Hello Everyone. I am new to this board and hope to find it useful in my current situation by replies i get and reading others stories. My friend referred me to this board because she herself is in recovery and has found it very helpful.i ve posted a similiar thread in the friends and families of addicts topic but i figured i may be able to get some more insight here.
My situation is that i met my BF about 8 months ago and everything was good for a while althought the whole time i just had one of those feelings something wasnt exactly right. i ignored my true instincts as i became in love. It is true that love is blind and it definately hurts. As time passed i eventually learned my BF was a heroin addict and i knew it alll along but didnt want to admit it to myself. He lied, stole money from me, dissapeared for days at a time and had trouble controlling his emotions. I guess as instinct i probably would have been rid of him the second i found out but since i had already helped a friend through a similiar triumph, i decided to stick by his side. i guess i really didnt know what i was getting into. Recently, things took a turn for the worst as he is already on probation and picked up a second drug charge. he is facing jail time, not to mention he "rented" his brand new car out, never reported it stolen and it has been recovered in "poor" condition. On a better note, he admitted himself to a rehab in FL 2 weeks ago and so far so good. The problem is he has all these debts and legal issues. i've been trying to take care a lot of them for him but it seems as though i stress over these things more than he does. i told him that i will stay by his side as long as he is committed to helping himself. i just sent him a package the other day with goodies and love notes. i even went out and bought a book about helping a loved one in recovery to help me better understand what he is going through and how i can help. Because i love him i am willing to ddo what i can to help but i am afraid that things will not change after he comes back. i am dedicating so much of my time, effort and love but what if he is not as dedicated to his recovery as i am? i know there is a chance of relapse and i guess thats what i am afraid of because although i love him unconditionally i am in college and i have a lot of my own problems so i must look out for myself too. i love him so much i dont want to give up hope on him but how do i know when he is serious about recovery? How much should i tolerate before i say enough is enough? there is also a good possibility of him going to jail for a year. i am willing to stay by his side but what will things be like after that? i dont want to get hurt but i want to support the one i love and i am not sure how to do that exactly....
Can anyone tell me what i might be in for or what i should expect? How is he really feeling? i've spoken to him a few times since he's been done with his detox and he seems to be doin ok despite his depression because he knows he is facing jail time. The thing that worries me is that when we spoke he waws hesitant but he did say he kinda wanted to come home because he missed me and wanted to spend time with me since he knows hes probably going away for a while. i strongly advised him that it would be in his best interest to stay for his recovery as well as his legal issues. This makes me wonder if he really wants to be clean or if he is just doing it to please me and his family.
Any insight would be great. Thanks for listening
~Brandy
Hi Brandy,
My GF is in the same boat as you. Its been realy hard for her too. Its not that I don't want to stop, its just that I'm finding it a lot harder than I ever imagined. I've been clean for 2 months. But believe me, a day doesn't go by that I don't think about it. I've been smoking on and off for about 5 or 6 years. In that time I have managed to get off it, once i did it for about 9 months, but then something would trigger than uncontrollable urge for a fix and I gave in. A lot of people will tell you that its a lot harder to stay off it then to get off it in the first place. But don't give up on your boyfriend. I too stole and lied to feed my habit - it couds your judgement and takes away your decision making ability. But that doesn't mean I loved my GF any less.
The way I would suggest going about it is to try to motivate your BF and setting easily attainable goals. Tell him with effort and willpower it is possible.
http://helpingaddicts.net/tips.htm
The link above is a useful insight into making detox more bearable.
I wish you luck!
My GF is in the same boat as you. Its been realy hard for her too. Its not that I don't want to stop, its just that I'm finding it a lot harder than I ever imagined. I've been clean for 2 months. But believe me, a day doesn't go by that I don't think about it. I've been smoking on and off for about 5 or 6 years. In that time I have managed to get off it, once i did it for about 9 months, but then something would trigger than uncontrollable urge for a fix and I gave in. A lot of people will tell you that its a lot harder to stay off it then to get off it in the first place. But don't give up on your boyfriend. I too stole and lied to feed my habit - it couds your judgement and takes away your decision making ability. But that doesn't mean I loved my GF any less.
The way I would suggest going about it is to try to motivate your BF and setting easily attainable goals. Tell him with effort and willpower it is possible.
http://helpingaddicts.net/tips.htm
The link above is a useful insight into making detox more bearable.
I wish you luck!
I'm in the same position, only I've been with my bf for 8 years and we have a 9 month old daughter. My feelings are strong and clear with drugs, I've done them myself but know that no good ever will come from them.
I think you need to make a decision, on how far your prepared to be there for him. I decided that I would give everything to him (emotionally and otherwise) to help him through this - to let him know how amazing he is (even though I'm hurt real bad) and to show him what he can have from life without it.
If he relapses then that's it - at least until he's clean and proven. It's harder cos there's our daughter, which makes it harder and then easier because she doesn't deserve this (nor do we), and I have to separate emotion for what's best for her.
It's draining and devastating and like you I was in denial too. As you know it's all from him - you have no control over this and your help will only go so far - and it's horrible.
You obviously really love this guy and can see there's something special in him. Let him know what he's got to look forward to and how he's got a choice over this (as hard as it will be for him - he can do it). Fill him with confidence and love, and if he relapses or continues to - I would walk away - he's obviously not ready and you'll only be dragged down with it all. Anything that is worth anything is hard work - everything from jobs, to children, to relationships, to staying off the gear - it's all hard work - but it does pay off.
Rehab should assist with all the physical withdrawals and hopefully can offer longer term support. Your support will help him no end - but again if he's to do this he's got the control and has to really really want to get clean and stay clean. I guess he needs to take him self out of all the old circles he was in and realise what makes him feel the need to use - even if it's just boredom (although I think more often than not it usually runs deeper). You may be able to help him find other ways of dealing with things.
I wish you all the best, I pray for strength and will do for you and your bf. You'll find loads of support from this forum.
I think you need to make a decision, on how far your prepared to be there for him. I decided that I would give everything to him (emotionally and otherwise) to help him through this - to let him know how amazing he is (even though I'm hurt real bad) and to show him what he can have from life without it.
If he relapses then that's it - at least until he's clean and proven. It's harder cos there's our daughter, which makes it harder and then easier because she doesn't deserve this (nor do we), and I have to separate emotion for what's best for her.
It's draining and devastating and like you I was in denial too. As you know it's all from him - you have no control over this and your help will only go so far - and it's horrible.
You obviously really love this guy and can see there's something special in him. Let him know what he's got to look forward to and how he's got a choice over this (as hard as it will be for him - he can do it). Fill him with confidence and love, and if he relapses or continues to - I would walk away - he's obviously not ready and you'll only be dragged down with it all. Anything that is worth anything is hard work - everything from jobs, to children, to relationships, to staying off the gear - it's all hard work - but it does pay off.
Rehab should assist with all the physical withdrawals and hopefully can offer longer term support. Your support will help him no end - but again if he's to do this he's got the control and has to really really want to get clean and stay clean. I guess he needs to take him self out of all the old circles he was in and realise what makes him feel the need to use - even if it's just boredom (although I think more often than not it usually runs deeper). You may be able to help him find other ways of dealing with things.
I wish you all the best, I pray for strength and will do for you and your bf. You'll find loads of support from this forum.
