Hi guys, and gals,
I hope tonight finds everyone as well as possible. I would like to say that I've had a bad couple of days so I could at least in my mind try and blame my relapse on something, but no doing. I am just plain flabbergasted at the amount of pills I took in a 36 hr period, by the grace of God I am still here and braeathing.
And the fact that my husband is being extra extra nice and constantly how much he loves me and needs me to wanna be better and all that good stuff just makes me feel like worse s*** cause right now I just can't see that far ahead. My parents want me to go away to an inpatient for at least four wks or so and get away from everything and everybody and just take care of me so that I will be able to take care of my family later on. I agree but my husband don't. He says I got clean alone this last time that I can do it again. But I think I'm looking at the whole pic like my parents cause I only got clean for forty so days which really isn't s*** (it's great for those of you that have it congrats on your time) but for me it isn't.
I tried doing the psychiatrist route but the idiot kept changing the appt and here it's been almost three months and she's seen me one time, ONE time. How's that for good doctoring, huh?
I just needed to get this off my chest n actually say it out loud.
Bestest wishes to everyone
jen
Jen..it's time. Time to go to treatment. You're parents are very wise and loving people, your husband is being selfish. He doesn't know he is, but he is. My husband tried everything to talk me out of it, I wouldn't be alive today if I had listend to him. He probably feels very insecure about you leaving.. he'll get over it.
You're fighting for your life right now and may not get another opportunity like this again. It might be too late. Then how will he feel?
Relapse sucks, but hey, you can do something about it.....then it doesn't suck. not so much.
Cowgirl
You're fighting for your life right now and may not get another opportunity like this again. It might be too late. Then how will he feel?
Relapse sucks, but hey, you can do something about it.....then it doesn't suck. not so much.
Cowgirl
Jen:
Have you ever thought about going to AA/NA meetings? For me, I have to. It's the only way I can stay in my recovery. I'm sorry about your relapse, it took me many, many relapses to finally say I cannot do this alone. One day I took 36 Norcos and I can't believe I had that kind of tolerance. I think a good outside support system is crucial.
Peace,
Rachel
Have you ever thought about going to AA/NA meetings? For me, I have to. It's the only way I can stay in my recovery. I'm sorry about your relapse, it took me many, many relapses to finally say I cannot do this alone. One day I took 36 Norcos and I can't believe I had that kind of tolerance. I think a good outside support system is crucial.
Peace,
Rachel
Hey Rachel and Cowgirl
You've given me alot to think aobut and I appreciate that. I was actually missing close to thirty pills from one bottle, 25 from another and then 19 from the pain pills from just around 36 hrs. I must of been a site for sore eyes cause I have the most horrible, not to mention painful, bruises all over me. My husband picked me up off the floor three times. To be honest, I don't think it's outta my system cause i keep stumbling around tonight too. I just fell flat on my already sore a** twice in the last hour.
And my stupid butt is pissed off cause hubby has the safe locked up and I have spent hrs trying to find that extra key.
I know deep down this is it, time's up, game's over. But at the same time I don't want it over. so will rehab be able to help someone in that type of mindframe?
My dad is coming over tomorrow to have a long talk with hubby about me going to treatment. So we'll see how that goes.
I just got off phone with hubby just now and sorta broke the ice and told him that Pop plans on having a 'talk' with him about me going to rehab, and for at least a month, not no short detox and that 's that. And he actually said that when dad does we'll all sit down and talk about it. Go figure. one day says one thing next day another......
Thanks for caring enough to reply girls, it means alot to me. Ya'll are good peeples.
You've given me alot to think aobut and I appreciate that. I was actually missing close to thirty pills from one bottle, 25 from another and then 19 from the pain pills from just around 36 hrs. I must of been a site for sore eyes cause I have the most horrible, not to mention painful, bruises all over me. My husband picked me up off the floor three times. To be honest, I don't think it's outta my system cause i keep stumbling around tonight too. I just fell flat on my already sore a** twice in the last hour.
And my stupid butt is pissed off cause hubby has the safe locked up and I have spent hrs trying to find that extra key.
I know deep down this is it, time's up, game's over. But at the same time I don't want it over. so will rehab be able to help someone in that type of mindframe?
My dad is coming over tomorrow to have a long talk with hubby about me going to treatment. So we'll see how that goes.
