I've been thinking and worrying quite a bit lately about my children. My doctor and many others have pretty solid evidence that addiction is hereditary, which concerns me. My question for you guys is: What do us parents of young children do to try and prevent or reverse this misfortune from happening? (Soccermom, don't be mad at me for misusing colons.............OK)
Additionally, I'd love input from the Soccermom's, Cowgirls, Dotties, or any parent with children who are older than 13, on what they did to open up the communication lines to prevent addiction from engulfing their children. When do we start talking to them? What do we say? Should we be honest about our own problems? and if so, how honest? I have a few years before I have to deal with this but it occupies quite a bit of space in my head.
Thanks
FB,
Just thought i'd share my experiance w/ you.My son is almost 11.Couple weeks ago, my son saw me on this site and for the first time he read some of the titles.So he asked me what i was doing on this site.So we started talking about it.And i told him that i did have a problem pain pills.He was ok w/ it.I mean, he didn't freak out about it.But, we have talked about addiction many times before.He takes meds everyday for ADHD.And at one point he thought that tylenol could fix everything.LOLSo i explained that you can't take meds just b/c you got a paper cut.Anyway, if you talk to your kids about addiction, i'm sure they will listen and one day thank you for it.
Good luck.
DJ
Just thought i'd share my experiance w/ you.My son is almost 11.Couple weeks ago, my son saw me on this site and for the first time he read some of the titles.So he asked me what i was doing on this site.So we started talking about it.And i told him that i did have a problem pain pills.He was ok w/ it.I mean, he didn't freak out about it.But, we have talked about addiction many times before.He takes meds everyday for ADHD.And at one point he thought that tylenol could fix everything.LOLSo i explained that you can't take meds just b/c you got a paper cut.Anyway, if you talk to your kids about addiction, i'm sure they will listen and one day thank you for it.
Good luck.
DJ
Good question. I remember debating about this a long time ago. Do we tell our children? I have two, one 21 and one that is 6. I have told niether. I wouldnt tell my 6 year old, I mean c'mon, he cant even spell addict, let alone understand one. My 21 year old I will probably tell once I have a chance, (he is overseas)
I think the key to keeping them from using anything is communication, and Staying involved in there lives, which ever direction they go, stay interested and stay involved. And when the question of drug use does come up, thats when you tell them your story.. This is just my opinion.
Reagrds,
Tom
I think the key to keeping them from using anything is communication, and Staying involved in there lives, which ever direction they go, stay interested and stay involved. And when the question of drug use does come up, thats when you tell them your story.. This is just my opinion.
Reagrds,
Tom
Hey Flipper,
I have a daughter who will be turning 18 on the 22nd of this month. She is doing great. She's in college, getting straight A's.
Her and I have had many discussions on this issue. She had seen what drugs have done to me and thank God it was enough to keep her from ever wanting to use.
Now I also have a 10 year old son. I talk to him all the time about this as well. I hope he turns out just like his sister. He doesn't have the memories as she has in my worse times in active addiction. I will just continue to talk with him and hope and pray he is listening to me and won't ever want to try anything either. Hope you have a great day.
Love,
Liz
I have a daughter who will be turning 18 on the 22nd of this month. She is doing great. She's in college, getting straight A's.
Her and I have had many discussions on this issue. She had seen what drugs have done to me and thank God it was enough to keep her from ever wanting to use.
Now I also have a 10 year old son. I talk to him all the time about this as well. I hope he turns out just like his sister. He doesn't have the memories as she has in my worse times in active addiction. I will just continue to talk with him and hope and pray he is listening to me and won't ever want to try anything either. Hope you have a great day.
Love,
Liz
Tom, I couldn't spell addict until I saw you write it.
So what did you guys say to your kids? How did you approach it?
BTW, Tom, 21 and 6. G-d bless you. My lightning fast math skills tell me your kids are 13 years apart, no wait, 15 years! I think mine stopped swimming when I turned 33 and had yet another girl. What are you eating?
So what did you guys say to your kids? How did you approach it?
BTW, Tom, 21 and 6. G-d bless you. My lightning fast math skills tell me your kids are 13 years apart, no wait, 15 years! I think mine stopped swimming when I turned 33 and had yet another girl. What are you eating?
LMAO, Flipper,
Your colon is healthy. You people! What did my post say? Did I say I got mad about misuse of punctuation? NO. I SAID I SKIP OVER...
