Tryin To Be Drug Free

For those reading who may not know here is background: I was on 90mg methadone for 3 years. I did a 2mg a week detox to 30mg then switched to subutex. Subutex started January 2013. Up to 16mg then came down 2mg a week. The detox was good untill this last tiny bit. I'm on day 4 of nothing and losing my mind. Can't sleep can't sit without moving. Stomah overactive mussles crying nose running. I am started to get desprate for ANY releif at all. I am suprised I did not have a hard time coming down just going off has been awful. My counslor advise this can last 3 WEEKS you have to get thru it :( Well At this point that is becoming a blured option.
ZG
Been of mdone (well the klinic ,) for over 9 months now- - Back and leg pain is so fkin bad ,they,re are days I cant even walk the dog around the block.
Pain mangt doctor wont give me more than 30 (3 10 mg pills) a day- -I really need surgery to repair some severe stenosis and disc issues in the lower back- - I guess the 100plus mgs I was on for 25 yrs not only covered things up, but it made things worse because sh*t was ignored-

Really dont want to go back to that klinic scene, especially now that I would have to start all over again > with no take homes.
Been very tempted to take more than the 3 a day- -but paranoid that when I run out early, Ill do something stupid.- - -Never ,ever thought that I would be thinking like this again--but pain like this makes you think crazy at times

Im hoping that after this surgery, all will be good- -
Being in Connecticut ,and not 20 mints from NYC helps- - Who wants to drive an hour plus into the Bronx- - I dont even want to drive to the klinic in Norwalk and that's 15 mints away. Besides they dont take anyone who takes any benzo,s- -even though Ive had a prescription for many many yrs - Neither does the klinic in Bridgeport- -
So , it is what it is- - I just havin a bad day- - be good/be safe
loveJack
Good to hear from u Jack sorry to hear your not doing well. This pain is enough to make a person nuts! Im getting ready to go to work. Working a 6 pm to 6 am bedside hospice. They say look for the + :) the + is because im at work i cant go score. Another + ill be wide AWAKE for this 12hrs shift. Ive been thinkin about u Jack. Take care friend.earlier today i read ur post on the m-done board and left u a message.
I got tru the night "which was the worst so far" Today i'm still having real withdraws i do think yesterday was worse "or i'm getting use to misery". I decided to try a herbal detox tea which i've heard good/bad about. Mostly right now depression is setting in hard. I keep questioning why i'm doing this at all. I'm commited to see this done with. I had a clinic friend offer a 8mg sub I told her I just can't. I feel so awful it seems backwards to take another sub just to feel good one day then full blown wd again!. Come what may i've got to get thru this.