I just got off phone with hubby just now and sorta broke the ice and told him that Pop plans on having a 'talk' with him about me going to rehab, and for at least a month, not no short detox and that 's that. And he actually said that when dad does we'll all sit down and talk about it. Go figure. one day says one thing next day another......
Thanks for caring enough to reply girls, it means alot to me. Ya'll are good peeples.
Hi Boo-
Dont be so hard on yourself - I've relapsed several times - although, I think it might be a good idea to take Cowgirl's advice. She knows her stuff and when you said how many pills you did take - WOW - that was a BIG relapse. Please be careful. Let us know what you decide. Best wishes.
Love,
Marie
Dont be so hard on yourself - I've relapsed several times - although, I think it might be a good idea to take Cowgirl's advice. She knows her stuff and when you said how many pills you did take - WOW - that was a BIG relapse. Please be careful. Let us know what you decide. Best wishes.
Love,
Marie
Jen,
Going to treatment is a gift to yourself, your husband, and your family. It also may very well save your life. I've relapsed a number of times over the past 13 years, and I've often wondered if I had taken 28 days in the very beginning to focus only on my addiction, my thinking around it, etc., whether I could have avoided a lot of the pain I've since caused those I love. So I guess you know my vote <wink> Good luck. M.
Going to treatment is a gift to yourself, your husband, and your family. It also may very well save your life. I've relapsed a number of times over the past 13 years, and I've often wondered if I had taken 28 days in the very beginning to focus only on my addiction, my thinking around it, etc., whether I could have avoided a lot of the pain I've since caused those I love. So I guess you know my vote <wink> Good luck. M.
Hi Jen,
Do what you have to do for your recovery. Good luck to you. Put your recovery first. Yes, that means before everything, including your family. You can't take care of them unless your ok first. The first thing I was taught is, what ever I put first in front of my recovery will be the first thing I lose if I relapse and don't make it back. It's a selfish program, not in a bad way, but, how can we take care of anything if we can't take care of ourselfs first. Rehab was the best thing I ever did. The "Tools" I learned their I will be forever grateful for. Yes, I did relapse after two years, but the important thing to know about that is because I did it my way!
If we work the program just the way it's suggested we work it, it works. My way gets me drunk and high, A.A.'s way ( for me ) keeps me clean and sober.
Please don't feel ashamed, it's a disease, we must do whats necessary to put it to rest. Relapse isn't a requirement, I know alot of "first timers", but for me, my relapse was a lesson I needed, thank God I made it back, and could honestly surrender. I'll be praying for you.
Take care.......................................God bless......................................Bob
Do what you have to do for your recovery. Good luck to you. Put your recovery first. Yes, that means before everything, including your family. You can't take care of them unless your ok first. The first thing I was taught is, what ever I put first in front of my recovery will be the first thing I lose if I relapse and don't make it back. It's a selfish program, not in a bad way, but, how can we take care of anything if we can't take care of ourselfs first. Rehab was the best thing I ever did. The "Tools" I learned their I will be forever grateful for. Yes, I did relapse after two years, but the important thing to know about that is because I did it my way!
If we work the program just the way it's suggested we work it, it works. My way gets me drunk and high, A.A.'s way ( for me ) keeps me clean and sober.
Please don't feel ashamed, it's a disease, we must do whats necessary to put it to rest. Relapse isn't a requirement, I know alot of "first timers", but for me, my relapse was a lesson I needed, thank God I made it back, and could honestly surrender. I'll be praying for you.
Take care.......................................God bless......................................Bob
boo,
I dont know what else to add except cowgirl, bob and the others are all right... I went kicking and screaming... and then they had to throw me out... I had a three year old at home .. not that I didnt miss her but I was scared.. anyway...
Go take care of you ... learn new tools to fight this disease, make a new commitment and start over... use the past and this relapse as a spring board not a hamock and let someone else educate your family.
I will be praying for you ....
God Bless
Teresa
I dont know what else to add except cowgirl, bob and the others are all right... I went kicking and screaming... and then they had to throw me out... I had a three year old at home .. not that I didnt miss her but I was scared.. anyway...
Go take care of you ... learn new tools to fight this disease, make a new commitment and start over... use the past and this relapse as a spring board not a hamock and let someone else educate your family.
I will be praying for you ....