GET OFF MY CASE!!!!
lololololol (I am just playing, you know. We all need to Lighten Up.)
I bumped an old post for you.
Cheers,
Gina
Your colon is healthy. You people! What did my post say? Did I say I got mad about misuse of punctuation? NO. I SAID I SKIP OVER...
GET OFF MY CASE!!!!
lololololol (I am just playing, you know. We all need to Lighten Up.)
I bumped an old post for you.
Cheers,
Gina
lol.. It took me that long to save enough money to have another.. What am I eating ? Celery OF COURSE.
Reagrds,
Tom
Reagrds,
Tom
??, Gina.... is.. a lil uptight //:'
You both made me laugh. I don't want to start this whole debate again Tom, you know how draining it is.
Gina; I you haven't already;........you must read "Eat, Shoots and Leaves". I'm sure youv'e heard, of it?!
Gina; I you haven't already;........you must read "Eat, Shoots and Leaves". I'm sure youv'e heard, of it?!
Thanks for the bump Gina. I must have missed it as that's when I was going through w/d and my brain was similar to mashed potatoes.
Flipper,
I think the key mindset that all parents need to move beyond is "keeping your kids from using or getting addicted." Step 1 taught me that I'm powerless over all things besides myself, people and family members included. As a parent, you can not keep your kids from using; and the more you directly try, by traditional methods (i.e. "you're not allowed, or you'll be punished forever if you do) will only likely speed up their chances of using. I think when they're a little older (early teenage?), you should sit them down and talk to them about why drugs weren't a good idea for you. In short, share your experience, strength, and hope. I don't know how it is in Canada (eh?), but here in the US, it's basically a given that teenagers are likely to experiment with alcohol, pills, weed, etc. I think your kids will appreciate your honesty (when they're old enough for it) when you talk to them about why they, more so than other kids, are more at risk for experiencing the downside of drugs.
Clearly I'm not a parent, so this is just a suggestion: if you could develop the type of relationship where your kids are completely comfortable and honest with you, you could let them know that you know that they're probably going to experiment, and get into the habit of asking them every day (or anytime they go out) if they drank or did drugs. Let them build trust with you that there will be no punishment or they won't get in trouble, but you just need to know. If your kid will admit to you every time they use, and you can maintain that level of honesty, then maybe they'll be spared from this s***ty disease.
But no matter what, remember that you can't spare them, just as no one could spare you. I grew up in as functional a household as one could imagine, knew right from wrong, etc... but I never learned how to deal with emotional pain and fear, and instead internalized it from a young age and kept it bottled up. Drugs and alcohol relieved that pain... and my maternal uncle was a crack addict, so there was likely a genetic element.
Islanders 7, Thrashers 3
Be well,
Matt
I think the key mindset that all parents need to move beyond is "keeping your kids from using or getting addicted." Step 1 taught me that I'm powerless over all things besides myself, people and family members included. As a parent, you can not keep your kids from using; and the more you directly try, by traditional methods (i.e. "you're not allowed, or you'll be punished forever if you do) will only likely speed up their chances of using. I think when they're a little older (early teenage?), you should sit them down and talk to them about why drugs weren't a good idea for you. In short, share your experience, strength, and hope. I don't know how it is in Canada (eh?), but here in the US, it's basically a given that teenagers are likely to experiment with alcohol, pills, weed, etc. I think your kids will appreciate your honesty (when they're old enough for it) when you talk to them about why they, more so than other kids, are more at risk for experiencing the downside of drugs.
Clearly I'm not a parent, so this is just a suggestion: if you could develop the type of relationship where your kids are completely comfortable and honest with you, you could let them know that you know that they're probably going to experiment, and get into the habit of asking them every day (or anytime they go out) if they drank or did drugs. Let them build trust with you that there will be no punishment or they won't get in trouble, but you just need to know. If your kid will admit to you every time they use, and you can maintain that level of honesty, then maybe they'll be spared from this s***ty disease.
But no matter what, remember that you can't spare them, just as no one could spare you. I grew up in as functional a household as one could imagine, knew right from wrong, etc... but I never learned how to deal with emotional pain and fear, and instead internalized it from a young age and kept it bottled up. Drugs and alcohol relieved that pain... and my maternal uncle was a crack addict, so there was likely a genetic element.
