tori .. first of all .. i just read your post from the 19th .. and just to update you on me .. my babies dad has a meth addiction .. my circumstances are the same .. i didn't Really know what was going on until i was 4 years Really into the relationship .. the reason i was so confused is that his Entire family covered it .. and i wasn't familiar with meth at the time .. how bad it really is .. and until around the 4th year things weren't that great but it was Always reasoned away .. by Everybody .. including his family who covered for him .. they said he's Always been a night owl .. Never slept really growing up .. That he Always had to be on the go etc.. they said he had sleep apnea and the list goes on .. they even excused away his moods.. and i was absolutely Clueless.. the Only thing i ever thought he did was smoke an occasional bowl .. sure there were things i questioned.. but i had virtually no answers to those questions.. for a long time .. it wasn't until i began to post in this site.. that i learned as much as i did and my eyes slowly began anyway .. to open .. through redundancy and inability to make the final cut of leaving .. i still question my strength .. as sick as that is .. but i am deciding now .. not just feeling .. as i was before..
in the 4th year.. he would take off literally for a month at a time .. then meet me say i'm just confused i love you and i'm sorry and i would run back .. his moods were so irritable .. he was mean .. would snap at all of us .. sleep all day .. vedge in front of tv.. take the phone outside to talk .. make excuses about where he had to go .. lie to me about the stupidest littlest things.. everytime we'd hear a friggen siren outside from a squad car he would sit basically straight up .. and look .. paranoia.. etc.. the works.. and he would Major stress on money .. and nothing was Ever enough for him .. then he would begin to say i'll be by tomorrow and tomorrow would lead to 3 more weeks.. etc.. he even took off to go back to his home state.. for what was Supposed to be 1 month and turned into 3 .. his Entire family would make up excuses .. Even to the point of telling me his trip was prolonged because his mother Needed major surgery .. Only to find out >>After he was home<< and only by an accidental slip that... his sister had seen him 3 times the Entire time and his mom spent half his vacation chasing him down .. talk about feeling betrayed.. and her major surgery ??? an outpatient half hour thing ..
he missed our babies first birthday halloween thanksgiving christmas and first steps.. he Even came back after that crying .. and saying i just need help and i waited in Vain .. thinking well maybe .. Still not really understanding the addict mind .. Only to have him again start lying to me .. make up excuses and refuse to close the open doors.. saying let's go to church .. we need counseling na meetings .. Anything BUT .. actual Rehab .. or a cut off of contacts.. twisted Everything around and blamed me for Everything .. even his using .. and Everytime sounding so sincere about change but Never Really committing all the way ..
Now after all this time .. we aren't talking finally .. and i am Finally at the point of realising .. this will never really change .. why do i want a partner who isn't here for me .. who can't give me the simple common courtesy of an occasional phonecall to say where he is .. who lies about the color of his socks metaphorically speaking .. or a partner who would spend his daughter's last 20 bucks of grocery money on his addiction .. or the casino etc.. it is unbelievable how terribly selfish they are .. Why did i stay ??? because he was my addiction and because Number one ??? i Felt SORRY for him .. thinking he can't make it without me .. i still do .. but the truth is .. it's his life.. and it will turn Yours Upside Down ..
If you stay .. he will bring you down to the lowest point .. how can it possibly get better.. if he continues to Use .. i could type a full book on this and all i've learned .. but this post is getting long ..
No .. it isn't bad to leave him alone .. Unfortunately ..it might be the Only thing that hits him .. harder than the meth .. the problem is .. meth makes ones time stands still .. and it numbs the emmotion .. it also makes them feel they can literally beat Anything .. Including death .. but staying with him though will only prolong it .. whatever you decide we're here for you .. i know i am so i hope you keep posting ..
and Stay Strong over there.. because i Guarantee .. he will use Every card there is to use on you .. Including .. eventually saying .. i wanna shoot myself .. etc.. etc.. heard it all .. been there done that .. we still have a baby connection .. but . more and more .. as lonely and hard as it is somedays.. i Know it's for the best.. and please don't read this as me telling you what to do .. that has to be your call .. if and when you are ready you will just do it .. Lord knows it's just as hard for us to leave because we in turn have an addiction too .. them .. one day at a time and hopefully you'll find a support group offline as well as on ..
take care.. hope to read from you again Soon .. love & hugs.. lynn
Tori,
I can relate so much to some of the things you are saying. I think my husband must be in the "early stages" of meth use. I have no proof of this but that everything points that way. I have accused him of use and he denies it but says if he was then it was his busines. He was a grown man.
