Hmmm... Where do I begin?? Let's see, I grew up in a very sheltered environment eventhough my dad was very active in AA, he stopped when I turned 10. I hadn't been exposed to active addiction of any kind eventhough I knew wat it was... Then I met him... The sweetest, kindest, funniest guy on Earth! Friends for many years, we decided to try our hand at a relationship... Man, it was the best relationship EVER, (even made Me forget I have intimacy issues) I fell pregnant, had a miscarriage nd suddenly life wasn't rosy anymore, we argued nd argued, things starting upsetting me, he wasn't the same guy anymore. Lo and behold I fell pregnant again (nt intentionally) being the type of person to look for the good... Hey maybe, we will come right... Nope, the arguing got bad, he'd go missing, I would bleed because he would upset me that much... One day, after a hectic day at work, I arrive home, only to get a knock on the door 5mins later. Hey, its his parents with police. (Insert confused face here) looking for my mr perfect. Man did my world come crashing down right then, my mr perfect had a drug problem, a heroin problem... Really?? heroin?? And he steals to support it?? No, nt my mr. Perfect... But then again, that would explain the missing dvd, the "misplaced" money... He shows up a day later nd confirms everything, but nope he is not gonna rehab because rehab isn't worth it. He will detox at home... Puts himself under 'house arrest' for a few weeks... Man his lookin nice again, hw didn I notice hw he changed? His been clean for a few months... But I suspect his using again, his bathroom trips have gotten longer again, his walks to the shop have become excursions, he is just too jolly or too Tired or too loving... I keep watchin him, I time him, I suspect him. Am I goin to live like this forever?? This weekend he used the last money I had which. We were gonna take my. Other kid out with but he got. Robbed... I'm so mad. Disappointing me is one thing, but disappointing my kids is another...how do I just walk away? Tell him to f*** off, and stay off?? Its so hard but I dnt want to be here anymore. His of no benefit to me... He drains me emotionally, spiritually and financially... He doesn't work, lost two jobs in 7months,doesn't have. A car_lord alone knows wat happened to that.. He doesn't even have a cellphone... I don't need him!!
From reading your vent, it sounds like you have made a decision in your mind about what to do. You need to get him out of your life. Regardless of how great a guy he is when clean, this is not the reality now when he's using.
Some people are toxic to us. No matter how charming or wonderful, they are poison to us. It is a wise person who can see beyond the manipulation and "love" and realize the dysfunction they bring into our lives.
You need to think about making your life better, whether he changes or not. Some people have such deep problems that they refuse to acknowledge, that it becomes an endless cycle of despair for us. This is not what our lives should become.
The signs are all there that he is using. Don't put yourself through any more grief. Seek the life you want for yourself. Let him own his own problems.
Some people are toxic to us. No matter how charming or wonderful, they are poison to us. It is a wise person who can see beyond the manipulation and "love" and realize the dysfunction they bring into our lives.
You need to think about making your life better, whether he changes or not. Some people have such deep problems that they refuse to acknowledge, that it becomes an endless cycle of despair for us. This is not what our lives should become.
The signs are all there that he is using. Don't put yourself through any more grief. Seek the life you want for yourself. Let him own his own problems.
Thanks so much for your reply... Yes I do want him out. But he some how always finds a way to worm back in. Its not like I can walk away and never look back because I have a child with him.
I've broken up wit him before and even called off our engagement.
Wish I knew how to just stay away
I've broken up wit him before and even called off our engagement.
Wish I knew how to just stay away
So I did it a few days ago... Nd I feel HORRIBLE!! 1st friday nite was crap, he hasn't seen his son since... Every1 askin me where he is... The breakup itself was terrible. I was told: I'm impossible to please, and I dnt try to make him happy, I'm not supportive and nw he can live his life... All bulls*** but hurtful nonetheless... He has our 4month old today nd I'm hating it!! Think seperation anxiety will make me get back together with him. Man I need to be strong
Dear Justafool,
I was married to an addict when our children were very young. If I could talk to myself 20 years ago, I would grab myself by the collar, through myself into a car, and start attending Al Anon or NA Anon meetings on a regular basis. If I had done that then, I would have avoided decades of pain and despair.
You can look up meetings on the internet, and both programs have hotlines to help guide and comfort you.
I strongly suggest this for yourself, and your young child.
I was married to an addict when our children were very young. If I could talk to myself 20 years ago, I would grab myself by the collar, through myself into a car, and start attending Al Anon or NA Anon meetings on a regular basis. If I had done that then, I would have avoided decades of pain and despair.
You can look up meetings on the internet, and both programs have hotlines to help guide and comfort you.
I strongly suggest this for yourself, and your young child.
