You offer sound advice, AugustWest, from one who has walked the walk instead of just talked a lot of talk. You speak with conviction and with the profound knowledge of what works and what simply does not work.
For myself, I've worked with enough addicts and alcoholics to know that coddling addicts just doesn't work. Sweet-talking them is a waste of time. Stroking them is even more of a waste of time. Theirs and ours. Their ability to rationalize their activities and behaviors reaches from here to eternity. And it's all to protect the addiction -- and many times a distorted and broken belief system. Like a belief system that denies that there is any power in this world greater than themselves. None. Now, how silly is that ? Words of a fool.
Like all this talk: "I'll do it on my own" or "my will power will set me free" or "I've got a problem with the spiritual way" or "I'll blame it on my parents" or "I'll blame what I do on my family" or "if only someone else hadn't done something to me" or "your way is not my way" or "I've got the strength to do this myself" or "I don't need anyone else or any other power" blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
As you have noted, playing into all this or playing along with all this only makes us sick. And others reading it, particularly newbies here looking for real help, get the false hope and are exposed to the lying idea that what they are saying works and what they dismiss as hogwash does not work. I cannot and will not stand by silently.
I feel sorry for the children, spouses and relatives of these people. Their activities are so incredibly selfish. And self-centered. And the children, spouses, and relatives spend hours, days, weeks, months, years and sometimes decades of their own lives waiting for the day that real change occurs -- giving until they can give no more. Or until the day they finally walk away. While the addict protects her or his little secret -- and lives in their own little selfish world.
Take good care of yourself, AugustWest. Many want to listen to your advice until it causes them to face themselves and their lives squarely and directly . . . and change. Or do something different. Then they turn away from you -- and dismiss your words -- taking only what they want to hear. What feels good to them.
One thing is undeniable . . . . you have followed a path that works. So many will not humble themselves enough to change their thoughts and behaviors enough to get well as you have done. Yes, they would rather wallow in their self-denial. Still attached to a lifestyle that they should have put away years ago. Some dreamland. Unreality. What a pity.
And an addict will do this all while losing family, wives, children, finances, health, homes, self-respect, and any chance for a better life. Or even a different, less self destructive life. Little by little.
God bless you AugustWest. I should say, may God continue to bless you, for you have sought his help and the help of others.
For our God is a good and loving God. Full or mercy and love. Do come back when you feel able.
For those who would attact me or the message. Save your words. Confront yourself.
How true everything you have said is! I have printed it to carry with me as our beautiful daughter is caught in the web of addiction. Thank you for the great insight to these problems.
Susanjean
Susanjean