I tried to go to his family. They made excuses for the behavior. He was under a lot of stress, he could not work because of the weather, he could not make enough money for all the bills so he had to work late in his shop, etc. etc.. All it took was him to talk to them and they believed every excuse he had.
When he is "up" things are mostly "normal'. Besides staying up late and needing little sleep. He is in such a good mood. Everything is positive. He is a hard worker. And everything is great with a solution to every problem. His concentration level is great. Except for the fact that he is so busy with his time doing everything from fishing to working on projects. Life is pretty much happy for everyone. He comes home everyday, but just stays very busy.
Now when he is down, OMG, it is terrible. He is not going to work. Sleeping an enormous amount of time. Eating junk food like crazy when he does wake up then naps again. Acts very depressed, negative, argumentive. He could care less what he looks like or what anyone thinks of him. This can last anywhere form 2 days to almost a week.
I think I am going to order a hair drug test for my own peace of mind. From what I have read from this message board, it is only going to get worse. What's bad is that I never want to rock the boat when things are good. I hate arguing and conflict. I usually make little fuss just to keep peace especially around the kids. At this time I am not working and depend on the fianancial support until I go back to work when our child starts school in Sept. I do love this man but the roller coaster ride is taking its toll on me and my family.
He has been "up" for almost two weeks now. I know the crash is coming very soon. And I am sure it wil be a bad one because of how long he has been "up".
Sorry so long. I just needed someone to talk to who could possibly relate.
I can relate so much to some of the things you are saying. I think my husband must be in the "early stages" of meth use. I have no proof of this but that everything points that way. I have accused him of use and he denies it but says if he was then it was his busines. He was a grown man.
I tried to go to his family. They made excuses for the behavior. He was under a lot of stress, he could not work because of the weather, he could not make enough money for all the bills so he had to work late in his shop, etc. etc.. All it took was him to talk to them and they believed every excuse he had.
When he is "up" things are mostly "normal'. Besides staying up late and needing little sleep. He is in such a good mood. Everything is positive. He is a hard worker. And everything is great with a solution to every problem. His concentration level is great. Except for the fact that he is so busy with his time doing everything from fishing to working on projects. Life is pretty much happy for everyone. He comes home everyday, but just stays very busy.
Now when he is down, OMG, it is terrible. He is not going to work. Sleeping an enormous amount of time. Eating junk food like crazy when he does wake up then naps again. Acts very depressed, negative, argumentive. He could care less what he looks like or what anyone thinks of him. This can last anywhere form 2 days to almost a week.
I think I am going to order a hair drug test for my own peace of mind. From what I have read from this message board, it is only going to get worse. What's bad is that I never want to rock the boat when things are good. I hate arguing and conflict. I usually make little fuss just to keep peace especially around the kids. At this time I am not working and depend on the fianancial support until I go back to work when our child starts school in Sept. I do love this man but the roller coaster ride is taking its toll on me and my family.
He has been "up" for almost two weeks now. I know the crash is coming very soon. And I am sure it wil be a bad one because of how long he has been "up".
Sorry so long. I just needed someone to talk to who could possibly relate.
Ooops, I was replying to Lynn. :)
wow i have not been on here in weeks thanks so much girl..well i have stuck to my guns girl we have been broken up for almost 2 months we have not gotten back..and he is still trying..i deserve better...and i thank you for your post..stay strong girl :) hey i am in the families and friends forum that one will help you ok look for me bye tori
Good luck tori, my prayers are with you.
