My husband left me and my family for drugs and a women he said she just help him get the drugs but never loved her but not what he told me when he was high and now my children want him to come home because he wants to become clean he is tired of that life he thought was going to be so good mid life crises. I have a extra room not atteached to the house and my kids think I should help him we have been married for 25 yrs He really hurt me and was a different person but says he want to come clean I told him I would help for the children but I was not ready to be his wife again I have never gone though this before any suggestions am I being used agian! I was ready to call it over but I really think he wants help.
Jadelyn
i'm in the same position, only i'm the addict...i never left my husband, but i did cheat on him with men and drugs...we've been married 18 yrs in Nov., together 21...i went through a mid-life crisis also, and did some ghastly things to him and my children...i confessed my addiction...he knew that i was cheating...fortunately he has chosen to keep our marriage intact, after i went to Inpatient and Outpatient rehab.
I am in Aftercare and Relapse Prevention (an IV cocaine addict) , I have a sponsor and go to a meeting everyday...i am WILLING TO GO TO ANY LENGTHS to stay clean. I stole money from the family for my habit, and i am sooo ashamed of that, it's what made me want to get clean. I have gone to any lengths to get my drugs and now I want to be a good mom and wife, and leave that life behind. I am also in Therapy to resolve some childhood sexual abuse issues. I told him that we would also have to start Marriage counseling, once I face up to, and forgive those who hurt me. He has partial blame in the path I took to addiction (i'm not saying that he forced me to use, but he did demean me in ways that made me feel worthless).
I love him with all my heart and soul, and I know I can never truly make up for the hurt that I dealt out to him, but that is also a 2 way street.
I am grateful that he is willing to see the good person I am, underneath all of this Addiction and horrible behaviors that i've been through.
I am also Bi-polar, suffer from Anxiety and Post Traumatic Stress disorders and have a personality disorder. I'm not trying to blame my mental illnesses for my disease of Addiction, but it sure didn't help.
It is up to you whether or not you can forgive your husband and help him. I am just giving you MY point of view and MY gratitude for the situation I found myself in.
love and hugs,
Janet
I am in Aftercare and Relapse Prevention (an IV cocaine addict) , I have a sponsor and go to a meeting everyday...i am WILLING TO GO TO ANY LENGTHS to stay clean. I stole money from the family for my habit, and i am sooo ashamed of that, it's what made me want to get clean. I have gone to any lengths to get my drugs and now I want to be a good mom and wife, and leave that life behind. I am also in Therapy to resolve some childhood sexual abuse issues. I told him that we would also have to start Marriage counseling, once I face up to, and forgive those who hurt me. He has partial blame in the path I took to addiction (i'm not saying that he forced me to use, but he did demean me in ways that made me feel worthless).
I love him with all my heart and soul, and I know I can never truly make up for the hurt that I dealt out to him, but that is also a 2 way street.
I am grateful that he is willing to see the good person I am, underneath all of this Addiction and horrible behaviors that i've been through.
I am also Bi-polar, suffer from Anxiety and Post Traumatic Stress disorders and have a personality disorder. I'm not trying to blame my mental illnesses for my disease of Addiction, but it sure didn't help.
It is up to you whether or not you can forgive your husband and help him. I am just giving you MY point of view and MY gratitude for the situation I found myself in.
love and hugs,
Janet
I know it hurts the children that there father is not there. I do not know his drug of choice, but I would hold off on letting him come back into the home, until he has proven with his actions that he wants to be and stay clean and has been for a while.
He needs to be getting treatment and going to regular NA/AA meetings. Only his actions will prove what he is saying. Addicts will say everything and anything that they know you want to hear, until they get what they want, then there words become lies and more deecit.
Read the others posts on here to see just what exactly you are up against. We are all here for you and will offer our opinions and support when you need it.
He needs to be getting treatment and going to regular NA/AA meetings. Only his actions will prove what he is saying. Addicts will say everything and anything that they know you want to hear, until they get what they want, then there words become lies and more deecit.
Read the others posts on here to see just what exactly you are up against. We are all here for you and will offer our opinions and support when you need it.
How old are your children? Has he been to rehab? Does he have a sponsor? Does he have a job? Would he consider marriage counseling?
Can't he be involved in his kids lives while staying in a apartment? If you let him back, I'd have him pay rent. Set boundaries. Write a list of actions you won't tolerate (ex. using drugs on your property, not paying rent, bringing a girlfriend around you). If it's your property, you have the right to set rules.
Lucy
Can't he be involved in his kids lives while staying in a apartment? If you let him back, I'd have him pay rent. Set boundaries. Write a list of actions you won't tolerate (ex. using drugs on your property, not paying rent, bringing a girlfriend around you). If it's your property, you have the right to set rules.
Lucy
Thank you every one for anwsering my post I am still very nervous about having him move back but he wants help and a couple of years ago he did go to councling but he had to for his work not because he wanted to. My children are in there teens and he still has a job but hurt me alot but I can see he has already chanced in the last to week what kind of signs should I look for that he is still using meth.
Jadelyn
Jadelyn
Dear Jadelyn,
Why does your husband have to come back to your house? There are plenty of sober-living houses out there. It might benefit you to mention this to him. This could be a good thing for both of you: he can get support from others in a program, and you could have some relief from the craziness his drug use has created in your life.
If getting clean is something he truly wants, then he should not expect to be calling the shots. I would worry about him coming home, as he might be looking for the easy way out of all his discomfort since he's been "on the run".
I understand your anger. Drugs make people do all sorts of crazy, rotten things to their families. You need a bit of distance from him, in order to stabilize yourself and get some relief from the pressure you've been under.
This can also give you time to think about how you feel about your marriage, and where to go from here.
Why does your husband have to come back to your house? There are plenty of sober-living houses out there. It might benefit you to mention this to him. This could be a good thing for both of you: he can get support from others in a program, and you could have some relief from the craziness his drug use has created in your life.
If getting clean is something he truly wants, then he should not expect to be calling the shots. I would worry about him coming home, as he might be looking for the easy way out of all his discomfort since he's been "on the run".
I understand your anger. Drugs make people do all sorts of crazy, rotten things to their families. You need a bit of distance from him, in order to stabilize yourself and get some relief from the pressure you've been under.
This can also give you time to think about how you feel about your marriage, and where to go from here.
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