Islanders 7, Thrashers 3
Be well,
Matt
My Children experienced my detox first hand and neither one of them wants to even take a regular tylenol if they have cramps or a headache or whatever. Scared the s*** outta them
Thanks guys. Matt, for someone who's not a parent, you sure make a lot of sense. Parenting is common sense anyway. I suspect I grew up very much like you. BTW Matt, up here in Canada, youth only experiment with maple syrup, and curling. It can have devastating effects.
Leafs 2
Rangers 1
Trent's PP goal was sweet. Great 3rd period, they just poured it on. Bates is finally coming around. That line is so talented (Bates' line) and they're just such underachievers. I just can't stand watching Snow get a win, I'd rather Dipietro get the spotlight over that prik.
Leafs 2
Rangers 1
Trent's PP goal was sweet. Great 3rd period, they just poured it on. Bates is finally coming around. That line is so talented (Bates' line) and they're just such underachievers. I just can't stand watching Snow get a win, I'd rather Dipietro get the spotlight over that prik.
Well Flipper Excellent subject. I have a 15 yr old daughter who has experimented.
I explained to her one on one all about addiction and MY story. You see flipper kids are quite smart. We think we are smarter than they are. WRONG.
If you can communicate and talk freely with respect you should be fine.
You cannot hide from the fact that drugs sex etc is all around them. My dughter was a cheerleader last year. She quit --why? she told me all they do is smoke cigs and pot --amd drink.
She is a leader and has new friends. She has gotten rocked once to my knoweledge. I laughed. There will be more maybe not.
My 6 yr old she is has a few more yrs befofe the talk is necessary.
I am very proud of my daughter. She is tough like me. But has a good heart like me.
I miss her now as she has her life to live and I do not make her come see me. We communicate daily.
The day I left my wife was the hardest thing I ever did. But I had to leave.
Jeff
I explained to her one on one all about addiction and MY story. You see flipper kids are quite smart. We think we are smarter than they are. WRONG.
If you can communicate and talk freely with respect you should be fine.
You cannot hide from the fact that drugs sex etc is all around them. My dughter was a cheerleader last year. She quit --why? she told me all they do is smoke cigs and pot --amd drink.
She is a leader and has new friends. She has gotten rocked once to my knoweledge. I laughed. There will be more maybe not.
My 6 yr old she is has a few more yrs befofe the talk is necessary.
I am very proud of my daughter. She is tough like me. But has a good heart like me.
I miss her now as she has her life to live and I do not make her come see me. We communicate daily.
The day I left my wife was the hardest thing I ever did. But I had to leave.
Jeff
Well put.
I definitely don't think I'm smarter than them as most breeds of pigeons take me in that category.
You're lucky, I can only pray that my kids grow to be kind and strong. Thanks for the input.
I definitely don't think I'm smarter than them as most breeds of pigeons take me in that category.
You're lucky, I can only pray that my kids grow to be kind and strong. Thanks for the input.
Flipper,
I think the reason that I make so much sense is because I'm NOT a parent! I haven't been subjected to a couple of years of sleeping for 2 hours at a time in between diaper changes and the like. I'm pretty certain that all that lack of sleep causes irreversable damage.
Nice job taking care of the Rangers. I hate them almost as much as I hate W.
Matt
I think the reason that I make so much sense is because I'm NOT a parent! I haven't been subjected to a couple of years of sleeping for 2 hours at a time in between diaper changes and the like. I'm pretty certain that all that lack of sleep causes irreversable damage.
Nice job taking care of the Rangers. I hate them almost as much as I hate W.
Matt
Flipper wrote "I can only pray that my kids grow to be kind and strong"
Actually my friend, that's where you're wrong. You can do a lot more than pray. You can show them the way and lead by example. Which I know you've been doing since Day 1, so just keep doing it and you won't have anything to worry about.
Actually my friend, that's where you're wrong. You can do a lot more than pray. You can show them the way and lead by example. Which I know you've been doing since Day 1, so just keep doing it and you won't have anything to worry about.
Flipper,
A couple of things Ive noticed since I came clean to my children. My younger son, who previously had a problem with telling the truth, has stopped telling stupid lies (he may still be telling the smart lies that I cant catch him out on, lol, but Im willing to give him the benefit of the doubt). The other thing is that they are pretty open about what theyll say to me. This isnt something Ive consciously worked at, and I dont know if it has anything to do with my admission, but my therapist says a single talk like the one we had back in June can change a persons life.