God Bless
Teresa
HI BOO" PLEASE dont ever give up on your self because we vwill never give up on you u are not alone in this we along with your family are here for you i went to a counseler because of loseing brian and i was so scared i was very depressed and i thought i would relaps and out here they see u once a week" u dear members on this post and my family suggested it' can u get to a counseler where u live it may not be a pyscatrist[i hope i spelled that right] anyway dear boo but it sure helped me i called a crises line do they have a crises line where u live because out here they do and counslers are alot easier to see then pyscatrist if its through the crises line or your doc they see u almost right away and u can call them if u need them also but boo please know u are a very sweet person and alot of people love u and iam one of them u have my support all the way just please hang in there and try again boo u have helped support me and others here now its our turn. LOVE + HUGS LITTLE H
i remember feverishly tearing my house apart looking for a key where my husband had locked the drugs.
i remember the enormous amount of shame i carried around on my shoulders because i didn't understand that i was sick - i didn't understand that i suffered from the disease of addiction. it's horrible how this dirty, rotten disease would have us believe that we are shameful. ooooo la la - what a cunning, baffling, and powerful disease this is. and it is progressive.
it took a whole lot of help and action on my part for my spirit to awake.
there is a solution.
if anyone hasn't told you they love you today, i do.
i hope you get some help soon.
namaste'
sammy
i remember the enormous amount of shame i carried around on my shoulders because i didn't understand that i was sick - i didn't understand that i suffered from the disease of addiction. it's horrible how this dirty, rotten disease would have us believe that we are shameful. ooooo la la - what a cunning, baffling, and powerful disease this is. and it is progressive.
it took a whole lot of help and action on my part for my spirit to awake.
there is a solution.
if anyone hasn't told you they love you today, i do.
i hope you get some help soon.
namaste'
sammy
HELLO boo, im so sorry for what happen im still taking the pills so i cant say to much i take 4 to 6 pills a day iv cut back alot but the pain of addiction is still there please go to traement it will help im thinking about that to we can do it together.. i wish we could go togeter god bless you im rite with you my husbund desont want me to go either ..............love yspearing
I would like to thank each and everyone who took the time out of their lives to try and hellp a total stranger. That really shows awesome character for each of you and means alot to me. My ortho doc released me a few hrs ago to return to work this monday the fifteenth. If my husband didn't have the klonopin locked up I honestly believe I'd probably eat an actual handful. Nobody seems to think that it should be a problem returning because I'm one of the "lucky" ones who makes a high salary with excellent benefits. But we all know that money is not everything. Hell, the more you make the more you spend so where does that get you. It got me into a severe drug addiction. It was common habit to pop pills all throughout the shift each night. That entire plant is a trigger for me. To be totally honest, I don't even know how to function at work without a s***load of pills. And in less than a week that's the position I'm gonna be in.
I found an excellent treatment facility located at the edge of the blue ridge mountains called the Pavillon International (check out the website cause it is absolutely gorgeous and looks so serene and peaceful). My dad went to the ortho appt with me today so we could have some alone time to talk about what I wanted to do and so he could give me some of his great fatherly advice. I'm so glad we did that too cause I feel better about what I'm gonna do now.
I have another impt doc appt friday morning at 7:15am. But after that I'm gonna have everything in place for an interview with the admissions people and just take it from there. I didn't realize how bad I have stressed my mom out. Dad says she just cries everyday casue she thinks I'm gonna die. Which is more than likely the case if I don't get help. But my son is gonna think I've abandoned him. How the heck is he supposed to understand that his mom is gonna be gone for awhile? A normal stay is usually around ten weeks, but six weeks is the shortest time. That's nothing when you compare it to a lifetime but its forever in the mind of a kid.
Plus, my husband thinks I can do this at home. But i've beeen thinking, if he's so sure I can do it alone at home then why is he locking up all the meds of mine? Kind of an oxymoron there don't ya think? We both agree we wanna spend the next forty yrs at least together, and if I don't get help I'll be dead in no time cause I can't control my pill intake. If I'm spose to have one I take four. I showed my dad the bruises I have from when I had taken the massive amounts recently and he was just flabbergasted at the way I looked. Thank God i can hide it with my clothes.
