He's 28 years old today.
We let him come home 2 months ago because he was going through severe oxy withdrawals and I wanted him in a safe place so he didn't die. While he was going through withdrawals I actually had my son back. He was physically sick but he was his old self again. The light was back in his eyes. We actually laughed and joked even though he was feeling miserable. It was such a relief and a joy to have my son back again. We used to be so close and while he was going through withdrawals we got close again. He was open and honest about his addiction and how he didn't want to live like that anymore. how he didn't want to be a slave to those drugs.
I finally convinced him to see my doctor thinking maybe she could prescribe something to make the withdrawal side effects less severe and I don't know what he told her but I guess he showed her his xrays of his back and she put him back on oxy. I was confused and conflicted. Maybe he does need the drugs? I didn't know what to think. He was happy as a clam until she lowered his prescription to wean him off.
Now i'm living with the shell of my son. There's no light in his eyes anymore.They don't even look blue anymore. His eyes are angry slits, sneaky, dark. The eyes of a person you'd instinctively stay away from. There's no laughter. No soul behind those eyes. He cares about no one but himself. When he does talk to me the conversation revolves around doctors and drugs and I told him I'm sick of hearing about it, and is he listening to himself? I asked if he didn't think he had a problem if all he thinks about is finding a doc that will give him oxy? But that fell on deaf ears. My husband lent him money to pay his phone bill and then we found it's been shut off. Of course he promised to pay it back but we're still waiting. We can guess where the money went. We found out he's stealing from us too and he knows we know. I offered him a chance to go to a 'pain management detox' center but he refused and got angry. He claims he doesn't know why everyone is so concerned about his drugs and he's ok. I told him it's because I wanted my old son back and he got mad and started to walk away but not before telling me that
in 2 days which would actually be tomorrow that I won't have to worry about him anymore. I asked where he was going and he said it was none of my business and it was somewhere we'd never find him. Two years ago a remark like that would have upset me, but now I'm hoping he is going voluntarily because it will save us the sorrow from throwing him out. I'm trying to type while wiping the tears from my eyes. I love my son and I miss him terribly. This person that I'm living with now is not my son. It's some angry, soul less shell and today is his birthday.
I'm so sorry for you. I feel the pain you're going through. I don't know if it gets easier, I like to think that it will from reading other's posts. I think we'll always have our tears though. Like you, I don't see my son anymore, the person I see is a stranger. You said it well...it's someone you'd stay away from. Things like that are what help me to stay strong. I think, if it were anyone else, I'd never tolerate this stuff. It's ok for you to be sad, it's your child. Hugs to you. God bless.
Mom. What ever happened in the two days? Did he go?
No, he's still here. I think he was just trying to manipulate me again. I realize now that when I ask tough questions of him, or insist he do something he doesn't want to do... that's when he threatens to do stupid things.
I've been reading your posts tonight, not just this one, but going back to early September. I seldom post anymore, but i lived on this forum for 7 years and have been where you are. It's past time to show your son the door, well past time. Until the pain of using exceeds the pleasure he gets from it your son will never get clean...add long add he had food, a bed, and a soft place to land heel stay exactly add he is. Nothing changes if nothing changes. . . keep doing what you've always done, keep getting what you've always gotten. ..,this shows not to only to him but to you. Addicts are extremely resourceful and if he leaves he'll figure it out, but not without manipulating you and your feelings for him...somehow it will all be your fault if 'something' happens to him. Something already has happened, to you, to your pave and security...let him go.
He is going. I don't know where, whether it's rehab or the streets, it's his choice, but he's going.. He just doesn't know it yet.
We already bought new locks for the doors to change after he's gone, and I ordered door and window alarms and I'm just waiting for them to be delivered before we give him the ultimatum.
The other day I knew he left his keys home so I purposely locked all the doors and windows when I went out to see if he could get in and he did. He climbed in through the tiny basement window, so now I know I've got to make sure that's locked and alarmed for when he does leave. I had no idea he could fit through that window.
I just want all my ducks in a row so to speak before we make him leave.
We already bought new locks for the doors to change after he's gone, and I ordered door and window alarms and I'm just waiting for them to be delivered before we give him the ultimatum.
The other day I knew he left his keys home so I purposely locked all the doors and windows when I went out to see if he could get in and he did. He climbed in through the tiny basement window, so now I know I've got to make sure that's locked and alarmed for when he does leave. I had no idea he could fit through that window.
I just want all my ducks in a row so to speak before we make him leave.
Mom, your doing a real good job . I'm very proud of you for standing your ground. And buying all those locks and alarms , to me , means you mean business. Im So proud of you !!!!!
Mom, so what has happened now since you've last been on here? Did he ever go? Did your husband and you ever change the locks ? Has he tried to come back and now know that he can't come in?. Well, I think about you and all the mom's here everyday.I wonder how much longer it will be until you all can start having your babies back to the way you cherish the most. Your very strong. You and all the mom's here are. I know you probably don't think so, but, keep up the good work. Your doing the right things. Your in my thoughts. Take care.
Mom
I've been there for so many years. My son is 34 and hit the lowest ever . He almost lost his arm and thanks to a brilliant surgeon still has it. I refused to help or bring him home. He needed to fall and fall bad. It was so hard I can't tell you how hard it was. But it put himself in rehab and has been assigned a case worker that has dragged him to meetings and even though he is living on a beach. He just got a job. He found a place to live just sAving up money. I am speak to him and three months sober. He knows this is a lifetime change and he has a scar from shoulder to wrist will hopefully keep on track.
You have to let him fail so he can succeed . Be strong let him go it's the only chance he will have.
My son loves me and is starting to love himself xxx
I've been there for so many years. My son is 34 and hit the lowest ever . He almost lost his arm and thanks to a brilliant surgeon still has it. I refused to help or bring him home. He needed to fall and fall bad. It was so hard I can't tell you how hard it was. But it put himself in rehab and has been assigned a case worker that has dragged him to meetings and even though he is living on a beach. He just got a job. He found a place to live just sAving up money. I am speak to him and three months sober. He knows this is a lifetime change and he has a scar from shoulder to wrist will hopefully keep on track.
You have to let him fail so he can succeed . Be strong let him go it's the only chance he will have.
My son loves me and is starting to love himself xxx
