or to downtown L.A. I get that sick feeling. I use to meet the Connection down there and it still gives me the heebie jeebies. I just connect those freeways to the point of my absolute demise and those old feelings get stirred up in me.
Rachel
Hi,
Everytime I have a thought about exercising, I usually sit down till that thought passes. lol Hang in there, your right where your supposed to be.
Take care.........Bob
Everytime I have a thought about exercising, I usually sit down till that thought passes. lol Hang in there, your right where your supposed to be.
Take care.........Bob
OMG Bob, you are just cracking me up TODAY! LMAO
I love that I can go skiing, riding, hiking, camping and all of those other things I used to do higher than kite, clean and sober now. I really get to feel what it's like to enjoy life the way it was meant to be enjoyed.
Bob..lol
Bob..lol
DearWolfe,
Personally I am finding that just RECOGNIZING what have been triggers help...
before they were just that TRIGGERS...once that finger was onit, bang...popped a pill...know i say...okay when i feel this or that or when i see this or that i want to do them....i acknowledge the trigger, but stop there and disassociate it...do something else to busy my mind, and before long Ive forgotten it...its not easy for sure, but im already finding it easier just stopping myself, saying this is a critical moment, and I am Choosing not to make a move toward that bottle...
sort of like the elastic band thing for smokers, when you get a craving, you snap the band HARD...after a while you dont think of it as much because subconsiously you start to assocaite your craving with a negative consequence.....
it will get easier with time Wolfie, hang in there,
Hugs,
Ali
Personally I am finding that just RECOGNIZING what have been triggers help...
before they were just that TRIGGERS...once that finger was onit, bang...popped a pill...know i say...okay when i feel this or that or when i see this or that i want to do them....i acknowledge the trigger, but stop there and disassociate it...do something else to busy my mind, and before long Ive forgotten it...its not easy for sure, but im already finding it easier just stopping myself, saying this is a critical moment, and I am Choosing not to make a move toward that bottle...
sort of like the elastic band thing for smokers, when you get a craving, you snap the band HARD...after a while you dont think of it as much because subconsiously you start to assocaite your craving with a negative consequence.....
it will get easier with time Wolfie, hang in there,
Hugs,
Ali