I need you guys help with something if you all can and if not that's ok cause you've already convinced me I need to go away to treatment for MYSELF first of all, again thanks. Could you please help me come up with a way to talk to my husband about going away to treatment? Apparently what I say isn't doing the trick so maybe you guys could help me to help him to see the light so to speak. I am gonna spend the next few days talking with the intake counselors at Pavillon International and hopefully set up Friday to go up there with hubby and parents. I told my dad about the place but I didn't say I would do it only that I'd think asboust it.
I am gonna call him tonight and let him know I 've made my mind up to go. They accept insurance so hopefully they'll accept mine. I figure I may as well go ahead since I'm already out of work and I think it's against federal law to screw with someone who's in confidential substance abuse treatment. I'm not sure but that's just one more thing to find out.
Wow, up until this very post I was still sitting on the fence about it, but not anymore. I'm actually gonna do this! God this is scary. My parents will be so relieved and happy for me and my son. I just hope my husband understands that this is for the two of us too. Any ideas on how to talk to him about it to, I guess, ease his mind, and make him understand that this is life threatening for me and I have to do it.
Cowgirl: I just want you to know that by not mincing words and being nicey nicey or however it is you say it, you really grabbed my attention last night and got me thinking SERIOUSLY about it. Everyone has been huge help but I wanted you to know that being straight up and telling me like it is was exactly what I needed and I hope that I can help you someday also. You are an unbelievable asset to this forum and we're all very lucky to have you grace your presence here---thanks soooo much
boo
I found an excellent treatment facility located at the edge of the blue ridge mountains called the Pavillon International (check out the website cause it is absolutely gorgeous and looks so serene and peaceful). My dad went to the ortho appt with me today so we could have some alone time to talk about what I wanted to do and so he could give me some of his great fatherly advice. I'm so glad we did that too cause I feel better about what I'm gonna do now.
I have another impt doc appt friday morning at 7:15am. But after that I'm gonna have everything in place for an interview with the admissions people and just take it from there. I didn't realize how bad I have stressed my mom out. Dad says she just cries everyday casue she thinks I'm gonna die. Which is more than likely the case if I don't get help. But my son is gonna think I've abandoned him. How the heck is he supposed to understand that his mom is gonna be gone for awhile? A normal stay is usually around ten weeks, but six weeks is the shortest time. That's nothing when you compare it to a lifetime but its forever in the mind of a kid.
Plus, my husband thinks I can do this at home. But i've beeen thinking, if he's so sure I can do it alone at home then why is he locking up all the meds of mine? Kind of an oxymoron there don't ya think? We both agree we wanna spend the next forty yrs at least together, and if I don't get help I'll be dead in no time cause I can't control my pill intake. If I'm spose to have one I take four. I showed my dad the bruises I have from when I had taken the massive amounts recently and he was just flabbergasted at the way I looked. Thank God i can hide it with my clothes.
I need you guys help with something if you all can and if not that's ok cause you've already convinced me I need to go away to treatment for MYSELF first of all, again thanks. Could you please help me come up with a way to talk to my husband about going away to treatment? Apparently what I say isn't doing the trick so maybe you guys could help me to help him to see the light so to speak. I am gonna spend the next few days talking with the intake counselors at Pavillon International and hopefully set up Friday to go up there with hubby and parents. I told my dad about the place but I didn't say I would do it only that I'd think asboust it.
I am gonna call him tonight and let him know I 've made my mind up to go. They accept insurance so hopefully they'll accept mine. I figure I may as well go ahead since I'm already out of work and I think it's against federal law to screw with someone who's in confidential substance abuse treatment. I'm not sure but that's just one more thing to find out.
Wow, up until this very post I was still sitting on the fence about it, but not anymore. I'm actually gonna do this! God this is scary. My parents will be so relieved and happy for me and my son. I just hope my husband understands that this is for the two of us too. Any ideas on how to talk to him about it to, I guess, ease his mind, and make him understand that this is life threatening for me and I have to do it.
Cowgirl: I just want you to know that by not mincing words and being nicey nicey or however it is you say it, you really grabbed my attention last night and got me thinking SERIOUSLY about it. Everyone has been huge help but I wanted you to know that being straight up and telling me like it is was exactly what I needed and I hope that I can help you someday also. You are an unbelievable asset to this forum and we're all very lucky to have you grace your presence here---thanks soooo much
boo