In the car on the way home the other day, my 13 year-old told me that theyd had a discussion on his gamers forum about a new vaccine for genital warts (so were not the only forum that goes off topic, lol). He said that there was controversy over the vaccine because some people thought it would lead more children to become sexually active. I tried not to lecture but I know I was sounding concerned when I said, Well, goodness, 13s a little young to be sexually active isnt it? I mean, how many of the kids in your middle school are sexually active, do you suppose?
Pippin ( who is 11) said, That would make a great research topic. For tools youd hand out to the researcher: a pencil, a pad, and two codpieces. And my older son, Aidan, chimed in, Yeah, I can just see it, In the interests of science, Id like to ask if youre sexually actiOWWWW!!!
I laughed so hard I nearly ran off the road. I hope the boys keep talking to me so freely. I hope I can do the same for them.
BTW, I havent read the book, but Ive seen that example used before (the panda eats, shoots and leaves, lol). One of my favorite misuses of English is from an essay on the Lincoln Memorial, A grateful nation honored Abraham Lincoln with a monumental erection.
Cheers,
Gina
A couple of things Ive noticed since I came clean to my children. My younger son, who previously had a problem with telling the truth, has stopped telling stupid lies (he may still be telling the smart lies that I cant catch him out on, lol, but Im willing to give him the benefit of the doubt). The other thing is that they are pretty open about what theyll say to me. This isnt something Ive consciously worked at, and I dont know if it has anything to do with my admission, but my therapist says a single talk like the one we had back in June can change a persons life.
In the car on the way home the other day, my 13 year-old told me that theyd had a discussion on his gamers forum about a new vaccine for genital warts (so were not the only forum that goes off topic, lol). He said that there was controversy over the vaccine because some people thought it would lead more children to become sexually active. I tried not to lecture but I know I was sounding concerned when I said, Well, goodness, 13s a little young to be sexually active isnt it? I mean, how many of the kids in your middle school are sexually active, do you suppose?
Pippin ( who is 11) said, That would make a great research topic. For tools youd hand out to the researcher: a pencil, a pad, and two codpieces. And my older son, Aidan, chimed in, Yeah, I can just see it, In the interests of science, Id like to ask if youre sexually actiOWWWW!!!
I laughed so hard I nearly ran off the road. I hope the boys keep talking to me so freely. I hope I can do the same for them.
BTW, I havent read the book, but Ive seen that example used before (the panda eats, shoots and leaves, lol). One of my favorite misuses of English is from an essay on the Lincoln Memorial, A grateful nation honored Abraham Lincoln with a monumental erection.
Cheers,
Gina
Flipper, I hope that even though I am not a parent I can give you advice. My parents are addicts. They have three children, my older brother, me and my younger sister. None of us have abused drugs. Addicting personalities is also supposed to be heriditary in our family, but I have never picked up a bad habit. I have never even really had parents to look up to as role models. Usually I would look up to teachers or parents of my friends. My parents however always told me to never smoke or use drugs. However I learned more at school than I did anything. My advice would be, watch for who they hang out with. Give them confidence so that instead of them be the type of kids to follow others, then can be leaders. Keep communication, thats probably the best key. Sure some kids don't want to open up to parents because its embarrassing, but as long as you can establish a friendship with them, they will always be honest. And make that key too..make sure they know that honesty is most important. Yes you should let them know of your troubles. One thing my parents didn't do, and it only made things worse. You don't have to go into detail, but let them know that you had abused drugs, and that you made a mistake but you learned from it and you fixed it. You could even say that its good that you had learned from it because now, you can teach them not to do drugs. Spend quality time with them, establish good morals, and have good relationships with them. Im sure you can correct them when they are wrong, and help them learn from little mistakes, so that in the future they don't make big mistakes like abusing drugs. So that seems to be the advice I can give to you...but then again Im not a parent, Im only 19. So goodluck, Im sure your kids will see your strength and know not to abuse.
Goodluck and Godbless,
Kristina
Goodluck and Godbless,
Kristina
I shouldn't have specified. Come to think of it, I'd rather hear from a child of addiction. Thank you very much for your reply, Kristina. I agree with you on all fronts. I have a gut feeling that they won't be embarassed to speak to me as I'm brutally honest and don't demand respect. I only demand fun and no more Lizzie Maguire.
Again, thank you for your reply and welcome to the board. I hope you get what you're looking for here. I'm always here to talk if you want.
Again, thank you for your reply and welcome to the board. I hope you get what you're looking for here. I'm always here to talk if you want.
